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| Yomo's Mega Test After-Show!; A Follow-Up to the Practical Exams! Don't Miss It! | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Dec 2 2013, 07:05 AM (157 Views) | |
| Lammy | Dec 2 2013, 07:05 AM Post #1 |
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“IT'S TIME FOR YOMO'S DEMON TOOL ANALYSIS HOUR! I'M OPERATING OUT OF MY BASEMENT, YO! Funny thing is, my apartment doesn't have a basement...Hmm...” A headset-wearing Yomo sat comfortably in front of a long, wooden table, a microphone in front of her. “WITH ME I HAVE SPECIAL GUEST, HOMETOWN HERO AND BUMPKIN BADASS, ROLAAAND! PLEASE GIVE A WARM WELCOME!” Yomo grabs the microphone with both hands, shouting into it, nearly out of her seat! Suddenly, Roland is seated in a chair next to her, as if he had been there from the start! Yomo clapped her hands together, smiling. "Wait, I don't know bout that title. Like, I think exactly zero of those describe me. As far as I know, half my hometown is scared shitless of me, and I may be stupid but sometimes capable, but I don't think it's "bumpkin badass" level." " ...wait shit I just ruined your program intro, didn't I." [Logo crashes onto screen, Roland interrupts catchy intro music jingle. Show begins!] “ First, we'll be looking at the Demon Tool awarded by the CEO of the ICE SCREAM 42 FLAVORS EMPORIUM! Hey, isn't that kind of a long name for an ice cream parlor? This Demon Tool was graciously given to Dann, a wereskunk...possum...uh...let's lookit the notes for a second…” [Sound of notes being flipped…] "Just call him a were-rodent-thing and call it good." “: Thanks Roland! This Demon Tool was graciously given to Dann, a "were-rodent-thing and call it good"!” "That's not what I... never mind." “: But what sort of dark and mysteeerious powers stem from such a Tool?!” "Apparently nevermelting ice cream." “That it SHOOTS OUT!” "Which I don't really get. Like, what is the purpose of that?" “ That's right, folks, this were-rodent-thing and call it good is packin' heat!” "I'm gonna ignore that." “Well I suppose it could be used to attack someone...But what's a little bit of ice cream going to do? And the flavors are random? GROSS! What if I get pistachio?!” "Sadly I don't think there are many milk monsters waiting to be made into milk shakes, so its practicality is near zero." “Roland and I give this Demon Tool a shrug and an "Ewuugh??"!” "Sounds about right." “But I bet if you talked to it, it'd be really sweet, like ice cream~” "Talk to it...?" “MOVING ON TO OUR NEXT DEMON TOOL, WHOSE PRACTICALITY IS A LITTLE MORE SO!” "Okay." “Awarded to our local battle maiden and ever-optimistic Pollyanna: Raikotsu and Adria! Our next featured Tool is a nifty little book! Believe it or not, just reading this thing can allow the reader, at a one time use only at the door special, to learn one new language of their choice! Wow! WHO NEEDS SPANISH CLASS NOW, MR. SANCHEZ?” "Maaaaaan, that seems like it's a bit.. I dunno, broken?" “Hey, Roland, I bet this would be really good for all those Japanese animu mangoes you like, right? Right?" "I don't know a single word that just came out of your mouth." [pause] "But anyway, like, using this book could give you a serious edge, not only on missions but in school too. I mean, with no effort, BOOM, language learned. What is this, a table-top RPG?" “Ah, but the things ya' gotta' do to use it! Show up to every mission in a graduation gown? WHAT A HASSLE!” "I dunno, it could be used for dramatic effect, like those stories where the hero takes off their cape to reveal their armory stored within." “Oooh, or like throwing around a cool catchphrase!” "CLASS IS IN SESSION!" “YOU SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN SCHOOL!” "Exactly." “But Roland, I brought you to the show because you ACTUALLY WON one of these things, right?” "Yeah, well, I guess. I feel like I kinda lucked out though. I mean, this Mega Test was the first mission-type thing I've ever done. I depended a lot on my partner for help, and she was the one who actually found the medallion." “Hey, hey, don't be so modest, Roland! Sponsored by Cloud 9 Footwear! IF YOU THOUGHT DOUBLE JUMPS WERE FOR VIDEO GAMES ONLY, THINK AGAIN! Roland STEPS INTO THE NEXT LEVEL WITH shoes that can FLY...!” [pause] “SORTA! You know, I've actually got Demon Tool shoes of my own, ya' know!” "Oh, those high tops?" “YEAUP! CHECK 'EM OUT!” [Sound of feet being slammed on top of a table] “RAIJIN AND FUJIN, REPRESENT!” "If this weren't radio, I'd be worried about fanservice right now." “But as much as I'd love to brag about these two, let's talk a little bit more about these cloudkickers! You gonna' use 'em? I mean, hey, a double jump seems pretty useful! ” [Sound of notes being flipped] “My notes say you like parkour; how great would it be to DOUBLE JUMP THEN?” "I'll probably use them fairly often, I do a lot of free running, yeah, so they'll help me do those trickier maneuvers I've been wanting to try. I get the feeling they'll help Bullet too, though I bet neither of us feel too great about the kinda dorky catchphrase." “Why don't you give it a try, for some practice! Say it loud into the mic!” "MOVING RIGHT ALONG TO THE NEXT DEMON TOOL, THIS ONE ALSO LOOKS LIKE IT'LL BE HANDY FOR MANEUVERABILITY. I mean, sticky gloves, they could be handy for... sticky situations." [pause] "Me publicly humiliating myself aside, these also look to be highly practical." “Roland is of course talking about the "YOU EVEN LIFT" GYMNASIUM GLOVES, AWARDED TO CHARM THE WERETIGER! Quite an intimidating catchphrase...these little guys help ya' scale walls, and make for easy climbin'! A little on the simplier side, but just as Roland said, very, very practical! Wonder what a weretigers gonna’ put ‘em to use for, though...can’t tigers already climb trees?” [Yomo giggles] “With these gloves, you'll be just like a spider! A chameleon! Some other third creature with legs that are sticky sticky!” "A candy beast, I dunno." “You could risk being shot down by the ice cream gun! WATCH OUT! YOU'LL BE MADE INTO A SUNDAE!” [Sounds of Yomo making gun shot noises with her mouth] “Where do you want to rate these on the scale, Roland? Should we give it an EWWUGH or an AWW YEAH?” "Not as broken as the language books, but a bit more nifty than the double jump shoes. Definitely more of an "Aw yeah."" "Let's keep this rollin' and talk about the next item, L.A.F.S. for a Lifetime's Relationship Glasses." “Also known as the RELATIONSHIP SHIPPING CHART VIEWER! Awarded to Zakra, a member of nobility, I take it! Maybe this Tool will help him find some more loyal subjects?!” "Look through these and you'll be able to see how different people are attracted to each other through a handy heads-up display." “A must have item for any fans of the forum! I wonder what such a pair of sunglasses might have to say about me?” "Probably that you love your coat more than most people." “I thought it only worked for humans!” "You don't need special glasses to see how much you care about that thing." “It's true!" [Arms come out of Guan Yin, and together, the Demon Tool and Yomo throw up cute-looking peace signs, paired with a wink from Yomo] “GUAN-YIN IN THE HOUSE!” "That's so adorable that I think the listeners heard the cute." “You're awful quick to mention my own Tools, Roland! I'll have to show them all to you sometime. We'll have tea! I'm sure they'll just love it! In fact, I wish I could've gotten a chance to interview one of these Tools, but sadly, I'm not sure I'll get the chance! But analyzing them is almost as good!” "Well, I don't know much about you other than you use a lot of different tools, so I'm just workin' with what I've got." "Speaking of working with what they've got... wait that was a horrible transition." “Ah! You're talking about that microphone tool, right?” "Well, I was gonna save that for last, but we can talk about it now." “R AND B FLOW! A MYSTICAL MICROPHONE THAT LETS THE USER SHAKE WHAT THEY'RE MAMMA GAVE 'EM WITH THE UTMOST PERFECTION! NO TIME OR MONEY TO HIRE A CHOREOGRAPHER? FAILING VOICE LESSONS? WITH THIS DEMON TOOL, YOU'LL BE A MUSICAL SENSATION IN NO TIME! PERFECT DANCE MOVES! A STUNNING VOICE! This Tool's got it DOWN!” [Yomo la la las into the microphone; she’s not the best sounding-singer] “Though, truth be told, I can't see it being too useful on the battlefield...what use is a microphone to a seamstress and an axe?” "Eh, could be a good distraction." “Maybe with some upgrading, it could perfume some rad as heck vocal violence! But for now, Roland's right. In a hostile situation, the only thing you'll be doing is making a fool out of yourself. But at least you'll look cool doing it! Off the battlefield though, you'll be swimmin' in stardom, baby!” "Need to get some info? YOU'RE AN IDOL, THEY'RE BEGGING TO GIVE IT TO YOU." "Need some money? Go on a street corner and use this and BOOM. ROLLIN'." "Now if only it could get me out of physics homework..." “: I don't think your teacher's going to be THAT moved by a solo performance.” "Damn. Maybe if you brought some cats into the act...?" “Just what sort of reference are you tryin' to make with that one, Roland?” "I dunno, it was a legitimate thought." "Well, maybe you'll have better luck just taking the answers from their dreams with this next item." “EH?? You'd use our last featured Tool to CHEAT?” "I'd use these double jump shoes to cheat if I could. It ain't cheating anyway, it's creative learning." “He's got the right idea! This thing'll surely help you dig up the dirt on your opponent, or your classmate." "Oh, shit, you could totally find out if that guy was the one who put dirt in your coffee again." "...what, that doesn't happen to you guys?" “I only drink mine iced!" "Oh. Well that helps I guess." “From the mattress company ALL I'S AND Z'S!! This Demon Tool's a cute-looking sleeping mask that allows you to enter the dreams of anyone nearby! Only downside is, I guess they have to be asleep first huh? And on top of that, who knows what sorts of dangers lie within the subconscious mind! You could get killed out there!” "Or laid." “Rolaaaaaaaand! Now's not the time to inflate your superego!" "Hey, you never know what teenage boys are dreaming. And for your info I have never dreamed about that." "Wait, shit, that's not normal, is it?" “You'll have to ask a psychologist! And am one I am not!" "That’s good to know, I'd be worried if you were." “I don't think I'd be very good! Probably just diagnose everyone as just bein' a little grumpy and give 'em a popsicle!That'll make their day! Clear that dementia right up!" "Yeah I don't think that'd help quite everyone." “But where has the time gone? It's just about time for us to say good-bye!" "Aw shit, Bullet's probably mad I ditched the after party without her." “Once again, thanks to Roland for offering to come on the show with us! We’re so sad to see you go! You've been great!" "Yeah, it's been fun, I think. Later!" [Outro music plays, logo appears in front of the two before screen fades to black] |
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