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ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ɪ'ᴍ ɴᴏ ɢᴏᴏᴅ; An Izzy Anders Piece
Topic Started: Nov 29 2017, 04:24 PM (263 Views)
Leon Kaiser
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There was a hollowness in Izzy Anders’ life, where nothing seemingly mattered to her. Ever since leaving Frontier Grappling Arts, she has found herself empty, in some manner. Her final actions in the company didn’t make the rift in her life; it had been forming before her giving an elderly businessman a concussion. She didn’t have any anger towards her firing, not even a shred of glee came when the news released. Instead, Izzy doubled her focus in SSWA, but even there, she felt nothing. No boredom or fury towards the series of mishaps that happened in her stead. The several attacks, where one almost got her scalped, didn’t do anything to bring back emotions of old. If there were a word to describe the way that Izzy felt, she would personally call it “depression.” It’s easy enough to call it that and move along with one’s life. However, she knew deep down that wasn’t the case. Isolation began to become her normalcy, where she wouldn’t go back to her home in Anaheim nor spend time with her tag team partners in England.

She opted to return to the apartment that Artemis gifted to her. There, she could lock the door behind herself and hide from the world. Twitter became her only method of communications, rattling off at random topics that came to her head. Sometimes, she expressed her comedic side with nonsensical words. Others, she flipped that hostile switch that she fought hard not to develop—a genetic addition from her mother, she began to believe. In either case, she found herself without a purpose for doing anything honestly. Twitter started to wear on her as well, as she saw herself following Fujiko Mine once more.

It had been a year; Izzy tried to recall since Renati fired her. Over the course of time, she began to formulate a cohesive theory on what led to the release. Watching tapes from before her firing, Izzy realized that she attacked Fujiko's person in one of her moments of discord, where the career aspect of Fujiko’s return to FGA pushed that same switch in her head. Soon, she began to recollect each reason why she acted the way she did. The paranoia of everyone being out to get her, her outcry for help, and finally, her hurt heart that came from Fujiko’s eyes never falling on her. Scorned, Izzy admitted she was. Only to herself, though. Maybe one day, she could find a way to tell Fujiko exactly how she felt and apologize. For now, she would resolve to try to express that in her supposedly cryptic sighs and emojis. The digital language might hit Fujiko, might spark some resonance in her own heart, and maybe she can tell Izzy that she liked her back.


Past tense.

Izzy’s lips twisted into a smile, acknowledging how pathetic it was that she would hope for just that. It was more likely that Fujiko’s eyes would never even recognize her as anything but an enemy. In the same fashion as Cordelia felt towards Izzy. Two women that Izzy longed for in some manner. Fujiko’s love and devotion and Cordy’s friendship and acknowledgment, things that Izzy could have had, but she threw away. Izzy stared over at the FGA Undisputed Championship that hung on the wall, which rested underneath her Mid-Atlantic Championship. She shifted onto the side of her bed, retrieving herself from her near-catatonic state. Yawning, Izzy got up and walked over to both championships, taking them off the wall. Their weights were familiar in each hand, and she stared at her reflection. It was barely visible, as she did little to take care of them.

She placed the FGA Undisputed Championship back onto its mantle and sat back down on her bed. Resting the Mid-Atlantic Championship on her lap, she recalled all the tribulations she went through. A passing pain lingered on her skull, a headache, but she knew why it registered. The mere thought of Dom Harter driving her head into the top of the car made a weird connection in her nerves. She sighed it all away, and she glided her hand across the faceplate, feeling the dust come off it with her light touch.

“What made me like this?”

A question that Izzy asked herself sporadically. It came forward in her talks with younger wrestlers in FGA, like Lowri and Ymir. Ymir even said that Izzy had a heart, despite all the wrong she did throughout her final years in the company. She didn’t doubt that; there was no other reason why her heart skipped a beat when she found out that Lowri was dealing with Dom Harter. Fear for the young woman, as it was what led Izzy to become antagonistic, confrontational. That change only came about because she was lucky. Dom had a few chances to end Izzy’s career, but he savored the fight. Izzy’s luck came to her aid when he fell off the top rope. That and her ruthlessness to go after the new injury. She didn’t want to see Lowri go down that same route, but she had no right to try to stop her. Lowri was being made a fool of, and she wanted to stand up for herself. Indeed, Lowri could stop herself, which brought a temporary answer to Izzy’s reoccurring question.

“I wanted to be like this.”

In the midst of her defending herself, she found success. Names, big names, were being taken down as she made this change in her mentality. As much as she could chalk it up to her retaliating against the system, she never confronted the smile that came on her face when she hurt others. She discarded her morality for fifteen pounds of gold, the Mid-Atlantic Championship. What else did she sacrifice when it came to what she did to Cordy?

She defended herself so much during Cordy’s injury. Savannah was at fault for it, but Izzy could have stopped her. When she came at Fujiko, she rejected every feeling there just to make sure that she hung onto the Mid-Atlantic Championship. All the wrongs that happened to people like Noelle brought her to laughter some nights. The fans turning on her gave her a sense of control that she never had. Intoxicated on it, she basked in her madness without anyone to tell her to stop. So many people view her differently, and she didn’t care. What kind of monster did she let herself change into—one that would kill their status to revel in just how right they think they are. Whose families did she hurt?

How hypocritical did she become?

Karma was a target for what?

She made a victim of Cherry--an innocent woman--for what?

The letters stopped coming, the ones from the victims she promised to support. A few trickled in, mostly out of some misguided vision of what Izzy stood for. Truthfully, she should have asked the people who woke up to what Izzy was doing about how do they perceive her? If Izzy were right about what they saw, it was sure that she was just another aggressor. Worst of all, Izzy did so under the guise of being a victim. She told her that she was tired of being the victim, but never cared to see herself as just like Dom or Chris Q. The mirage started to peel in the now glistening reflection that came from a moment of mindless cleaning.

She put the championship back on the wall and sighed heavily. She rested her hand against the wall while she brought the other to her face. She rested her palm against her other eye, slowly drawing her fingers down against the scar upon her eye. She lived a lie that she wasn’t even sure about anymore. Many deride her disappearance as a faked kidnapping, to which she could tell them that they were right. However, she couldn’t ever tell them why it happened. For the consequences would alert the truth of the situation, since a bullet would find its place in the back of her head.

Self-reflection hurts. There was a reason why people avoided it. In these private moments, Izzy could see back in the past and outline where things went wrong. She had done it before, but tonight, she needed to see who she used to be. It was a brisk walk to her picture frame, where someone unfamiliar smiled cheerfully. Instead, she saw Izzypop, the girl who idolized Cordy Stevenson or the girl who drooled over Fujiko Mine. She saw the girl who wanted to become World Champion by doing things the right way, not the way that got her father killed. That picture of Izzypop was taken a moment after she won the Rookie X Cup, and Izzy didn’t remember seeing it that much.

It was always there, but she ignored the reminder of a period where things weren’t so volatile.

Back when she didn’t try to fuck everything up.

Izzy paused, before heading back to her bed. She fell face first onto it, burying her frustration into a cotton mask. Idly, a thought crept into Izzy's mind about suffocating. She accomplished her goal a little until she took a sharp breath. Flipping over onto her back, she stared at the ceiling, which was changing colors, thanks to the police-themed cascade intruding through her barely opened curtains. Doing nothing would only result in something horrible happening to her; she knew that much. The only way that the abyss could eat her if she did nothing to fight it.

Izzy knew that if she was anything, she was a survivor—no, a fighter.

So she reached for her phone and found a contact in there, one that she hadn’t gotten rid of entirely. For some reason, she knew that she wouldn’t have blocked her. Maybe this woman didn't delete Izzy because she didn’t care enough to do so at the moment, preferring a mental block beyond the physical one. Izzy’s finger hovered over the call button, but her heart pounded way too fast to let her.

“Text message, it is,” Izzy mumbled to herself, pushing herself just that further to send a text message.

[TEXT – 11:39 PM] To Fujicakes:
“Hey. I know you might not want to hear from me really, but.”


[TEXT – 11:43 PM] To Fujicakes:
“I think I need to say something to you. If you’d give me that chance, I’d be--”

She struggled to find the best word. For as loudmouthed as she is, she couldn’t think of what she wanted to say.


Edited by Leon Kaiser, Dec 6 2017, 09:28 PM.
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Izzy turned over on her side, staring over at her phone. She shoved the bottle of cognac off the bed, letting it roll across the floor with the only noise polluting her apartment. Her phone remained out of arm’s reach, which brought a flustered noise out of the young woman. She tried again to get her fingertips off the edge of her phone, to no avail. Narrowing her eyes at her digital opposition, Izzy made the extra effort to get a hold of the device. In the same motion, she nudged to grab her phone and returned to the same position she was in before. Taking a sharp breath, a byproduct of her annoying movement, Izzy tapped on the power button to draw up the notification that interrupted her introspective stupor. As the light burned her eyes, she made out the name of the person who texted her.


Izzy looked down to see what she said.

Two Messages.

Her heart began to pound rapidly again as she opened the text messages.


“I’ll give you that chance.”

Izzy’s heart stopped right there, scaring her a moment that she actually had a heart attack. Luckily, she felt it begin to calm down. She drew a long breath and sighed it out, trying to further alleviate her panicked state. She didn’t expect the response she got, but it was the most favorable out of the countless that flooded her brain. To start, she didn’t expect a message at all. If she did send one back, Izzy expected a full-on rant or a simple snappy answer. She even believed that Xena would send the message and try to humiliate her on Twitter. Regardless, she came prepared for the negative side of the conversation; it was something she was used to. She got up, resting her back against the headboard.

“FGA audience, you see, I had a thing for Fujiko Mine. It was obvious. I spoke about it before. Those feelings don’t matter anymore. I assure you that they don’t. I deleted those feelings after many failed attempts to talk to her. I just gave up. Now, before we move on, I would like to say that none of my romantic feelings will influence this match. That’s not to say that there aren’t going to be feelings involved. Malice, grief, competitiveness, and pride.”

[TEXT – 12:12 PM]
“I have this thing for you still. It eats away at me, even though I’ve tried to kill it off several times over. I can’t say that this year has been the best for me, but it doesn’t excuse my behavior. It never has.”

“Fujiko Mine, you need to remember who the hell you’re talking to.”

[TEXT – 12:15 PM]
“I lashed out at you for something that wasn’t in your control. I was weak. I came at you because I saw you coming in and saw you ruining my dreams, when really…really, you were just trying to have a match. With a friend or whatever you saw me as.”

“You’re not talking to Izzy Anders, the girl that supported you, idolized you and wanted your love and attention. No, she left the building the day that she realized that you were a lost cause.”

[TEXT – 12:16 PM]
“You came back to an angry woman who didn’t know her left from her right. Someone who thought that the woman of her dreams was going to become her worst nightmare—someone who was so painstakingly stupid. Someone who saw one of the best wrestlers—people in the world coming back for what she got screwed out of.”

“Fujiko Mine quietly disappeared while Izzy Anders shined brightly. That constant fluctuation that you’ve been existing in finally got to you, huh? You now set yourself on a mission to redeem yourself. Thus, you brought yourself to me. Don’t hate me for saying it, but isn’t that selfish of you?”

[TEXT – 12:18 PM]
“I fucked up, okay? I do that a lot. I do it to everyone.”

“All the time, you talk to me like I’m a child. That is, when you would give me the respect of talking to me. But you’re not better than anyone, right? You can stop lying to me, the fans, and the rest of FGA now. Most of all, you can stop lying to yourself.”

[TEXT – 12:19 PM]
“I was mad because I thought you didn’t care for me. But hey, I really made sure of that now, right?!”

“I am and I’ve been a victim. This belt is just another reason why people will continue to try to make me be just that. I just woke up, grew some balls, and decided to fight back with every bit I got.”

[TEXT – 12:21 PM]
“You didn’t deserve any of what I did or what I said.”

“You’re just another predator, Fujiko. You act like you aren’t, but you are. You’re detestable because you think you can take me in your current state.”

[TEXT – 12:22 PM]
“The fact of the matter is that…I’m saying I’m sorry because it’s…right. There are no more championships that can make up a reason for me to lie to you.”

“Like I said, I don’t have romantic feelings for you, Fujiko. Those died long ago. There’s only a distrusting ass kicker that knows you’re trying to take what’s mine. The hate I have for you is only human for me to have. You’ll deny all that I said because you like to see that perfect reflection of yourself. When you wake up, you’ll see how right I am.”

[TEXT – 12:24 PM]
“I’m not going to say anything else because if I go on, I’ll fuck this up.”

“Like I said, I don’t have romantic feelings for you, Fujiko.”

[TEXT – 12:25 PM]
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”

There were no tears to shed; she might have wasted them all elsewhere. She looked down at the bottle of alcohol on the ground, wondering if she had emptied all her tears into them. Gently, she placed her phone back on the nightstand and lied her head back on her pillow. She let out a rough cough, probably from the sickness that afflicted her system. She reached for the pill bottle nearby, opening it for some antibiotic. As she looked at the pill, she wondered if it was some side effect. Dry swallowing was easy enough, but it was waiting for the effects to kick in that bothered her.

She laid her head back on the pillow, waiting for the release to take hold of her. It would ensure she slept well throughout the night. Any gunshots or police sirens that came by her window wouldn’t do anything for her. Izzy reached back over, grabbing her phone, not to check on anything Fujiko was doing. Instead, she opened it up to check the FGA main page. As she did, she caught eye of the new championship that had put up. Hadley had found some way to try to bring ratings back into Flashpoint. Izzy blinked twice at it and put the phone by her side.

“Gods, that’s an ugly belt.”
Edited by Leon Kaiser, Dec 6 2017, 09:31 PM.
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