WELCOME TO AO, MORTAL!! ![]() You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free. Join our community! If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features: |
| I'd like to open the Thessadorian Ambassador's borders...; if ya know what I mean. | |
|---|---|
| Topic Started: Jul 26 2013, 03:39 PM (114 Views) | |
| Kenny | Jul 26 2013, 03:39 PM Post #1 |
|
King of California
![]()
|
Conservative 'immigration reform' bill causes stir in snakepit PARADISE CITY --- Members of the God-fearing Freedom-loving Conservative Patriot Party in the Federal Senate are pushing for new restrictions on issuing foreign visas, in a bill that Senate Liberals and immigration activists have blasted as prejudicial and discriminatory toward certain groups -- though not the groups one might think. Conservatives want to give the State Department wider authority to bar high-profile figures from other countries from entering the Federal Republic. "It's just like what they do in Britain and Canada, when they ban annoying loudmouth talk-show hosts and commentators from visiting their countries," explained Sen. Ricardo Nubio, C-Fleurdelisia, a chief sponsor of the legislation. "Only this law would have farther-reaching implications, to target people from all across the entertainment industry, including all those revolting 'pop stars' who brainwash our young people and give all the rest of us migraines with their 'music.'" But Senate Liberals charge that the new restrictions would serve no other purpose than to curtail free expression. "Boy groups and pop singers may not be everyone's cup of tea, but for God's sake that's no reason to ban them from the country!" said Sen. Kay Billie Huffington, L-Kennsylvania. "If we were going after bombastic and demagogic commentators, like they do in the Commonwealth, that would be a different story. Corking that vampiric fascist mega-slut Ann Coulter's piehole, for example -- that I could get behind! Pulling the plug on Katy Perry? Eh, not so much." Supporters of the bill say that it's not so much the music that offends them, it's the behavior of its purveyors, perhaps most notoriously Palentine import Dustin Beaver, who was recently captured on a cell-phone cam pissing drunkenly into a potted plant and shouting "F#@% Manuelo Fernanda!" "That little punk is a guest in this country!" railed Nubio. "How dare he piss all over our values and defame our venerated leaders!...Erm, OK, so maybe he was just restating what many bimbos in this country have done with Fernanda, but still. Also, what's with that kid speaking ebonics all the time and dressing up like a thug? Does he even realize he's white?" (The Palentine, for their part, deny that Beaver even exists. "All our pop stars are cute young Japanese women. That's the law!" insisted Empress Jhessan. "Although I definitely agree with the 'f#@% Manuelo' part. I already had some for breakfast, but maybe I can skip out for an early lunch?") Opponents of the measure fear that it could actually have broader effects than simply keeping irritating pop-culture influences out. They take especial exception to one particular provision buried within the text: "Those to whom said restrictions on entry to the Federal Republic shall apply include, but are not limited to: a) blond, angelic-looking boysingers whose repertoire consists mainly of singing the word 'baby' over and over again until listeners want to crush their MP3 players into the wall, or otherwise commit violent acts against themselves; 'bands' consisting of four or more young men but no instruments (or containing instruments but no discernible talent), even if one of the members seems kind of cool because he's so prolific in scoring with his friends' moms, or who leads a deliciously ironic lifestyle alternating posting reverent Muslim prayers on his Twitter feed and banging out horny young fangirls on tour; c) smug, insufferable British commentators previously known for editing ethically challenged tabloids and judging reality TV competitions, but who now spend most of their airtime delivering condescending lectures on everything that's wrong with our country, chiefly gun culture and race relations; d) wholesome yet homely Scottish singers who can belt out Broadway standards convincingly enough, but who suffer nervous breakdowns every other week; e) anyone bearing even a faint resemblance to Dr. Benjamin Castro.""Personally, I favor the provisions forcing Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes into emergency 'preemptive' rehab programs the moment they check in at customs, and mandating that Miley Cyrus take regular classes at charm and beauty school so she'll stop dressing and acting like a drugged-up whore," observed Huffington. "Those are actually quite prudent and necessary measures in the interest of public safety -- but to add on such a hefty restrictions clause listing all the kinds of people who should be targeted for extra scrutiny just takes it a step too far." The Faisano administration has yet to take a stance on the controversial bill, but Senate leaders have reportedly been warned not to expect much public support, and with congressional elections just around the corner, critics detect another motive behind the bill's introduction. "Obviously this is about stoking voters' fears of foreigners destroying their way of life just in time for midterm balloting," charged Senate President pro tempore Sherman Grassley, L-Lubberland. "If they think they're going to win back the Senate this way, they got another think coming." |
![]() |
|
|
|
| « Previous Topic · Polar Picayune · Next Topic » |

WELCOME TO AO, MORTAL!! 

'bands' consisting of four or more young men but no instruments (or containing instruments but no discernible talent), even if one of the members seems kind of cool because he's so prolific in scoring with his friends' moms, or who leads a deliciously ironic lifestyle alternating posting reverent Muslim prayers on his Twitter feed and banging out horny young fangirls on tour; c) smug, insufferable British commentators previously known for editing ethically challenged tabloids and judging reality TV competitions, but who now spend most of their airtime delivering condescending lectures on everything that's wrong with our country, chiefly gun culture and race relations; d) wholesome yet homely Scottish singers who can belt out Broadway standards convincingly enough, but who suffer nervous breakdowns every other week; e) anyone bearing even a faint resemblance to Dr. Benjamin Castro."




11:35 AM Jul 11