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Antigone Morgan announces run for Region Delegate
Topic Started: Feb 6 2014, 08:23 PM (234 Views)
Kenny
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'I'm back, bitches!'[/align]
PARADISE CITY --- It looks like Antigone Morgan isn't done with politics after all.

Despite her insistence she would never seek office again after declining a second term as Omigodtheykilledkenny's vice president four years ago, Morgan is poised to jump right back into the rough-and-tumble of Kennyite and regional politics this year as she vies for the delegateship of Antarctic Oasis. No word yet on what form the contest would take, or when it will take place, though Kennyite Undersecretary for Regional Affairs Terry Puni promises to make an announcement "soon."

"I am proud to represent my country and my people once again in a thoughtful and intelligent discussion on who best to speak for the region at the World Assembly," Morgan intoned at a rally Thursday outside her home in the nation's capital. "And I'm fully prepared to kick as many idiots in the nuts and/or defenestrate as many morons as are needed to get my point across!" she added, to cheers from a crowd of about 500 supporters.

Her platform will include a campaign to "crush the anti-circumcision insurgency underfoot once and for all," so that "we never have to hear those insecure little boys gripe about their tiny, shriveled, mutilated junk ever again," she said, as well as a renewed push for a religious liberty convention at the General Assembly.

"The disgusting, arrogant, bigoted remarks from coming out of WA Headquarters of late have convinced me that international protections for people to worship and practice their faith according to the dictates of their own conscience is long past due," Morgan declared.

As for her presumed opponent in the race, incumbent Delegate James Blonde, Morgan promised "a world of pain," and a sumptuous penguin roast afterward.

This is not the first time Morgan has competed on the regional stage. She ran for vice delegate in 2008 along with runningmate Horatio Sulla of The Palentine, though her campaign was plagued by various gaffes and missteps, including a scandal involving alleged bribery of teenaged male voters in Cottia with beer and porno, a phony spoiler candidate going by the reputed name "Jack Mehoff," and Morgan's inexplicable, effusive praise for an Altani colonial revolution she had once threatened to crush militarily while it was unfolding.

Morgan had no comment on her past electoral scandals, but she did get a tremendous boost for her run, as President Faisano -- who years ago served as her faithful houseboy -- was on hand Thursday to offer his endorsement for her campaign.

"I can think of no better person to represent our region's interests in the World Assembly than my good friend and mentor, Antigone Morgan," Faisano hailed, "with the possible exception of Nuck Chorris of Gruenberg -- that guy just kicks ass!"

But as with any deal in Kennyite politics, Faisano's support came at a price, as Morgan was oddly compelled during her remarks to refute charges by the president's ex-fiancee, Avaya Thibaudet, in her scandalous tell-all book, I Married a Dud (or at Least I Would Have, If the Bastard Ever Agreed on a Date!), that Faisano was "selfish and disturbingly freakish" in bed, and "prone to strange and bizarre sexual habits."

"I've known Sammy for a very long time," Morgan recalled, "and I must confess, we did fool around a few times while he was working for me, and even though it was strictly no-strings-attached, he was as sweet and caring as any girl could ask for. And he never once asked me to play out some off-the-wall erotic fantasy involving Frodo and the Elf-Witch from Lord of the Rings! That's just bogus."

Faisano's endorsement is by no means a small or insignificant get, but it is the lone endorsement thus far for Morgan's candidacy. The former vice president's staff has confirmed that the she will be reaching out to other former allies for support in the coming days, including Amb. Moltan Bausch of Gruenberg, Sen. Horatio Sulla of the Palentine, and Emperor Dirge of Yelda.

Additionally, OMGTKK's ex-VP and current "international goodwill ambassador" is sure to face many difficult questions as her campaign progresses, like whether her bold admission to sexual dalliances with a former employee will prompt other male staffers to come forward with accusations of misconduct, whether Gloria Allred will represent all of them -- and if she would even have the time, given all the disgruntled female ex-staffers of Manuelo Fernanda she's already representing -- on top of other unanswered questions regarding Morgan's political career, such as exactly how many burnings of heathens did she attend while dating Amb. Bausch, anyway; how much "good will" she has actually been able to foster abroad, given the many catty remarks about world leaders she was overheard uttering over a hot mike; and just how much of a liability she was to Sen. Sulla during her arguably disastrous run for vice delegate.

But those looming questions were far from Morgan's mind as she kicked off her much-anticipated run for delegate Thursday, in what is sure to be a dramatic and exciting Regional Delegate Smackdown.
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Retired WerePenguins
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From the Desk of the Regional Representative of the Antarctic Oasis:

To Antigone Morgan:

Pleased to be knowing that you are throwing your (whatever it is you are throwing) into the ring for the position of Regional Delegate to our beloved region. You appear to be misinformed about current events. James Blonde became the Faithful Navigator to Retired WerePenguins, and I have been appointed the delegate to fill out the remainder of his term.

It is nice to see your renewed interest in international affairs. Perhaps this is due to your coming in dead last in the regional poll on who had the biggest rack. You really should not become so offended by your lack of victory in this area. I’m sure many people appreciate you for your mind, you know, that thing that is located inside your head. You really have a good head ... on your shoulders.

I was talking about you over the phone to my wife the other day. Her first words about you were un-publishable. She did mention at several times your national origin, in a not so flattering way, and the point that your only real position of note was Vice President. I pointed out to her that from all reports, you were exceptionally expert on Vice and she did agree with me on that point.

Speaking of Faithful Navigator James Blonde, I don’t believe you ever sent back a reply for his Robbie Burns Hot Tub and Single Malt Scotch Party. Do not worry, neither Her Hottness nor the Tessadorian Ambassador sent back replies either. I keep telling him, “You can’t expect the women to run to you when you are single. Get married first and then they will all appear at your door.”

I look forward to the upcoming delegate contest, considering how wonderful the last contest went for delegate last year with now Faithful Navigator James Blonde winning because of a strong sexual diplomatic mission by the Past Faithful Navigators. Keep in mind that James Blonde would not object to a counter diplomatic mission this year, but you will have to lead the delegation personally. I’m sure you can find your way to the Chair Officer’s Official Hot Tub.

Sincerely (sick and tired of having to listen to the manure they spread in the WA),
Barry Black, Regional Delegate of the Antarctic Oasis Region
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(AP)The 'Burgh: Her Imperial Hottness has weighed in on Antigone Morgan's prosepective run for the Delegacy of the AO. It happened during her weekly press conference.....<run transcript>

Empress Jhessan:"....furthermore, there is no truth to the scurlious rumor that my father was kidnapped by Bat-boy. Thats all I will say to you naysaying nabobs of negitivism on that subject. Next question.

Reporter for the Daily Flatulent:"Your Hottness, Do you have any comment about former Kennyite VP Antigone Morgan's announcement that she is running for Regional Delegate?"

Empress:"Well it is good to see that she's ending her gawd-awful reality show How to skank your way across the AO ...I mean her One Rogue Nation show. I suppose as a woman I'm happy to see a fellow woman run for the office, and at least she didn't announce that she was making another movie.<shudder>"

P-Span Reporter:"Your Hottness. Its rumored that she'll be asking for the support of former associates like Sen. Horatio Sulla. What do you have to say to those rumors?"

Empress: "As I've stated before, she'll need all the support she can get. Her goods will be in her lap by the time she hits 50.<laughter from the Empress and the press> Besides it ought to keep that old drunken reprobate out of trouble and away from catgirls or the Thessadorian Ambassador....at least temporarly."

P-Span reporter:"Follow up question, Your Hottness. Do you have any advice for VP Morgan should she actually win the delegacy?"

Empress: "Yes.<the Empress turns and looks into the camera>Antigone,stay away from the 18th Floor's Womens Bathroom. That's my 'consultation' space. Find another one for yourself, you <explitive deleted>!"

...<end transcript>

There you have it gentle readers. It seems the old feuds and catty claws will be on full display, thus making one fine and entertaining delegate contest.
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Kenny
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Sources: Morgan making more enemies than friends in quest for power

PARADISE CITY --- It appears there may be limits to Antigone Morgan's charms.

The former Kennyite Vice President is reportedly reeling from a lack of international support in her bid for Regional Delegate, and recent attempts to buck the trend and land crucial endorsements appear to be faltering, according to sources in Morgan's campaign.

Meanwhile, the State Department's Office for Regional Affairs has released critical details about the next Delegate Competition and what contenders must do if they want to seize the open delegate slot in Antarctic Oasis.

In honor of local pirate haven Bloodstone Kay's elevation to Delegate this year, the next contest will be a treasure hunt, said Terry Puni, undersecretary for regional affairs, adding that regional authorities were already starting to hide said treasure in nations across the Antarctic and its sphere of influence.

Nations will be able to guide contestants to the prize in exchange for a song and dance -- whether literal of figurative, and preferably something relating to WA affairs -- or just leave the treasure-hunters to find the booty on their own.

Puni would not say exactly what the treasure was, but did offer a hint: Murray the Evil Skull.

As it turned out, the Office for Regional Affairs would be the staging area for one of Morgan's first campaign blunders. That was where she applied to open an exploratory committee last month -- only to be told by Puni that there were several parts of her that he wouldn't mind "exploring" (if ya know what we mean) -- and duly punched Puni in the jaw for his troubles.

Morgan tried smoothing things over the next day with the obligatory delivery of hookers and hard liquor, but by then it was too late: Morgan's current occupation will apparently be listed on the ballot as "Frigid Bitch."

And that was by no means the end of the ex-veep's troubles, as she soon discovered that her antics on her reality show, "How to Skank Your Way across the AO"-- er, "Antigone Morgan's Antarctica," had alienated many potential supporters across the region. Yelda's Emperor Dirge was one such potential, but when asked over the phone last week refused to say anything for at least a minute, according to Morgan campaign staffers, then said uhhh, he didn't know; he wanted to see who else was running first. Then, the staffers claim, he rapped the underside of his desk and pretended it was someone at the door, said to hold on while he got rid of them -- and never came back.

Gruenberg's Moltan Bausch -- who used to do the vice president -- was considered another definite yes, but after the sultanate abruptly pulled out of the region, he strangely hasn't been heard from since. Even the Gruenberger government can't say for certain what became of him, said a source inside the State Department.

Campaign officials were also considering approaching Iron Felix for a nod, according to staffers. Even though the infamous "crazedbolsheviczombie" had run against Morgan during the 2008 race for delegate, the campaign was sure they'd at least get a polite "we'll think about it" from him. But then they heard rumors that Felix was considering running again for the position himself, and that idea went down the drain.

The Palentine's Senator Horatio Sulla refused even to respond to overtures from Morgan, leading campaign staffers to fear relations with him had soured as well -- until they found out he'd had just a little too much Wild Turkey to take the edge off during the last shitstorm of a WA debate -- we think it had something to do with deforestation -- and hadn't finished sleeping it off. He's still down as a "maybe."

Omigodtheykilledkenny's regional representative, Lenny Beteta, did say yes -- in exchange for a quick blow. Morgan acquiesced ("like the preening little harlot that she is," said radio talk host Sandy Schweitzer); he has been providing sexual favors for her over the years for letting him crash at her place, after all. But afterward, to the VP's dismay, Beteta only said he'd "get back to her."

Morgan also reportedly contacted disgraced and exiled ex-President Manuelo Fernanda personally, but only to get his assurances that he would NOT support her bid for delegate. When he refused, just to yank her chain, she immediately relayed word to Fernanda's hostess and "friend with benefits" Palentine Empress Jhessan, that Fernanda was about to declare Morgan's the "best rack in the region," surpassing even Jhessan's fabled goods -- prompting the empress to angrily declare an "emergency summit" with Fernanda that evening.

"I'll work on him all night if I have to," she reportedly said whilst checking herself out in the 18th floor women's bathroom mirror.

As for Morgan's only other prominent endorser, President Faisano, he did sign on early in the campaign, but has since sought to distance himself from her since his own campaign for re-election switched into high gear. "Last night was great and everything," Faisano reputedly told her over the phone, "but you know, I got all this shit to do with my campaign, and I can't get tied down right now. But you're still my #1 girl...right?"

Besides Felix, Morgan is also expected to face off against the current delegate, Bloodstone Kay's Duke Sulin Solibu IV.
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