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| Scandals Rock the Chair Officers | |
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| Topic Started: Jul 26 2013, 11:58 AM (203 Views) | |
| Retired WerePenguins | Jul 26 2013, 11:58 AM Post #1 |
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Professional Sushi Eater
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Scandals Rock the Chair Officers – Faithful Navigator’s Abortion Sparks Calls for Reform DUMONT D’URVILE – There has been an uneasy truce between the current Faithful Navigator of Retired WerePenguins and the Past Faithful Navigators ever since a group of Past Faithful Navigators went behind the back of Faithful Navigator Betty Black to secure the delegate’s position of the Antarctic Oasis Region. But things came to a boil the other day when a rumor began to circulate that Faithful Navigator Betty Black, who is not married, had an abortion at the city hospital. Standing next to Past Faithful Navigators, Elizabeth Brown, Marian Red, Betty Blonde, and Robert Red, Amber Red-Blonde took to the podium at a press conference to denounce the current state of Retired WerePenguins abortion laws. “This is a clear example of how our current lenient abortion laws allow the killing of a person not yet born because of ‘convenience.’ I understand that we are members in the World Assembly, and must permit abortions under certain conditions, but we do not have to go above and beyond in this barbaric practice of the killing of untold innocents. Under the resolutions in the WA we are required to allow abortions for three conditions only; in cases of rape, in cases where the fetus has a fatal or exceptionally painful condition, and in cases where the continuance of the pregnancy would cause death or the severe disability to the mother. I call upon the Congress of the People to draft legislation restricting this barbaric practice to the minimum of what is permitted under the WA and as Trustee, I will coordinate the trustees in an investigation to ensure that no government monies were used in the procurement of this abortion for convenience.” Faithful Navigator Betty Black’s response was swift and pointed. “How dare that egg layer tell me how I should handle my life,” she shot back to reporters looking for a comment about Amber Red-Blonde’s response. “Those Blondes, Browns and Reds; they lay an egg, hand it over to their husbands and then think they have a right to any say in how women who, you know, actually get, pregnant, should handle their situation? We Blacks are the only ones who get pregnant in human form and I’ll be damned if we would permit any egg layer to tell me what I should do with my uterus. As to the rude comments made by some of the Past Faithful Navigators about my marital status, I would remind the press of their recent attempt to go behind my back and act as penguin porn sluts to the Kenities in order to pimp our nation to the position of regional delegate. If they really want to know who the father wasn’t, and he wasn’t because I eliminated that blob of cells before it was ever born, they might be better off asking their husbands, perhaps. That’s all I am going to say on the matter.” It is not clear at this time, how the Assembly of Senators will react to the current shouting match between the Chair Officers and the Former Faithful Navigators. The assembly is still roughly divided among the four families and while partisan politics is prohibited from the assembly, a growing divide is occurring between the members of the Black family and the other three families. There is even talk that she might be denied a fourth term in office. |
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| Retired WerePenguins | Aug 9 2013, 07:04 AM Post #2 |
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Professional Sushi Eater
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More Scandals Rock the Chair Officers DUMONT D’URVILLE – The scandals against the Chris Officers seem to multiply like rabbits as it was revealed that the scandal of the deliberate targeting of Green Tea Party Organizations (GTPO) was went as high as the Chair Officers themselves, although Faithful Navigator Betty Black is not currently implicated, yet. The scandal involves the denial of organizations for non profit tax exempt status merely because they have the words “Green Tea Party” in their names. ![]() Rouge Red Brown, leader of the “Sexy Sushi Party” called for an investigation by the Aseembly of Senators. “There was a time many years ago when the ‘Green Tea’ was an actual political party, but when they merged with the Sexy Sushi party the name was officially dropped. Today the various Green Tea Parties are non political organizations where people gather, discuss topics of the day, drink a lot of green tea and wish each other a very happy unbirthday. Yes, they have been very supportive of the issues of the Sexy Sushi Party, but they are not political parties.” Rouge Red Brown continued, “While I have never been in the military, although my husband was an officer, everyone is aware of the tradition of the retired officers, and by extension the Assembly of Senators and the Chair Officers not to engage in ‘partisan’ politics in any manner whatsoever. By blatantly pushing the ministry of tax revenue to selectively punish groups based on their political persuasion, the Chair Officers have blatantly violated their own oath as members of the Retired Officers Assembly. I urge the entire slate of Chair Officers to step down immediately.” Faithful Navigator Betty Black’s response was swift and pointed. “I believe our administration has a lot more important things to worry about than these phony scandals dished up by disgruntled members of a frustrated minority. These allegations are false and are clearly the allegations of conspiracy theorists. Next question?” Time will only tell when the “Next question” will equally be evaded by the Navigator. |
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| Retired WerePenguins | Aug 14 2013, 01:17 PM Post #3 |
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Professional Sushi Eater
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Massive Turnout Changes Assembly of Senators - Threatens Chair Officers DUMONT D’URVILLE – Turnout at various local Assemblies of Retired Officers was the greatest it has been in decades with many local assemblies reporting 75% or more of their membership attending. The matter at hand was the selection of delegate to the national Assembly of Senators. While the meetings themselves were closed to the public, rumors had it that there were strong arguments, especially in those assemblies that had supported representatives from the Black Family. One thing is clear, however. As a result of the local elections there are no members of the Assembly of Senators who are from the Black Family, with the exception of the current members of the Chair Officers who do not have to seek election in their local assemblies. It is not clear whether they will continue the tradition of allowing the current Faithful Navigator her fourth year in office, when the Assembly of Senators meets next year and holds elections, or whether the other Chair Officers will advance, hold their current positions, or lose them entirely. Betty Black’s first year election as Faithful Navigator shocked the Assembly when, both Captain and Pilot ran from the floor. Faithful Navigator Betty Black could not be reached for comment as she was currently vacationing in Blue Booted Bobbies. Faithful Captain Barry Black was cornered on the street and gave only a terse comment. “Look man,” he replied. “I only took the position because Betty Black asked me. I was the one who fought to make sure that James Blonde got the position as our representative in the World Assembly, so don’t be looking down on me, man. If he wants to become Navigator, more power to him.” |
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| Retired WerePenguins | Sep 30 2013, 06:13 PM Post #4 |
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Professional Sushi Eater
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A Crisis Averted – Chair Officer Elections DUMONT D’URVILLE – The Assembly of Senators is one of the few deliberative bodies that is completely closed to the public. It was widely assumed that given the lack of members from the Black family that the current slate of officers would have problems retaining their positions. It was a surprise when the meeting adjourned early for the press conference to announce the chair officers for the next year. The announcement was made by the Faithful Scribe of the Assembly of Senators. “The Assembly of Senators is pleased to announce that Betty Black will continue onto her fourth and final term as Faithful Navigator. James Blonde has been elected as Faithful Captain. Barbara Black will continue onto her fourth and final term as Faithful Pilot.” Betty Black made a brief remark. “The Assembly of Senators have made their will be known. I respect the decision of the assembly and I appreciate their desire to hold fast to traditions.” James Blonde remarks gave some insight into the proceedings. “Tradition is a strong motivation in the Assembly of Senators. We have a strong tradition of serving four one year terms and it takes a very serious offence to change that. We also have a strong tradition of going ‘up the chairs’ and the election three years ago of Barry Black into the position of Captain, jumping the chairs as it were was something the Senators took very seriously. I have recommended that the Faithful Navigator appoint Barry Black to the position of Delegate, which I am now vacating. This is very amenable to Barry Black who has a great talent for consensus building. I look forward to taking the position of Faithful Navigator next year, assuming that the Assembly of Senators continues the tradition of electing people ‘up the chairs.’” Barbara Black remarks seemed to be mostly to herself, “Let’s see. I have to get a new name badge for James, and the officer’s ribbons need pressing. Invitations will all be sent out to the press for the Installation of officers aboard the RWP Enterprise. I’ll also have the Journal ad forms as well. You don’t have to be a retired officer to attend, but all retired officers are required to wear full dress uniforms.” |
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| Retired WerePenguins | Jan 13 2014, 09:13 AM Post #5 |
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Professional Sushi Eater
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Media complains about the lack of scandals DUMONT D’URVILLE – Ever since James Blonde officially took the position of Faithful Navigator, the steady supply of scandals that rocked the Chair Officers on a nearly weekly basis stopped completely. The situation was so bad that the biggest headline of the inauguration was the mistake of using the middle name of Barbara Amisha Black for the position of Faithful Captain. (Faithful Pilot William James Red Brown has officially stated it will be corrected “soon.”) Betty Black moved into the position of Faithful Admiral, a position of little power, but a prerequisite to becoming a Faithful Trustee in charge of the Office of Management and Budget for Retired WerePenguins. The major chair officers consist of Faithful Navigator James Blonde, Faithful Captain Barbara Amisha Black, and Faithful Pilot William James Red. Controversy was even absent in the House of Representatives where Speaker of the House, for the Summer Session, Rogue Red Brown (Sexy Sushi Party) announced yet another tax break. That break was short lived as the house then voted the next week for a tax increase to pay for additional military spending. Reporters are hoping that a scandal will develop and quickly, but it appears that a lack of controversy is sweeping the entire region. Shares of the major networks have fallen 10% on this lack of news. |
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