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No Fun Allowed; Bio-Man, Bio-Man, Does Whatever A Goku-Man Can
Topic Started: Jan 7 2014, 09:43 AM (103 Views)
Kalkavek
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Actual World Ender
[2 Days (2 RPs) // 550 WPD]
[Rewards: Kamehameha // Kamikaze Cell Jr.]

Kalkavek woke up the next morning in a Hellish bed and breakfast, complete with bad roommates who snore, creaky floors, mild drafts, and eternal hellfire. The scarred man grumbled and pushed his bushey, spikey hair out of his face to look at the morning sun through the slightly cracked window.

“Wait, there’s no sun here…”

It was then that Kalkavek realized the horizon was actually on fire. The horizon where the Cell Games were to be held...today.

“Oh no!” He shouted, jumping into the air and grabbing his yardratian uniform and shoving one foot in while fumbling with the door. “I’m late for Hell School!”

Something moved under the covers. The sheets rustled to reveal the most beautiful demoness Kalkavek had ever imagined. “Well hot damn, at least the women are good down here.”

“So are you, honey.” The demon moaned in the burliest trucker voice this side of Siberia. “But I’m a man.”

“AAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

He sprinted out the door and tumbled down the stairs while pushing his clothes on, desperately slamming his head against the stairs as he fell to knock the memories away. When he hit the ground, the first thought that came to mind was alcohol. Kal pulled a bottle of brandy from behind the counter using The Force and sprinted out the doorway, stealing a piece of toast from an elderly couple. Normally he would consider that a rude thing to do, but this elderly couple was in Hell and probably racist.

- The Cell Games Arena, Hell -

Cell stood from his gran stone throne floating above the wide obsidian arena. “People of Hell, you have travelled near and far to seek my unholy teachings, and I, in my dark benevolence, am more than happy to give it to you! However, I do not waste time with weaklings, and neither should you!” Cell hovered off the throne and stretched out his arms, pulling in the energy around him. “Let it be known that this is not a tournament for showboating, because no matter what you do it will never impress me.”

He lowered to the ground and his voice boomed outwards, nearly deafening the few in the front rows. “I am a warrior with no equal, and I will be addressed as such. This is no tournament to gain my favor, for I am above such things. I am pure power, made manifest! This tournament is for one thing, and one thing only: Proving your strength!” The crowd cheered wildly as a fireworks display erupted from Cell’s back, eyes, and arms. The grand finale involved Cell himself exploding into a blinding white light and disappearing, only to reform already in a royal sitting position on his floating throne above the arena.

“LET THE CELL GAMES BEGIN.”

A red aura began to surround the outlying area of the arena, starting high in the sky and slowly descending. The curtain aimed to cut off all combatants so they couldn’t leave the arena grounds without dying. Kalkavek saw the shimmering red light and knew he was going to be late.

Sprinting with a piece of toast in his mouth, Kal activated his Kaio-Ken aura by screaming the holy command word.

“KMRAIO KURN!!” He shouted through the toast, flaring a red light of energy around his body and jettisoning himself through the air, speeding towards the barrier.

*splat*

He didn’t make it.

Three minutes later, the Bio-Android pieced himself together from the outer layer of the wall. The ringing in his head was drowned out by the ringing of the arena crowd’s roars and cheers. Kal stood up and placed a hand on the barrier, trying to peer through the red hazey substance to view the fights inside.

“I don’t suppose I can punch through it if nothing happened when I used my whole body…” He thought for half a second before looking above the arena and seeing Cell sitting on his throne, looking at the fight and not noticing any outsiders.

“Alright, let’s do this the old fashioned way.” Kal dissipated and re-appeared 5 feet forward. “Perfect.”

Cell’s eyes shifted for a millisecond towards the intruder before moving back to the current fight.

Several hours passed during the tournament, which was being managed less like an official draw and more like anyone stepping into the ring and all unruly mob attempts halted by the dreadful gaze of Cell. Kalkavek finally felt it was his time to step up, so he jumped into the ring. His opponent across the arena was a large dragon-man who had replaced one of his arms with pure energy. The dragon man howled and charged at Kalkavek, its arm burning with the fiery powers of Hell itself.

Kal took on a defensive stance and surrounded his arms with a shimmering aura, but the attacker grinned when he saw this.

“This is gonna suck.” The Bio-Android complained just as the dragon-man landed a full-swing against the his block, shattering it and knocking him to the edge of the arena. Kal coughed black smoke from his lungs and sat up to see the dragon-man charging again already. “Tell us how you really feel.”

Turning 90 degrees and performing a leaping backflip to dodge the attack, Kal kept himself in mid air and grabbed tightly onto his palm. “Hey dickweed!”

A heavy red glow surrounded his hand, “You shouldn’t get point blank! LORD OF THE FLIES!!” Ten orbs of concussive ki launched out of Kal’s palm and crushed into the dragon-man, stunning him long enough for Kal to swoop down and deliver a dismissive side-kick to launch him out of the ring.

A few people actually clapped at this display, but most didn’t give a damn. Hell was lacking in the considerate type, or at least it was lacking in people that didn’t only care about themselves.

The next couple hours passed without much change. A few people had high power levels but Kal wasn’t one to give a Damn. He pondered that perhaps he should give a Damn, as he was one of the Damned, but such things were not at the top of one’s mind when trapped in a death match cage run by a homicidal maniac with a god complex.

When Kal’s next fight came up he noticed that the cage match still consisted of a couple hundred people. Nine hours seemed like a pretty damn lengthy tournament, but continuing it beyond that was just ridiculous. His Kaizoku-Jin opponent stepped up to the plate and glared him down.

“I have been trained in the art of murder ever since I was a child. You stand no chance.”

Kal blinked. Was he really being threatened in Hell? What were they going to do, kill him? It was too late to make a witty reply, the precious two seconds had already passed.

Damn, I really had a good one, too.

In lieu of a comical and demeaning rebuttal, the Bio-Android hovered into the sky, eye level with Cell in his stone throne, and placed his palm into the air. A pink and white ball of screaming, mystical death energy swirled above him.

“I’m tired of games, kiddies. The grown-ups need time to do some talking, so go to sleep.” Two or three faces vanished, likely teleporting away, and Cell actually shifted in his seat. The death ball may need four days to charge for destruction on a celestial scale, but blowing up an arena fitting a few hundred could happen instantly.

And it did. Kal threw the Vanishing Ball into the crowd and laughed as the eruption consumed the entire field. The Bio-Androids, Cell and Kalkavek, teleported directly on top of the cubic barrier just before the explosion destroyed everyone else inside.

“So, boss man, looks like it’s finally just the two of us.”

Cell glared at Kalkavek, “You did not win by following the rules. Dozens of contestants could have destroyed the arena, but they did not out of respect for me.” Cell placed his palms together took a heavy stance, placing his hands together on one wide. “You have brought dishonor to my tournament. If you want a lesson, it is to not trifle with the Cell Games!”

“Uh oh.”

“KA-ME-HA-ME-HAAAA!!!” Blue energy surged into Cell’s hands, he thrust his palms forward and launched a wave of power at the perpetrator, utterly destroying him. The execution of the legendary attack was so perfect, in fact, that the destroyed Bio-Android’s spinning irises happened to copy it just before he died.

Cell truly was the best teacher of them all.
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