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| Faithful Navigator to WA, “Hell no, we will go!”; Retired WerePenguins quits the WA | |
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| Topic Started: Feb 28 2014, 10:12 AM (68 Views) | |
| Retired WerePenguins | Feb 28 2014, 10:12 AM Post #1 |
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Professional Sushi Eater
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Faithful Navigator to World Assembly, “Hell no, we will most definitely go!” DUMONT D’URVILE – In a surprise move today Faithful Navigator James Blonde announced that the Nifty Fraternity of Retired WerePenguins would resign from the World Assembly and the delegate position of the Antarctic Oasis Region effectively immediately, if not sooner. Faithful Navigator James Blonde also reported that the budget for delegate Barry Black would be cut immediately and he would be recalled to Retired WerePenguins. “However, as of this moment,” the Faithful Navigator replied, “the official bar tab in the World Assembly Stranger’s Bar is closed; paid in full.” Reaction to the news was swift. Faithful Captain, Barbara Amisha Black replied, “Wait a second? We paid the Stranger’s Bar tab in full? Why would anyone want to do that? I mean we’re leaving the World Assembly and everyone knows that the WA has no authority outside the WA. It’s not like they would have attempted to collect the money. We should have bought drinks for everyone and then snuck out the back door. Damn fiscal responsibility! That’s what happens when you let a Blonde run the country!” There have been constant reports that the real motivation for the sudden resignation from the World Assembly was not because of the “Reproductive Freedoms” resolution currently up for debate on the General Assembly floor but the fact that the Faithful Navigator’s sex life has stagnated lately. The Faithful Navigator denies such allegations but added, “On the other hand, I suppose I was guilty of reading too much pulp fiction novels, especially about that ‘President Kennedy’ getting all those movie actresses like Marylyn Monroe to his secret bedroom. So I’m kind of annoyed that no one is flocking to the Chair Officer’s official Hot Tub. Barry Black keeps saying that was because in the novel the President was married and I’m single and no one wants to get involved in a perfectly normal relationship these days. I was so depressed at one point I actually thought a Kennyite was hot … yes that one … we all know that one. But that had no effect on the decision to resign from the WA. None!” Faithful Navigator James Blonde insisted that the nation is not going to change their current laws on abortions, designed from the WA General Assembly’s resolution “On Abortion.” “Abortion will still be available in Retired Werepenguins under the conditions listed in the resolution that was adopted by the WA and approved by the nation. Such abortions will be safe, staffed by knowledgeable people and will be done in such a manner so as to ensure that the pre-born does not experience a painful death. We firmly believe that the mention of the ability of the World Assembly to legalize, along with other member states, other specific conditions for abortions as a blanket excuse to make the resolution redundant by legalizing abortion for any reason whatsoever and to allow any idiot who fancies himself a doctor from performing dangerous surgical procedures on unsuspecting women.” Reports indicate that once Barry Black returns to Retired WerePenguins he will be immediately board a starship for The Pleiades where a meeting of the representatives of the Tzorsland Puppet Confederation will be held to determine the Confederation’s options to the resignation of Retired WerePenguins. Under the terms of the Confederation treaty, no more than one member of the Confederation may be in the World Assembly at the same time, although nothing technically prohibits none of the nations from being in the World Assembly. Representatives from Frustrated Franciscans and Blue Booted Bobbies declined to comment with the exception that both members stated that they were “required” to attend. The only one interested was the representative from “A Running Man” who was carrying a large twelve foot sharpened pencil. Tzorsland security finally insisted that he had to check his pencil in as regular and not as carry on luggage. |
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11:35 AM Jul 11