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Aesperus Entreri; Weapon
Topic Started: Jan 14 2014, 09:07 PM (519 Views)
Aesperus
Fresh Meat
[ * ]
Character Name: Aesperus Entreri (Or Asparagus)

Age: 15

Gender: Female

Type: Weapon

Partnered? none for now

Image:
Spoiler: click to toggle


Clothing and description: Aesperus's nose is a little pointy, and her mouth is small and quite cute.Aesperus's eyes are a dark brown, nothing special about them. Aesperus has brown hair, it's very natural for anyone, but she has brown hair. Aesperu's hair is about 6 to 7 inches long, at least to her shoulders. She wears her hair pretty ragged, the only time she puts her hair anyway is when she goes to a formal occasion, like a dance. When she goes to a dance or something, she combs her hair down, and puts on makeup.

Aesperus wears (as seen above) a brown jacket that she keeps open so she can keep cool during the warm months, but zips it up in the cold months.Aesperus's style is baggy, she doesn't wear anything tight or that will might reveal much. Aesperus wears clothes that are a bit big on her, but just tight enough to keep on her body and not droop all over the place. But when she goes to something formal (I.E: a dance) she wears a dress. The dress is white and looks sorta like a wedding dress. Aesperus doesnt go to anything formal, unless asked to go. (
Spoiler: click to toggle


Aesperus's body type is that of a normal fit human, she has a 6 pack, strong muscles, and is ready to beat people down! Even though Aesperus is a person of 5'4, she's still able to beat them down.

Aesperus's weapon form: (his form is explained in the spoiler)
Spoiler: click to toggle


History: Aesperus was born where she lives, Nevada. Aesperus's mother, was a demon weapon, Aesperus's father had no clue she was, she kept it well hidden from him. Aesperus was raised to be tough, but have manners at the same time. She also learned from her mother, to really not care what people think of her. She had a really some complication with being nice and not giving a shit at the same time, but she made it work out.

Aesperus spent a lot of time in her room, because of her mother and father arguing a lot, some times getting violent, and sometimes not getting so violent. But they did yell a lot. This put a huge mark on Aesperus's personality, she DESPISES people that argue constantly, and if they were arguing, it was for a good reason.

Aesperus's younger brother was born 3 years after Aesperus, she also spent a lot of time with him. Aesperus's younger brother was almost like one of her best friends, except that they didn't get along most of the time. Of course they didn't, they were siblings. But, Aesperus still loved and cared for him deeply, no matter what cuss words, threats, and punches to the stomach she threw at him.

Aesperus used to be a girly-girl, she loved wearing skinny jeans and all of that in the lovely state of Nevada. Aesperus's parents were nice, and fun-loving people, the cared for everyone and occasionally were trampled on like door-mats. The only thing that Aesperus's parents hated was that Aesperus had a boyfriend, they wanted her to live her life to the fullest before getting into any of that. Aesperus loved her parents very much, and would do anything for them... almost anything.

Aesperus absolutely loved school, she thought it was one of the greats this world had to offer. especially meeting her friends. At this time, during the 8th grade, Aesperus met her boyfriend that she so dearly loves. They met in the hallway, the talked for a bit, then they went on their way until the next day they talked some more and so on and so forth.

But she loved her boyfriend over all else. They went everywhere together, she believed they were in true love, they WERE in true love. Or so she thought. One night, she woke up, she was very hot for some reason, and it was very bright. She automatically knew what was happening, there was a fire.

Aesperus tried to open the door, but she couldn't, it was too hot. SO, hoping her little brother and parents were okay, she escaped out of the window. Aesperus walked back, she saw a figure in the doorway, walking out. She hoped it was her mom or dad, but no, it was her boyfriend. He came out with a freakish smile, saying "Now theres no one to get between us, Aesperus, no one at all." After this happened, Aesperus found out that she was a weapon.

Aesperus immediately knew what he did, he burnt down their house. Aesperus's arm became the blade of the chain sword, she had to kill this man before he did something like this again. Aesperus soon cut down her boyfriend, to small pieces. Aesperus soon found that his soul became a kishin egg soul, Aesperus went up to the kishin egg soul and put it in her pocket, so she could see what to do with it. After all of these events happened, Aesperus ran away from that town.

Aesperus knew that there was a city around that her mother went to sometimes, the only thing she knew though was it was somewhere in death valley. Of course, her mother wanted to hide this, she thought her daughter wasn't ready to handle knowing her mom would be going out risking her life to do stuff. After finding the place she was looking for, she saw a person, a weapon of some sort, eat the soul. So, knowing that she basically had the same powers that guy had, she ate the kishin egg soul.

Aesperus was soon found by a weird guy, wearing a death mask and a black coat, with giant karate type hands. The man said he was out on a walk, when he found her. The man took her in, she told him what happened and he enrolled him in the DWMA. She changed from that day on. She lives by herself and goes to the DWMA. After all of this, Aesperus started to not be girly, because it reminded her a lot of her arsonist boyfriend.

Aesperus has been in the DWMA for a whole year now, again, she thinks any kind of school is great and one of the worlds greats. This school was about the same to her as the last, she had friends, and she basically loves it.

Aesperus is enrolled in this school today, but unlike most students, she doesn't go on missions because she's without a partner.

Personality: Aesperus is pretty much the opposite of her parents, she doesn't give a damn whether someone is nice, mean or whatever. She does what she wants, when she wants to. Aesperus, even though she looks this sweet, shy boy, is still like this. But when you become friends with her, she becomes one of your most loyal, and pervy friends ever. She thinks everyone knows she's a girl, but once you are her friend, you'll think that she's a gay guy. The reason behind this is she's VERY pervy against men, and she looks like a guy. But nope, still just a girl.

Aesperus has quite a few hobbies, she likes to listen to music, ride bikes, draw, and sometimes she likes to swim. Aesperus is happy when she's talking to her friends, and playing around. Of course, everyone gets mad or sad, what makes Aesperus mad or sad is when she's alone, and when someone rejects her.

When Aesperus is mad or sad, she usually stays away from everyone and sits there. But when someone makes her extremely mad, she goes on a rampage. Really, the only way to get Aesperus really mad is to kill someone that she was close to, or hurt someone really badly that she's close to. She gets a pretty angry when people argue around her, though. Aesperus absolutely hates arguments.

Aesperus absolutely hates the Witches that are rebelling at the moment, and thinks the world would be SO much better without them. But without the Shibusen, a lot of people wouldnt be here, so she thinks that it's a great place to be. Kishin egg souls, Aesperus don't really care for, they're things that she needs to eat to become a demon weapon, and she's eaten one before, and they're quite good.

Aesperus doesn't particularly like Kishin Egg's either, she thinks that they should all die in a fiery pit of hell, because they're bad people that have eaten one too many human souls. Aesperus thinks that when the Shibusen joined up with the witches, she got really steamed because those were the people they were fighting! They needed to kill them to get their souls so they can become a reaper scythe! But, Aesperus realized soon that these witches weren't too bad (the witches that joined up with the Shibusen) and she even gets along with one or two of them.

But, Aesperus still hates the witches that have rebelled, and she so dearly wants to hunt them.

Abilities:

Technique Name: Transformation
Effects/Description: Aesperus transforms into her weapon state

Aesperus's weapon form: (his form is explained in the spoiler)
Spoiler: click to toggle


Technique Name: Semi-transformation
Effects/Description: Aesperus transforms part of her body. Aesperus can transform her right forearm. The blade is about as long as the body part that transforms into the blade. One would start Aesperus's engine by pulling a lever, so the engine would start up.


Combat Style: Aesperus is quite awkward when fighting overall with her fists, she really wasn't taught how to fight with her fists, but she's a master when she fights with her semi-transformation arm. She uses it most every time she's fighting solo, so she wont get beat.

When Aesperus is fighting with her meister, she tries to guide him/her, but can't really watch his/her back while guiding. When the person's good enough at using her, she instead watches her meister's back and tell her meister if anyone's coming up at them or how to counter or block an attack coming their way.

Aesperus, using her fists could probably only defeat a lowly thug, that doesnt know fighting skills and has a rubber ducky for a weapon. But with her arm as a chainsword, Aesperus could probably defeat a whole group of thugs.

Miscellaneous Information: Aesperus is afraid of heights, spiders, and someone she genuinely likes dying. Aesperus's wavelength is quite unnatural.

Strengths:

  • She's okay fighting by herself.
  • She's very much aware of her surroundings.
  • She can pinpoint a person's weakness.

Weaknesses:

  • She's afraid of spiders and heights
  • She's very prideful, making her sloppy when she thinks she's about to win.
  • She can only pinpoint a weakness when she's seen the person fight for awhile, or before.

Roleplay Sample: Aesperus felt the door-handle, she took back her hand very quickly, the door-handle was VERY hot! Aesperus soon figured a way out, there were bushes outside of her window, she could run out and try to call 911 through her neighbors phone.

She started climbing out of her window (her bedroom was on the 2nd story), but she fell halfway, hitting the prickly bushes with a loud smack. She soon shot up, rubbing her back, it was going to be sore for awhile. She walked back, looking at the house, it was worse than she thought it was, the house looked like it was about to tumble down.

But, she saw a figure moving from inside the house, she thought by the way it looked that it was her father, or her little brother. So, she called out to them "DAD, SEAN, COME ON HURRY UP, THE HOUSE IS ABOUT TO FALL!" But, all she heard was laughter and the voice of her boyfriend, saying "Now theres no one to get between us, Aesperus, no one at all."

Aesperus started tearing up, no, he couldn't mean... he didn't do this, did he?! Aesperus started full fledged crying, she didn't even notice that her arm became a chainsaw sword. Aesperus started running at the man, it felt like instinct was telling her what to do, and she'd do it. Aesperus raised her right arm as she neared the evil monster, and cut the man clean in half.

The tears that came out of her eye, which contains a pupil, hit the ground as she looked at the house she once lived in. He could here her little brother screaming, he was burning alive. Aesperus looked at the monster, he deserved to suffer, to go to hell for the rest of eternity. She looked up, towards the heavens as soon as the screaming of her little brother stopped, she started yelling.

"GIVE HIM BACK! HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING, SEAN DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG PLEASE GIVE HIM BACK!"
Edited by Aesperus, Jan 18 2014, 06:56 PM.
Aesperus Entreri
Theme song!

Kishin Egg Souls collected: 0

How many left until 99: 99

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Tatsuken
Administrator
[ * ]
Ok Aes, let’s get down to business. I think you have a great starting point for your character, but I think we’ll need to flesh her out a bit.

Clothing and description: The picture should be used as a general guide rather than a replacement for this section. I feel like you have this general idea down in some regards. Let’s try and have this section separated into 2-3 paragraphs. I feel like you have her physical appearance almost done, just some minor details like how long is her hair, does she wear it in any particular way? Maybe minor details about her nose and mouth. And there are a couple of things that can be rearranged with the profile to help this.

All we know about her clothes is that she has a brown jacket. So for all I know, she doesn’t wear anything else. Describe her style a bit please.

The gold outer handle is called a guard. I think it’s because it goes around your fingers and helps prevent them from getting cut off or something when striking and blocking/parrying.

History: It’s honestly a bit too short and a bit weird. Not everyone knows what Hurt-Johnny Cash is nor will everyone be inclined to look it up. This section is important because it validates the character’s existence and justifies the rest of the profile. For example you say that Aesperus is the complete opposite of her parents, but we never met her parents. All we know about her parents is that they were killed in a fire. It’s not clear if the fire is the catalyst of her powers or if she just whipped them out cause her bf is an arsonist. Where does Aesperus live?

Personality: As mentioned before, the opposite of her parents is a bad description cause we never really met them so we never got a feel for them. The section about Aesperus looking like a guy isn’t really a personality trait, it’s a physical one. It also seems like you’re implying that boobs are all there is to a girl. I assume that this was just bad placement and not intentional.

But since that would take out a chunk of your personality section consider things like hobbies she might have. What kinds of things make her happy, sad, or mad? How does she react with emotions? Some people throw a tantrum when mad and some people remain silent and glare.

What is her opinion of Shibusen, witches, and kishin eggs?

Abilities:

Could you please copy and paste your weapon description under transformation as well?

The part(s) of her body can aesperus partially transform need to be listed.

Rage doesn’t really seem like an ability, and more like a personality trait.

To Hell with you! Seems to be just a rehash of her history and maybe a personality trait rather than an ability, or even the same thing as Semi-transformation.

Combat Style: It is currently extremely vague, try explaining a little bit of Krav Maga and how it’s incorporated into her fighting style, perhaps her preference with weapons. Not only that but she’s also a weapon, does she often use her partial while fighting solo? How does she react with her meister? For example, Soul guides Maka in fights (or at least he did when they first teamed up) and generally watches her back, Tsubaki does little support actions behind the scenes, for example she has hearing based soul perception when resonating with Black Star and her soul adapts to Black Star’s, meanwhile Liz and Patti give moral support to DtK and keep him focused when necessary. There have been demon weapon OCs that have been the tactician of their team and demon weapons who don’t do much besides the general watch meister’s back (which is normally done by partners where the demon weapon takes over the enemy for RP). There’s a lot of ways to deal with this section as a demon weapon. You can even put a couple of tips for how you think your demon weapon should be used here.

The whole snapping someone’s neck, 1. Sounds more like an ability and 2. It isn’t explained if she’s that strong or knowledgeable and/or skilled enough to do something like that.

Strengths/Weaknesses:

You probably should just leave out the third one from both lists if it hasn’t shown up yet. Mention it in misc information for now if you plan to have it appear often before revealing what exactly it is, but you may not use it if it benefits or hinders you in combat before it is explained in your profile. Remember if something isn’t in your profile you may not use it in RP until you make a training or possibly mod thread for it.

Overall, this is a pretty good start. It looks like you have an idea of your character in your mind. We just have to polish her up.
Den Ekigane
Color Code: #666 || Demon Liquid Metal Weapon

Sigil Nathaniel
Color Code: bgcolor=white color=#006 || Two-Star Meister, Werewolf, and Blacksmith || Remaining Lifespan: 476

Charm Lyn
Color Code: #F93 || Weretiger Meister || Remaining Lifespan: 484

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Aesperus
Fresh Meat
[ * ]
Edited. Tell me what you think now.
Aesperus Entreri
Theme song!

Kishin Egg Souls collected: 0

How many left until 99: 99

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Tatsuken
Administrator
[ * ]
This is much better Aes, just a little more work to do.

Clothing and description: Nothing too big here, at very least describe her casual wear, just going baggy doesn’t really mean anything to me, I’m from Hawaii and have been raised in a more sheltered family so when I think baggy I think like Disney Aladdin’s pants or the idiots I come across while waiting for buses who have jeans that are too big for them and wear them halfway down their asses. Shibusen has a couple of formal functions so no idea how people would think she’s a dude for long since one of the things more properly explained is that she wears a dress during formal occasions.

This is optional, but could you put everything in a more coherent set up, for example put the Jacket with her clothes, put facial features together and not have half of in another paragraph, describe one thing at a time instead of putting another feature between details (in this case you started with hair, then mentioned eyes, then added more detail to your hair).

History: It’s a little better but some details are a bit unclear or canonically wrong. For example, second sentence of first paragraph either has a word missing or her parents avoided door-mats most of the time. It then clashes with the third paragraph cause her boyfriend became an arsonist out of nowhere since her parents were nice and kind, so much so that they would make an effort to not dirty other people’s door-mats.

I’m still not too clear if the one time her partial transformation is used in her history is when she found out she was a weapon, cause she was able to make use of it so quickly. Was her boyfriend a kishin egg?

Aes is in Washington, but it’s implied that she meets Shinigami out on the streets or something, but Shinigami is bound to Death City which is in Nevada and rarely leaves Shibusen or the Death Room. I’m also not 100% sure why she suddenly stops being girly.

Personality: Why would someone think that she’s a gay guy just because they’re friends?

When you start describing your character’s reactions to certain emotions you say no one can get mad or sad. How would someone make Aes extremely mad? What kind of rampage?

How does Aes feel about Shibusen? How about Shibusen’s recent alliance with the witches?

Abilities:

What parts of her body can Aes transform?

I would like you to think of this section as probably the first place someone would look. I personally tend to look at abilities first when reading a new profile, half of the time I mod a mission I have the character profiles of those involved open with the page centered on the abilities.

I’m not saying that everyone would look here first, but rather to treat each section as if that’s the starting point of a profile.

Combat Style: forgot to ask about this last time, but to give us a better judgment of her strength, can she take on a single thug by herself? How about a group of thugs? A single kishin egg?
Den Ekigane
Color Code: #666 || Demon Liquid Metal Weapon

Sigil Nathaniel
Color Code: bgcolor=white color=#006 || Two-Star Meister, Werewolf, and Blacksmith || Remaining Lifespan: 476

Charm Lyn
Color Code: #F93 || Weretiger Meister || Remaining Lifespan: 484

badges

Posted ImagePosted Image
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Aesperus
Fresh Meat
[ * ]
Edited.
Aesperus Entreri
Theme song!

Kishin Egg Souls collected: 0

How many left until 99: 99

Offline Profile Goto Top
 
Tatsuken
Administrator
[ * ]
Alright Aes, we're almost done. Let's make your character shine.

history: Anything interesting happen in her earlier life? On 42 we tend to try and start histories as close to birth as possible, and although we're a bit more lax about that kind of thing on 42r we'd still like to see if we can squeeze out more info about Aesperus. For example, what was school like before Aesperus's house was burned down? How did she meet her boyfriend? It seems like Aesperus got a lot of training with her partial transformation, how long has she been at DWMA? If she's been there for a while what has DWMA been like for her? Considering that she was basically saved by THE Authority figure of the SE universe why is it implied that she is against authority (the whole doing whatever she wants whenever she wants thing)?

Personality: speaking of personality, I'm not sure if you know, but we follow the manga and I'm not sure if you read the manga or not so I'd like to clear a bit up about what happened. At the end of the manga Shibusen allied with the witches after the witches helped them out in a large fight and the last person to gain Death Scythe status was declared the last Death Scythe. but don't worry, on 42r to work around this we have decided there is a rebelling group of witches who despised Shibusen and are still generally evil, not wanting to side with shibusen and stop doing all kinds of evil and whatnot. so Shibusen has been given permission to hunt down these witches for Death Scythes.

Just some information in case you want to alter her opinions on this.

Abilities:

Alright I have been poking at this section the last two mods but lets work on some clarifications and such. How long is the chainsword (handle, blade, and all together)? and although there is a engine it's not clear how one would activate it, so how would someone activate the engine on Aesperus? Not sure if you want to fix this, but the golden part in the picture is called a guard.

For Semi-transformation how much of Aesperus's arm is replaced by the blade? how much of the blade does the arm transform into? same sort of questions for her fingers too.

Overall, this is been improving quite quickly and you're making good progress. Although it seems like you have been reading the rules in the cbox, I'd like you to re-read the rules and guidelines another time.
Den Ekigane
Color Code: #666 || Demon Liquid Metal Weapon

Sigil Nathaniel
Color Code: bgcolor=white color=#006 || Two-Star Meister, Werewolf, and Blacksmith || Remaining Lifespan: 476

Charm Lyn
Color Code: #F93 || Weretiger Meister || Remaining Lifespan: 484

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Aesperus
Fresh Meat
[ * ]
Hey dawg, so I heard you like edits.
So I edited my edited edit so you can tell me where to edit.
Edited by Aesperus, Jan 17 2014, 10:25 PM.
Aesperus Entreri
Theme song!

Kishin Egg Souls collected: 0

How many left until 99: 99

Offline Profile Goto Top
 
Tatsuken
Administrator
[ * ]
Hello Aes, I think we're almost done.

Abilities: We'll start here cause it'll be a small thing, I think you should either remove the finger partials or explain, possibly in combat style or misc information, what she uses the finger partials for.

History: Let's flesh out her earlier years because all I'm seeing is 2-3 years of her 15 years of existence. Maybe talk a bit more about parents too. For example, were either of them demon weapons? How was she raised? where was she born? What significance her younger brother had to her?

Let's also talk about what she did after she ran away from her burned down home. Still sounds like she went cannibal instead of eating her kishin egg bf's soul. What exactly compelled her to go to Death City? Especially since it's in the middle of the desert (ok maybe not exactly the middle of the desert since it's in the bit of death valley that is in Nevada, though to be fair the area around death valley is also desert). Kind of curious why Shinigami himself went to pick up Aes instead of sending an agent of some sort, any particular reason?
Den Ekigane
Color Code: #666 || Demon Liquid Metal Weapon

Sigil Nathaniel
Color Code: bgcolor=white color=#006 || Two-Star Meister, Werewolf, and Blacksmith || Remaining Lifespan: 476

Charm Lyn
Color Code: #F93 || Weretiger Meister || Remaining Lifespan: 484

badges

Posted ImagePosted Image
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
Aesperus
Fresh Meat
[ * ]
Edited.
Aesperus Entreri
Theme song!

Kishin Egg Souls collected: 0

How many left until 99: 99

Offline Profile Goto Top
 
Tatsuken
Administrator
[ * ]
Personality: What does Aesperus think of kishin eggs, the people themselves? minor thing, i really doubt one would be eating kishin egg souls on a daily basis, because a demon weapon only needs 99 (and a witch soul) to become a Death Scythe and eating more apparently resets the count, at least in DWMA's case.

History: Was Aesperus basically a normal student in DWMA or did she go on missions? if she was a normal student I think we're done with history. But if she went on missions how many souls did she get during her year in DWMA? You won't be getting mission post credit for this (which is used for training threads), only a small boost to her soul count.
Den Ekigane
Color Code: #666 || Demon Liquid Metal Weapon

Sigil Nathaniel
Color Code: bgcolor=white color=#006 || Two-Star Meister, Werewolf, and Blacksmith || Remaining Lifespan: 476

Charm Lyn
Color Code: #F93 || Weretiger Meister || Remaining Lifespan: 484

badges

Posted ImagePosted Image
Offline Profile Goto Top
 
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