Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
:murray: WELCOME TO AO, MORTAL!! :murray:

You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.

Join our community!

If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Antigone ties the knot, tries to upstage Jhessan
Topic Started: Jun 1 2018, 11:07 AM (16 Views)
Kenny
King of California
Admin
It's a nice day for a white wedding...

Posted Image
"You're so right, Victoria! That cow Meghan Markle could never pull these off!"


MAHAVAHAY VILLAGE, Tiki Taki (Heat Sheet) --- In what some celebrity journalists are suggesting is a ploy to steal the spotlight from Jhessan and Perfecto's highly anticipated imperial nuptials -- or possibly just a "desperate cry for help" -- former Vice President Antigone Morgan, without a lot of warning, moved up her own wedding plans and got hitched Friday, with friends, relatives, frenemies, and (of course) her ever-present reality-TV film crew looking on.

Readers may last remember Antigone when weeks of civil unrest in Paradise City were somehow triggered by a domestic dispute between her and her longtime boytoy Lenny Beteta. Well, now he's her husband/boytoy Lenny Beteta, and their surprise destination-wedding ceremony is generating tons of gossip on social media, much of it related to Antigone's famous rack, as the following string of live-tweets posted during the nuptials demonstrates:

"Are they bigger now, or am I just seeing things? #AntigonesBoobs"

"Do they really look bigger? #AntigonesBoobs"

"Yup, definitely bigger. Rounder too #AntigonesBoobs"

"Who's got the Best Rack in the Region now?? LOL #AntigonesBoobs"

"Her ass looks bigger too #AntigonesBoobs"

"yeah she's getting a bit jiggly down there #AnitgonesBoobs"

"Do I detect a baby bump? #AntigonesBoobs"

"Oh, is that what that is? I thought the dress designer made a mistake #WeddingDisaster"

"It should be obvious to anyone that this is wedding is shotgun. Just look at her parents! #WhataSkank"

"Should she really be having a baby at HER age??? Pretty dangerous #ThinkoftheChildren"

"I'm on hold w/ the Paradise City police - could her wearing white be considered a hate crime? #JustAsking"

"Oh I hope I don't look that bloated when I have MY dream wedding to a circus freak #IGiveItSixMonthsTops"

Antigone and Lenny were actually married in a ancient cave near a quiet Taki Tiki native village that they descended upon, with underground waterfalls serving as the backdrop. Her simple white gown was specially donated by Palentine fashionista Victoria Huang. In fact, according to Antigone's publicists, her desire to wear Huang's dress before it appeared in the fall catalogs was the main reason the ceremony had to be pushed up so quickly. #yeahright

Huang herself even released a statement after the wedding to congratulate the lovely bride: "I'm so sick of hearing about how tight and ill-fitting the dress looks on Ms. Morgan. She looked fabulous when she was fitted for it two months ago. But by the look of things she's gained at least 10 pounds since then. Maybe even 15."

About 250 people attended the ceremony, where Catholic Archbishop Michael Barry was on hand to nearly steal the show with a dramatic and soulful homily about "the power of love":

"Love is powerful, almost dangerously so. It can start wars, spark revolutions, topple kings, and change societies. But at the same time, it is stable, steady and strong, against even the strongest winds and the highest waves. It can hold people together, keep them safe, create and sustain families, communities, cities , countries, even civilizations!

"Now, Antigone and Lenny," Barry continued, turning to the happy couple: "from speaking to your friends, relatives, neighbors -- many of them here today -- I know you have something. Something strong, something powerful, something extremely dangerous." (Laughter.)

"But it is not love. I don't know what the hell it is. All I can tell is that it is deeply unnatural and wrong, and certainly shouldn't be sanctified -- especially not here, in the eyes of God's nature!"

Thundering applause greeted the bishop's remarks.

"But I'm gonna stop now, 'cause we gotta get y'all married!" he concluded. "By the way, please don't get married."

Gossip journalists estimate that at least two dozen people had to be blackmailed to keep their mouths shut during the "If anyone here knows why these two should not be wed" part of the service.

The ceremony was broadcast live on K-SPAN, for a two-hour "Wedding Special" of Antigone's reality series, "Antigone Morgan's Antarctica," which drew 20 million viewers. It was immediately followed by another two-hour "Wedding Night Special," which thankfully did not feature any actual sex, but was apparently graphic enough to spark riots in at least five major Kennyite cities.

"What did I say about the power of love?!" quipped Barry on his Twitter feed.

Ever the good sport, Jhessan gave Antigone a wedding shout-out on her own feed: "This gives hope to so many women that they too can find love in their late fifties! #SoInspiring"

Antigone was quick with the reply: "I only wish that you and your child-groom can share this much happiness!"
Edited by Kenny, Jun 1 2018, 11:19 AM.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
ZetaBoards - Free Forum Hosting
Join the millions that use us for their forum communities. Create your own forum today.
Learn More · Register Now
« Previous Topic · Polar Picayune · Next Topic »
Add Reply


Find themes at Zathyus Networks