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Title: How the author couldn't come up with a story for  this prompt and couldn't have been bothered to write something decent.

Florina walked through the troupe encampment, patting her  Hoppip with a happy smile on her face. Eliwood had spent some (read: all) their war funds on Pokemon to keep the troupe from killing each other. She waved to the stoic Raven, who stood absently petting his Absol as Priscilla rode up on her Ponyta. "Even Raven seems pleased with his new pokemon" Florina beamed happily.

"BATTLE!" Florina drew back in surprise as a large man seemingly popped up in front of her.

"B-Bartre?" She blinked furiously "...with me?"

"YEAH! I SMASH!" He ran back several paces and chucked his pokeball as hard as he could, t he ball slamming into Florina's face. As she fell backwards, Hoppip flopped onto  the ground next to her. Suddenly, an Aggron was standing over them, its gleaming steel coat glinting in the sunlight. "AGGRON! DESTROY!"

The large metal pokemon lifted the helpless Hoppip in its claws and very  swiftly ripped it clean in half. There was a brief, but agonized Hoppip wail as the cuddly love fluff and blood flew every which way. Evidently Hoppip are composed of fluff and blood, which was now dripping over the horrified Pegasus Knight.

"WIN!" Bartre cheered before he and his pokemon charged of, leaving Florina in tears.

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Disgusted by how much Nimix beat him in sheer awesomeness, Sargon devised a plan. The plan was to challenge Nimix to a battle he could not loose, and prove that he was better than her!

The battle? POKEMON!

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“Nimix! I challenge you!”
“What, you want to lose to me again, Sargon?” cool.gif
“Ha! This time I will not lose!”
“. . .You said that last time as well,”
“But this time I challenge you to a pokemon battle!” >[

There was a dumb silence among the spectators. They all knew how much Sargon obsessed over the game - and his recent “boasts” of clocking over 2,000 hours. Nimix had no chance.

But Nimix did not seem phased. She simply tossed back her hair and said, “I accept,”

And so the battle began.

Sargon sent out his Level 100 Rayquaza, smirking. He would show that Nimix!
Nimix sent out her Pikachu. The crowd lol’d.

Sargon laughed along with those watching, “You can go first,”
“Thanks!” Nimix replied, smiling sweetly.
She beckoned to her Pikachu, and handed him a strange spray can. The Pikachu looked at it for a second, nodded, and said, “CHU!” as confirmation that it understood.
It proceeded towards the large, looming pokemon without any sign that it was worried. It kept on approaching until it was just one foot away.
“Pikachu,” Nimix said. “SPRAY LIKE HELL!”

Pikachu used Spray Can.
Critical hit! It’s super effective!
Sargon’s Rayquaza fainted!

“B-b-b-b-but how?!?!” Sargon exclaimed, aghast.
Nimix’s pikachu was celebrating, and had tossed the can over into a corner. Sargon picked it up, wondering what the hell it was that could have so utterly devastated his ultra-pokemon. Cheats in spray form? Nuclear reactor in a can?

But no, it was neither of these, as he could see by reading the label:

INSECT REPELLENT.

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It was a nice, clear day.  A good day for what would become Ash's most awesome day ever, on his journey to becoming a Pokemon Master.

And it was in this peaceful setting that it started.

Two seemingly retarded people emegered in a giant, retarded looking... thing.  Maybe a fish of some sort, but retarded in every way.

"Prepare for Trouble!"  One shouted.

"Make it double!"  The other said.

Ash stared blankly at them.  "Not this shit again..."

It was team Rocket.  Over the years, Ash had come to hate them.  He wished them harm.  He wished death upon them.  Which is why he had gathered some new pokeballs to fight them with.

He grabbed on, and chunked it at Team Rocket in the middle of their speach, and pegged the male one in his face.  And it opened up, and out popped Bartre.

"BARTRE SMASH!"  He yelled, lifting his axe, and began to savagely chop them into bloody pieces.  Ash and company looked on in a sick sense of satisfaction, with Brock groping Misty.

"OH GOD!  WE DIDN'T EVEN FINISH OUR INTRO!  NO, NOT THERE!  OUCH!  YOU CUT OFF MY LEG!  IT IS ON THE GROUND, AND I AM BLEEDING!  NO, YOU ARE NOW BEATING ME WITH A BLOODIED CORPSE OF JESSE!  O, WHAT A HORRIBLE DEATH!  I AM BEING BEATEN TO DEATH WITH A CORPSE!"  James screamed, and then was silenced when Bartre brought the axe down, and shut him up.

"Bartre, return!"  Ash said, trying to make him return.  But he wouldn't.  A grim sense of fear welled up at the depths of Ash, Misty, and Brock's soul, as Bartre slowly started to walk towards them.

"Okay, plan B.  Go, Hector!"  Ash yelled.

And Ash threw out another pokeball, and Hector sprung forth.  He looked at Bartre, and back at Ash.  "Your the little bastard that trapped me in that ball!"

That is when they knew death was upon them.  Before they knew it, Hector and Bartre sprung on them, and beat them all to death.  And it was very bloody.  And there was much pain and screaming.  And to this day, the glorified Cock-Fighting that is Pokemon training, has been banned throughout the world, thanks to Ash's horrible death.

Expert Nick

Sep 29 2006, 10:31 AM

Ohshit, I forgot about this AGAIN. Sorry Kamai.

Number two is a big pile of crap. Whoever wrote it (and I suspect it was Kamai) somehow knows of my hatred for pikachus. Although I would never include a Rayquaza in my squad unless it was black. You should have had me with a Nosepass.

1 wins, 3 included Ash, and therefore loses.

Edit: I was thinking of writing something along the lines of Eliwood using a flaming sword against a fire/dragon type pokemon, and how stupid it would be.