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Roji Rises From the Ashes?; Bleargh... @_@
Topic Started: Aug 20 2013, 06:58 AM (318 Views)
Roji Roshita
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Roji's New Character sheet


Blah. Just blah. Took up 8 hours to finish this, and some serious coffee breaks. I'm pooped.

Oh, by the way, I'm basically just adding in Namas, and reducing ability things to make up for events happened in her life (which draw her back). Like, she's useless, but she's not dumb either, so she'll do OK.
Edited by Roji Roshita, Sep 3 2013, 09:57 AM.
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Roji and Personalities

Alisea
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Roji Roshita
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Finished with the mods. Added SE Dimension's Roji history, re-worked stuff, and all's done, I hope. Tirrred... ;m;
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Alisea
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Tatsuken
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Hello Roji, sorry I haven’t replied back to this thread for a while, I got a call about some job and was trying to work out interviews and all that stuff, but now that’s done and I have given the entire profile a good look over I decided to give the profile a proper character instead of throwing comments here and there about bits and pieces of the profile.

Clothing and Description: You need to stick to a particular height, this section is mostly for art and getting an idea of what your character looks like, so giving a vague height messes this up cause it doesn’t really matter if she measures herself or not.

The wording for the clothing section is awkward at times, for example I’m pretty sure collars aren’t supposed to have sleeves anyway. I’m not entirely certain what you mean by shanks in her shoes.

How much of the soul does Namas take up? I mean you already stated that Roji takes up a huge chunk then 2 of them take up half and DJ takes up the rest, but this leaves no portion of the soul that Namas takes up. I also don’t understand why a person needs a god’s level of soul perception to see Namas, considering that canonically none of the gods ever had soul perception, so is it as long as you have soul perception you can see Namas?

History: Before I go any further I think you should put your profile through a spelling and grammar check, and if you don’t have one read it out loud and see what sounds weird.

I don’t see why you would only mention 1 city when you said she moves around a lot due to the men in her life, which I would see if they all lived in the one city, but then you say this affected her childhood cause she kept moving from place to place, it’s not like cities are brimming with schools and by moving to a different part of the city you have to switch schools, maybe areas to play and explore in, but I don’t think moving would affect too much where she went if all the moves happened in one city.

I don’t understand why you speak French in Russia. I mean maybe a couple of people to a few hundred speak French in Russia, but I really doubt the nickel miners and most of the population would speak French.
I think the next part of her history is a bit contradictory since you already mentioned that she’s left alone most times when not being picked on and that no one likes her cause the way she acts, so how could there have been people who used her when she was left alone? You even mention that she never had friends in the next paragraph.

You mention Roji learning about auras and soul powers because she was interested in it, but then she never bothered to learn more about it after using soul purge on a tree, when soul purge only works on humans, animals, and kishin eggs since they have souls.

What does Roji train on these hiking games?

She moved onto her own what?

The whole dimension shift thing is very confusing, you mention barriers but not how she got through it, you used the wrong article (the, a, an) for describing the light, implying you have mentioned it before even though it was the first time you mentioned it. Where does Roji try to go back to? Why does she want to go back when she’s intrigued by the light?

The actual happening of the dimension shift is a bit confusing, but I think this is more of a grammar thing than just weird writing.

The paragraph where Roji blacks out makes no sense since you said her main personality came up at the time, but Roji is the main personality and she blacked out.

You mentioned earlier in her history that her soul wavelength abilities were weak because she never trained, so why are they suddenly strong when she goes through the dimension rift?

Why did her soul split only after obtaining the other Roji’s soul and memories? Actually, how did she get the other Roji’s soul when it’s implied that the Roji’s never even met each other or even close to each other’s location?

Well, let’s stop here for now with mods; let’s work on the history sections first since the clothing and description stuff isn’t too bad, just a couple of minor things. But the history section has a lot of work needed so we’ll focus our efforts on this for now.
Den Ekigane
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Sigil Nathaniel
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Charm Lyn
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Roji Roshita
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Edited. @_@ grammar might still be iffy. I'll work on it when I get back from things I'm doing today?
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