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Picayune announces 2012's Man of the Year
Topic Started: Dec 15 2012, 02:08 PM (93 Views)
Kenny
King of California
Admin
[align=center]AO MAN OF THE YEAR 2012:

Posted Image
EMPEROR TREIZE DREIZEHN
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THE DOURIAN EMBASSY --- Few leaders could accomplish in six tumultuous months what Dourian President-for-Life Trey Dreizehn has managed to accomplish since rescuing his fallen nation from the NationStates Boneyard: it's been a long, hard slog, getting his recently undead nation fully operational again, he says, but if he had to do it all over again, he would.

The Dourian empire barely had time to recover after returning from its recess, before the emperor immediately directed its embassy to begin flexing all the international muscle it could muster. At the World Assembly, drafting efforts were increased, Dourian diplomats worked tirelessly to assure that proposals introduced were altered so that they didn't suck nearly as much, and eventually two Dourian-sponsored repeals came down the pike: an attempt on Organ and Blood Donations Act, which failed, and another on "Assitance" Givers Protection, which passed. Then, after a brief detour through a certain DRAMAtic archipelago where, the Yeldan Ministry of Truth assures us, NOTHING HAPPENED, Trey set his sights northward, packed a trunk bearing the legend "OSIRIS OR BUST", and sought to establish a diplomatic outpost in the relatively infant megaregion.

"It's always been fun in the Antarctic," Dreizehn recently told the Picayune. "You got your natural isolation, protection from the rest of the world, and if things get a little too crazy, you can always hide out in a secure igloo where Karmicarian girls in eskimo costumes will play out your every kinky fantasy, but it's a bit selfish, you know?

"I'm a big fan of the Palentine's Emperor Spaulding," Dreizehn continued, "and one of his famous sayings is, 'Sod this! Let's go where the action is!' So that's what I did. We can't hide our cherished beliefs in national sovereignty and more efficient, less intrusive international governance under a bushel; we have to spread the word to other people in the NS-verse, that oppression and tyranny are best meted out by individual nations, not the World Assembly!"

In that vein Treize marched right up the gates of Osiris, tore down the hieroglyphic HELP WANTED sign from the notice board and showed it to the Pharaoh. "Then I sheepishly returned the sign," Dreizehn admitted, "because it did look kinda presumptuous." But it worked. Eventually the emperor was named Vizier of WA Affairs, and the Dourians gained a powerful new base of operations for advancing their agenda in the General Assembly.

It's no picnic, Dreizehn told us, regularly negotiating WA business with some of the most influential players in the NationStates community, where even the slightest misstep can get your region invaded. "It's a dangerous way to live," he said, "but as long as people buy it, I can get the job done."

Of Trey personally, little is known, save what few precious scraps the Dourian Ministry of Information was willing to surrender in this recent propaganda piece:

Quote:
 
Name: Treize Dreizehn

Age: 37

Position: President for Life, Douria.

The history or Douria was written, produced, directed by and starring Treize Dreizehn. Christom's monarchy was weak, and only so much could be done to stop the Kharjackistani terrorist forces. After the loss of Christos to a nuclear attack, General Dreizehn knew something needed to be done. From his base of operations in Douria City, he launched the revolution that shook our great nation. In seven short hours, the Kingdom of Christom was no more, and the Empire of Douria had began.

He's brought us out of the darkness and into the light. With Kharjackistan currently under our boot heels, and the world in awe of our legislative prowess and armed forces, there is nothing we cannot accomplish under our wonderful and esteemed leader. All hail Douria! All hail Treize Dreizehn!


OTHER NOTABLE PEOPLE IN 2012:


  • Sintar Maxem, Zarquon Froods: Things have been awfully quiet in recent months for Emperor Zarquon's righthand man and shady intelligence czar, though seizing the Antarctic Oasis delegateship back in May, in the first Delegate Smackdown to be held in AO in three years, was no small feat. We imagine Maxem to be enjoying a blissful vacation this holiday season, sipping mai tais on the beach in some far-off tropical hideaway, cracking a most unnerving smile as he plots his next move in securing his Delegate votes for another term next year. Best of luck, Sintar.


  • Sammy Faisano, Omigodtheykilledkenny: If you blinked you might have missed it, but our young Sammy's fortunes took an unexpected turn this year, when President Fernanda was found drugged up in the Altani embassy with a strangled-half-to-death hooker and had to flee to Empress Jhessan's Bouncy Beach Volleyball court to avoid prosecution. Then-Vice President Faisano's accession to the presidency was quick and painless (and in true Kennyite fashion, humiliatingly chronicled on reality TV), but it did have some interesting if unintended after-effects on Faisano's sometime bride-to-be Avaya Thibaudet. Whether or not these effects were actually felt in Ardchoille, however, remains to be seen; they never tell us anything! And in yet another twist to this harrowing tale, Faisano's former deputy at the UN, Jessie McArthur, somehow bribed her way into the vice-presidency, meaning inevitably more amusing and eventful functions at Executive Mansion, and many, many more happy congressmen as McArthur "lobbies" for the administration's legislative priorities in the Kennyite Snakepit.


  • Nikolas Eberhart, Mousebumples: Like the Dourians, Mousebumples' illustrious WA ambassador was an ever-present force in the GA this year, voicing his country's strenuous opposition to Quelesh's obsessive agenda on habeas corpus and double-jeopardy, and securing the passage of an unprecedented number of resolutions by a single nation in a single year. There were nine of them in total -- including six repeals and a record six resolutions in a row passed during the month of September. Three more resolutions set out the WA's policies on biomedical advances -- rock-solid pieces of legislation, out lawyers assure us, and all prime examples of Eberhart's legislative prowess -- even if their subject matter is incredibly dull. That's the Kennyite psyche for you: if it's not about loud explosions, fast cars or busty women, they couldn't give a shit! And with diplomatic giants like Nikolas running things, who needs 'em?


  • Jhessan Spaulding, The Palentine: While flattening her opponents in the wrestling arena may be Jhessan's preferred method for dealing with political adversaries, she's proven not to be above a little palace intrigue to sort matters either. And so it was last year, when in one fell swoop Jhessan screwed over all of her resentful half-siblings' ambitions to the throne by ordering two ready-made direct heirs through her country's innovative new test-tube fertility clinic. The resulting twins -- whose paternal origins remain a closely guarded palace secret *cough*Tehrani*cough* -- celebrated their first birthday this year, sapping even more attention from their envious aunts and uncles. But Jhessan has little time to worry over what impact her children's good fortune might have on her family, as she preps to host another season of her hit reality series, "Who Wants to Marry an Empress?", poised to premiere in January. And with the Delegateship of Antarctic Oasis itself at stake this time around, 2013 is already shaping up to be a banner year for Jhessan as well.
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