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Happy Birthday Wes Craven!
Topic Started: Aug 2 2014, 04:49 AM (256 Views)
Vanessa
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Madman
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The only semi-funny thing that The Washington Fancy has ever published, in honor of Wes Craven's birthday:

Quote:
 
Americans’ anxiety has reached a fever pitch as they finds themselves only a day away from horror film director Wes Craven’s next birthday.

Craven, born on August 2, 1939, will be turning 72. Having directed numerous horror films including the Scream series, the original A Nightmare on Elm Street, and Music of the Heart, Craven has frightened audiences for decades, and time amongst the living is therefore regarded with suspicion and controversy. A recent poll commissioned by the Pew Research Center indicated only 41% of Americans support Wes Craven’s age advancement, 33% are opposed, and 18% are not sure who he is.

For many, Craven’s past is cause for concern. “It makes me very uncomfortable,” says ticket-taker Angela Huffman. “That shower scene in Last House on the Left feels like it had been shot by a dirty old man, and that was filmed almost four decades ago. I don’t want to imagine what Craven’s capable of now that he actually is a dirty old man.”

Louis Gunter, a paint-sniffer from Charleston, South Carolina, agrees. “I’m afraid of what he could come up with next. Scream 4 was just horrifically bad. The mind reels to think what could follow.” Craven is slated to direct The Ring 3D.

Some have expressed shock that society has reached such a point where it enjo. Says scatology scholar Barth Horner, “Time was when our most vicious and nasty cultural figures destroyed themselves quickly and spectacularly. G.G. Allin anyone? The director of The Hills Have Eyes is not supposed to be collecting Social Security checks.”

For his part, Craven has announced he plans on treating his family and friends to a lavish dinner for the occasion, but that after they finish eating he won’t pay the bill. “I’m not sure if I can afford it,” he says. “It shouldn’t be very surprising. It’s a very Craven thing to do.”
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DooDaDerek
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YESSS! <3 (goo)

Happy Birthday. <3
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MonkeyParadise
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Happy bday
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Gorefest180
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Hero
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Happy birthday (goo) (birthday)
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JethroClemson
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Mr. Neverdie
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Happy birthday
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Can't you see it? The effects of cinema violence on society?
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