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[Weapon] Herman Townsend; Who dares awaken the Planet Smasher?
Topic Started: Jan 13 2013, 05:07 PM (621 Views)
Hitoshura
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Wolfrik
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Character Name: Herman "Planet Smasher" Townsend

Age: 14

Gender: MAN

Type: Weapon

Partnered? No

Clothing and description: Herman is a mammoth of a man, standing at just under seven feet tall. His body is chizzled to perfection, sporting an awesome twelve pack. His face is stern and tense, as it always looks like he has just been irked, regardless of actual emotion. Severely early onset male pattern baldness has left his head almost completely hairless save for the sides above his ears, which is a very thin brown. The only imperfection is the lack of any arms to speak of. A horrific battle left Herman armless. Not even small stubs remained.

Since appropriate shirts are difficult to find, let alone put on, this manly man normally walks around shirtless as to show of his splendidly tanned torso. His lower body is covered by a pair of black loose fitting pants that are slightly too short. On the rare circumstances where his attire deviates from this, it will be stated in his opening post. Normally this involves a fur coat of some sort made from a fierce creature he has downed.

As a weapon, Herman is a rather cumbersome double sided maul. A six foot long staff made of an inch and a half thick solid red oak supports a slab of concrete seventy pounds in weight on each. Each end is shaped in a rectangular prism with edges rounded from usage. In total the weapon weighs a full 145 pounds and stands at 6'3". A truly daunting item.

History:
Fight, train, punch, kick.
Fight, train, punch, kick.
Fight, train, punch, kick.
Fight, train, kick, kick.
Fight, train, kick, kick.

In a many ways the paragraph above can alone tell the life story of Herman Townsend. But for the sake of storytelling, the details of his like will be revealed in the paragraphs below.

Born into the world on the battlefield, Herman’s mother cried out in pain. “NO! The baby is coming!!” she screamed as bullets flew by her with fierce rage. You see, Herman’s father was a dojo master in America named, Bernard Townsend, and on this very day, they were being raided by a much less honorable and gang-like rival dojo. They brought guns for crying out loud!! I digress. His mother, Nadine Townsend, was going into labor, as was stated before. Hunkered down hiding behind a small desk she cried out in pain, but the bullets didn’t stop. The rest of the story is a bit of a blur to Herman, but he does remember this: It was his voice, HIS BATTLECRY, that stopped the bullets from being fired. Herman’s blood curdling scream halted all battle, for a legend was born. With the battle over, the rival dojo apologized for the deaths and went away. Or at least that is how Herman recalls the story of his birth.

After that Herman trained. From the age of 5 he trained. Sparing with everyone and everything that crossed his path, willing or otherwise. At the age of 7 he was expelled from his second grade class for arguing with the teacher, “You will not let me destroy the chalkboard? I challenge you and your authority to a duel!” When the battle was over, he sent HIMSELF to the principal’s office… only to challenge him to a duel.

At the age of 9 he awakened to his weapon form. This he used to further his training. Transforming his hands into heavy mauls, he lifted weights. Using partial transformation on his feet to increase leg strength. At the age of 9 ½ he could jump, even with his feet turned into heavy blocks from his maul form.

At the age of 11 his father suggested enrolling him into Shibusen. He was insulted at first, and challenged his father to a duel to prove he was right. Needless to say, his father accepted, as a man of honour never backed down from a challenge. In the process of the mighty battle that came to pass, 3 abandoned houses, 4 toilets, 12 trees and a toucan were all obliterated. Herman saw the destruction and was simply not satisfied. He concluded that with the training at Shibusen, he should be able to destroy 7 abandoned houses, 8 toilets, 34 trees and 2 toucans in half the time.

The primary duty of a weapon beyond conversing through your fists is to obtain and devour ninety nine souls plus a solitary witch. Herman, being the man he is, decided to start this journey at the end, and tackle the witch before collecting the other easily obtainable ninety nine. The witch Barbara was his target, a devious female known for subliminally implanting violent tendencies in people while they sleep. Such tactics are inexcusable. A true man, even if it is a woman, causes conflict in direct means, not by hiding behind a proxy. Herman tracked down Barbra and challenged her to single combat by decking her square in the face. The resulting battle was fierce and bloody. After many hours, the witch finally found victory as she sliced Herman's arms clean off at the shoulder with a trap. After this, Herman had to do one thing he had never done in his life: escape. He fled back to Shibusen where medical treatment was issued, yet he would never be the same again. The only reason he is still alive after that encounter was likely because the long battle had exhausted the witch enough to not pursue. Truly, this man is a survivor.

Personality: Some are breeders, content to spend their days raising others instead of enriching their own lives. Some are watchers, who only observe and never interact. Some are healers who provide assistance to those too weak to handle themselves. Some are researchers who want to know everything about the world. But Herman. Herman is a MAN.

Pummel first and ask questions never is the general problem solving tactic at work here. Words are often unnecessary and useless since there is always hidden intent and subterfuge. Instead, Herman talks through his fists, engaging in honorable combat to exchange information. For the most part, Herman only has two emotions. Happiness and anger. Almost all negative feelings, like sadness or anguish quickly get turned into frustration and then anger.

Anything that involves too much thought also turns to frustration and anger, as well as the feeling that Herman needs to smack things around until something or someone either thinks for him, or fixes the situation so no thought is necessary.

Abilities:
Technique Name:A Thousand Years of Training
Description: Since the age of five, Herman has trained his body every single day. The results of this are incredible prowess in strength and endurance.

Technique Name: Super Special Awesome Transformation Sequence of Utter Doom!
Description: As a weapon, Herman is a rather cumbersome double sided maul. A six foot long staff made of an inch and a half thick solid red oak supports a slab of concrete seventy pounds in weight on each. Each end is shaped in a rectangular prism with edges rounded from usage. In total the weapon weighs a full 145 pounds and stands at 6'3". A truly daunting item.

Technique Name: Partial Super Special Awesome Transformation Sequence of Utter Doom!
Description: Should he be without a meister, or simply in solo combat, Herman can change his foot or feet into one of the heads of the maul near instantly.

Technique Name: Limited Soul Perception
Description: Herman can sense souls, but not at will. When locked in honorable combat with a foe, Herman cannot see, but rather feel the soul of his opponent. From the clash, Herman can know his opponent's desires and intent. He can sense a glimpse of what the person is fighting for. For themselves or for others. For good or for evil.

Combat Style: Aggression and kicks. Lots of kicks. In combat, Herman is unrelenting in his press forward and doesn't stop until the opponent is down. Often times he will transform his foot into the head of his maul for extra potent effects. Tactics and strategy are almost nonexistent.

Herman's prowess extends only to close quarters combat. However, when in such situations, he is just below the weakest of witches. For a more descriptive picture, see the last paragraph of his background.

Should he ever obtain a meister, how they fight will be up to them. Herman will often give "advice" in the form of insults and saying he could do it better. For all but the strongest meisters, Herman's weight poses a significant problem as, while the weapon itself is balanced, keeping it steady while swinging takes some work.

Strengths:
Strength: Besides having trained his body for so long, Herman's genetics have also blessed him with naturally enhanced muscle mass.
Brightest Day and Blackest Night: The sheer magnitude of Herman's undaunted willpower is a force to be reckoned with. Even in the toughest of situations he will push forward until emerging victorious.
Ambidexterity: Herman's left leg is just as strong and coordinated as his right.
Immune System: Due to his rigorous workouts, Herman's body is able to locate and fight off disease easily.

Weaknesses:
Dumb as a bag of hammers: Herman is stupid. Just flat out unintelligent in the IQ-in-the-mid-80s sort of way.
Speed: Despite being more aerodynamic from the lack of arms, Herman is still huge and slow because of it. Not only in running speed, but in overall agility as well.
Armless: Herman has no arms.
Unwavering Wavelength: Herman has limited control over his soul wave, forcing any meister to pull both workloads to resonate properly.

Roleplay Sample: Every day Herman went out into the same forest to attack trees for hours on end. Yesterday he was victorious against the oak that had been his training partner for the last month or so, felling it with a swift kick to the trunk. Today he has chosen yet another thick redwood to practice his art. Today he would work on accuracy. "For every milomiter I am off this time, I run an extra mile before supper."

Herman set himself deep into a side stance and proceeded to launch his leg at the tree dead center in a perfect side kick. Each strike made a resounding THWACK and shook the entire tree. After one hundred strikes, he switched legs and launched more. Every time Herman trained, he used each side equal, forcing himself to pupil become ambidextrous. The sets of one hundred continued for three straight hours with no breaks for hydration until it was over. After only five minutes of rest, he turned both legs into the two ends of his weapon form and resumed his training with roundhouse kicks to the as of yet untouched sides. Another three hours passed and the only sounds were the loud contact of cement carving its way into a tree trunk, and the loud exhale of breath that came with each strike.

After completion of this part of the day's work, Herman took a step closer and examined his handiwork. No progress in accuracy had been made today. None at all. The strikes had been accurate, but not precise, with marks all over the center. In keeping the promise he made with himself, Herman did not sup until well after midnight.
Edited by Lammy, Mar 28 2013, 10:18 PM.
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Lammy
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Hey there, Hitoshura! I'm Lammy. Welcome to the site! I'll be your moderator for this character, so let's both do our best to make sure that Justin here is the very best he can be, alright?

But to start things off, having your character start with no abilities is sort of a handicap. But, if this is what you truly wish, I look forward to seeing how Justin manages!

Age: 24 years old might be pushing it, so if it's not detrimental to the character, I would suggest lowering his age.

Clothing and Description: A great start! You might want to go in to a bit more detail, though. Since he's got poor hygiene, does he smell bad? What does he wear when the weather is cold? Things like that. Also, just what sort of tools does he hide under that jacket of his?

History: Again, a very nice start, but I think that there are several things that could be expanded upon in order to give the character depth! For example, just where and how exactly did he try to pick up these hobbies? How long did he spend trying them out? Go in to more detail about this "gifted program" he was a part of! And don't just skim over the "odd people" he came across, talk about them in detail! This is an opportunity to really expand upon your character's experiences, especially how he became so apathetic!

Personality: Though Justin is apathetic, does he have any emotional triggers that really set him off? Make him cry? Mad enough to pull his hair out? This would also be a good chance to, rather just skim over, talk about how he interacts with different sorts of personalities individually.

Miscellaneous Information: This section is more or less for final notes and little tid bits about the character; it seems that you've written quite a lot about them here! The fact that he's ticklish, allergic to peanut butter...all of these aspects should be put into the Personality section and expanded upon rather than simply listed here! In fact, I don't think you mentioned anything about him being "incredibly sexy" in his Clothing and Description section, so be sure to include things like that in there appropriate sections as well! Circadian Rhythm? When did he do that? Include things like this in History! ^_^

Strengths and Weaknesses: Same thing as above. A lot of these should be put into appropriate sections and expanded upon; such as his "Wai so serious" demeanor. That sounds like something to put into Personality! And to be frank, a lot of these sort of sound like Abilities on their own...such as "Mental Barrier" and "Stamina Regeneration". Stuff like that should definitely explained somewhere, or even counted as an ability! Depending on how you rework this, we might even have to put a limit on how many he can have, which is what we often do with other characters. Also, I'm not really sure how well being a pedophile would work out for him; if it's not detrimental to the character, I would suggest perhaps getting rid of this as well?

But all in all, I think this character has a lot of potential; and I look forward to seeing just what you can do!
Edited by Lammy, Jan 14 2013, 05:42 AM.
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Hitoshura
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Wolfrik
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I would first like to thank the critiquer for giving such a thorough examination. You have no idea how refreshing that is compared to the last few RP boards I have been on.

1. Abilities. I understand completely, and do not intend to keep him this way for long. However, my intent for the moment is to say he is only two or three days into the academy, thus having no training what-so-ever at being a meister.

2. Age. Also fully intentional. I find it very difficult to "act my age" when I RP a character so vastly different in years than myself. If it isn't too much trouble, I'd prefer to keep it as is and simply live with the stigma of being that-guy-who-is-way-too-old-to-still-be-in-class.

3. I removed the tools bit, as well as references to ninja throughout the app. These were things accidentally left over from the last RP I used this character on. Something that would help me greatly with clothing would be knowing where the school actually is, climate wise. It's very difficult to write this sort of thing when I have no idea what I am dressing for.

4. You seriously want me to go into detail about my own teenage social life? Normally people try to avoid that topic. Ah well, I will get around to editing that when I have more free time to remember specific instances. For now may I ask that we stick to other things so that this one area does not hold up the process.

5. The things that can set him off are very few and hard to describe with words. I feel that anything I put down will make others who mimic those things think I am power playing when I don't respond "correctly" when the mood isn't right. Eh....I know that probably doesn't make sense. I'm not good with these sorts of descriptions.

5b. In order to describe how I interact with personalities would take a lifetime as it truly is different for every single person on the planet.

6. I fail to see how allergies or sensitive skin are personality related. I may be misunderstanding this sites definition of 'personality', but I cannot help but think that if these traits didn't exist, his personality would not shift at all. The only one I can see being vaguely personality related is self preservation, which has been put into the correct section.

6b. Circadian rhythm was changed about a year ago over the course of a week. Something so trivial would be a mere footnote in the history, so I skipped it. If you truly wish, I shall dedicate a sentence to note when and how one can accomplish such a thing.

7a. I am again unsure of which traits you refer to as personality related in the S/W section. The lack of ability to take things seriously is, to me, synonymous with being apathetic about all things.

7b. Do not let the names fool you, mental barrier and stamina regeneration are fully within the realm of normal human function. If there is any particular vocabulary I can utilize to make this more apparent, please let me know.

7c. In a venue where my primary interaction will be with people between 13 and 16, I swear to RP the pedophile weakness appropriately.
Edited by Hitoshura, Jan 14 2013, 11:04 AM.
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Raikai
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Does the bus run through here?
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Hey Hito, I’m gonna tag Lammy out for a bit here cause there were a few things I wanted to talk about in particular addressing both the character before modding and some of get things about the first round.

The vibe I’ve gotten from this profile is that you’re doing a bit of a self-insert character. While there’s nothing inherently awful about this, it does mean that you have to be just a little more careful. If not kept in check self-inserts tend to become the primary offenders of Mary-Suedom. The next part of this all though is through our modding process here one thing we focus on is how to make your character a more soul eater character. We try to make it so that the character really fits in the world, this will probably end up overlapping with another part our philosophy, which is that we really want to make sure you RP here, and in an ideal situation see you improve. Combining that and the odd circumstances of the Soul Eater universe, we’re probably going to push you farther away from an insert and more towards a character. Not to say that the character can’t represent you, but just more of a you in the universe of the show. For example I’ll use my character Raine. I kind of qualify Raine as an author avatar/insert, she and I share similar personalities, but in appearance and history we’re quite different, and in some ways she ends up being an idealized version of myself (i.e.: I really wish I was a telepath, and enjoy dying my hair red even though I don’t do it often.) So I’d like to see you experiment with that.

Expanding upon that includes the age. This site for me was one of the first places where I made a character not my actual age. I decided to take the challenge and play a character with a different age, and thus probably mindset. I understand that this can be challenging, and you don’t think you can do it well; I didn’t either when I was first starting out but now I enjoy it. We want to see you try stepping out of your comfort zone, taking risks, and again improving. We’re all here to help you, and nobody will mind if you’re not perfect all the time, especially starting out. You could also justify it. This is a world where people can turn into weapons, and madness can manifest as a physical force, a very mature acting 16 year old (or even 13 year old) isn’t going to seem that out of the ordinary. I’ve seen the awkwardness be done and be done well, but if you’re reasoning is primarily you don’t think you can do it, and then you like the awkwardness I’d personally ask you to push yourself.

Following this gives up some points about the history. Just generally we want to know about your character and what made him who he was. We like expansion, and want to see what you have to say. If you don’t want to go into your teenage social life then stretch it a bit. Don’t make this your life story make it your characters. I’d definitely agree with Lammy that how he became so apathetical to the world (it might just be me, but I tend to associate this is a bit of disillusioned cynicism) this kind of paradigm shift is interesting to see the cause behind. Lammy sorta hit the nail on the head when he just said to expand.

I understand not enjoying writing personalities. I find them hard to write in a way I won’t end up contradicting, or having the character develop out of in a few days. However it’s sorta still a necessary evil. While you might not be able to give perfect or exact examples try to give a few, and be particular in your terms, say something tends to do something. I’m sure very few people would call you for powerplaying on a character reaction as long as you don’t go as far from, saying something would make him mildly sad but having it send him into a murderous rage. And for interactions while true you can’t tell us how he’d react to every personality, but maybe take a few archetypes or basic tropes, maybe like a couple opposite extremes, and then the middle ground.

I kinda like the whole buff/debuff, in the end Lammy’s you’re actual mod and he’ll make final calls as to where, but most of them do need at least mentioned somewhere else, strengths and weaknesses in particular. While some of our calls may differ (I’d put the allergy in history personally, but I would mention it (also is it just peanut butter or peanuts, cause I’d honestly find the former a little unusual)). Most of these are going to be going on your judgment as to where to put them, and adding them in might be something you do to help with the expansion. The other thing about your weaknesses is that they’re really outweighed by your strengths, in particular you have mostly combat strengths and social weaknesses. Including non-combat weaknesses is good, and I enjoy it, but the man focus of this section is combat, and we’d like to see combat weaknesses balance out (or out balance) strengths.

Finally we’ve come to what is might be the most involved section of this. Abilities. The first point I have to raise is an address to your point one. The way we run this practically everything you want your character to be able to needs to be in his ability section. And then once accepted the only way to add abilities is to do missions and earn training threads. Even if your character didn’t learn ability at Shibusen, it should still be in the section. A hard mission can take weeks to get completed. And even doing all quick easys would take a while. That’s a lot for a character to be able to do with no abilities, and, as has been stated, a couple of your things are a bit too strong not to be abilities. Even for example the mental barrier and stamina regeneration, that I will give you can be possible in the real world. Even though people are capable of the stamina feat, most people can’t actually do so. It tends to take a level of training to achieve, most of the meisters on the site (who have been EAT for a while) have high stamina, but once they’re done, they’re done. Mental Barrier is a bit more complicated. Some expansion as to exactly how it works might save it from being an ability, but since we have actual psionic characters here, as well as other aspects of the universe, it borders on that. If his mind just has good natural defenses that would take longer to get past then I wouldn’t make it an issue, but if no matter what they did or how hard they tried a psionic couldn’t peer into his mind, or otherwise madness radiating from a kishen would have a very hard time affecting him, then it’s an ability, as it is beyond the normal capabilities of the average person in the universe. Chaos factor seems a little too useful to not be an ability if he’s always naturally at the right place at the right time. Animal empathy too seems just a little too useful and in the world of soul eater aura’s tend to be wavelength abilities. Pain Ignorance is definitely too useful for an ability. The same with night vision and heat resistance. Most of the others aren’t so bad, but they are kinda vaguely phrased so that while you might refer to a real world possibility they seem like you mean it to be extra ordinary and under the right conditions they could be too useful. The other thing is that these skills seem just a little out of nowhere... he never seems to have trained for most of them. This adds to the whole extraordinary as opposed to natural feel.
Finally I was talking to some other members, and while I understand that not all pedophiles are not actually child molesters, most of our members are in the 13-16 age range actually as well as their characters, and I heard multiple concerns about how it made some members uncomfortable, so I would really appreciate it if you removed that aspect of the character.

Also, could you take another look at our rules and guidelines?

Thank you for bearing with me, Lammy will be back with you when it comes time for next round

Iluris Couture-Desrosiers |____ Cassius Kelly____ |______ Raine Doyle _____ |___Locke Lindström_ | Runa Kamila Fiala_________
_____________Dhamphir |___Meister and thief _ | ____Psychic Meister____ | _Demon weapon Bhuj_| Magical Girl Meister__
___Text Color: 673147 | _Text color: CCFFFF _ | __Text color: E5E4E2___ | Text color: 22A635 | Text color: DBBAF6____



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Hitoshura
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Wolfrik
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Well....I can't have a self insertion character be not me. It just isn't right. So instead I'll be creating something entirely new. Something far more....suitable for this world. I'll begin drafting it up Wednesday, but before then I'd like to know the answer to two questions.

First, the majority of this takes place in Nevada, yes?

Second, can a weapon be a pair of boots, or does it have to all be a single interconnected piece?
Edited by Hitoshura, Jan 15 2013, 05:43 AM.
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Lammy
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It can be a pair of boots, but they could also be connected somehow.

And while Shibusen is located in Death Valley, Nevada, the series takes place in locations all over the world!
Edited by Lammy, Jan 15 2013, 11:35 PM.
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Hitoshura
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I tried to go with something more status quo this time.

It's still a WIP as I need to figure out the beginning of his history. That's always the part of these I have the most trouble with. So until I figure out what his backstory is and write up a sample post, I'll entertain comments/criticism on the rest of it.
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Lammy
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Well before I look at the character, I will say that I'm glad someone's playing the dumb but strong character, with a really interesting twist.
I remember playing a similar character once; a former circus performer nicknamed "Kicks" because he had no arms in which to speak of either! And, well, kicking shit was sort of his thing. And he was not the most intelligent of peoples. Very outgoing though.

I like Herman already.

Oh, and it turns out that things like boots need to be connected, but if they're part of the same thing; such as a sword and its sheath, or a gun and it's clip, it's fine.
Edited by Lammy, Jan 17 2013, 01:53 AM.
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Hitoshura
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Yeah, I decided against the boots since I couldn't find a way to keep them connected without severely hindering whoever wore them.
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Hitoshura
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Finally, with great help from a loving boyfriend, my greatest invention has been completed.
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