Six Bitingly Observant Cynics From History:Ah, Cynics. The misunderstood scowling tribe of the satirical, saucy, and sarcastic known for their misunderstood pessimism and negativity by the ostensibly peppy modern world. The black hatted Cynics really can't seem to get a break, with everyone from Men's Health to Barack Obama himself giving them a violent verbal salad tossing. Even our official definition of "cynic" makes them sound like critical gaunt baby eaters hiding in crack houses by day only to furiously dry hump lamp posts by night.
But contrary to what is popularly thought of as "cynical" in our society, throughout history cynics have been some of the most observant and hilarious people in history, while always keeping their burning acerbic eye on virtue and honesty. They harnessed their negativity and drove it through injustice and cruelty like two dollar sushi through your large intestine, each in their own unique way. It's what distinguishes the dogged Cynics from just plain sour anthropomorphic whining goat ejaculate (no offense to decent, tolerable goat ejaculate).
http://www.menshealth.com/best-life/hazards-cynicism- Quote:
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"So in the middle of a positive and sincere conversation in that van, the epiphany hit me: There are no successful cynics. Think about it: Real success, any way society measures it -- money, fame, happiness, family -- cannot be achieved in the presence of cynicism."
http://eeorigin.barackobama.com/news/entry/for-the-cynics/get-the-facts/- Quote:
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“Last week, my opponent’s campaign called you the ‘lost generation.’ And they hope that by telling you these things that you’ll get discouraged, and that you’ll stay home this time, because they know that young people came out in record numbers four years ago. Well, I’m here to tell you, don’t listen to the cynics. Don’t listen to the naysayers.”
—President Obama
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/cynic6. AntisthenesThe original Cynic, with a fitting name beginning with "anti". After studying under Gorgias then Socrates, and fighting in the battle of Tanagra, Antisthenes stirred up all sorts of witty trouble in Ancient Greece: he made fun of the arrogant Athenians, pointed out the hypocrisy of Orpheus priests, owned a man who promised him money, said he beat away his pupils with a silver rod, messed with Plato for being uppity (even intimating he had a horse fetish), and insulted the generals of Athens for being put up by votes rather than merit. He also commented on the battle of Leuctra, admonishing the overconfident and reveling Thebans.
Throughout it all he cut down pomposity, hypocrisy, and stood up for virtue in his some 70 year lifetime, claiming it must be taught and was all that was necessary for happiness, that the truly noble were the virtuous. In Antisthenes' own words on why he used such severe language: "Physicians too use severe remedies for their patients."
http://classicpersuasion.org/pw/diogenes/dlantisthenes.htm- Quote:
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"And he himself, when disparaging the Athenians who gave themselves great airs as having been born out of the earth itself, said that they were not more noble as far as that went than snails and locusts."
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"When he was being initiated into the mysteries of Orpheus, and the priest said that those who were initiated enjoyed many good things in the shades below,"Why, then," said he "do not you die?"
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"A young man from Pontus once promised to recollect him, if a vessel of salt fish arrived; and so he took him with him and also an empty bag, and went to a woman who sold meal, and filled his sack and went away; and when the woman asked him to pay for it, he said, 'The young man will pay you, when the vessel of salt fish comes home.'"
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"On one occasion he was asked why he had but few disciples and said, 'Because I drove them away with a silver rod.' When he was asked why he reproved his pupils with bitter language, he said, 'Physicians too use severe remedies for their patients.'"
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"He used to laugh at Plato as conceited; accordingly, once when there was a fine procession, seeing a horse neighing he said to Plato, "I think you too would be a very frisky horse:" and he said this all the more, because Plato kept continually praising the horse. At another time, he had gone to see him when he was ill, and when he saw there a dish in which Plato had been sick, he said, "I see your bile there but I do not see your conceit."
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"He used to advise the Athenians to pass a vote that asses were horses; and, as they thought that irrational, he said," Why, those whom you make generals have never learnt to be really generals, they have only been voted such."
http://books.google.com/books?id=khpY2fQaIg0C&pg=PA50&lpg=PA50&dq=antisthenes+battle+of+tanagra&source=bl&ots=GfiWh2K78E&sig=seldXOSEuZyG0B_tli3JFAG-L9k&hl=en&sa=X&ei=vW6AUqPHA6PW2gWE5YDIBA&ved=0CCwQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=antisthenes%20battle%20of%20tanagra&f=false- Quote:
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"Plutarch reports a statement made by Antisthenes after the battle of Leuctra in 371 B.C., a battle in which the Spartans were defeated by the Thebans: 'Antisthenes said, in earnest of the Thebans, thenw they were elated by their victory at Leuctra, that they looked like schoolboys who had beaten their master."
5. La RochefoucauldFrancois duc de La Rochefoucauld was a 17th century Frenchman with a name that was likely longer than most men's dicks, was born into an illustrious family. He was forced into the military starting at age 10 and stayed there irregularly for most of his life, fighting battles in future World War settings like Italy and The Netherlands, having affairs with a few noblewomen along the way to keep his French nobleman credentials, and sustaining major wounds before retiring somewhat bitterly around 1653. After his retirement, he joined an intellectual group and wrote his elegantly biting Cynical magnum opus: Maxims. This book was full of wise, sharp, and acidic remarks that cut out the fluff and arrogance behind many of our so-called "honorable" motives and actions and force fed them back to us as he stroked his mustache. Such as:
"We rarely ever perceive others as sensible, except for those who agree with us."
Kinda stings like pissing out hot sauce, doesn't it?
"We are so accustomed to disguising ourselves to others that we end up becoming disguised to ourselves."
Hiding to try to gain approval? Excluding furries, we all do that more than we like.
"Most things are praised or condemned only because it is fashionable to praise or condemn them."
Ever agreed with or hated something just to look more sophisticated and smart to get somebody you fancied to rub Nutella on your crotch? It happens to the best of us.
There's hundreds more where this came from, just in case you hadn't been mentally punched in the face and spat on by a dead French guy yet. La Rochefoucauld's Maxims are one of his most widely read works, despite being cursed and despised by a few people whose psychic masturbation had the curtain pulled on it. But contrary to what it may seem to somebody writing about the largely self-interested facades we hide behind, La Rochefoucauld, in true Cynical spirit, was fond of people and liked to make conversation, especially with women. Though how much of that "conversation" was boning is unconfirmed.
In any case, La Rochefoucauld aimed to improve people with bitterness and by exposing their flaws, not to merely make them try to piss on his bedspread and throw him out the window.
http://www.rodneyohebsion.com/rochefoucauld.html (Maxim examples taken from here)
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"Maxims is considered one of the most notable and widely read works of literature in history. It also has a somewhat notorious reputation, due to its various not-so-flattering portrayals of human nature.
But although Francois’s writings depict people as extremely self-interested and vain, Francois liked people and was generally quite friendly and sociable. He was also noted for being romatic. His life is marked by four various periods, each of which was occupied with an association and obsession with a different woman."
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"Francois spent much of his life in the military. He served for the French army on-and-off from 1629 to 1646, and also was a notable fighter in the French civil war from 1648 to 1653. During his military career, Francois received major wounds several times before finally retiring around 1653."
http://www.kirjasto.sci.fi/rochefou.htm- Quote:
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"During his military career, La Rochefoucauld served in Italy, the Netherlands (1635-36), Rocroi (1643), and Gravelines (1644)."
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"When La Rochefoucauld was thirty-three, he began a liaison with the the Duchesse de Longueville, the great love of his life, who eventually betrayed him. In 1652 La Rochefoucauld was wounded and almost blinded in a battle in Saint-Antoine..."
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"In a short sketch of himself La Rouchefoucauld mentions that he loves conversation, especially with women, but otherwise found it hard to be other than 'reserved'."
4. Ambrose BierceAmerican born in 1842. Fought in the civil war and wrote short stories and satire for the newspaper denouncing "unbridled greed, power, and corruption". Had the nickname "Bitter Bierce" and the motto "Nothing Matters". Is famous for his cynical lexicon known as "The Devil's Dictionary" (originally known as the "Cynic's Work Book"), which contains witty definitions that poke fun at while simultaneously revealing our shortcomings.
Sample definitions: "Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another."
"Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others."
"Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me."
"Cynic, n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are not as they ought to be."
"Dictionary, n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary, however, is a most useful work."
Went to Mexico as an old man to join Pancho Villa's raiders in 1914, never returned.
http://www.csustan.edu/english/reuben/pal/chap6/bierce.html- Quote:
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Bierce is equally renowned for his sharp wit and biting satire attacking unbridled greed, power, and corruption.
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His macabre tales featuring unexpected plot twists and his war stories calling upon on his experiences as a volunteer soldier for the Union Army have been regularly anthologized...
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It is not known when or where Bierce died, although historians believe that he traveled to Mexico to fight alongside Pancho Villa.
http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/865289-the-cynic-s-word-book (source of the sample definitions)
3. W.C. FieldsWilliam Claude Dukenfield was born in 1880 in Philadelphia and ran away from home at age 11. He started out as a superb juggler and worked his way up to silent, and eventually sound movies.
In his movies he always played a curmudgeonly, alcoholic everyman trying to bumble his way through an often unkind world.
Such as in this scene from "It's A Gift", where Fields coarsely stumbles through an encounter with an irate blind patron and a man desperately hungry for kumquats as everything goes wrong.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y189-69cQPsFields made people laugh by exaggerating the poor reflection of society his movies showed, like a true Cynic.
His friends visited him on his deathbed smuggling in liquor, and found him reading the Bible, claiming to be searching for "loopholes".
http://www.thebiographychannel.co.uk/biographies/w-c-fields.html- Quote:
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American performer W.C. Fields was born William Claude Dukenfield, oldest child of a poor Philadelphia family, who ran away from home aged 11.
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Amongst his greatest films were those of the thirties - 'It's a Gift' in 1934, 'You Can't Cheat an Honest Man' in 1939, and, especially, 'The Bank Dick' in 1940. His characteristic portrayal of the beleaguered "everyman" figure made him a national institution.
http://www.wcfields.com/biography.html- Quote:
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The trio walked quietly down the hall, each hiding a bottle if Christmas cheer under his coat. When they entered Fields' room they found him reading... the Bible!
One of them asked, "Uncle Claude, why are you reading the bible?"
It is written that he looked up from the book with all the self-confidence of a tenured lawyer and rasped, "Just looking for loopholes".
2. VoltaireFrançois-Marie Arouet, pen name Voltaire, was born in 1694 in France. He was famous for his wit, satire, and cynicism, and was imprisoned multiple times for his writings.
One writing in particular aimed at the rationalism philosophy by Leibniz popular in the era, that aimed to solve various metaphysical conundrums by pure reason, and religious optimism, that believed this was the best of all possible worlds: Candide.
In Candide, the main character experiences a Forrest Gump-like series of events, except far less fortunate, including getting evicted for kissing his dad's girlfriend, getting enslaved and flogged, forced to fight in a war, finds his tutor a beggar syphilis-ridden, learns his house was destroyed, arrives in Lisbon right in time for the terrible earthquake, tsunami, and storm.
He also gets captured by the Portugese Inquisition and tortured, only to be freed by another earthquake. And that's only in the beginning.
Throughout it all Candide keeps his optimistic worldview, until the end, saying "we must cultivate our own garden". The book uses satire and sarcasm to poke at and make fun of cheery optimism, making him a true Cynic.
http://enlightenment-revolution.org/index.php/Voltaire,_François-Marie_Arouet_de- Quote:
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Over the next several years, Voltaire developed a reputation for scandal, as he wrote satirical poems about several famous contemporaries, causing his father to send him away to the countryside.
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In 1716, after accusing the Regent Philippe, Duke of Orléans, of terrible crimes, Voltaire was sentenced to eleven months in the Bastille.
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Voltaire’s cynicism was poured forth in his most famous work, his short novel Candide. In this brilliant satire, the main character confronts an increasing series of personal setbacks, injuries, and catastrophes, and each time dusts himself off with the reassurance that no matter how bad things may appear, he can at least take consolation that reason reveals this to be the best of all possible worlds.
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In challenging Leibniz through the literary foil of Dr. Pangloss, Voltaire’s Candide takes aim at the rationalist tradition of the seventeenth century, which sought to derive significant metaphysical conclusions from the resources of pure reason alone.
http://www.esp.org/books/voltaire/candide.pdf1. Diogenes of Sinope Diogenes of Sinope, or as he called himself "Diogenes the Dog" from the word "cynic" having similar roots to dog in Ancient Greek, was a cynic in Ancient Greece born sometime around 400 BCE. Diogenes, a student of Antisthenes, lived his philosophy and was infamously humorous in his methods. He lived out of a bathtub barrel, carried around a lamp in the day to search for honest men, told Alexander the Great to not stand his sunlight after being promised a favor, walked away from somebody claiming to prove motion didn't exist, pissed on people for throwing bones at him, gave Plato a plucked chicken and said "I have brought you a man!", and claimed to be a "citizen of the world", coining the term "cosmopolitan".
Diogenes espoused self-sufficiency and a life of reason, and used humor to subvert what he found over-complicated or haughty in life. He was a cynical "Socrates gone mad", beloved by many.
http://www.egs.edu/library/diogenes-of-sinope/biography/- Quote:
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The man, “a Socrates gone mad” as Plato referred to him, was very outspoken in both his presentiments and his criticisms—the two being in concert.
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In jest and in earnest, Diogenes of Sinope was in search of “humans” or rather in search of “humanity,” wandering the streets in broad day light with a lantern—“I am looking for a man.”
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Thus, in line with his philosophy of practice, Diogenes of Sinope took up residence in an urn-like tub in the Metroön, like an over-sized mouse.
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In Athens, the story goes that Diogenes of Sinope became a pupil or disciple of Antisthenes, a former student of Socrates. Diogenes of Laertius tells of their meeting in which Antisthenes tried to refuse him, but was worn down by Diogenes of Sinope’s persistence.
http://classicpersuasion.org/pw/diogenes/dldiogenes.htm- Quote:
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Once, while he was sitting in the sun in the Craneum, Alexander was standing by, and said to him, "Ask any favour you choose of me." And he replied, "Cease to shade me from the sun."
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And in a similar manner he replied to one who had been asserting that there was no such thing as motion, by getting up and walking away.
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Plato defined man thus: "Man is a two-footed, featherless animal;" and was much praised for the definition; so Diogenes plucked a cock and brought it into his school, and said, "This is Plato's man." On which account this addition was made to the definition, "With broad flat nails."
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Once at a banquet, some of the guests threw him bones, as if he had been a dog; so he, as he went away, put up his leg against them as if he had been a dog in reality.
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He was greatly beloved by the Athenians; accordingly, when a youth had broken his cask they beat him, and gave Diogenes another.