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| So ther I was Hooah pt 1; a comedic look of my life, feedback appreciated. | |
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| Topic Started: Thursday, 21. November 2013, 01:51 (280 Views) | |
| InhumanBard | Thursday, 21. November 2013, 01:51 Post #1 |
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Fledgling
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Yes My Retarded Ass Signed Up So there I was, twenty two years old, a senior in high school, driving an 84 El Camino, and holding the title of most likely to graduate for the third straight year. In other words, I was a real winner. So here I am two months until graduation, time for finals. My buddy and I decide we should wake and bake so we would not be stressed out for the exams. As we finish smoking, and pulled into the school parking lot five minutes late, the school police officer knocks on my window. I am arrested and expelled, and trying to figure out what the hell I am going to be when I grow up. I got in some other trouble to aid in the decision to kick me out, but my failing at life is irrelevant to the story thus far. So my dad is on my ass about joining the military, he did four years as a corpsman, one of the few things I can say I am proud of him for. So I get my good enough degree or G.E.D and decide I want to be a Marine. The USMC recruiter politely informs me that there are no junkies in the Corp. Well shit, let’s go next door. Air Force looks at my GED and laughs. So with the feeling as though I’d just dunked my last chicken nugget in fail sauce I go into the Army recruiter’s office. The guy behind the desk asks if I can hold a rifle, I say well yea, and the next day I went to the Military Enlistment Processing Station. So I go to Meps to take my asvab test, and walk like a duck in my underwear. If you don’t get that reference ask anyone who has been in any branch of service. I get held over waiting on a waiver for my color blindness and my ged. Now being a holdover is not such a bad thing, at the hotel they put me up in was an open bar. After my fourth Crown and Coke, I notice this chick snapping my picture with her cell phone. I walk up to her and in my most suave voice ask “What the fuck is wrong with you, I don’t even know you?” She tells me I have the prettiest eyes she has ever seen, and I inform her I have no idea what they really look like, since I’m color blind. When I ask her why she is held over she says the computers crashed and scored her test as a four, years later I realize she really scored a four on the asvab. I would call her an idiot, but I married her so who is really the fool? So after my waivers come through, I’ve got about a month until I leave for basic training. Well thinking with the wrong head, I spend most of this time with the asvab no/go girl. I ain’t in love, but I ain’t going to bed alone either. So I kiss her goodbye and plan to continue mission. Well cancel that, first phone call home from basic and you guessed it, she is pregnant. Well fuck me, being the romantic that I am I propose right then and there, on the payphone, using an At&t phone card somebody let me borrow. So we get married after AIT, and go on to this new life in Ft Benning Ga. |
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3:25 PM Jul 11