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| Attempts to spread the light throughout other town; Adventures of a follower | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: May 15 2007, 10:28 PM (78 Views) | |
| Light Yagami | May 15 2007, 10:28 PM Post #1 |
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As dog as a Fetch
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Beware my typos and bad gramrz Chapter 1 ------------------ Chris stepped into the small town of Felegand, a quiet but active village even though it only holds home to several families. Chris walked into the local market which happened to be an old pub. It was small and crowded for an underpopulated town. Chris leaned over to a man named Rayman and asked --"Is that a portrait of Karla, the undiservingly famed sword fighter?" as he pointed to the portrait of a dark haird girl above the fire place. --"Ai, she's a great sword mistress! She's one of the best around" He raored, while other people in the market nodded in agreement. ~Chris looked at him in confusion, knowing full well that there are much better fighters out in other lands. He said in a low tone ---"No, she really isn't a great sword fighter. Her Brother is even better than her, who happens to be severly outshined by another Swordmaster named Guy." Chris was almost knocked back out of his seat after he was shoved by Raymand. Raymond and a few other people then grabed him by his shirt and threw him against the wall. They then started shouting bolligerent remarks and stupid biased rants. Chris alarmed by his heated welcome then responded with "No no, she really isn't good at all, in fact, she was the worst unit on Lord Hector's team. She only showed up near the end of that war that went on not too long ago and she was severly outshined by the other members of his team. She has no good battle skill. She was indeed a bit fast but it took her a while to warm up. Also, she obviously did not practice before she joined them! I mean, have you seen how badly she fought compared to Lord Hector and Sir Lowen!?", he exclaimed. Raymond then sat him down and said something that came to Chris's surprise. "Sounds like something that good fer nothin' Lumas would say. I hate that man, so stupid!" Chris then shot back up and raised his voice- "How dare you! This town obviously lacks citizens with any inteligence! I mean for Ashera's sake, people around here are waving flags with Nino's name on them, and let me tell you, Nino was a horrible member of Hector's team. She was a rooky with no fighting experience. Having ehr fight was like trying to teach a child how to speak 5 minutes before a speach. !" Before they were able to make any remarks, Lumas then walked in through the door way with an angry expression on his face To be continued |
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| Hollie | May 16 2007, 01:46 PM Post #2 |
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Resident Brit
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I read the first paragraph or so, saw that you used '--' before speaking AND started a new line with your description afterwards (seriously, wtf), and gave up. Use commas and pay attention in class when they talk about tenses. |
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| Linoud | May 16 2007, 03:23 PM Post #3 |
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Knight of Seven
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o__________o Learn to structure, but it seems to be an arguement story based on FE characters. I did read the lot though. |
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2:34 PM Jul 11