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It's Never Easy; Zagan - Asher - Micah
Topic Started: Dec 12 2017, 10:57 AM (114 Views)
Onyx Payne
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Micah was sitting across the table from her cousin who was busy writing in her therapeutic journal. It was hard to concentrate on Asher who was trying his best to read her a book as it seemed like Zagan couldn’t even get her thoughts straight. Sighing, groaning, tapping her pencil against her notepad, even going as far as pressing her eraser as hard as she could to the paper to erase what she had just put down creating a sort of squeaking sound.

Soon Micah couldn’t help but stare at Zagan, and she didn’t want to be rude to Asher. So leaning down, she tucked some hair behind her ear and smiled at him.

Micah: Hey, why don’t you go and practice some more. Then tonight we can read it to together for your bedtime, yeah?

Her voice made the idea sound exciting as this caused Asher to seemed relieved.

Asher: Thank goodness. I want to read this to you perfectly, and I need to work on my Rocket voice. He is so….

He had to stop and think of the word.

Asher: Snarky. I’m not very good with snarky.

His voice lowered as though he was disappointed with himself for not being that way. They have been reading Rocket and Groot stranded on Planet Strip Mall with the totally awesome purple tape dispenser. Micah would use a deep voice for Groot and be the tape dispenser. Asher wanted to read for Rocket the raccoon.

It seemed frustrating for him, and she understood why. When he would play games with his father, Brandon, and brother Nolan they could be quite snarky with their remarks and quick-witted. Asher on the other hand never knew what to say beyond good game, and I’ll or you’ll do better next time.

Micah: There is nothing wrong with that, Asher.

Nodding his head. It was obvious that her words alone weren’t enough to ease the boy's mind as he gathered up the book and began to make his way up the stairs. Her heart couldn’t help but feel for him as she watched him a bit before turning her attention to Zagan. It took her a moment to even realize her cousin was staring at her but, when she did she looked up and held out her arms.

Zagan: What?

When Micah didn’t respond right away, and just continued to stare in examination. Zagan picked up her phone and took a picture of her as she thought.

Micah: Hmm. you are only pieces of yourself. There are parts of you missing. Pieces that will never be replaced but, that doesn't mean you'll never be complete again.

Zagan couldn’t help but stare at Micah. Occasionally glancing at her phone as she recorded the event and posted it on twitter.

Zagan: What?

Micah: You’re not you. Not completely. Not anymore. You were once. When you were with Brandon you felt complete, and when you weren’t you replaced him with something darker. To feel what he made you feel because you thought that was what was missing. Now you don’t have either. So you’re not really there. Not all of you.

Zagan: Is this supposed to be making me feel better or...?

Closing her eyes, Micah took a moment to collect her thoughts and try to speak more plainly instead of like some fortune teller.

Micah: Just because you feel empty sometimes. It doesn’t mean you’ll be empty forever. You’re still figuring out... you, and what you want to be. Who you want to be. When you figure that out your wounds will heal. The empty pieces will be filled.

The two just stared at each other for moment. Zagan began to slowly nod her head as she closed up her notebook.

Zagan: Soooo… Imma be alright?

Micah: With time. Yes.

Zagan: Good to know. Though, next time you can just make a simple gesture and say, “ Hey, it’s gonna be alright. ” Sometimes that's all the person needs. They don’t need all the… whatever you just did there. Over complicate? Yeah… Gonna go with that.

Micah couldn’t help but look down at the wooden tabletop that sat between them feeling ashamed for going on like she did. It was something she had to get used to because the way she spoke people would consider her weird. Something Zagan was helping her and Asher both with. To be somewhat considered normal in the society.

Micah: I just saw that you were struggling with your words because you have trouble knowing, and understanding the... new... you, is all.

Rolling her eyes, Zagan began to gather her things so she could get some privacy.

Zagan: You know what they say about curiosity don’t you?

Micah: It’s the wick of the candle of learning?

Again, Zagan couldn’t help but stare at Micah for a moment as she spoke.

Zagan: Curiosity killed the cat.

Micah: But, satisfaction brought it back.

Micah gave her cousin a smile and it was hard for Zagan not to do the same but, all she could do was shake her head before going up to her bedroom wondering if there were some truth in what her cousin had said, and it made her look at her wrists. It wasn’t Brandon’s fault that she cut herself. Every time she was with him she was happy but, when she wasn’t... Looking away from her scars she wondered if that's what they were. She was replacing the pain she was suffering every time he would move on by continuing it in a new way. Like it’s what she deserved. All she deserved.

She began to wonder why she did that. It was so stupid and careless. Why couldn’t she try and replace the good he brought her. Why did she have to try to replace the pain he caused her?

The more she thought about it the more she felt ashamed of the scars on her wrists. She did her best to cover them up as the feeling of just cutting them away began to take over her. She was feeling frustrated, and she started to hate herself. How could she come so far and go back now? It was something she didn’t want to happen, and she wasn’t going to let it happen. She wasn’t going to let this feeling take control of her. Not again.

Going to the corner of her room, she sat down and hugged her knees tightly to her chest. She took deep breaths to calm herself, and when she felt like she had a hold she began to sing a song that made her feel as though she was in control. Jar of Hearts.
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