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Old Factbook Shitpost; NEED TO GET RID OF THESE
Topic Started: Nov 27 2017, 03:32 PM (27 Views)
:marisa:nedben:reimu:
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Nedben Prime, Casually Mad

The Small War of 2015

Taken from the desk of Shingyoku Hakurei during the 6 AM Raids, Early 2015:

"The following issues confront Orzic Nedbens:

Parliamentary Playground [legislation pending]
Murder, He Shouted! [legislation pending]
The Truth Is Out There? [legislation pending]
The Worst Storm To Hit Orzic Nedbens Since...Yesterday? [legislation pending]
Compensation Culture Must End, Say Corporations [legislation pending]

As you may realize, each of those raises a major issue, for some of it even the original point. Fighting in parliament has literally gotten excessive. The leader is accused of murder to Their own face. Orzic Nedbens is ravaged by weather. And idiocy. Especially idiocy.


This of course [incomprehensible scribbling, bloodstain] grounds for extermination of multiple parties. In the wake of the second assassination attempt today, We the Leader authorize [burned, possible side effect of reflected danmaku] under the Emergency Powers Act of [several pages are missing, though the numbers are blurred slightly so we're not exactly sure] immediate condemnation of Akira Dimitrov and this illegally formed MIB Council, kill on detection, permakill if possible. This is a class Post-Phantasm emergency, possible multiple rogue top-level command/battle emplacements. [more burned pages, some of them with holes] attempt to protect project-essential utilities ASAP.

Jenna be with you.

-Shingyoku Hakurei."

And so began a short war.

The Small War of 2015 was the second largest immigration burst and second worst political meltdown in Orzic Nedbens, both second only to the actual founding and setup of the place. During the war, a number of rebellious parties and state-companies all decided that now was a good time to try and take over, which was concurrent with several natural disasters, which fortunately resulted in the vast majority of the fighting being contained to both Parliament where the assassinations happened to sync up and a number of dissident outposts where the rebellions were trying to kill each other. The most successful random breakdown of Orzic Nedbens, the only faction which actually managed to last more than a few days was the MIB Council lead by Akira Dimitrov.

The MIB Council, formed of many, many, MANY dissident factions whose stances on issues had been opposed and those whose formal reprimands by the government for acting out of line had been insufficient to either kick them out completely or at least suppress their powers of office, effectively tried to split the government in two and take over.

The resulting fighting was completely incomprehensible to standard sapients, consisting of multiple gods flipping out and throwing everything they had at each other and whatever got in the way, including at the end a massive showdown between Akira Dimitrov and Shingyoku in the flaming ruins of one of the major Parliament buildings.

However, the influx of mercenaries, hired repairpeople, and foreign aid from external benefactors lead to a transformation in Orzic Nedbensian society. The space navy was transformed from an unstable series of independent fleets with nonsensical craft and reality warpers who were somehow late to the party to a slightly less unstable series of independent fleets with different nonsensical craft and reality warpers who actually got there mostly on time. Millions of government officials were fired for being nonfunctional or actively trying to take down the government (a decision long delayed due to the aforementioned prevalence of said officials, but natural disasters and mass murder did wonders for removing them and the mass rebellion hilariously forced many of them to reveal their hands quickly). Major companies were nationalized, privatized, expanded, screwed with, or otherwise incentivized into making the slightly blanker Orzic Nedbens less blank again.

The post Small-War reformation was often considered the death blow to many of the non-hiveminded associations' effective dominance over politics and especially the military, as the disunity of minds was increasingly considered rather ineffective and helped allow the aforementioned massive rebellion for no reason.


We Are Orz (And Nedbens)

This nation originally grew out of the advanced alien survivors of the Nedben Commission in the wake of the unexplained "Project Dislogic-Unreason", and those that turned to the Orz in their dying moments to be saved at a kewl *party*. It was originally a Terra Worlds League member but with the substantial damage to that universe the Orz hivemind declared a crisis and with the assistance of Team Iael and other surviving *houses* of *happy campers* were able to escape through a massive hole in the plot believed to be created by Feizhi of Xian through use of the Apocalypse Maiden's grief seed engine, designed and built by Richard the Traitor, as described (poorly) in the Aza Arc of Or Something Like That. After a considerable amount of barrier abuse and boundary manipulation and other various copyright infringements throughout the magenta barrier, Orzic Nedbens settled in a Taalo-unused *Pretty Space* exit region by *sliding* from the North Pacific to the Weyard area via intergalactic OrzSpace.



The Purity of Motions

The concept of the Purity of Motions, otherwise referred to as the generic and pretentious Purity, is an oft-debated imprecise principle of the Twin Minds that denotes when they switch from passivity and trolling to active vengeful societal-scale violence and/or manipulation.

The first and foremost principle, translated from nonsensical alien concepts, is Hypocrisy. At its foremost, the code of Purity applies to others and is more a judgement of when factions need to get out of the way: while the deviation from the Purity by the Twin Minds is usually considered problematic for other reasons, the Minds are under no obligations to follow their own rules. However, other factions being hypocrites is often grounds for sarcastic commentary at the least.

The second most consistent principle is that of the Sacred Concepts: Do not damage the soul, do not create 'unfixables' (a nebulous term relating to things that are abstractly impossible to heal or repair for some reason), do not use time travel, and clean up space damage afterward. Exact translation of this is extremely difficult, but the general guidelines are roughly established previous.

Beyond that there is the Acceptance of Non-Absoluteness. It is harder to translate, but consists primarily of 'Don't think you're invincible when you're provably not', 'Restrain your pride so it stops annoying people', 'Trying to take over and/or destroy EVERYTHING is a futile venture and you are likely to be stopped somewhere along the way, probably even by us if you annoy us enough', 'do not suppress/oppress/unneededly attack/etc. nonharmful cultures deemed acceptable', and a number of hard to explain concepts involving interdimensional or conceptual attacks, seriousness appropriate to the situation, and 'acceptance of existence of what few limits remain at your level of advancement and realizing how and when they can be surpassed'.



Orzic Nedbens: What government?

Orzic Nedbens is a derpy magitech nation in the Weyard region. How does it work, you ask?

The government is divided between the lower government and the upper government, consisting of regional councils and agencies, and the Head Council respectively.

The Head Council usually deals with larger rulings or inter-council conflicts. The Head Council consists of the executive ruling head Shingyoku Hakurei (currently the CEO of Laws Incorporated, an orzturned nedbenic-ancestry but mostly anonymous entity as of this writing), various elected offices, the very many buyable seats of various importance (the exact mechanics of getting one appear to be dancing on the unclear line between bribery and incorporation), a smattering of assorted old-age nobility, many corporation boards, at least one council representative from every council, and agency heads. It acts as an overall legislative body, with judicial functions. Most executive functions are delegated to the ruling head (who in turn delegates them to the Archagent of the Agencies), and the power is effectively unlimited on domestic matters due to no real inhibitions on authority or balancing. It is mostly controlled by the ruling head, as other than the relatively common delegation of subcommittees to deal with problems not worth declaring an issue very little gets done outside of massive government buyouts. Bills are composed by individual members or committees, ratified by the committee if within committee parameters, or sent to the floor for a majority vote where a single vote over 50% is enough to win or lose. Buyout flooding practices to grab short-term votes during issues are not uncommon in an attempt to sway this vote. Almost all seats have different and often changing term limits and specific powers, which results in a fair amount of political complexity. The fact that the mind-hives the country takes its name from hold multiple seats with different pawn-bodies and usually similar opinions is actually rather hilarious, as despite being the most heavy lifters in many agencies and some councils, they are actually quite unsure about many issues and tend to vote in several directions at once based on ratios of acceptability.

The agencies actually carry out all this madness personally and act as special forces and regular government employees. The hierarchy of agencies and sub-organizations is very complex, but in the end they all answer to the changing position of Archagent of the Agencies (this title is not used very often except to sound impressive during formalities as it is slightly annoying to say routinely in certain local dialects, and is thus shortened to the Archagent as most subordinate agencies do not use that title to avoid confusion), a position that effectively boils down to being the personal secretary and cabinet handler of the ruling head and handling executive functions when the ruling head does not want or is incapable of dealing with it, and taking over if said ruling head is killed severely or otherwise long-term incapacitated. Individual agencies are usually given free reign within chartered parameters and specific orders unless the Archagent is staring directly at them, in which case they behave much more nicely and cut down on the bureaucracy to avoid getting fired.

The regional councils are subordinate to the Head Council and thus the ruling head (due to delegation, that effectively means the Archagent). Council establishment processes are relatively simple, and the matter of territorial jurisdiction conflicts usually leads to council assimilation or the most common Head Council proceeding outside of daily legislative issues, that of adjusting the jurisdiction map. They are effectively local administration bodies with their own organizational structure and complexity, though in practice it usually defaults to a lead administrator who doubles as council representative and the people who work under them. They are also given effectively free reign besides the Head Council's very few restrictive orders, which gives them an absurd amount of power within their jurisdiction provided they are not interfering with a particularly strong agency.

Some agencies and councils are effectively very powerful corporate states under Orzic Nedbens (this is why we are [strike]Capitalizt[/strike] Anarchy (due to some new freedoms) when our attempts at freedomizing everything don't make the World Assembly reclassify us), and beyond slightly more business-specific regulation this doesn't change anything severely, resulting in wide swaths of business territories.

Major elections are held yearly with every-few-months elections for some councils' short-term positions.

tl:dr Lotsa conflicting power bodies under one apathetic rule.




*CHAOS* News Report: Classification History!

tl:dr of the day; the World Assembly's metrics have classified us as a Left-Leaning College State and funding terrorists is why.

Headline 11/5/2014: Supreme Court Justice Election Causes Anarchy!

Maybe it's because our central government is 2warringitup4u and regional councils are increasingly conflicted and multiple agencies are being annoying, but who knows?

According to a broadcast by Archagent [REDACTED], the Supreme Court election has resulted in widespread saying of "Screw this, I'm outta here!" as far as keeping up with the government as a tipping point has been reached in bureaucratic gridlock. However, nobody is really going to care because they're not hurting anyone. Several new microregional councils have been registered with increasingly tiny or private jurisdictions, mostly consisting of biker gangs.

Repealing even more laws and adding more freedoms is in progress, because making the problem worse is fun!

Headline 11/6/2014: Moar Welfare Cures Anarchy!

According to a secrets-releasing broadcast by Merid Clearance CEO Meridia Blackblock, Orzic Nedbens paid a bunch of homeless people and zombies to take over the biker gangs. Archagent [REDACTED] did not comment. Um?

Headline 11/10/2014: Stopping Right To Roam Leads To Reclassification!

Large areas of Orzic Nedbens are closed off by various private and governmental organizations! The media steps up, with the limitation completely crushing freedom apparently. The drunken Ruling Head claimed "Not enough fences!" when asked for justification. Archagent [REDACTED] was seen facepalming in the Head Council residential offices.

Headline 11/17/2014: Newspapers Stop Talking About Politicians!

Because of the new expansion on the factchecking law, many non-politically-active newspapers have cut out political articles almost entirely to avoid being fired for illegally talking about politicians. Archagent [REDACTED] has given express permission for everyone to spread rumors about him. On an unrelated note, the Archagent was seen herding frogs across Orzic Nedbens City. We're not sure either.

Headline 11/20/2014: School Dress Codes Abolished!

We don't even know what happened today, and we're still trying to figure it out. In related news, according to WA metrics we're a New York Times democracy again. Also, your kids just gave up and wore pajamas to school if you're living in Orzic Nedbens. Just saying.

Headline 12/5/2014: Orzic Nedbens Actually Mentions They're Spying On You

Uh...The government finally got around to admitting the existence of the Sub-Agency of Spying on Orzic Nedbens by anything more than a pamphlet distributed by Elizabeth Cheswick, director of the Orzic Nedbensian Intelligence Agency. Somehow, this makes us an Inoffensive Centrist Democracy. In related news, a capitol city is being built underground in another dimension because the price of council periscopes is going up due to government expansion and the arson committed against the building by Ruby Yeats shortly before proposing legalization of arson from her new fireproof jail cell and to accommodate a better giant TV for spying on people.

Headline 12/25/2014: Legalize ALL the marriages!

Yesterday, the government lifted almost all restrictions on marriages, citing that "We just don't care anymore!". After a stream of housepet marriages, Orzic Nedbens is a civil rights lovefest!

Headline 1/13/2015: Weapons! Everywhere~!

Wendy's Weapons lab planet Orzic Nedbens Barrier Islands 495009001_336 has been ransacked, resulting in terrorists gaining access to unprecedented firepower. For some reason, we are now a Left-Leaning College State. A majority of non-specialized construction has been relocated from ONBI 495009001_336 to ONBI 13371882_666, which is more fortified. ONBI 177649549511613412999_92 has been allocated to anti-terrorist operations to compensate.

Headline 5/30/2017: I Found This In The Old Office Files From Before We Moved Underground.

Wow, we forgot to update this, a lot! We're a New York Times Democracy now. Oh and we've got some cool and new underground cities. I can't believe the government forgot we had a straight pipeline to their factbooks page!




*CHAOS* News Report: CEO of Laws Incorporated uses pipe bomb in own office!

"All of Orzic Nedbens has been in an uproar since yesterday when a car exploded in the middle of Orzic Nedbens City, killing dozens and injuring hundreds. This terrorist act was traced back to a violent minority group known as the Lilliputian Freedom Fighters, a group allegedly supported by an unfriendly regime, despising Orzic Nedbens for its heathenish ways and political bent, but more particularly for supporting the recent occupation of their homeland by an ally." -The discussion opening for the Issue Hearing.

However, during the middle of negotiations, after General Pete Khan, director of the Orzic Nedbensian Intelligence Agency Elizabeth Cheswick, chairperson Jamil Hamilton of the Patriots' Tea and Biscuits Club, and Natalia Plath, a noted professor of social studies, had all placed their opinions before the legislature, it was noted that terrorist Faith Christensen, leader of the Lilliputian Freedom Fighters, was in the room.

Gregory Cows, avant garde journalist, discreetly slid a pipe bomb under the CEO's desk, which the CEO allegedly threw in Faith Christensen's face according to the security camera and transcript.

General Pete Khan has been ordered to commence invasion proceedings into Lilliput once Orzic Nedbens gets through the declaration of war, ally negotiations, and associated proceedings. Nemesis-class starships and various capitol ships and assorted military forces are being marshaled for the sake of *go go* mass deployment, in order to integrate with allied forces and occupy harder.

In a related incident, Elizabeth Cheswick was told to get back to work on spying on the enemy and Orzic Nedbens non-hivemind-integrated entities instead of Orzic Nedbens citizenry. How is she still sane after doing nothing but staring into the personal lives of eldritch abominations for a living?

Jamil Hamilton has been conferring with one of the regional councils near the metastate and regional borders in hopes of providing a localized anti-immigration law, despite the extreme dissent of Natalia Plath and Orzic Nedbens University's social studies department along with a large army of corporate lobbyists.

Gregory Cows was not arrested on account of being punched in the face by a dropped stone tablet from one of the upper balconies, incapacitating him and forcing immediate hospitalization. It is not known who is responsible, but it was apparently a rival newspaper under another regional council who lost a fact-checking lawsuit against him at some point in the past.



Orzic Nedbens Disaster Report #1: Aliens Everywhere

Elizabeth Cheswick, director of the Orzic Nedbensian Intelligence Agency, got into a scuffle today.

The entire Men In Black Regional Council, which has been declared in violation of its jurisdiction by a joint declaration by Ruling Head and the Archagent, better known as Shingyoku, over the topic of racism against aliens in open hostility to Orzic Nedbens' policy of interplanetary friendliness through *campers*, has been destroyed.

By trying to hide their existence and generally set back the technological process, they were openly condemned by Cheswick, who took matters into her own hands and brought a large number of operatives and mercenaries to storm the MIBRC fortress in the south part of eastern northwestern Orzic Nedbens' Abigail Adams mountain range.

The battle resulted in the eventual defeat of the MIBRC when Cheswick allegedly "flipped out" and delivered a "comb rave" in order to throw an entire space pirate fleet at the fortress using psionics after a prolonged firefight failed to have any serious progress. The resulting explosion of multiple nuclear reactors was enough to finish it off.

In related news, the majority of the Abigail Adams Mountains uranium mines are now even MORE irradiated than the last nuclear power plant explosion in that area a few minutes beforehand. This caused a lot of abuse of recreational drugs created by Spyrope Gadgetry in order to provide cheaper radiation shielding for robots, resulting in dozens of addicts attempting to swarm them when they were on break.

Orzic Nedbens formally expresses their condolences to the families of the robotic uranium miners, who are currently undergoing minor repairs, as do the various aliens we pointed out existed. [nation]Aeiouia[/nation] has provided medical assistance to repair the large population of uranium mining robots, thankfully.




Quotes and Summaries

The history of Orzic Nedbens militarily has been a complex and very nonsensical operation, constantly being reformed and screwed up by bureaucracies. Initially being a large delegation of Orz Nemeses backed by growing nedbenese militias, it kept getting screwed up.

Posted Image -VileRancour's depiction of an Orz Nemesis

"tl:dr this" -Archagent [REDACTED], during the Founding

The period of the Founding was primarily orchestrated by Orz forces and powers of their assistance, being piles and piles of eldritch side characters escorted by battlegroups of Nemeses and assorted hordes of nedbenkind. Not much was particularly interesting, as the hivemind-heavy builds tended to operate more like swarms of insects than any real organization at this stage.

"What?" -CEO of Laws Incorporated, during the part where everyone screwed up and it was mostly mercenary fleets

During the Capitalizt periods, many corporations seized massive powers and rights and pretty much started fleets of their own. Corporate fleets were initially mercenary security vessels before evolving towards prevalence of contractor-designed-and-built models. During this stage, the government began buying services of these more conventional star fleets as enemies began developing countermeasures to traditional Orz assimilative practices and nedbenese reality integrity spawning, resulting in the development of many of the more 'reasonable ships' as joint ventures, but they would not see widespread use until later.

"The Nemesis is the main ship of the Orzic Nedbens Starfleet, being piloted by the Orz that are a majority of our constituency. While we almost exclusively field them for standard military engagements, we do field a number of slightly less average vessels. Sometimes. Many are captured and converted, but some are obtained by standard construction or [REDACTED]. All are crewed almost exclusively and preferably completely exclusively whenever possible by the highly expendable Orz *fingers* trained in extensive combat, the (in)famous *go go*.

[REDACTED]

Our land forces consist primarily of the *go go* that make up our Space Marines. Our naval forces consist primarily of...Well, that. They're really durable spacesuits, ok? Our air forces consist of atmosphere-ready Nemesis starships and *go go*. Really, we use them for just about everything militarywise that isn't significantly better handled by someone or something else.

Special operations is so far handled by various agencies, and of course, *go go*. You saw that coming, right? Additional special forces operations not handled by *go go* are handled by the Chaosticians and Technomagi Narrators, the smartest tactical spies/scientists (some of which are actually not even working for the Intelligence Agency and Research Agency and some big corporations right now!) and most effective battlemage narratori people respectively. You DO know Weyard is a magitech region, right?

Our main forces are tied up primarily in Lilliputian space assisting with the occupation as to annoy terrorists, and at the entry we used to get here in the first place in order to keep Richard's armies away. As we are not a high-priority target to either of those groups, this leaves most planets covered by multiple starbases and a nearly limitless army of *go go* and Nemesis starships in the interest of national security. The capitol city/world has a massive artificial ring composed almost entirely of starbases duct-taped and welded together with additional structural addons and a whole lot of magic, as a result of Head Council being really bored. And possibly intoxicated.

Alright, I know it's shameful and a bad report, but I have nothing better to do during meetings today, ok?" -General Pete Khan of Orzic Nedbens Military Agency, before the Danmaku Reformation.

The pre-Reformation stage was already practically a renaissance in Orz Marine support technology, as well as a slight return to the government actually running the military and associated operations, as opposed to businesses, leading to a resurgence of orz marine bodies tasked for military purposes. Youkai and more advanced individual-level mages began being integrated for more than specialist roles as the Reformation neared and the Small War immigration burst got heavy. Showcases of the advancement during the Small War lead to the Danmaku Reformation itself, leading to the next marked phase of Orz military history.

"An Orzic Nedbensian military group of sufficient size is sort of like a marching band, but violent, and also a bullet hell game. You've got strikecraft-like fairies and magical creatures and drones and whatnot that buzz around in glass cannon patterns, while the absurdly durable ships act as long-range carriers with the big guns performance on them, boss enemies and whatever. Any force is pretty much a crazy unique big one or few, a palette of standardized mid-level ships, and then tons and tons of just spammable drone-grade strikers. The big boss comes with a pretty display of allegedly unique attack patterns and summoning the most random of junk against our foes. If you see more than a few, say, maybe ten full-blown Mary Sues in command and/or blasting positions, you're fighting a rather large combined force intent on winning this engagement, but if you're only seeing five or less people taking up all the narration or ordering ships around it's probably just a minor purpose-given or defensive force. Speaking of defensive forces, while the philosophy of Orzic Nedbens is almost overwhelmingly 'glass cannons with a few tanks in backup' when it comes to mobile forces, when it comes to entrenchment, they pull out many more stops. In fact, they often turn the tables on who's being swatted like flies, applying defensive measures that would actually pass for non-combat light wear in Aeiouia with how unrealistically fortified and trick-resistant they actually are, to the point of key systems being defended with alternative physicssets and other hellish blatant reality warping." -Admiral Eli Sister, on the state of post-Reformation forces.




*CHAOS* News Report: Zombie Infection Stuff [OLD]

*CHAOS* News Report: Zombie Infection Dealt With
All the zombies were cured in only a few hours, through liberal use of Cure Missiles. This is victory, *happy campers*. This is victory.
We did it. Yay. Return and celebrate, the war is won comrades!

-Orz High Command


---

*CHAOS* News Report: Zombie Infection at 4 Million Nigh-Instantly
The title says it all folks, the nation of Orzic Nedbens has undergone a mass infection. We are already in the process of researching a cure (and drowning the zombies with more zombies to keep them from moving around as much), so sit tight and don't get infected.
Also, don't breathe the air. Preliminary scans appear to have found an extremely high concentration of air-spreading viruses associated with symptoms of or at least spread by the infestation in addition to its fluid-based transmission, and while nanodisassembly is showing effect in swarms it is only a temporary solution to contain the infestation at the moment because of the sheer volume of it all. Don't want to get diseases while you're being eaten alive by zombies, right?

Our collective has *slid* to the *sanctuaries*, and the *research department* is on it.

Stay safe, *happy campers*.

-Orz High Command

---

We Apologize For The Inconvenience.
Due to an unrelated event in a neighboring *metastate*, public enemy Richard has somehow managed to overthrow the primes and taken the Magenta Barrier.
We can expect no help from our old allies during the zombie apocalypse and sometime further.

---

State of Emergency: Zombie Infestation 2014
As part of Our national initiatives for public safety, we request that all biological lifeforms not immune to zombie diseases retreat from major population centers to the safety of [REDACTED] and *Pretty Space* during the attack event while Jenna does...whatever she's doing. We apologize for the inconvenience. If you absolutely must go out, please avoid the infected at all costs and travel under heavy guard to minimize infection rates.
We are in the process of researching a potential cure through use of existing anti-zombie properties, immunological enhancements, and of course, the space-capable rosinvore strains of zombie in order to prevent *infection token* usage by a presumable FTL delivery similar to the Gamma Mira I event.

Unfortunately, Elysium's fleet is tied up in a long-term engagement outside former Tei Isfuriel space and we apologize for our shabby military capabilities. With the end of the drought likely in sight due to the unnatural cloud cover effect instituted by most varieties of undead, international border security will be tightened in the water conveyance.

Unfortunately, we have no way of making sure neighboring Bigtopians will be unable to cause a problem despite the Z-Day Border Closure event presumably enacted by Chmmr Archailect Program Robert Joe of Aeiouia. Our regional neighbors (with the noted exception of Daniellati) should presumably run similar protective precautions, but be safe abroad as well.

In the event of infection, please die. That's not mean, we'll get a resurrection specialist around to it eventually!

Should the cause be revealed in retrospect, we recommend immediate action on the citizen level to deal with it, including prolific use of personal weaponry if possible despite the national focus on curing the offending disease or other cause. Keeping the zombies dead and/or cured is a good idea. Do not join with them at any cost, we'll have enough problems with unwilling infections already.

In the interests of national security, this will be an extremely awkward event as it is unknown how or why Lady Jenna is not...resolving this, presumably with fire or cannibalism. Lady Mia has indicated that she may or may not blame Alex for it and favors curing but in any case is extremely drunk. The Infected Shellcores, Chmmr and robotic tanks of Aeiouia, allbreathers and hybridcores of Numbonia, or the tacoers of Darty11 have not displayed any marked immunity, especially worrying in the case of the non-carbon-based lifeforms, including the more eldritch Numbonians. This will pose a problem as if nedbens, Orz, and our native *silly cows* are incapable of resistance biologically the defenses will be useless.

However, in the event of total annihilation by zombies, the Contract will hold and Our salvation is assured. And the self-destruct devices we planted everywhere won't hurt either in taking us out once we've all fallen to the horde.

The Vulpeculae Gates will hold. Be safe, *happy campers*.

-Orz High Command

*CHAOS* Constantly Updated News Report: Random Relevant Happenings!

As a result of the absurd antics of the Aeiouniverse, we at your friendly neighborhood government-sponsored news station have decided to create a general list of happenings that would have far-reaching consequences in the interest of the News Collaborative Council.

1/12/2015: WEAPONS!

As a result of the armistice and in-progress negotiation of possible permanent peace with Richard's forces, Wilma's Weapons has created an international weapons sales division on one of the more sane Orzic Nedbens Barrier Islands planets. Diplomats who are not eldritch abominations are currently attempting to negotiate an audience with [nation]Tinfect[/nation] forces in hopes of gaining a number of exceptions in economic sanctions. A different planet has been established for antimatter research in order to open up the antimatter creatures of a small area in [nation]Numbiona[/nation] as a weapons market. [nation]Mandiblia[/nation] and [nation]Aeiouia[/nation] have also been targeted as prospective markets by a number of Orzic Nedbens businesses, and labs for creating ant-sized weapons and AI-controlled shield/repair battleships designed to resist permanent stationing inside of stars, in the event horizon of black holes, and other awkward situations that may be engineered by archailect basement universe accidents are in the process of being constructed.

1/22/2015: CANNIBALISM!

The Jennaist Communion, through people like 'To Serve Man' editor Freddy Eliot and civil rights leader May Christensen, has begun pushing pro-cannibalism legislation. Jennaists everywhere rejoice.

2/17/2015: MORE BAILOUTS!

Finance Minister Sue-Ann Nyugen has begun constructing a massive bailout plan for Nyugen Monopolies Inc.
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