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| I'm getting married next month; I should be happy right? | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Aug 30 2008, 08:14 AM (167 Views) | |
| Xieveral | Aug 30 2008, 08:14 AM Post #1 |
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Shou's Mommy
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I wold be if this was something that we both agreed on but it isn't. When he got home today he said his mother told him we have to have a traditional Khmer wedding at the end of next month. What mother wants, mother gets... I'm not comfortable with it at all, because I have to choose one of his sisters as a bridesmaid. How can I after they both told me to get an abortion when I told them I was pregnant. One was 8 months pregnant at the time the other was someone I really looked up to and trusted a great deal. I want this child, I could care less if they want anything to do with me and my baby its not like I ever needed their help anyway. I've proven I can take care of things myself. There's other reasons too like his mother expecting me to be a housewife and take care of her little boy and god forbid I should have a son because there are too many boys in their family... Honestly the only people in his family I can stand are his father and brothers. The women are just too... I can't even think of the words describe them >< Even Yuki is testing my patience by telling me to suck it up and just go through with the wedding to make them happy and to think about how this makes him look. But why should I care about their happiness when they never took mine into consideration? I apologize for ranting, I just really needed to get this off my chest. I don't know what to do. I honestly feel like running out on him. |
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| Noblesse Oblige | Aug 30 2008, 09:23 AM Post #2 |
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Warrior of Light via..somewhere
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In my personal opinion Xiev, if you feel that this in some way Yuki is making this out to just be a way to make him look good in his mother's eyes, then it would be time to think about what to do before it's too late, because if his sisters are like how they are, if you become married to him and you're not as happy as you thought, what do you think they will say to him? I know it's not a good picture to paint, but some families are like that. I know you've talked to me about some stuff, and I won't get into on here, but it seems that you're with him and you're sometimes not happy about it. Don't think because you have a child on the way that nobody will want you, ok? I think it's best you worry about how YOU feel about it, and not worry about hurting someone's feelings because you're not happy with someone or some people in the relationship. I know a lot may say "Buck it up, might turn out for the best" but not everything turns out sunshine and rainbows after a troublesome marrying, like in all those movies out there. Be the Xieveral I know, think about your well being. |
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| Xieveral | Aug 30 2008, 10:56 AM Post #3 |
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Shou's Mommy
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I love Yuki very much but I think he feels obligated to his mother and sisters since they were all he had growing up. The other 2 brothers were already grown and out on their own and his dad was always taking care of the family business. I've just never been a "let's get the whole family involved" kind of person. Yuki is though. Maybe its a cultural thing. He only starts worrying about image when he talks to his mom/sisters. The doctor especially. She's criticized me for being so strong-willed. Calling me selfish because I'd rather deal with things on my own than beg for help. I'm not marrying them so why should they care what I'm like. His father and brothers on the other hand only care that we do our best in everything we pursue and to make education a top priority. Traditions, image they're no big deal to them. That is how my family is too. |
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| Silinrul Darastrix7 | Aug 30 2008, 11:53 AM Post #4 |
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Endless Fighter
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I should -PROBABLY- hold my tongue on this, because what I have to say isn't very polite. I CAN say that I hope somehow, things work out for you. |
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| Noblesse Oblige | Aug 30 2008, 07:15 PM Post #5 |
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Warrior of Light via..somewhere
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Seikh she is looking for suggestions on what to do, so go ahead and say? |
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| Windy | Aug 30 2008, 07:58 PM Post #6 |
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esoteric.
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Wall of text version TWO (No Xiev that means you read >.>) Breif summary after reading Xiev's post: Yuki's Mother says traditional khmer wedding at the end of next month. “what mother wants mother gets” Xiev is uncomfortable because the sisters asked her for an abortion. If a Khmer wedding takes place Xiev has to pick one of these sisters for a brides maid. After the wedding The mother expects Xiev to play housewife to Yuki. Meaning take care of Yuki the kid and only clean the house. Yuki is saying stick it out for the image of what it looks like infront Of his mother. Ok after re reading and getting more info. Checklist of things to do before considering walking out. 1. Talk to Yuki Show him that you are not comfortable with any of this right now. Tell him about what his sisters said about the baby. (if you have'nt already) And what his mother asked you to do. Make it known that you're not about to go into the wedding just to please mommy. Yuki may feel obligated to hold a traditional wedding like mommy wants but if you feel uncomfortable with it let him know. 2. Talk to the mother. Make it clear that this is not the 1800s and Yuki is a big boy now he can take care of himself perfectly fine, this is not to say you don't love each other this is to say that Yuki dose not need baby sitting like she suggests and that if possiable you are willing to have a happy marriage with Yuki. 3. The sisters. Make it known that you are not about to give up this child and asking you for an abortion was very offensive. You're going to have a happy life with or with out them and they can come along if they are willing to have a common ground. As for the doctor consider this: Has she tried to help yet you have not accepted it thus coming off as offensive whether you knew it or not? If she's simply being a brat and trying to pull things around like mommy dearest is then for get about her. All in all if you do decide to get married make sure it's because you want to get married and not that you're going to end up playing house wife and what everyone expects. Yuki should feel greatful that his sisters and mother were there for him all the time but this also includes you. If you've told him how you feel and he continues to remain unwavering then it might be time to consider packing and leaveing. All in all I hope all of you can come to some sort of agreement and not end up doing things just because mommy says. Make leaveing your last resort and show that you want a happy marriage with someone you love. If it's not going to happen then leave but tell yourself; You're not going to let it rule your life, and move on to bigger ,and better things. |
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| KayinCloud | Aug 30 2008, 08:12 PM Post #7 |
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Shinobi of Storm
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In all honesty, I don't know what to tell you. All I really can say to you, Xiev, is that I can always lend an ear to you. I do agree with Noble in that you need to do what's best for you. If you can come up with a resolution to convince Yuki to reconsider, then that is all the better. They can't force you to marry. You're both adults. |
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| Windy | Aug 30 2008, 08:40 PM Post #8 |
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esoteric.
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Kayin's sig gives me a head ache >.< |
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| Xieveral | Aug 30 2008, 09:07 PM Post #9 |
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Shou's Mommy
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This wedding, its not a legal marriage just a religious ceremony his mom wants because she sees it as we'll be forever unlucky/cursed/whatever if we don't do this. It just seems like a silly superstition to me and to Yuki but being a request from his mother, he feels obligated to do it. My family and his dad could care less if we decided to actually marry in a spiritual and/or legal sense. As long as we pursue an education, give everything our best effort and stay good hard-working people all else is our concern. His father is very accepting of whatever way we choose to live. He told us that no matter how we decide to do things in life he would support our choices. He was happy to find out that we were having a child. He told Yuki that he had been planning to buy us a house for some time too. I left a really good impression on him when I first met him, he said he could tell that I was going to be good for his son and to keep being the same good girl always. I just wish his mom would see what the other half of his family sees in me. |
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| Xieveral | Aug 30 2008, 09:10 PM Post #10 |
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Shou's Mommy
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Yuki and I do want to get married but we wanted to do things our way first then do whatever the family wanted.I probably would have been more willing to do things his mother's way if she hadn't gone on ahead and plotted it without anyone's knowing. Because of that, A lot of people have to drop everything at last minute to entertain her needs. I'm supposed to be running the anime shop on my own come mid-September but now I have to tell my boss about this and put off my promotion until October. That in turn, means he has to run both this and the new store across town being away from his wife and their baby girl even more. My best friend has to give up her only free weekend in September to come with me as a bridesmaid. She was supposed to be spending time with family. But since she understands the kind of person I am she's going to be there to support me instead. I feel my parents have it hardest of all in this. They've been having to deal with my younger sister's troubles and my grandmother's illness.My parents have been taking care of my grandmother for the past 6 months and she recently had to go to the hospital because her condition has been worsening. They need to be there for her every day because she refuses to eat or take her medicine unless my mom is there. So for my parents 3 days away from her just isn't an option but according to Yuki's mom they HAVE to be present otherwise we can't marry. |
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| Windy | Aug 30 2008, 09:44 PM Post #11 |
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esoteric.
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Then... this all comes down to why can't you simply postpone the wedding till a later date? And dose Yuki's mother know of all of this? and if she dose then I say tell her off, tell her next month is not a good time and you can do the ceramony later. you listed alot of agony for a superstition all just for Yuki's mother. |
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| Xieveral | Aug 30 2008, 09:53 PM Post #12 |
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Shou's Mommy
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If we could just put it off, I would have gladly gone through with the wedding without argument. She wants us to do it now because I'm due in January and she's only going to be staying in California until January or something. Then she's leaving to Cambodia to go live with her mother for a while, she just left Arizona after staying here for 7 months with his sisters. I'd hope she understands the issue my parents face since she's leaving the country for similar reasons. |
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| Windy | Aug 30 2008, 09:55 PM Post #13 |
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esoteric.
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Ok so why can't you all have the wedding at the same place where your grandma is? then atleast shes not risking lives. |
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| Xieveral | Aug 30 2008, 10:03 PM Post #14 |
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Shou's Mommy
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I dunno, something about no head monk that could do it here in Phoenix. |
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| Windy | Aug 30 2008, 10:24 PM Post #15 |
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esoteric.
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Fly his rear over there? |
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