Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
:murray: WELCOME TO AO, MORTAL!! :murray:

You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.

Join our community!

If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
#NeverRiley: Kennyites threaten to leave country
Topic Started: Mar 2 2016, 09:14 PM (59 Views)
Kenny
King of California
Admin
[align=center]Posted Image
Could this be the face of Omigodtheykilledkenny's next president? No wonder so many Kennyites want to move![/align]
PARADISE CITY --- The Liberals lost last year's election. Now they want revenge.

Yet in their blind rage, party leaders somehow fail to grasp that their latest efforts to oust President Faisano would result in the elevation to the presidency of a man they despise even more: Vice President Jack Riley.

Chairman Tom Travis of the Assembly Judiciary Committee this week announced plans to initiate impeachment proceedings against the president over allegations raised in the 2013 Stark Report, which documents the complaints of roughly 6,792 women accusing disgraced ex-President Manuelo Fernanda of sexual harassment. The report also accuses then-Secretary of State (and later Vice President) Faisano of lying under oath to cover for his boss.

"These accusations are very serious; so serious, in fact, that the refusal of Congress to address the president's crimes would be itself a crime," said attorney and Queen Bitch Gloria Allred, who represents virtually all the women who testified for special counsel Kent Stark.

Substantial majorities of surveyed Kennyites disagree, including most Liberals -- a shocking 87% of the latter group saying they would support Faisano pardoning himself to prevent Jack Riley from becoming president. Hashtags such as #NeverRiley and #ImpeachRileyInstead have been blowing up on Twitter.

Another trending topic: #Jrexit, from users saying they intend to bail out of the country if the man whose initials are "JR" becomes Commander in Chief.

"Riley may need to build a wall and make Mexico pay for it just to keep all his haters IN," read one tweet. "Syria could experience a KENNYITE refugee crisis if Riley gets in," said another. "If you thought the world hated us NOW, just wait till we start moving into their neighborhoods!" was the sage prediction of one Twitter handle.

The Palentine is a popular destination for Jrexiters. Social-media watchers report thousands of posts indicating a preference for Imperial rule to a Riley regime. "The Outlook's" Suki Goldstein has vowed to move to the 'Burgh if Riley takes power. "There's no debating it," she told her fans on Tuesday's show. "If Riley's in, I'm out." Just how hospitable Palentines might be to a prominent left-winger like Goldstein remains to be seen.

Why so much love among bleeding-heart Liberals for the Evil Conservative Empire? "Well, put it this way: if Riley had a rack like Jhessan's, #Jrexit wouldn't even be a thing," explained an Instagram user.

Other, more logical, destinations for Jrexiters are Snefaldia, Bears Armed, Sciongrad and Yelda. A Yeldan talk-show host has even set up a satirical Web site, ynpifrileygetsin.com, inviting Kennyites to make their exodus to "the lush unspoiled beauty of Yeldan Nature Preserve."

"Thousands of abandoned, grown-over homes are just waiting to be renovated for human habitation once more," claims the site. "Take a leisurely boat ride down a concrete-encased river, explore the wonders of the vast ghost cities overwhelmed by rainforests, even take out your aggressions on Riley usurping your beloved country by wrestling a local Klollen."

To make its point, the site features photographs of ex-President Fernanda wrestling a Klollen cub during his visit to the preserve in 2007. Incidentally, it was The Palentine, not Yelda, that Fernanda chose to settle when he was forced to leave his home country in 2012.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
« Previous Topic · Polar Picayune · Next Topic »
Add Reply


Find themes at Zathyus Networks