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On February 24, 1984, Pitchfork Massacre hit the big screen at the Apollo Cinema in my hometown in South Carolina. The film played for one week then vanished. It has never been mentioned since… until now.

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It’s final exam time at Hillcrest College, and someone is killing the students one-by-one using the most bizarre methods imaginable. It seems the victims were all part of a treehouse club when they were kiddies, until an initiation mishap left 12-year-old initiates Carl burned beyond recognition, Amelia with total amnesia, and Boner dead – or is he? Seven years later, someone is getting revenge. One of the most remarkable aspects of Blood Test is the fact that some of its best scenes seem to have been “incorporated” into other, later and better-known slasher flicks. In one scene, several members of the college’s football team load onto a single yellow floatable mattress in the school’s Olympic-sized pool. Their float is interrupted when The Freakazoid emerges from under the water bearing a massive pair of garden shears and dispatches the entire group, slicing fingers and plunging the blade into throats. In another scene that would later be lifted elsewhere, a class goes on a tour of a nearby mine only to each be impaled on several showerheads, the water gushing out their surprised mouths creating a sort of “gore fountain”. In yet another scene that will sound familiar to slasher fans, one of Amelia’s unlucky friends goes for an ice skate in the school’s hockey rink, only to be chased across the ice by The Freakazoid wearing a hag mask and sporting a scythe. It all culminates in the lecture theatre, as Amelia is surrounded by the bodies of her dead friends, their corpses poised to write their “final exam”.

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Admirers of Pieces (1982) know you don’t have to go to Texas for a chainsaw massacre. But did you know a continuation of a certain gory campus massacre was once on tap?

Original director Juan Piquer Simón announced in 1991 that “there will be a continuation of Pieces entitled Two Pieces. This one will be much wilder then the first… so the critics can start sharpening their claws now!”

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The Spanish genre director was never given a chance to follow through with his plans.

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Jump forward to 1999 just when the internet was gaining a foothold on information distribution, but still in early enough days that it wasn’t possible to source the existence of obscure movies the way we can now. Taking text on a screen at face value was put to the test when a writer by the name of Jake Semmler wrote a retrospective/review of sLaughterhouse 2 (case-reversed S/L intended) which was published on the very-90′s website ArtyFarty Internet Arts Magazine, and included poster artwork.

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The rest of Arty Farty‘s cinema portion of its website contained reviews of films and books so nonsensical that couldn’t possibly exist. These dubious items, of which sLaughterhouse II is one, were creatively written more as satire on professional film criticism than genuine attempts to toxify truth. Semmler’s synopsis, really an outsider’s view on slasher-as-superhero fetishism and fanboy glorification of low-budget horror movies, is actually outlandishly funny and inventive.

The world wide web as a collective whole are only as intelligent as its most gullible denizens, so despite the movie’s obvious traits as vaporfilm, sLaughterhouse II over time became taken as common fact to exist in our reality – and as well, to be a lost sequel to the only real Slaughterhouse movie, even though the article, readily available up till a few years ago, clearly refers to the sequel’s predecessor as a story completely different to Roessler’s Slaughterhouse. Clearly, Semmler wasn’t even aware of the 1987 film when he wrote the satiric piece.

Milhouse

Jan 19 2015, 02:31 AM

Maniac 2 and Sleepaway Camp 4 come to mind. They were both partially filmed, but never completed.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0457055/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2222430/