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Story Time!
Topic Started: Jul 13 2015, 01:08 AM (580 Views)
Pelion
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a e s t h e t i c
One of my strongest beliefs is that everyone has a story. So post yours here! Whether it's cute, funny, amazing, unbelievable or embarrassing (can't go wrong with embarrassing) this will be the place to post them!


I'll start with a somewhat cute story of mine:


Furthest I ever went to impress somebody was this girl on a date.

We went to the county fair during a particularly cold fall. We got expensive fair food, and people watched. As we were walking around we came across the carnival games. She sees one of those games where you throw a dull pointless dart at a barely inflated balloon, if you win you get a 3 buck stuffed animal and the privileged of knowing you've been ripped off. Her mom used to own a bar so late nights she'd play cricket with drunk bikers. So she wants to have a go at it, and the 5 bucks for three darts didn't utterly fucking offend me. Three darts, three hits. She wins this small stuffed bear. She gives me the bear and says "Now you gotta win me something!".

This was a test of my manhood. I was going to give her the largest, most impractically sized fucking stuffed animal that those carnies had. Anything else would be failure, nobody is impressed by that. So I look around and I spy my white whale, the cheap stuffed cock-eyed cat full of fluff that was bigger than her. It was behind the game booth that had these weaved baskets where you had to toss in these stone balls into without them bouncing out. The Carnie was an old man with a large handle bar mustache, exactly what you'd think a carnie running a game booth would look like. He sees me eyeing the cat like it was already mine, he says "Hey young man! Why don't you win the pretty girl a prize!". Motherfucker is about to be one giant stuffed cat short. I gave him ten dollars, took the balls, took stance, ever so tenderly underhand tossed it in...but bounced like my dad's child support checks. "Haha can't control my own strength" I say, trying to make it look like I wasn't flexing as hard as I could. I got zenned out, thought what would the Buddha do? then did the total opposite. Threw a total of 9 balls in, and 2 of them make it, all I need is ONE more to get that cat. I got a little too careless and now I was down to my last $20 dollars...

Then the Carnie did something that i'll never forget, he told my date "He's distracted by how pretty you are! Makin' him nervous. Why don't you turn around?". She turns around with a big dumb goofy amazing smile on her face. I take stance again with my last ball, my last chance to not fucking suck...the Carnie holds his finger up to his mouth making a Shhh motion. Takes the ball from my hand and places it in the basket and goes "Ohh! You did it kid!". She turns around so excited! And I guess was too. He gets the stuffed cat that I nearly stared a whole into, and then hands it to my date. She was in heaven, she wouldn't stop say how amazing it was that I actually won. I thank the Carnie and he just nods and smiles keeping our silent conspiracy intact.
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Super Bowser Bros.
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My favorite color is blue
That carnie is ftw.


I'll post a story tonight.
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Pelion
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Super Bowser Bros.
Jul 13 2015, 01:13 AM
That carnie is ftw.


I'll post a story tonight.
whatever you're comfortable sharing is welcomed.
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Sinister M.
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If you're gonna hang a gun on the wall, you'd better use it.

That was actually somewhat cute. Colour me surprised. Carnie was only being nice 'cause he stole the stereo from your car earlier, though.

I'd share a story, but I can't think of any. Things never come back to me in moments like these...
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Dregran
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I lol'd. It was a cute story but amusingly written.

Like Sam I can't think of anything on the spot. I'll get back to you.
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she2
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once i was chewing this particularly girthy, huge, throbbing, warm, veiny piece of gum and i thought blowing gum bubbles were like really cool and i was going to impress everyone on the street chyea but it popped all over my mouth + nose and like i had no idea it was going to happen so it just splattered everywhere because i had no time to prepare and like i had to scrub it off and it was so sticky and gross and cold and coagulated and im pretty sure it impressed no one yeah innit.
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Sinister M.
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If you're gonna hang a gun on the wall, you'd better use it.

she2
Jul 13 2015, 01:16 PM
once i was chewing this particularly girthy, huge, throbbing, warm, veiny piece of gum and i thought blowing gum bubbles were like really cool and i was going to impress everyone on the street chyea but it popped all over my mouth + nose and like i had no idea it was going to happen so it just splattered everywhere because i had no time to prepare and like i had to scrub it off and it was so sticky and gross and cold and coagulated and im pretty sure it impressed no one yeah innit.
penis
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Pelion
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a e s t h e t i c
Sinister M.
Jul 13 2015, 01:26 PM
she2
Jul 13 2015, 01:16 PM
once i was chewing this particularly girthy, huge, throbbing, warm, veiny piece of gum and i thought blowing gum bubbles were like really cool and i was going to impress everyone on the street chyea but it popped all over my mouth + nose and like i had no idea it was going to happen so it just splattered everywhere because i had no time to prepare and like i had to scrub it off and it was so sticky and gross and cold and coagulated and im pretty sure it impressed no one yeah innit.
penis
Senna was being clever with a misdirection, and you just point it out. Her misdirection is funnier than your (feigned?) obtuseness.
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Dregran
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C'mon Sam, are you drawing blanks here? I'm sure your jokes measure up - you don't have to be hard or deep with the humour, just make sure the head of the joke is prominent.
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Sinister M.
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If you're gonna hang a gun on the wall, you'd better use it.

Pelion
Jul 14 2015, 03:12 AM
Sinister M.
Jul 13 2015, 01:26 PM
she2
Jul 13 2015, 01:16 PM
once i was chewing this particularly girthy, huge, throbbing, warm, veiny piece of gum and i thought blowing gum bubbles were like really cool and i was going to impress everyone on the street chyea but it popped all over my mouth + nose and like i had no idea it was going to happen so it just splattered everywhere because i had no time to prepare and like i had to scrub it off and it was so sticky and gross and cold and coagulated and im pretty sure it impressed no one yeah innit.
penis
Senna was being clever with a misdirection, and you just point it out. Her misdirection is funnier than your (feigned?) obtuseness.
Thanks for the critique.

Wallace
Jul 14 2015, 04:32 AM
C'mon Sam, are you drawing blanks here? I'm sure your jokes measure up - you don't have to be hard or deep with the humour, just make sure the head of the joke is prominent.
What?

wat

wh@

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