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| Coughs end budding young assemblyman's career | |
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| Topic Started: Feb 15 2013, 05:56 PM (163 Views) | |
| Kenny | Feb 15 2013, 05:56 PM Post #1 |
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King of California
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Alas, young Sheker...we hardly knew ye! PARADISE CITY --- Liberal Assemblyman Hal Sheker barely knew what hit him Tuesday night when a dust particle inadvertently flew up his nose during a nationally televised speech. Hours later, his political career lay in shambles. Sheker, a formerly promising up-and-comer in the Liberal Party and half-brother of Altani politician Armen Sheker, was in the process of delivering his party's response to President Sammy Faisano's State of the Union address when the tragic incident unfolded. "While we are all grateful that President Faisano was willing to take up the reins of government during an unfortunate and tumultuous time for our country, his insistence on continuing the Fernanda Administration's heartless and destructive policies would mean more troubled times ahead for the least fortunate in our society," Sheker said during his speech, before pausing a moment to cough twice into his hand. "Excuse me," he uttered, and quickly moved on. But the damage had already been done. Instantly social media were ablaze with poorly informed commentary from Internet jackasses who think they know politics just because they are in on snarky political memes. Cable news blowhards quickly chimed in as soon as the response speech was over, professing bafflement at Sheker's "bizarre" coughing episode that lasted all of two seconds. The mocking ensued from Omigodtheykilledkenny's insufferable talking heads, some questioning whether Sheker's infant career was over. Ann Coulter piled on with an acidic suggestion that Sheker be put on a breathing machine, "if he cannot figure out the simple mechanics of breathing on his own." One Conservative lawmaker on Fox News laughed so hard over the incident he actually had a heart attack on live television. (Incidentally, no one questioned whether his career was over.) Then came the terrible puns from tabloid headline writers. "COUGH-GATE," declared the Paradise City Telegram. "KILLER COUGH?" demanded the Thoringrad Pony Express. "POLITICAL 'HACK'," taunted the San Andreas Carrier Pigeon. "HACK ATTACK," the Colorado City Town Drunk called it. Even Frowning Street joined in, with Faisano political adviser Sal Clement sending Sheker a month's supply of Hall's, with a handwritten invitation to "put one of these in your mouth and suck on it!" before his next TV appearance. Sheker's coughing episode likely came as a welcome distraction for Frowning Street, still reeling from the recent scandal surrounding Faisano's succession to the presidency following Manuelo Fernanda's "flight of shame" to Jhessan's bouncy beach volleyball court. Hacked emails suggest that Frowning Street officials floated the possibility of a Supreme Court nod for Judge Sandy Schweitzer if she used her influence in the federal judiciary to have Faisano legally declared president. The possibility of a Kennyite coup sent shockwaves through the Antarctic Oasis sphere of influence. Douria's Treize Dreizehn actually sent Faisano a wreath of flowers with "warm congratulations" for his "Machiavellian feat" in usurping Kennyite democracy. Other WA colleagues simply rolled their eyes, muttering "Stupid Kennyites!" Palentine Empress Jhessan Spaulding threatened to visit Paradise City soon "to kick Sammy Faisano's ass all over the Green Zone" -- although we're not sure the empress was specifically responding to the "coup" when she said that. Those calling for Faisano's ouster included the president's ex-fiancee, Ardchoillean foreign minister Avaya Thibaudet, who recently told WA reporters: "Sammy Faisano may be a deadbeat, a womanizer, a liar, a jerk, and a sorry excuse for a man, but that doesn't mean he should be sentenced to rule over that awful country he lives in. No one deserves that!" She added, "As Sammy's friend, I urge the Kennyite people to immediately impeach and remove him from office." [align=center] ![]() President Faisano (left) and a staffer share a laugh over Sheker's coughing gaffe.[/align] |
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11:35 AM Jul 11