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| Scandal rocks Retired WerePenguins | |
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| Topic Started: May 28 2012, 02:03 PM (154 Views) | |
| Retired WerePenguins | May 28 2012, 02:03 PM Post #1 |
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Professional Sushi Eater
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Elizabeth (Z) Brown resigns from the position of WA Ambassador of Retired WerePenguins DUMONT D'URVILLE, ANTARCTICA - On what was supposed to be a routine day of memorials to fallen heroes the national capitol was stunned by the sudden arrival of RTO Elizabeth (Z) Brown PFN who went straight from her military jet from the WA headquarters and straight into the office of First Navigator RWPO Sara Blonde. Ms Brown did not appear to leave the office, but she may have used a back door. Two hours later, the First Navigator emerged from her office to a mob of reporters. She appeared to be in an angry mood and only made terse comments. “Yes, I received her resignation from the position of WA delegate. Yes, she was very upset, but what about me? You don't [CENSORED] quit your post. I don't care who the [CENSORED] she was. No, I have no [CENSORED] clue who is going to be her replacement. If you have any questions, please contact the Faithful Captain's office. I'm sure Sara Black will be more than willing to do her duty and start a committee on her replacement A S A P.” EYESORE, THE PLEIADES – News reporters were buzzing with the news of a diplomatic shuttle with a former naval officer of the Tzorsland Naval WerePenguin Unit. Admiral Z, the first WerePenguin to have visited the nation since the nation left in Spindizzied cities to the Pleiades, requested to have an immediate audience with The Master which was more surprising by the immediacy at which the request was granted. The details of the meeting was, unfortunately, not revealed but a source that did not want their name reveled suggested that it involved the use of the Battlestar fleet, and perhaps the use of the Battlestar Galactica. ![]() Rumors of war have already begun to spread that the nation of 17.5 billion inhabitants might be considering an attack, if not outright genocide against a small, rather pathetic little nation of only 6 billion. Tzorsland's defense budget, a nation know for practically no income taxes whatsoever of 21 trillion was a transfinite order of magnitude above that of the so called “Empire” of Quelesh which, although cursed with a 97% tax rate, was absolutely NOTHING. |
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| Retired WerePenguins | Jun 3 2012, 03:21 PM Post #2 |
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Professional Sushi Eater
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DUMONT D'URVILLE, ANTARCTICA – The scandal of the sudden resignation of World Assembly Delegate for Retired WerePenguins continued as half of the population still didn't even know that it had happened and once told only ten percent thought it was a scandal in the first place. The Chair Officers have so far not submitted any recommendations to the Assembly of Senators for consideration. Faithful Navigator RWPO Sara Blonde gave her comments to a famous Retired WerePenguins talk show host. “The sad truth is that, thanks to people like you, everyone is now familiar with the World Assembly and how its deliberations are not only a farce but a complete waste of time. You have morons who submit the same resolution time and time again. Almost half of the delegates never even bother to enter the chambers where the debate takes place, and in spite of a resolution requiring the delegates to actually read the resolution, few actually do so.” Currently, the delegation consists of only a small staff of Adélie Penguins. While currently the WA does not consider them a sentient race and thus does not bother to maintain a proper language translation table for their language, the Chair Officers of Retired WerePenguins have always used Adélie Penguins for important secretarial tasks. They also refuse to officially comment on the reasons why they do so. So, for the time being, there is no official “voice” in the World Assembly for Retired WerePenguins, although the Adélie Penguins continue to cast the official votes accordingly. There appears to be no attempt by the administration to change this new “normal.” ![]() Imgae: Photo of Adélie Penguin staff member working with Red Hot Blonde |
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| Retired WerePenguins | Jun 8 2012, 11:11 AM Post #3 |
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Professional Sushi Eater
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“Don’t touch me!” Sweet Adélie Penguins to officially represent RWP DUMONT D’URVILLE, ANTARCTICA – Faithful Navigator RWPO Sara Blonde, shocked the nation, the world, and perhaps a small portion of the galaxy when she announced that there will be no “official” delegate representing the nation at the World Assembly and that the staff, consisting of twelve Adélie penguins, was going to run the show at the WA headquarters. When members of the press asked the faithful navigator how the small animals would be able to communicate, she pointed out that an agreement was made with the WA gnomes to translate Adélie Penguin to all necessary languages – apparently they already knew English, although they could not actually speak it. The Faithful Navigator then presented the upper staff management to the press for their first press conference. “Don’t touch me,” the small penguin began. “Hey you in the front, eyes down here. You in the back, close your mouth before you swallow a fly. For years you have been sending your finest idiots, rejects and has-beens to the Festering Snakepit to stand there and look stupid. Look, the WA isn’t warp science, we are perfectly capable of pushing the voting button and making useless speeches in a room where few of the delegates actually enter. Of course with added responsibility come added benefits, including a more open bar bill at the Stranger’s Bar. Good single malt scotch ain’t cheap you know. But it’s still a bargain compared to what your delegate costs.” The floor was opened up for questions, which resulted in an awkward moment of silence until one reporter asked if the small penguin was qualified to be in charge of an embassy, especially one so important as that of the World Assembly. “Before I was assigned to the WA, I was in charge of the Global Warming Solution Coding Project.” After a short pause, she continued, “Oh that’s right; that is classified. I keep forgetting you Were Emperors don’t have a clue who us saving the planet on a daily basis from practically everything you do. I can’t really tell you anything here, but perhaps later at the bar we can discuss things. I currently prefer a nice bottle of Highland Park Thor - 16 Year Old Single Malt Whisky. Buy and crack open a bottle and we can have a talk. It’s only 250 credits a bottle.” ![]() It was only then that the reporters realized that getting information from the WA delegation was going to be a lot more expensive than it used to be. Reporters later found out that her initial words of “Don’t’ touch me” was the standard greeting of Adélie penguins, much as “Hi” is to everyone else. There was always a suspicion that the small penguins didn’t liked being touched, as many a tourist can tell you. It was also found out that the entire delegation consisted of females. |
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| Retired WerePenguins | Jun 15 2012, 05:58 PM Post #4 |
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Professional Sushi Eater
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The “SECRET” of the Gnomes DUMONT D'URVILLE, ANTARCTICA – Things have been more than interesting since the Adélie penguins of the nation began talking. The first salvo in what appears to be a propaganda war between the penguins and the officials of the World Assembly known as “gnomes” began as the WA released a report by a tourist centuries ago about the bizarre sexual habits of Adélie penguins. The Penguins responded by releasing a formerly classified report labeled “Where Gnomes really come from.” The power point presentation was prepared by one of the penguins. (Editor's note: This is one of those times I'm really happy to be in the print media; I'm not even going to try to say that line.) “While there is some perverse pleasure from a gnome talking about the occasionally odd sexual preferences of one of the general sentient races on this planet, it really comes from an impatient impulse from an otherwise impotent species. Have you ever wondered why people used to call them 'Garden Gnomes' before the creation of the World Assembly? Because people grew them in their gardens! That is right, gnomes are grown! They are plants; sentient plants, but plants none the less. In this slide we can see one of the many Gnome Farms that exists on the other side of the world, where the Gnomes come from.” ![]() “Now you may think this is a group photo, but it is not. This is a crop of gnomes ready for the harvest, where they free the Gnomes from the soil. Gnomes reproduce by budding. It's those silly hats of theirs. They aren't really hats at all. Every so often a gnome sheds their hat and grows another one. Those hats are planted on the soil and from that hat another Gnome is born. Here we see a closeup of the field after it has been seeded with Gnome hats.” ![]() “Are there any questions?” |
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