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It's a FEF Life (X-Mas); Christmas Fic
Topic Started: Dec 5 2006, 08:41 PM (2,078 Views)
Leon
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GUUUUNDAAAAAAAM

You know when I said I'd get it up tonight I meant three nights later.

Because it's still early in December if you guys don't like this then give me another suggestion of a Christmas classic I can use.

Or if you want me to write my own original one...

------------------------------------------

December 5th

Jesus Christ, please watch over Mr. Eaichu…he’s too cute to die.

Jesus Christ, please cleanse Mr. Eaichu of his odd aura as of late…he’s been odd lately. He’s been vomiting frequently with a paper bag in hand. What could that mean? Is he sick from the food he ate?

Jesus Christ, Mr. Eaichu has been acting depressed lately…please help him.

Jesus Christ, please let me sleep with Pendant, I REALLY WANT HER BOD—


“Oh, not Khadgar again.” Jesus Christ groaned, scrolling down his prayer forum, while in his home at Heaven. He couldn’t stand reading Khadgar’s prayers. It always involved him sleeping with women.

The prayer forum Jesus had going was quite simple, really. When someone makes a prayer, it gets heard and posted onto a handy and organized forum that Jesus checks whenever he’s not saving the world from another attack from Vin Diesel or White Supremacists.

“Hmm…another prayer from Fef.” Jesus said aloud. This one was for Eaichu also. The savior played with his long hair and came to a decision.

“I should help this guy.”

Christ pulled a rope beside where he sat, hanging from the ceiling in his office, which looked like a regular lawyer’s office with a view. A loud GONG noise sounded, echoing across heaven. Quickly, the door to Jesus’s office opened with a young man with flaring red hair holding the door knob. “Jesus Christ, you called?”

“Garet, you know how I go by now.” Jesus groaned, sipping his coffee, then spat some out when he yelled, “It’s JESUS CHRIST.”

“All caps? Is that really necessary?”

“Absolutely.”

“Uh, JESUS CHRIST, you called?”

“Yea,” Jesus said, kicking up his legs on his desk, and pointing at his computer monitor, “Look at this here. I’m getting dozens of prayers from a place called Fef for me to help out this depressed Eaichu guy.”

“So, my mission is to help make Eaichu happy and high on life? MISSION READY!!” Garet said, already set to get out and complete this assignment. Jesus waved his finger and shook his head, “Well yes, but hold on, you haven’t even gotten your wings yet, Garet…you should know why exactly this guy is so depressed first. Wanna guess?”

“Didn’t get a Wii?”

“…yeah well, that was part of the factor…” Jesus admitted, “But it’s more than just that. Take a look at an ol’ flashback!!”

“NOT THE FLASHBACKS!!” Garet whimpered, holding his ears. Jesus growled from the young angel’s attitude, “Come on, you sissy. It’ll be fast.”

Garet had no choice but to go through with it, and like Jesus said, it was quick. Jesus’s office and everything around Garet disappeared, and replacing it was a snowy setting out in the fields, with snow everywhere and still falling from the sky. Garet started to enjoy the scenery, watching kids go down the snowy hills sledding, but Garet quickly had to turn his attention elsewhere.

A young boy, about 4 years old sled down with his older brother behind him, also on a sled. But the pair were sliding down towards the frozen lake below, and Garet noticed how thin it looked. He also noticed how happy the young one looked, while the older, maybe about 9, realized what a dangerous thing they were doing.

Once the young ones made contact, the ice broke under them and they fell into the frozen waters. The older boy Garet now recognized – it was Eaichu. The young Eaichu managed to pull both of them out of the freezing water safely, but clearly something was wrong with Eaichu. He was shivering madly, and holding his ears with his hands.

The flashback advanced a chapter, and Garet watched scenes of Eaichu recovering after the event. Doctors say that he will lose hearing in one ear permanently, and even worse, Eaichu brought his old brick Game Boy into the water with him, and that would be permanently unusable. No old school Metroid? NO WIN.

Another chapter advanced, Eaichu was now in his teens, working at a pharmacy behind the counter. A young girl about his age was in the store, standing next to Eaichu and chatting with him. As Eaichu was counting the money in his register, the young girl had hearts and love birds flying around her head. She whispered into his right ear, “Eaaaaaichuuuu…I love your body.”

Eaichu simply blinked, and continued counting the money, not phased, “You did what to your coffee, Tiltyu?”

“Nothing.” Tiltyu giggled, switching sides and going on Eaichu’s left, which had better hearing.

“WH-WHOA!! I GOT MY HAAAAAARD-ON!!”

An older man’s voice was heard in the back-room, making both Eaichu and Tiltyu uncomfortable.
Very uncomfortable. I mean who gets their jollies on yelling that they got an erection?

Eaichu turned towards Tiltyu, he didn’t hear it all that well, but he did hear the yelling, “What was that?”

“Mr. Phil…” Tiltyu said, sighing, “He’s a little tipsy tonight…”

“WHOAAA-OH! HOLD IT! HOLD IT!! AH-HAH! TAKE THAT!”

Eaichu could hear things being thrown in the back room. He felt a little better that it was late night, and the pharmacy was pretty much deserted, else Mr. Phil, the owner of the pharmacy, would be scaring away the customers.

“HEY! I GOT A-AN OBJECTION…WITH YOUR FACE!!” Phil yelled, then a cat could be heard screeching outside after a loud CLANG. “TAKE THAT!!”

“Eaichu, he’s scaring me…” Tiltyu said, gripping his arm. Eaichu forgot Tiltyu was there in the store, a victim due to Mr. Phil’s rowdiness that night. Eaichu nodded, and turned around towards the door to the back-room. Tiltyu watched him open the door and enter, and quickly close the door behind him after Phil yelled, “ER-ER…HOLD IT!! HOLD IT GOOOOD!!”

Eaichu raised an eyebrow as he saw Phil behind his desk, putting some medicine in a cup, ready for a family. The youth saw on the desk besides the medicine, a half-empty bottle of scotch. He sighed and decided to communicate with his drunk boss, “Mr. Phil…”

“WH-WHADDYA WANT!?” Phil yelled, hiccupping, “Don’t ya…that’s baseless…a baseless statement! OBJECTION!!”

“Mr. Phil, maybe you should take it easy…” Eaichu knew that Phil’s son had died recently, and the father wasn’t taking it easy. Eaichu then noticed the medicine that Phil was putting inside the prescription bottle, “Sir…why are you putting viagra in that bottle? That bottle is prescribed to Thunder Priestess…”

“…what?” Phil looked at the bottle, then the viagra. He gasped, then yelled, “HOLD IT! I…GOT AN OBJECTION!!”

“…What’s that, sir?”

“I AM HEAVILY DRUNK AND GIVING A GROWN WO…WHOO-HOO MAN VIAGRA…A STRONG DRUG THAT INCREASES THE AMOUNT OF WOOD A MAN’S PE—”

“I think that’s enough, sir…” Eaichu stopped his boss from violating the virginity of this story by interrupting him.

“HOLD IT, SONNY!” Phil yelled, opening up a drawer in his desk and pulled out a destroyed machine that had fit on his palm, “IS THIS CONTRAPTION YOURS? I FOUND IT AT THE PARKING LOT…I MUST’VE ACCIDENTALLY RAN IT OVER. TWENTY-SIX TIMES.”

“Th-that’s –!!” Eaichu gasped, then started to burst into tears, “MY GAME BOY COLOR!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”

Garet listened to the death wails for twenty minutes then decided to hit the fast-forward button. So the kid couldn’t play pokemon anymore. Depressing.

“JESUS CHRIST.” Garet cried, and Jesus appeared beside him, “DON’T USE MY NAME IN VAIN!!”

“I was calling for you, sir.” Garet said, on the verge of tears, “Do I have to watch all of these flashbacks? It’s really…tiring.”

“You haven’t even gotten to the good part yet. Wait until he destroys his DS!!” Jesus said, giving the Buddy Jesus pose, “Total Youtube material!!”

“Give me a second so I can listen to Dashboard Confessionals and slit my wrists,” Said Garet, whimpering, “It’ll make the pain easier to bear with.”
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Hollie
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Resident Brit

LAWL
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Inui
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Power of Flower

Leon, will you marry me?
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Neo
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Tits and Ass

Interesting. :Wright:
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Tiaro
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BOOM! Headshot. :3

LAWL, indeed. :wub:
Brawl code: 1118-0273-4847
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Pendant
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Praetor

XD..........
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Favorite GFX Artist, Most Intimidating (S/W 07 and W 08),
and Smartest Member (W 08) -- A thanks to all my voters \o/
GFX Judge and Master Rank

Avatar by Feez, signature by myself.
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Kovu
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Zidane was always entitled to 12 MOV!

Pure win so far!

~ Kovu
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Kovu's Awards
Formerly known as: Zidane, Miroku, Kovutachi, Artemis, Phantom Judge.
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Rin
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TOTALLY A MAN

rofl. gogo Leon!!
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Av and Sig were definitely not made by Pendant or fez.
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Dragon_Sniper
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chicks chicks chicks

Le-Le, this fiction (and all of your previous fics as well) is made of win~

You rock.

<3
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Awardz
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Merk
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ザワザワ

Not bad, sir.
~AKA SkyFireZero.
a r p s
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Admin
There is a light that never goes out...

I like it, keep up the good work.
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Phoenix Wright
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that moron that forgot this is s11

Hollie
Dec 5 2006, 08:45 PM
LAWL

LAWL
Wirt
 
I conquered the world with nothing but diarrhea and depression.

Previously: Ron DeLite, Simon
Reaver for the lulz
 
Fraulein Holls
Sep 14 2008, 06:16 PM
Some Kind Of Monster - Metallica

>> Metallica wub all of a sudden

Say, I know a member currently going by Ron DeLite who also loves Metallica, you two should totally hook up.
God of Thunder - KISS

rofl Chris
 
Chris says:
you know what
Chris says:
someone
Chris says:
once said to be
Chris says:
me*
Chris says:
when someone did
Chris says:
d(-_-)b
Chris says:
wtf, how'd they invert the b?
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cool story bro


When you said you were going to base this of of It's a Wonderful Life, I didn't know it would resemble it so closely. D:

But yay for making me the crazy old man I guess. :NotPhil:
A NEW WORLD ORDER
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Linoud
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Knight of Seven

Lawl, sexy.
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Garet
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I'm Kinda A Big Deal

Quote:
 
“Sir…why are you putting viagra in that bottle? That bottle is prescribed to Thunder Priestess…”


Oh god...

Yes, now I'm slitting my wrists to Dashboard Confessional. ._. Cause I'm so emo. :XD:

This is pretty sweet so far, Leon. :wub:
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Damn right I beat Kiri in this category.

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As expected. L3

- Formerly Garet
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