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Editor says: "I can't wait for the sequel!"; Returning my manuscript.
Topic Started: Mar 20 2009, 10:00 PM (500 Views)
Shana
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Hey all,

For those of you who didn't know, I am publishing a fantasy epic novel and today received my editorial/review from my editor Ron. Here is the result:


My Editor: "You have done a very good job of creating a fantasy novel of epic proportions. Readers of fantasy will be delighted with all the “history” of the world and its conflicts that you have created, like the Herald wars that took place well before this story opens. We get such history through dialog, sometimes with narrative, etc. And the story itself, of Arret, Elena, and the rest of the main characters, unfolds in an intriguing and tension-filled plot. I concentrated my efforts on the storyline and its unfolding, but also on your word usage, imagery, and all the elements that build on your strengths as a writer. See my comments in the manuscript.

You have created a well-rounded and well-conceived cast of characters. Each of them is unique in his or her own way. Each character has his or her own internal conflicts that help or hinder them in their interaction with the other characters. Very good job!

So what we have in the plot is the story of a kingdom run by a ruthless witch with seemingly unlimited powers, searching for the lost heir to the throne of the murdered King Sorin. This lost heir poses a threat to the witch’s rule, and so a search goes out to find this lost heir now that the heir is about to come into her own power. Should the heir return to reclaim her just rule, the witch and her allies fear being deposed. But instead of concentrating the story on the witch and her overt actions, we meet Elena, a simple village girl, growing up in a sleepy little village, raised by her grandparents, until one night, her village is attacked and all the girls of the village are rounded up and taken prisoner, to be taken to the wicked Queen. Elena escapes and goes on the run. By a series of fortuitous encounters, she pairs up with Arret and an immortal horse who help her to avoid the clutches of the Black Guard, time and time again. Most of the story, therefore, is about these three characters who go from town to town, avoiding capture. They have narrow escapes, horrendous fight scenes, and all the time, the mystery surrounding the lost heir and, as it turns out a knight in exile, who eventually vows to protect Elena. He eventually comes to know that Elena is the lost heir…

But he has vowed to never let her know this. All he wants is for her to be able to one day live the simple life away from danger. Elena has no idea that she is being sought by the witch because she is the lost heir. Her memories of her past have been wiped away, and so she is on the run without knowing why she is being sought.

This formula for the story works quite well throughout. The plot elements never get in the way of the movement of the story to its ultimate and twisted climax, which ends with many revelations and leaves room, quite well for the next book in the series.

I can't wait for the sequel!"


I was beaming at that point. I can't wait to get the editing on my end started!!

So basically I won't be logging onto PSU and probably not even on MSN unless I need a break from editing. I'll try to take at least a day a week off (most likely Saturday) to relax. This is my first step to being a published author and I'm extremely fired up to dive head first into this revised manuscript. I have this round of editing done, now I have to read it over and send it back to him for the second round. I'm very excited and can't wait for the book to be printed. I'll be around and I'll be on the forums but don't expect be to be on MSN or PSU a lot XD.

I love you all and hope to finish this so I can get back to being around everyone, but this is something I have to do. Hope to hear from everyone during my time grinding on my keyboard. Let the editing begin!
 
Namillus
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Woah! Congratulations, man! =o
 
MountainLynx
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Ninja
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Nice! Grats!
 
Lavie
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Neko-chan
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holy 'ell man o.o; That is epic. I'm also liking the summary of the book, let me know when its released, I will buy a copy :P (oh, and the title XD)Posted Image
 
Shana
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Cool ^^. I'm guessing 5-6 months from now depending on how long it takes them after editing. The title is Knight in Exile: The Lost Heir
 
WonderlandAlli
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Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet.
 
Increase
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Congratulations! That's amazing! o.o I'll be sure to pick up a copy when it comes out.
 
Shana
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Here is my progress with the book so far. I just got back my other editorial reviews. They made the back cover text, short description, and other things. They gave me goosebumps. Each descriptions repeats itself a little because they're all separate and used differently. There are a few things I need to work out but I was very impressed with the feedback.

Sentence Description (200 characters, including spaces)
A mesmerizing and adventure-filled Medieval fantasy pitting the magical forces of unparalleled evil against the determination of young Elena and Arret, in whose hands rests the future of a kingdom.

Description (1,000 characters, including spaces)
In Knight in Exile: The Lost Heir, author B. C. Kaleman creates a thoroughly gripping and satisfying adventure. This Medieval fantasy takes the classic good versus evil scenario and adds electrical charges that run hot from beginning to end. Readers mourn the death of King Sorin and his eight worthy knights, while straining against the desire to bring down the evil Anemlia. When young squire Arret ―accompanied by Reynul, a magnificent horse that communicates telepathically― aides the lovely and nubile Elena in her escape from Anemlia, the story becomes a page-turner of the most thrilling kind. This incomparable adventure is made even more spellbinding through magical powers, old loyalties, and treachery from new and unexpected corners. Why is Elena being hunted? And how will she be able to return to the life she once loved? And is the spy known as Arc friend or foe? Kaleman has delivered a fantasy as exciting as it is unpredictable. When readers reach the last page, they will want more.

Extended Description
Imagine a Medieval fantasy as gripping as it is unpredictable, one in which you are never certain who is good, who is evil, and how the good guys could possibly survive. These are the questions that run through B. C. Kaleman’s Medieval adventure, Knight in Exile: The Lost Heir, a fast-paced and totally compelling novel that will leave you breathless with anticipation. From battle scenes to flight from evil, from betrayal to loyal devotion, this is a saga that delivers at all levels. Following the death of King Sorin and the assassination of his knights, the evil Anemlia takes the throne and rules with a vengeance. One of her victims is Elena, a young woman who is thoroughly confused and terrified by the enmity of this powerful and deadly sorceress. With the help of squire Arret and Reynul, a magnificent horse that communicates telepathically, Elena flees, pursued by the Black Serpent Guard throughout the lands of Indriul. Arc, who is first friend and then foe, plays prominently in Elena’s despair. Why is she being hunted, and who can she trust? Kaleman’s use of magic and suspense, treachery and honor, electrifies this saga from the first paragraph to the shocking and utterly unexpected finale.


Back Cover Text
King Sorin is dead. Anemlia, the self-proclaimed queen, deftly orchestrates the death of Sorin’s eight knights and turns a vengeful eye toward young Elena. But why? In B. C. Kaleman’s thrilling and unpredictable Medieval fantasy, Knight in Exile: The Lost Heir, readers will be mesmerized by the unfolding adventure of Arret and Elena as they flee their pursuers, fighting for survival as their world is destroyed around them. Unable to differentiate friend from foe, Arret attempts to protect Elena, who has no idea why she has been targeted for death. With the help of Reynul, a magnificent and wise steed that speaks telepathically, they fight to regain their homeland and defeat Anemlia. As the layers of this story are revealed, readers are swept into a time and place so alien…and yet believable. The ending is so unexpected that readers are left begging for more.


I think when the final version comes out, the Extended Description and Back Cover text will need the most attention but overall I was very happy with how it turned out.
 
KayinCloud
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Shinobi of Storm
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Do not want...Er...WANT NAO! XD Very nice, man.
 
Noblesse Oblige
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Warrior of Light via..somewhere
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Good job Shana, always said you would do a great job on this book.
 
Valtea
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Hehe those are pretty appetizing descriptions. Makes me looking forward to picking this one up at least.
 
Silinrul Darastrix7
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Endless Fighter
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*steals free copy* >_>
 
Shana
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Yeah, these are however only the draft. They have a lot of issues I need to work out with them as well as a few inconsistencies. Otherwise than that it wasn't too bad.
 
Shana
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I got my book back from the second revision. Here is some of the words directly from the comment I got from my editor:

"Overall, the ms was a pleasure to edit and read, again. You write in a strong active voice, and your gift of description is great. I think I kept a pretty careful eye on characterization, and I really can’t think of any flat or uninteresting characters. You must have followed through if I had made a suggestion to make sure you describe each character’s physical appearance, because I found I could “see” each of the characters as they were introduced, what they wore, and how they looked. Also, when you were in the heads of one character or another, you handled their “interior” dialog well, using italics to visually distinguish their direct thoughts from their spoken aloud speech. Your good characters and your bad characters are both well described. My favorite, because of his complexity and mystery was (Sorry, spoiler block here). One of your true gifts is your dialog, especially when two characters are sparring either jokingly or in anger. You rarely use irrelevant dialog, so just keep doing what you’re doing when you write. I hope these edits and comments are valuable in helping the manuscript achieve your publishing goals. Good luck in your revision, and I wish you all the best for this manuscript and future books. I would be most delighted to work on your next book!"

The rest is a lot of talking about each individual chapter so I can't post much else of what he said as it would heavily spoil the story for those who want to read it.

I also have my Author Photo! Here it is:
Posted Image

I'm a dork XD.
 
Shana
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Hey guys,

Update!

Cover Art Sketch: This is the first draft of the cover art sketch. Aside from facial expressions and the fact that Arret's jaw line is too straight, it's been done pretty well. It will be fleshed out and will look much better once they color it.



Posted Image



New descriptions: I had to rewrite them myself...the ones I got from the company were OK but they really needed to be tweaked so I took some of what they gave me and completely rewrote them:


Sentence Description
An awe-inspiring medieval fantasy pitting a kingdom of treachery against the determination of young Elena and Arret, fighting to survive a world of unparalleled evil.



Short Description
In Knight in Exile: The Lost Heir, author B.C. Kaleman delivers an inspiring adventure inside a kingdom broken by betrayal, but who are the heroes…and who are the villains? For as long as young Elena can remember, she has enjoyed a peaceful life in her sleepy village of Melirie. Yet on one fated night, everything she knows is shattered and she is thrown into a world of uncertainty and unparalleled evil. Joined by a young thief named Arret and a magnificent stallion that communicates telepathically, the story plunges into a timeless journey abounding with old loyalties, treachery, and sinister intentions all woven into a rich and sophisticated world. Why is Elena being hunted? How will she return to the life she once loved? Kaleman has presented a fantasy as astonishing as it is enchanting. When readers reach the last page, they will want more.



Extended Description
Imagine a Medieval fantasy as gripping as it is sophisticated, one in which you are never certain who is good and who is evil. Knight in Exile: The Lost Heir, by author B. C. Kaleman delivers a captivating tale about young Arret and Elena and their flight from a kingdom ruled by the beautiful but ruthless sorceress Anemlia. Following the death of King Sorin and the assassination of the House of Eight, the self-proclaimed Queen Anemlia, a master of manipulation, has at last claimed the throne for herself. But when the lost heir of the late king disappears, the sorceress goes on the hunt to find her before the heir can rise up to challenge her malevolent rule.

With harvest season arriving in the small village of Melirie, young Elena’s only worries are finding a partner for the village’s spring festival and enduring her grandfather’s lectures. Her carefree life, however, is shattered in a single night when soldiers of Anemlia, the Black Serpent Guard, attack Melirie and force the young woman to flee everything she has ever known. Confused and on the run, she meets a young man named Arret and his unlikely ally Reynul, a magnificent stallion that speaks telepathically. Together, the three embark on a timeless journey evading Anemlia’s soldiers at every turn in this rich and elaborate world in the wake of the Herald era. Kaleman delivers a stunning adventure that readers will struggle to put down from its opening paragraph to its ultimate and twisted finale.


Back Cover Text

King Sorin is dead. Anemlia, the self-proclaimed queen, deftly orchestrates the assasination of Sorin’s House of Eight and ascends to power. Yet despite her perfect planning, the sole heir to the throne has gone missing. All she requires is to find the lost heir before a resistance rises up to oppose her diabolical reign.

Far away in a quiet village within the fallen kingdom of Dulmain, young Elena watches as her peaceful life is shattered in a single night. Confused and on the run, she joins up with Arret and a magnificent stallion as the three journey to Yerlan beyond the Barrier. But who can she trust? Arret knows more than he is telling her and the Black Serpent Guard have become even more desperate in their hunt. Faced with uncertainty and unparalleled evil, Elena must find herself before the sinister Anemlia finds her first.


Estimated Release Date: August 25th, 09'
 
Valtea
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*Marks calendar*

Of course, as a citizen of the internet I reserve the right to b*tch and moan when you miss the release date. :P
 
WonderlandAlli
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Aw you shoulda cosplayed for your author photo!!!
 
Emrald???
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That woulda been aweful alli.
 
L.Kaisamu423
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Evil Laura!
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YaY! Grats!
 
WonderlandAlli
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Emrald???
Jul 2 2009, 04:33 AM
That woulda been aweful alli.

I have a friend who's boyfriend writes books, for all of his author photos he has his glasses, smokey pipe, and blazer with the same pose each time. I lolled.

A little costuming can't hurt.
 
Shana
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I'm planning to cosplay only when going to Ren-Fests XD
 
Shana
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Updated picture of Cover Art.

Posted Image

Arret looks much better in this as several errors were fixed with him in this one. Elena however...that is a very bad looking expression so I told them to redraw her head facing towards the castle because I don't want them to keep messing up her expression. Also the castle is improved and looks better. Sometime next week or the week after I'll have the colored version.
 
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