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Yon
Topic Started: Nov 8 2007, 12:13 PM (11,161 Views)
Laharl
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Banned less than 24 hours after being un-underdogged

THIS IS SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS.
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Shinobi
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絶望した!!!

no one likes a fake emo...no-one likes real emos either
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The only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
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Psiwri
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Too Many Words

Laharl
Nov 20 2007, 02:42 AM
THIS IS SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS.

When will you stop regurgitating over used lines that aren't funny when they come from your mouth becuase you don't know the right times or places to use them?

Or I'm more likely asking too much of you who seems so easily entertained by repetition.
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Laharl
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Banned less than 24 hours after being un-underdogged

End
Nov 20 2007, 03:07 AM
Laharl
Nov 20 2007, 02:42 AM
THIS IS SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS.

When will you stop regurgitating over used lines that aren't funny when they come from your mouth becuase you don't know the right times or places to use them?


When you stop complaining. Srly you're like some 60 year old woman.
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Psiwri
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Too Many Words

Laharl
Nov 20 2007, 03:20 AM
End
Nov 20 2007, 03:07 AM
Laharl
Nov 20 2007, 02:42 AM
THIS IS SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS.

When will you stop regurgitating over used lines that aren't funny when they come from your mouth becuase you don't know the right times or places to use them?


When you stop complaining. Srly you're like some 60 year old woman.

Stop whining about my posts.
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Laharl
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Banned less than 24 hours after being un-underdogged

End
Nov 20 2007, 03:20 AM
Laharl
Nov 20 2007, 03:20 AM
End
Nov 20 2007, 03:07 AM
Laharl
Nov 20 2007, 02:42 AM
THIS IS SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS.

When will you stop regurgitating over used lines that aren't funny when they come from your mouth becuase you don't know the right times or places to use them?


When you stop complaining. Srly you're like some 60 year old woman.

Stop whining about my posts.

Stop complaining about mine.
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Shinobi
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絶望した!!!

:psyduk:
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The only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
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Laharl
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Banned less than 24 hours after being un-underdogged

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Dragon Hellfire
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Dragon Hellfire; three random words

So, you want to Stop Playing the Accordion. That's understandable - if you want to pick up members of the opposite sex, you need to have both hands free in order to lift them safely. The first thing you must realise is that in order to stop playing the accordion, you must first start playing the accordion. Please note that this is not a euphemism, so put that thing back in your pants and listen good. Or read good, unless you have that text-to-speech stuff. In which case, listen good. Or if you're all "picky" and "fussy" about grammar, listen well.

Accordions can be quite daunting for a first time user, with the many options. We'll go through a few of the basic types.

Acoustic accordions can be found in most good music stores, some neutral ones, but are relatively rare in evil music stores. They can weigh anything from 5 grams to 27 kilotons, with the most common falling more towards the lighter end of the scale. The best acoustic accordions can be identified as having:

* A firm, supple squeezebox
* Pert, pouty keys
* Fewer than three bullet-holes

Although providing a harsher, more vibrato sound, electronic accordions have found popularity amongst younger players due to their lighter weight, wider range, and faster reloading. They tend to be more expensive, with the more popular brands being available through Target and Borders. The most well-known brand is the Apple iCcordion. Some important safety tips for using electronic accordions:

* Do not use if cord is frayed
* Do not use in damp conditions unless properly insulated
* Do not use while juggling chainsaws
* Do not use while inside a nuclear furnace

Steam-powered accordions tend to be popular with the latte-drinking poetry-reading beret-wearing set, ever since they were used in the storming of the Bastille. They are crass, useless things which tend to damage everything and everyone around them, and so are the accordions. The mechanism for powering them gives them a thin, reedy tone, not unlike scraping an axe down a chalkboard. They can be found lying on street corners near coffee bars, and should only be used by trained professionals or complete amateurs.

Free-standing accordions are better known as Grand Pianos, and are banned in most countries due to the danger of them crushing people when pushed off the top of stairs. They can be purchased via eBay, but make sure you have a license before purchasing one unless living in the country of Hasslehoff. Grand pianos have a loud, rumbling tone, followed by a wet squelch and a lawsuit.

Now that you've obtained your accordion, it's time to start playing it! You'll be the envy of all of your friends, if you have any. If not, would you like to be my friend? I'm a 10 year old girl living in - er, anyway, playing the accordion. Yes. Read on! And any FBI agents, could you just pretend that last sentence didn't exist?

Several schools that teach a wide range of popular instruments exist worldwide to help you develop the skills necessary to tackle high-level accordion playing. Online guilds in City of Heroes can point you in the right direction, and several ex-Zune salesmen have turned to accordion teaching in order to offset hideous losses and scarring.

It can take many years of hard training to become an expert accordion player, and not every person has the drive and stamina to see it through to the bitter end. However, those that do finally reach the lofty rank of Black Neckstrap will know that they are members of a proud, select few that can truly call themselves anal retentive.

Accordions have been strictly regulated in every civilised country in the world, leaving only a few countries such as england, France and the USA to allow unlicensed accordion playing. Underground accordion clubs exist in many cities, and can be recognised by the large, fat mimes who act as bouncers.

Some well-known accordion-haunts include:

* The Luxembourg Inn, Düsseldorf
* The Düsseldorf Inn, Luxembourg
* The Cranky Swallow, London
* Bastard's Bar and Grill, Sydney
* Nerds'R'Us, Redmond

Finally, what we've been waiting for. To stop playing the accordion simply set the damn thing on fire.
.:FES:.
Formerly: Juggernaut, FireBane


100% of BwdYetis don't care about your percentages. You're not a BwdYeti, so you can't copy and paste this into your sig. ¬_¬
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Laharl
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Banned less than 24 hours after being un-underdogged

Laharl
Nov 20 2007, 05:28 AM
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uh-huh.
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Tiaro
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BOOM! Headshot. :3

Dragon Hellfire
Nov 20 2007, 08:23 AM
So, you want to Stop Playing the Accordion. That's understandable - if you want to pick up members of the opposite sex, you need to have both hands free in order to lift them safely. The first thing you must realise is that in order to stop playing the accordion, you must first start playing the accordion. Please note that this is not a euphemism, so put that thing back in your pants and listen good. Or read good, unless you have that text-to-speech stuff. In which case, listen good. Or if you're all "picky" and "fussy" about grammar, listen well.

Accordions can be quite daunting for a first time user, with the many options. We'll go through a few of the basic types.

Acoustic accordions can be found in most good music stores, some neutral ones, but are relatively rare in evil music stores. They can weigh anything from 5 grams to 27 kilotons, with the most common falling more towards the lighter end of the scale. The best acoustic accordions can be identified as having:

* A firm, supple squeezebox
* Pert, pouty keys
* Fewer than three bullet-holes

Although providing a harsher, more vibrato sound, electronic accordions have found popularity amongst younger players due to their lighter weight, wider range, and faster reloading. They tend to be more expensive, with the more popular brands being available through Target and Borders. The most well-known brand is the Apple iCcordion. Some important safety tips for using electronic accordions:

* Do not use if cord is frayed
* Do not use in damp conditions unless properly insulated
* Do not use while juggling chainsaws
* Do not use while inside a nuclear furnace

Steam-powered accordions tend to be popular with the latte-drinking poetry-reading beret-wearing set, ever since they were used in the storming of the Bastille. They are crass, useless things which tend to damage everything and everyone around them, and so are the accordions. The mechanism for powering them gives them a thin, reedy tone, not unlike scraping an axe down a chalkboard. They can be found lying on street corners near coffee bars, and should only be used by trained professionals or complete amateurs.

Free-standing accordions are better known as Grand Pianos, and are banned in most countries due to the danger of them crushing people when pushed off the top of stairs. They can be purchased via eBay, but make sure you have a license before purchasing one unless living in the country of Hasslehoff. Grand pianos have a loud, rumbling tone, followed by a wet squelch and a lawsuit.

Now that you've obtained your accordion, it's time to start playing it! You'll be the envy of all of your friends, if you have any. If not, would you like to be my friend? I'm a 10 year old girl living in - er, anyway, playing the accordion. Yes. Read on! And any FBI agents, could you just pretend that last sentence didn't exist?

Several schools that teach a wide range of popular instruments exist worldwide to help you develop the skills necessary to tackle high-level accordion playing. Online guilds in City of Heroes can point you in the right direction, and several ex-Zune salesmen have turned to accordion teaching in order to offset hideous losses and scarring.

It can take many years of hard training to become an expert accordion player, and not every person has the drive and stamina to see it through to the bitter end. However, those that do finally reach the lofty rank of Black Neckstrap will know that they are members of a proud, select few that can truly call themselves anal retentive.

Accordions have been strictly regulated in every civilised country in the world, leaving only a few countries such as england, France and the USA to allow unlicensed accordion playing. Underground accordion clubs exist in many cities, and can be recognised by the large, fat mimes who act as bouncers.

Some well-known accordion-haunts include:

* The Luxembourg Inn, Düsseldorf
* The Düsseldorf Inn, Luxembourg
* The Cranky Swallow, London
* Bastard's Bar and Grill, Sydney
* Nerds'R'Us, Redmond

Finally, what we've been waiting for. To stop playing the accordion simply set the damn thing on fire.

What the-....?
Brawl code: 1118-0273-4847
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Shinobi
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絶望した!!!

paste much?...
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The only thing we have to fear is fear itself - nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.
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Wirtjr
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The Train Conductor to Hell

David Blaine (born David Blaine White on April 4, 1973 in Brooklyn, New York City, USA) is an American illusionist, stunt performer and dick. His father was Spanish–Puerto Rican and his mother was Jewish, making him one of the first known Spanish/Puerto Rican/Jewish dicks (Jewricanspanick). Blaine is best known for taking himself way too seriously.

Contents
[hide]
1 Early career
2 Public Stunts
3 Personal Life
4 Trivia
Early career

Blaine began his career by bringing street magic to the public, performing card tricks and growing a goatee, a facial hair configuration popular among dicks. Using common props like coins, cards and cigarettes, Blaine entertained unsuspecting pedestrians in television specials like “David Blaine: Street Magic,” “David Blaine: Magic Man,” and “David Blaine: Listen, Asshole, I’m Late For Work So Get Those Coins Out Of My Face.” But with a surfeit of imitators trying to ride the wave of indeterminate-race-dick-magic-performed-with-a-cocky-air-of-white-B-boy cool, Blaine soon turned his attention towards the next obvious step in his career: burying himself in a glass coffin like a dead princess.
Public Stunts

Premature Burial
Beginning on April 5, 1999, Blaine spent seven days buried inside a glass coffin at the bottom of an open pit in front of a New York City building owned by noted dick Donald Trump. Passersby could peer into the coffin and experience the awesome power of what it’s like for David Blaine to shut up for seven days. Blaine emerged on schedule on April 12. Within days, his goatee was back to normal.
Frozen in Time
On November 27, 2000, Blaine began a similar stunt called "Frozen in Time," which was the subject of a television special. Blaine was encased in a box of ice for 61 hours, 40 minutes, and 15 seconds before being removed and taken to the hospital to be treated for acute hypothermic dick shock. Within days, his goatee was back to normal.
Vertigo
Blaine's next stunt was called "Vertigo." On Monday, May 22, 2002, Blaine stood on a pole 90 feet high and 22 inches wide for more than 34 hours without food, water, or anything to rest his ego on. His goatee would not return to normal for several weeks.
Above the Below
Blaine sat for 44 days in a Plexiglass box suspended over the River Thames in London. Okay, we get it. Guy keeps magically coming up with ways to do nothing for long periods of time. What else you got?
Drowned Alive
Seriously, there’s more? Fine. On May 1, 2006, Blaine was submerged in a water-filled sphere measuring eight feet in diameter in front of New York’s Lincoln Center. Blaine’s plan was to remain inside the sphere for seven days, then attempt to break the world record for holding one’s breath underwater while freeing himself from handcuffs and chains. While any one of these feats would have been boring, Blaine’s astounding combination of the three was three times as boring.
Blaine failed in this attempt and had to be rescued by support divers. He cried. (See also: David Blaine entry in Pussypedia.)
Revolution
On November 21, 2006, in Times Square, Blaine was suspended 50 feet in the air while strapped by shackles inside a giant gyroscope. Blaine’s magic is appealing to people because it reflects the mystery of everyday situations.
Personal Life

Blaine convinced Fiona Apple to have sexual intercourse with him, and in what may be his greatest trick, has been romantically linked with Madonna.
Trivia

• During his appearance on “Last Call with Carson Daly,” Blaine pretended to pull his heart out and fainted. The incident was staged but NBC almost cancelled the segment. “Last Call with Carson Daly” is a television show no one has ever seen hosted by a guy no one cares about.
• He has Primo Levi's concentration camp number, 174517, tattooed on his left forearm. Both men stand as a reminder of the ability of the human spirit to withstand seemingly endless stretches of time under inhuman, barbaric conditions and be paid handsomely for it, except not Primo Levi.
• There have been many allegations that Blaine is in fact the Antichrist and/or a demon because of his use of magic, but as religious scholars have pointed out, even Satan has better facial hair.
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Zoe
 
Wirtjr, Be all My Sins Remember'd says: (7:48:27 PM)
*Pops his bones*
Zoë says: (7:48:54 PM)
which boners and why
Zoë says: (7:48:57 PM)
WHOOPS
Zoë says: (7:49:03 PM)
omg >_>;

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Defecation is the act or process by which organisms eliminate solid or semisolid waste material (feces) from the digestive tract via the anus. Humans expel feces anywhere from a few times daily to a few times weekly; sloths can go a week without expelling. Waves of muscular contraction known as peristalsis in the walls of the colon move fecal matter through the digestive tract towards the rectum. Undigested food may also be expelled this way; this process is called egestion.

The rectum ampulla (anatomically also: ampulla recti) acts as a temporary storage facility for the unneeded material. As the rectal walls expand due to the material filling it, stretch receptors from the nervous system located in the rectal walls stimulate the desire to defecate. If the urge is not acted upon, the material in the rectum is often returned to the colon where more water is absorbed. If defecation is delayed for a prolonged period the fecal matter may harden, resulting in constipation.

When the rectum is full, an increase in intrarectal pressure forces the walls of the anal canal apart allowing the fecal matter to enter the canal. The rectum shortens as material is forced into the anal canal and peristaltic waves push the feces out of the rectum. The internal and external anal sphincters allow the feces to be passed by muscles pulling the anus up over the exiting feces.

During defecation the chest muscles, diaphragm, abdominal wall muscles, and pelvic diaphragm all exert pressure on the digestive tract and ventilation temporarily ceases as the lungs push the chest diaphragm down in order to exert pressure. Blood pressure rises throughout the body and the amount of blood pumped by the heart decreases. During this time, the body is effectively undergoing similar stresses to that of a valsalva maneuver. Death has been known to occur in cases where defecation causes the blood pressure to rise enough to cause the rupture of an aneurysm or to dislodge blood clots (see thrombosis).

Humans must consciously relax the external sphincter muscles to expel waste. The anal and urethal sphincter muscles are closely linked, and experiments by Dr. Harrison Weed at the Ohio State University Medical Center have shown that they can only be contracted together, not individually, and that they both show relaxation during urination. This explains why defecation is frequently accompanied with urination.

Defecation may be involuntary or under voluntary control. Young children learn voluntary control through the process of toilet training. Once trained, loss of control causing fecal incontinence may be caused by physical injury (such as damage to the anal sphincter that may result from an episiotomy), intense fright, inflammatory bowel disease, impaired water absorption in the colon (see diarrhea), and psychological or neurological factors.

The positions and modalities of defecation are culture-dependent. In some regions of the world, such as South Asia, East Asia and rural parts of the Middle East, it is customary to squat (typically using squat toilets), while in most of the Western World sit-down toilets are used.

The anus and buttocks may be cleansed with toilet paper or similar paper products. In some cultures water is also used (e.g. as with a bidet). In Japan, some toilets known as washlets are designed to wash and dry the anus of the user after defecation.
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Wirtjr
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The Train Conductor to Hell

Marion Gordon "Pat" Robertson (born March 22, 1930) is an American televangelist, the founder of the Christian Broadcasting Network and the Christian Coalition, the host of The 700 Club, a one-time candidate for the Republican presidential nomination, and a dick.
Contents
[hide]
1 Family
2 Education, Military Career
3 Religious Awakening and Ministry
4 1988 presidential bid
5 Feminism and homosexuality
6 Support for war criminal Charles Taylor
7 Powerful thighs
Family

At a young age, Robertson was given the nickname "Pat" by his younger brother Willis Robertson, Jr. This was because, when Robertson was a baby, Willis enjoyed patting him on the cheeks and saying "pat, pat, pat." There was not much to do in the Robertson household.
As Robertson got older, he came to believe that "Marion" sounded too effeminate and "M. Gordon" sounded too affected. Whether he considered the more manly sounding "Mar-Don" is unknown. Eventually, Robertson settled on "Pat," a name which nobody could ever suspect would belong to an effeminate man. Though now established as someone completely secure in his sexuality and masculinity, Robertson would continue in his obsession with names and public image. During his run for the presidency in 1988, he threatened NBC with a lawsuit for calling him a "television evangelist.” This was because it came at a time when two other totally-sexually-secure, right-wing evangelicals, Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggart, were embroiled in scandals.
Education, Military Career

Robertson received his bachelor's degree in history from Washington and Lee University, a date-rapey safety school attended by wealthy southerners denied entry to Duke and the University of Virginia. Robertson claims that he was elected to the Phi Beta Kappa Society, but this is not corroborated by the Society's membership directory. It is unclear why the Society is obviously lying about the religious broadcaster's membership.
About his college years, Robertson has said, "although I worked hard at my studies, my real major centered around lovely young ladies who attended the nearby girls schools." Clearly, the name "Pat" had its desired effect.
Robertson's efforts to come to grips with his obvious and prodigious heterosexuality continued into his service during the Korean war. Robertson said that his division was "in combat in the hot and dusty, then bitterly cold portion of North Korea just above the 38th Parallel, later identified as the 'Punchbowl' and 'Heartbreak Ridge.'"
However, former Republican Congressman Paul "Pete" McCloskey, Jr., who served with Robertson, claims that Robertson was spared combat duty when his father, a U.S. Senator, intervened, and that Robertson actually spent most of his time in an office in Japan, where he was the "liquor officer." Why McCloskey would spread such vicious lies about a future man of God is unclear.
According to Paul Brosman, Jr., another veteran who served with Robertson in Korea, Robertson had sexual relations with prostitutes. Though it is clear that Robertson was only counseling them to leave their dirty, sinful, filthy, deliciously thrilling life.
Religious Awakening and Ministry

After failing to pass the bar exam in 1955, Robertson set his eyes on the next best thing: a religious conversion, which has a much lower bar than the actual bar.
After attending the New York Theological Seminary, where he saw as much combat action as he did in Korea, Robertson founded the Christian Broadcasting Network in 1961. CBN is now watched by shut-ins, racists, homophobes and those without remote controls in 180 countries.
1988 presidential bid

In 1988, Robertson sought the Republican presidential nomination, saying he would enter the race only if three million dicks could be persuaded to sign a petition. He found them and they were persuaded.
Robertson did well in Iowa, taking second place to George H. W. Bush, a fellow dick. After doing badly in New Hampshire, however, he dropped out the race and decided to devote himself full-time to his increasing insanity and paranoia.
Feminism and homosexuality

Robertson has said that feminism is a "socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians." This is, of course, not true. Not all feminists become lesbians. A few of them stop at bi-sexuality.
On an episode of The 700 Club, another dick, Jerry Falwell, said that the attacks on September 11, 2001 were caused by "pagans, abortionists, feminists, gays, lesbians, the American Civil Liberties Union and the People For the American Way," to which Robertson agreed.
After widespread public outcry from the gay, pagan, and abortionist communities, Robertson claimed that his earpiece wasn't functioning properly.
Robertson has also said that tolerance of homosexuality could result in hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes, terrorist bombings and "possibly a meteor." Proof that this is true and God has cursed areas that accept homosexuality can be seen in the low property values of such places as West Hollywood and Greenwich Village.
Support for war criminal Charles Taylor

Robertson voiced support for former President of Liberia and dick Charles Taylor on The 700 Club program during the Liberian Civil War in June and July of 2003. Robertson did not mention his $8,000,000 investment in a Liberian gold mine. Taylor had been indicted by the United Nations for war crimes at the time of Robertson's support. But, in Robertson's defense, Taylor was not a pagan, abortionist, homosexual, or member of the ACLU.
Powerful thighs

Robertson, a 76 year-old prostate cancer survivor, has claimed he can leg-press 2,000 pounds, which is not at all a gay thing to claim.
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Zoe
 
Wirtjr, Be all My Sins Remember'd says: (7:48:27 PM)
*Pops his bones*
Zoë says: (7:48:54 PM)
which boners and why
Zoë says: (7:48:57 PM)
WHOOPS
Zoë says: (7:49:03 PM)
omg >_>;

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