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"I did this for you..."; A moment with Ashley
Topic Started: Jan 31 2017, 01:38 PM (208 Views)
Ashley Maldano
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“I did this for you..”
Starring: Ashley Maldano
Location: A cemetery in Englewood


It was cold. Of course it would be cold in January...but with the weather lately in Chicago? It’s more bipolar than Nicole. The cold however, fit in perfectly with the setting. As I walked in the crowded cemetery, my eyes peered around at the different headstones and sculptures that filled the giant lot. And when I saw crowded, I’m talking about the amount of lifeless bodies that rest six feet under my feet.

Cemeteries always freaked me out and I would always put up a fight as a kid when we had to go, but as I got older the more used to them I got. As my head peeked down at the headstones below my feet, my eyes squinted reading the names and the phrases on them as well. Some mothers, some children, lots of grandparents...but the name I was looking for was my father.

Gone too soon, but died doing what he loved...helping people. He was a cop in the city of Chicago and was only a few years shy of becoming a detective, but unfortunately those dreams were cut short due to a turn taken for the worse one night when he got shot on the job, and didn’t recover. I remember the day like it was yesterday...and I keep it with me every single day of my life. Some people think forgetting and moving on is the healthy way to go about it..but I didn’t want to forget. I didn’t want to forget a single thing about him. For as much hell as I put him through, he never gave up on me...not even when I gave up on myself.

As I finally saw his name, I quickly set my bag down on the cold ground and knelt in front of the headstone, placing a hand on the face of it.

”Dad…” I said, sniffling a little bit.

This fucking cold didn’t make this experience any better.

”I know it’s been awhile...I’ve had a lot happen and come up since I was last here…”

As I looked at the headstone, I could feel myself swelling up trying to think of any words. Anything to say at all. It shouldn’t be this hard to talk to him...but it most certainly was.

”Like Mom got married...she misses you a lot..and personally I think she rushed into it….but she seems happy given the situation. She got up and moved to Italy for him so it has to mean something...and she didn’t end up selling the house like I thought she would. She actually gave it to me for Christmas..” I said, laughing after it.

Getting the house was a much more difficult process than unwrapping a box with keys in it. My mother didn’t actually want to give it to me, for reasons I guess I understand, but my reasoning for wanting it was much more deep rooted than she thought. It was a piece of my past and the thought of anyone tarnishing that killed me.

”And Nicole is doing good I think too...she’s wrestling some still, we don’t really talk much. She’s been very distant lately..which is fine, I just hope she’s taking care of herself. I know I don’t have to worry too much because she’s dating one of my friends Alex and I don’t think he’d let her do anything outrageously stupid. I promise, this guy she’s dating won’t end up bad and messy like her past…”

I said shaking my head at the thought of that roller coaster of a ride she went on, and went back to speaking.

”And as for me...I’m okay.” I said, looking down.

”Auntie Christine is acting as wild as ever...it’s actually gotten so bad that on February 13th I’m going to court to get custody of Lilly…” The words escaped my lips so fast it was as if I was waiting to say that the entire time.

”I’m actually really nervous about this...as much as I like to look calm and like I have it all together in front of my friends...Dad I’m scared.” I bowed my head down, admitting to him.

This court hearing wouldn’t be easy, as these situations never are. I know that. It’s family against family, but the scariest part? It’s not knowing what could happen. I know Christine isn’t a good mother. I don’t have a good past, I actually have a past that could affect the entire outcome of this hearing, but the difference is I’ve changed from who I used to be. But if the judge doesn’t believe me? Then Lilly is stuck in that toxic environment...or worse.

”I’m scared that everything you screamed at me about will finally catch up to me again. All those nights you had to drive around the city looking for me, all those times you had to bail me out...all those lawyers you had to pay..But I’m also scared to do this alone…” I said, placing both my hands down.

”As much as I want to win and make sure Lilly has a good home, I don’t know how I’ll do it alone. I know people raise kids all the time by themselves and I respect the hell out of them, but it’s still a scary thing. Even when nobody wanted me, you and Mom luckily adopted me into your family. However, I just keep telling myself that at least she’d be better off with me than her. Which is what it’s all about..what’s best for Lilly.”

As I look up at the sky some, the wind blows my hair around as I feel my face soften up and my eyes start to water.

”I really miss you...and wish you were here. You’d be so proud of how far I’ve come...and that’s all I really wanted. Was to make you proud of me because I know I didn’t before...I know you weren’t anything close to being proud of me…” I said as I hung my head down.

It was true, and I never realized how much the truth hurt till this moment. As I wiped and rubbed my eyes, I sat back on my knees looking over at my bag fiddling with it to unzip it.

”I brought something that will make you proud...something that you would love to see and hold if you were here.” I say as I pull out the RISE Championship from the bag, looking down at it in front of the headstone.

”I did it for you Dad….I won this for you. All those months of coming in second place or not even placing at all led up to the moment of me winning. And as soon as I was handed this you know what the first thing that popped into my head was? The first show you ever took me too. The first time I ever saw someone win something like this. The first time you leaned over and told me you’d be sitting in those seats watching me do that one day…”

With tear filled eyes I said, rubbing the face of the headstone with my free hand.

”You weren’t sitting in the front row, but you were there that night. Like you are every night. I know some people aren’t happy with who I’ve become...or what I do...but in the end, I did this all for you.”

I say, before rising up to my feet and lean my head in kissing the headstone. The Chicago cold was biting my skin and I knew it was time to go, but it wouldn't be long till I came back again.
Edited by Ashley Maldano, Jan 31 2017, 01:40 PM.
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