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| ONN Breaking News!; Ossario News Network: when news breaks, we glue it back together! | |
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| Topic Started: 10th April 2014 - 05:46 PM (713 Views) | |
| President Pete | 10th April 2014 - 05:46 PM Post #1 |
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Edited by President Pete, 6th September 2015 - 04:20 AM.
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| President Pete | 12th April 2014 - 02:55 PM Post #2 |
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 The CIDC this morning confirmed its Category 4 outbreak advisory for Safraen. CIDC also stated that their investigators are already on the ground in Safraen gathering samples and evidence. CIDC reaffirms that no flights or refugees should be allowed to leave Safraen without adequate quarantine measures, and requests that any other nations conducting viral and pathological research on the Safraen outbreak coordinate their efforts with the CIDC. The pathogen, which has been dubbed the “Kaiju Virus” by CIDC researchers, seems to be spread through water and food entering the digestive system and by close contact with the infected. The origins of the virus are still unknown. Stay tuned to ONN for the latest on this developing story. Once again, the CIDC says the disease currently poses no threat to Ossarians at home, provided they report to their doctor if they have contacted anyone from Safraen in the last month.  Tragedy strikes home for families in a suburb just outside of Kingston. Yesterday a gunman walked into a residential daycare and began shooting at the children. Our reporter explains: I’m here at Helping Hands Childcare, the site of a horrific attack yesterday. Eyewitnesses say a man entered the daycare yesterday evening around 4 .p.m. and began arguing with one of the operators of the daycare. The argument escalated to pushing, shoving, and screaming when the man left, only to return a half hour later with a handgun. He threatened the daycare operator, then opened fire on the children and staff. One child and staff member were killed in the gunfire, while six other people were injured. The tragedy ended when Brad Jacobs, a parent who had just arrived to pick up his daughter from daycare, pulled his own legal concealed carry pistol and ended the gunman’s life. Jacobs, whose daughter has been released from hospital with minor injuries, is being hailed as a hero. The gunman has been identified as Marvin Jogues, the estranged husband of the daycare operator, who is currently listed in the hospital in critical condition. Gun rights leaders are touting this incident as a prime case to applaud the government’s position on firearms permits, stating that the death toll would have been much higher if Jacobs had not been licenced and trained to carry a concealed weapon. In sports, the Ossarian national rugby team pulled off a spectacular win today against the Achkaerin national team; here’s our reporter in Ajax to bring you the latest: That’s right, I’m here at the Enervolt Field and the game has been over for a few hours now but you can still feel the excitement in the air; this was a win that Coach Bertrand himself seems surprised at. The players worked really hard, and the fans here truly game our boys the home field advantage. Here’s star player Colin Pendergast: “Whoa man, that was quite a game! They’re a tough team, and we got really lucky, y’know. But I really felt the team mesh together well, and that’s important to keep control of the play. They had some good runs but we were lucky to stop them from scoring. I hope we can keep up the momentum into our practice for next week’s game.” The Ossarian national team won the game by a score of 9-0. They travel on Friday to the Dijel to play the second game of the tournament; the Dijel took a heartcrushing 17-24 defeat from Ndambia. Don’t forget to tune into SportsDesk Live for pregame coverage, play-by-play action, and the post -game show. Ossarian player Hank Snyder tackles an Achkaerinese runner to hold on to a shutout score  Edited by President Pete, 12th April 2014 - 02:59 PM.
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| President Pete | 16th April 2014 - 05:24 AM Post #3 |
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Good evening! Thanks for tuning in to ONN World report: Tonight: Crisis in Seaforth. After an unorthodox and probably illegal referendum, upstart revolutionary Josiah Rhodes is presumed dead in what is being alleged as terrorism bombing. This evening at the conclusion of the bank-tallied vote, Rhodes was attending the Supreme Court building when an explosion rocked the building. The death toll is as yet unknown. We’ll follow this story as it unfolds. Rhodes is touted as the strife-beleaguered nation’s best chance of a movement toward democracy. This latest event may cement assumed monarch John Branaghan's hold on power, though it may not absolve him from partial responsibility for the terrorist attacks. Tragedy strikes in East Moreland. King David III has been killed in a terrorist attack only months after the same terrorists that took the life of his mother. Princess Freya is poised to take the throne in a few months’ time when she becomes eligible. In the meantime, Prince Regent James will be recognized as the head of state. It is questioned whether he will be able to hold an effective reign on the nation’s economic and political interests while also eliminating the Borlander terrorist threat. Popular opinion puts very little faith in Regent James as an effective leader. Speaking of ‘popular’, Themata wraps up their extremely popular constitutional convention this week, and it’s out with a bang, with a bevy of popular musicians and rock bands serenading the crowds and ushering a new era for the country. While clashes between the classes still occurs is some parts of the country, as the convention wore on, both sides seem to be coming to a middle ground, with some sources saying that new elections may occur as early as before summer. Kaiju Virus holds its death grip on Safraen, as medical relief arrives to the capital of Polua. Hundreds of sick and starving refugees have been found huddled together in squalid conditions. The CIDC continues to monitor the situation there, but maintains that a full quarantine of the area is absolutely critical. Treason on the high seas. Rokkenjiman warship Olive Branch has been spotted in the western Krimeon Sea, and is expected to be boarded by Imperial troops and recaptured. Thematan terrorist and Rokkenjiman naval officer Tibold is alleged to be behind the commandeering of the ship. Stay tuned for more details and developing stories, because when news breaks, we'll be there to fix it. |
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| President Pete | 20th April 2014 - 06:36 PM Post #4 |
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Good evening! Thanks for tuning in to ONN World report: Tonight: CIDC reveals the nature of the Kaiju Virus. The deadly virus is spread through water and close physical contact, but so far remains limited to Safraen. The CIDC told our reporters a bunch of technical data, but it was too confusing to remember. So we'll just tell you that the Category 4 outbreak designation is still upheld, in spite of the veracity of the disease. If the disease has been found to spread to other regions, then the CIDC will go into a complete panic. Crisis in Ndambia! Queen Kangela makes a plea to her people to lay down their arms and legs and come back to the bargaining table. She apparently doesn't want anybody getting hurt. In an announcement to her nation, the Queen told the dissidents to piss off, but promised amnesty to anyone who returned to their post with full loyalty to the crown. The crown sparkled in response, as it had just been polished. Latest from East Moreland. Prince Regent James proves he is still a jackass and holds on to his power despite increasing condemnation from the international community and a spike in rude internet memes. Foreign intelligence agencies are also digging up lots of dirt on this scumbag. King David is still missing, though it is possible he might be found in the latest edition of Where's Waldo?, but the army is in disarray after the Red Legion quit, saying that Regent James is a bad man and they won't obey a bad man. Good luck to them. Themata gets a new leader! Opun Resin is sworn in this week as the interim leader of Themata. He will hold on to his post with all his might until either an election or civil war can be held to decide on the new constitution. This will happen later this year during a heavy metal concert. Ossario trounced in Confederation Cup! Dijel shows the Ossarian rugby team the door in the 17-3 match. Ossarian coach says his team played horribly and were distracted by the lingerie ads on the Jumbotron. The Dijeli players were clearly a better experienced team and simply would not share and give them a turn with the ball. Stay tuned for more details and developing stories. Because when news breaks, we'll be there to fix it. Edited by President Pete, 21st April 2014 - 02:40 AM.
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| President Pete | 26th April 2014 - 03:42 AM Post #5 |
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Good evening! Thanks for tuning in to ONN World report: Tonight: Empress Beatrice gave her Imperial Address this week. The lovely empress was quite modestly clothed and stood beside her trusty lightsaber as she spoke to her nation and the world. She encouraged her people and pointed to the strengths and accomplishments of the Rokkenjiman people, from their badass military and diplomatic victories to the recent awesomeness in space travel. TV viewership of the address was higher than ever in Rokkenjima, showing public support for the Empress and her administration. Beatrice also took the opportunity to trash-talk East Moreland’s regent and refuses to recognize him as a legitimate leader. Ooh-rah. Kijiko separatists turn to violence. Sadly the unrest in Ndambia has heated up to a full-scale civil war. Queen Kangela was not pleased, and voiced her opinion saying, “I am not pleased.” Insurgents and rebels have seized a number of airbases and outposts, even leading to fighting close to the capital city. A COR armed forces spokesman said that they are preparing a great big hammer with which to “whomp” the rebel forces. The Safraen quarantine continues to be held, as the Kaiju Virus maintains its hold on the region. Scientists and conspiracy theorists alike are still baffled as to how this disease originated, but are hopeful that an antidote will be developed soon. Some of the liberating soldiers have contracted the disease, but are remaining in stable condition. Reports that the Kaiju disease turns people into zombies are false, as zombies need to eat brains, and no infected persons have yet to exhibit this behaviour. Ossarian embassy in East Moreland is under siege, as protesters fill the streets and shout phrases against the recent announcements of treachery by Regent James. “Ossairo Out” is a popular catchphrase, though the COR ministry of trade would prefer them to use the slogan, “Ossario Stout” to boost brewery exports. The Regent discounts the claims of treachery as false, and continues to strengthen his government and laws, announcing a new parliamentary election to occur in 3 weeks. Voter turnout is expected to be extremely low, as the election coincides with the Confederation Cup finals. Dan Jorone strikes again. This little devil-headed imp has seen fit to start a full-scale riot in the streets of the Great Jonathanian capital city. Politicians and businesspeople alike fled the city lite animals fleeing a forest fire. It is unclear how many people are dead from the rioting, but the stock market surely is. The President has proclaimed Dan Jorone as a wanted man, dead or alive, causing a spike in licence applications for spies and professional assassins. In local news, President Pete visited an elementary school to speak with students about self-motivation, dreaming big, and other stuff like that. After the class, the President was caught on video dancing “Gangnam Style” with the students. When asked to do the Harlem Shake, the President declined, saying, “I might break something.” The video is already going viral. Standus cup playoffs coming soon! Stay tuned here for the final regular season standings and see which teams qualified for the playoffs, and which matchups will be the most hotly contested with huge on-ice brawls and post-game fist-fights! Join host Slasher McWristshot for his zany play-by-play and game analysis on ONN’s very own feature, Hockey Night in Ossario! Tune in again next week, and remember: When news breaks, we'll be there to fix it.
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| President Pete | 29th April 2014 - 03:18 AM Post #6 |
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Good evening! Thanks for tuning in to ONN World report: Tonight: More viral internet videos! Surging to over 301 views, a new video has emerged showing King David III speaking in a shut-down TV studio. He claimed that he was alive, which was expected, because he would not have been expected to say that he was dead. A similar message broadcasted for a few moments on live television before being replaced by a very long and boring program showing only coloured bars and a series of annoying beeps, much like C-SPAN. COR top spy Charles Bartowski commented, saying, "I told you he was alive. And Regent James is a douchebag." Peaceful protest turns bloody. Protesters in the East Moreland capital of Northfort have been shot by Blue Legioin soldiers! This is outrageous! More internet videos have been showing up with all kinds of horrific scenes. internet service in the nation is sketchy at best, but this is probably due to Regent James' cat chewing on the wires leading out of the palace, but this is not confirmed. East Moreland's official douchebag Regent James declined to comment, giving instead a cheerful salute using only his middle finger. Ndambian separatists get whupped. following a massive air strike from Ossarian Armed Forces and other CIS coalition air forces, the rebel generals of Ndambia have had their air power thoroughly trounced. COR Strategic Defense Command also used the opportunity to field-test their latest powerful ballistic missile, called the "Babylon". It obliterated a rebel-held munitions store and aircraft storage field. Eyewitnesses said the bomb went "BOOM." Cake in Safraen. Good news for our servicemen and medical personnel in the Safraen quarantine zone: the cake is not a lie. In celebration of the feast of Melanor, the East Moreland military detachment in Safraen brought festive baked goods to their allies. Most surprising was the cake brought to the Achkaerin base, which had earlier been the site of a brief standoff between soldiers from both sides. The cake contained no prank ingredients, and apparently tasted very good. Verover backs out of CIS Confederation of Independent States founder Verover has left the union, after an argument over militarizing space. Verover had already begun secret operations to begin building an orbital space station capable of deploying troops to anywhere on the surface of Mundus. The Verovian press exploded with a bevy of outraged citizens and diplomats, and even its CIS allies decried the move. Before a full debate could be made however, Verovian politicians walked out in a huff, and said they were "leaving." The status of the project is unknown, but various spaceship parts have been found scattered all across Verover. In sports, the Ossarian rugby team loses again, this time at home to East Moreland. The fans booed when the visiting Morelanders came on the field, even though the Jumbotron said on the screen "Do not boo the East Moreland team." The East Morelanders gloated after the game saying that the Ossarian team lost because of bad karma. Ossarian coach Adam Bertrand said they lost because his players suck. Standus cup playoffs have begun! Watch Hockey Night in Ossario for Slasher McWristshot for his zany play-by-play and game analysis, as the Peterborough Petes take on the Elpidiania Regicides for game three, and the Pine Needles and Colts duke it out in an all-Ossarian matchup. Both series are tied at a game a piece, but that will soon change in these best-of-seven series, fist-fights and concussions included! Tune in again next week, and remember: When news breaks, we'll be there to fix it.
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| President Pete | 6th October 2014 - 03:37 AM Post #7 |
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Good evening! Thanks for tuning in to ONN World report: Tonight: War in Safraen heats up Ossarian fighters were involved today in a large scale attack to liberate Naidenschnell City. City residents, who cannot spell their own city's name, hid in their basements to avoid being collateral damage. Soviet troops excitedly reached skyward when the Ossarian planes flew over, grabbing with great excitement the tin cans that fell to earth. Upon examining the tin cans, the Soviet troops read the label on the can. The label said "WhoopAss," but being unable to read the language, they did not understand. The cans of WhoopAss opened up and kicked the Soviet tanks halfway to Stalingrad. Tanks parts were scattered everywhere. Verovian war crimes! Confirmed reports have to surfaced over Verovian troops summarily executing POW's in Allied-held Soviet Safraen. This is very naughty and will surely be punished. Verovian troops have also now fired on Allied troops who moved in to stop the POW executions. Verovian Emperor Ivan has not yet made a public comment on the incidents, but his silence is being interpreted as VERY bad PR for the CIS. Verover gets spanked Follow their military's less than noble deeds on the battlefield, the ever self-righteous CIS kicked Verover out of the alliance. Actually they just suspended them, but it still felt the same. Ambasador Voronostov sat dejectedly outside the CIS headquarters after the council session, as a seagull mocked him and begged for the last half of his sandwich. Meanwhile, a glowing halo of goodness could be seen floating above the roof of the CIS council chambers. In business news Business analysts predict an import market surplus supply of used Soviet T-80 tank parts with slight fire and explosion damage being exported from Safraen. Shippers expected to have to sort through them to remove worthless bomb casing fragments that say "Ossarian Acme Bomb Company". Tune in again next week, and remember: When news breaks, we have super glue.
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| President Pete | 6th September 2015 - 04:18 AM Post #8 |
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| President Pete | 8th September 2015 - 02:52 AM Post #9 |
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^ 6:16 PM Jul 13
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May the force be with you.