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His Dooziness is Missing?
Topic Started: Mar 4 2014, 11:25 AM (89 Views)
The Palentine
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The thinking man's pervert
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Have you seen this man?

AP(The 'Burgh) After weeks of rumors. THe Imperial Family and Palace has finally admitted that His Dooziness, Emperor Captain Spaulding I is missing. The rumors began when the beloved Emperor had not been seen at his golf course, the Oakmount Country Club for weeks. Soon afterwards a small story came out from the Ohmigodtheykilledkenny press that Xt'tap extremists attempted to infiltrate the palace and kidnap the Emperor. It seems that a minor Xt'tap Priest issued a fatwa against Her Imperial Hotness over her refusal to pick Former Kennyite Financial Minister Susa as her husband a few years ago. The story states that the infiltrators made it to the Emperor's sanctum and found it deserted. After a running gun battle with Imperial Security and Jaegermonsters, two of the team of five were able to escape the palace. The palace has refused to refute or confirm the story.

An Imperial Spokesman confirmed that the Emperor is missing and has said that the Imperial family is distraught with concern and worry. the official also states that the Imperial Family will be offering a substantial reward for information leading to The Emperor's whereabouts. The spokesman confirmed that Co-Empress Jhessan and the rest of the family will not be discussing the matter with the press at the current time.

Finally, we have the rumors of what happened. We have asked the people of the Palentine about what they think has happened. A suprising number of those asked believes it was aliens who have abducted the Emperor for nefarious reasons. Another group believed that the palace is covering up a serious and dehabilitating accident that the Emperor suffered(we are certain our readers will remember the infamous Ball-washer incident of late 2007 at Oakmount CC). A smaller group believed that when the Emperor heard that Antigone Morgan was going to make an announcement, he fled to parts unknown, fearing that she was announcing a new movie. Finally a small minority believed that the Emperor got bored and decided to go to where the action was...after all, he's done it before they said. No matter what the rumors, we pledge to the citizens of the Palentine that this paper will not rest until this mystery is solved.
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