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Retired WerePenguins Elections; The Senate goes Kaalaa
Topic Started: Nov 27 2012, 07:24 AM (143 Views)
Retired WerePenguins
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The office of Faithful Navigator of Retired WerePenguins is one of the most important positions in the entire nation. It is also one of the least democratic, elected by the Assembly of Senators. Only retired military officers (first class citizens) can vote for members in the Assembly of Senators, (however, they cannot vote for members in the Congress of the People). Moreover, there is a “chair” rotation in the executive branch where, barring exceptionally unusual circumstances, the person in a given chair is chosen from the next lowest chair. Beneath the office of Faithful Navigator is the Faithful Captain and beneath that chair is the Faithful Pilot.

It is generally assumed that the current Faithful Captain, Betty Black, will be elected to the position of Faithful Navigator. Black hails from the mysterious fourth family of WerePenguins, the Kaalaa family. This family line is known for dark skin, black hair, and the ability to become pregnant in human form.

James Blonde, the current Faithful Pilot will be elevated to the position of Faithful Captain.

This leaves the position of Faithful Pilot open. Since the general procedure is to go up the chairs every four years, the selection of the position of Faithful Pilot gets a lot of deliberation since the person elected will eventually become the most important person in the nation.

Betty Black created quite a stir recently when she suggested that the Assembly of Senators and the Executive Branch needs more members from the Kaalaa family. She did remind people that the military is being increasingly populated with members of the Kaalaa family who have become officers and who are currently retiring. This goes against the popular notions within the retired officer community that one should not vote for their senator based on their family line but purely on the merit of the retired officer in question. Some even suggested that it smacked of partisan politics, which is beneath the dignity of retired officers.

Never the less, with the recent elections, a sizeable block of new senators from the Kaalaa family have been elected. Unofficially, they have called themselves the Kaalaa Caucus. With the officer elections a week away, rumours are circulating of a Kaalaa Coup. Time will tell.
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(Dumont d’Urville, Retired WerePenguins) Elections of Executive Officers for Retired WerePenguins are normally dull, boring affairs with everyone going up the chairs and the Pilot’s position generally given to the senator who receives the recommendation of the nominating committee. As a result, few senators even bother to show up for the vote. The recently elected Kaalaa family senators all showed up in full force.

The Elections started out normal. Sara Blonde was promoted to the honorary position of Admiral without opposition. Betty Black was elected to the position of Navigator without opposition as well. Then there came a nomination from the floor for the position of Faithfull Captain. After a close election, Pilot James Blonde lost to Barry Black.

After a discussion with the Faithful Navigator Elect, James Blonde elected not to run off the floor for his former position of Pilot. However, another Kaalaa nomination from the floor led to the election of Barbara Black as Pilot. After the election, it was revealed that James Blonde was given the appointment of ambassador to the World Assembly, a position that has been vacant for years.

Because of the constitutional provision that a trustee must be a Past Faithful Navigator, there were no opposition to the election of former Admiral Robert Red to the twelve-year position of trustee.

After the election, outgoing trustee Betty Blonde broke with tradition and spoke with the press. “This is disgraceful,” she commented. “The Senate is supposed to be above partisan politics and going up the chairs is a time honored tradition going back to the first chair officers of the nation. James was entitled to the position; he had worked four years as Pilot. While he has been given another position in the administration I intend to appeal to the Supreme Court on behalf of the Blonde family line.”

Newly elected Trustee Robert Red also made a comment to the press. “We still have a diverse family background among the trustees. I will work hard with Amber Red-Blonde and Regina Brown to ensure that the constitution is strictly followed. We will remember this in four years. If they think they can get away with the tradition of going up the chairs, they won’t be able to hide behind it four years from now.”

The nominations committee, consisting of Past Faithful Navigators, Marian Red, Elizabeth Brown, and Wilhelmina Brown refused to make any comment on the matter.

Although not a retired officer, former ambassador and husband to Amber Red-Blonde, Flash Blonde remarked, “This is an absolute disgrace! Being offered the position of ambassador to the Festering Snake pit is not a viable alternative to the position of Faithful Captain. James is a nice, respectable, single … I wonder if he could use the phone number to the Thessadorian Ambassador? If you would excuse me, folks.”
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Faithful Navigator Betty Black’s First Address to the People of Retired WerePenguins

My fellow WerePenguins,

It is with great honor that I accept the nomination and election to the position of Faithful Navigator of the Nifty Fraternity of Retired WerePenguins. After serving four full years as Pilot and four full years as Navigator under Robert Red and Sara Blonde respectively, the first member of the Kaalaa family to take command of the highest position of the nation has finally taken place.

Before I outline my vision for the nation in the next two years I want to read you a quote from the official World Assembly description of our nation:

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The Nifty Fraternity of Retired WerePenguins is a gargantuan, economically powerful nation, ruled by Faithful Navigator Betty Black with a fair hand, and notable for its parental licensing program. Its hard-nosed, hard-working, intelligent population of 14.257 billion are effectively ruled by a group of massive corporations, who run for political office and provide their well-off citizens with world-class goods and services. Their poorer citizens, however, are mostly starving to death while being urged to go out and get real jobs. The populace has reasonably extensive civil rights, although these are mostly aimed at allowing them to buy whatever they like.


While I am proud that our citizens are hard working and intelligent I am not proud at the level of corporate influence in the Congress of the People. I am not proud of the many citizens starving to death. Under my administration, the Congress of the People will be reformed and we will place the welfare of all above that of corporate profits. Now, to continue with the description:

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The medium-sized government concentrates mainly on Education, although Defense and Public Transport are on the agenda. It meets every day to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Dumont D’Urville. Income tax is unheard of. A powerhouse of a private sector is led by the Book Publishing industry, followed by Information Technology and Arms Manufacturing.


I can promise you that these priorities will change over the next two years and the rich will no longer be able to avoid their national responsibility through low tax rate and exclusive loopholes. A progressive and fair tax will be implemented under my watch! Together, it is my hope that we can change our nation for the better. Let us move forward; let us progress ever upwards! Thank you.

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