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Feeling lost again; Finding the right church.
Topic Started: Dec 21 2017, 07:21 PM (91 Views)
Developing Faith
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Hello all. For about the past 9 or 10 months I have been going to an Apostolic Church. At first I was just going once a week. I wasn't really getting anywhere as far as developing faith or belief that this religion thing is all true. So speaking to my boss (who is the one who invited me there) says that I need to go more often. So I started going a couple of times a week.

I have to admit I was starting to feel some real peace and happiness at times. There was even a couple of times when I feel as if I was spoken to by God or an angel or something. I was sitting at my desk in my cave at the computer one night just playing games on the computer. Not really thinking about anything when a thought just popped in my head. It was " If you want God to talk to you then you need to start living your life as a Christian". I thought to myself that thought did not come from me. I truly felt as if someone or something had planted that thought in my head. There was another time but I don't remember what is was about.

At the same time I felt as if I was being pressured into coming more often. Before too long I found myself going four times a week. Twice on Sunday and every Tuesday and Thursday night. Which was ok at that point because I was felling really happy and peaceful for the first time in my life. I also shaved of my beard and mustache, bought some new suits and boots. And even started taking off my wedding ring while I was there trying to fit in. I did all of this because they made me feel that is what I need to do in order to get the Holy Ghost. Claiming that it is all in scripture to do this. I found myself just doing everything trying to develop faith and receive the Holy Ghost.

And my wife the whole time is just trying to be a good wife, bless her heart, and let me do what I think I need to without complaining. But everything started to take it's toll on our marriage. I know me telling her that everyone at the church says that if you don't except Jesus as your lord and savior than she will go to Hell didn't go over to well with her. She is Jewish and as we all know the Jews don't believe Jesus was the Messiah. But she is a wonderful woman who loves me dearly and has a huge heart especially where animals are concerned. I don't believe that Jesus would care whether I wear a suit, have a beard or wear a wedding ring though.

So one night this week she said to me that she feels like crying because she has been watching me changing right before her eyes. She says I went right form being a normal heathen to the equivalent of a Hasidim Jew which is pretty extreme. I have to admit I was doing a lot maybe too much trying to fit in . I guess I was doing too much too fast. But I thought if I want what these people have (peace and happiness) then I need to imitate or mold myself to be like them. I thought it was the sure path to getting the Holy Ghost.

Last week I told my boss and the pastor of the church that I was going to find another church. Neither of them are too happy about this. I guess my wife woke me up to what I was doing though. Trying to be like the people of this church, I wasn't me anymore. So now I am looking for another church I just don't know what church I want to go to. I don't like big churches. I feel like it's more about money than it should be. I liked the Apostolic Church because it was small and everyone there was so nice. And they seem to really believe what they live.

So my search goes on for the church where I belong. There has to be one out there where I can get that same peace and happiness but I don't have to basically live there. One where I can be myself. I think if I go a couple times a week my wife and I can live with that. I am growing a mustache back and don't mind wearing a suit but I don't want to feel like it's mandatory. And I will be wearing my wedding ring.

If anyone has a suggestion I would love to hear it. And please pray for me if you will so I can find where I belong.
Thanks for your prayers...
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