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EMPRESS OF ROKKENJIMA IN INTENSIVE CARE AFTER ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT

Arendelle - Sources close to the Empress's office confirm that the Empress of Rokkenjima is in intensive care following a attempt on her life during a speech in Arendelle, Dartfordia. A assassin with a high-powered rifle took multiple shots at the Empress during a speech admitting fault for the Andean and Nordic genocides, reports indicate.

Doctors at Queen Katenka Military Base list the empress as still in 'critical condition' at the time of this story being printed. More details will be available in next weeks edition.

O'Donnell tempts Secretary General seat after narrow loss against incumbent Santos

Following a very narrow - almost too close to call - defeat at the hands of incumbent Matthew Santos for the Presidential Seat sources close to billionare Amadeus O'Donnell have indicated the real estate mogul has been 'very interested' in potentially contesting the Secretary General seat of the Commonwealth Treaty Organization.

Though it remains potent he wouldn't have the direct support of the Santos Administration, South Hills law states any candidate with 'a substantive support from the people of South Hills' may contest the seat in South Hills' name, and, as their is no official limit on the amount of people per-nation contesting the Secretary General seat, it remains unclear if O'Donnell may face domestic challenges to the seat.

TOSHINDAI DEFAULTS, STOCK MARKETS PLUMMET, PRESIDENT FREEZES TRADING


MATTHEWS STOCK EXCHANGE - Morning trading took a massive plummet after it was announced Toshindai would default on its government debt, leaving many to fear a global recession was about to occur. A reported $509 Million was lost in the first 20 minutes of trading before President Santos signed a executive order halting trading indefinitely.

The crash so far represents the worst of its kind in over 70 years, with no real end in sight. It is unclear how the international community will fair and recoup from such a staggering loss of capital practically overnight. A spokesman for the Santos administration stated that "We have not yet exhausted all diplomatic options to ensure payments are made on time. We ask everyone remains calm and enables us to sort this out" It is so far unclear how deeply the default has effected the global economy.

MPD, City locked in brutal budget war


The Matthews Police Department and City Council are locked in a brutal budget war over what the Police Department calls a "dire need" for more officers. City officials have stated that such measures are simply too costly for the city to afford, with police officials stating that hiring at least 500 additional officers was "necessary to ensuring public safety". The Matthews Police Department, the largest in South Hills, currently has 35,394 offices, or one officer for every 339 of the cities 12 million citizens.

Calvin & Hobbes
by Bill Watterson


Pearls Before Swine
by Stephen Pastis



Cyanide and Happiness
by Dave McElfatrick


Ozy and Millie
by Dana Claire Simpson


Bloom County
by Berkeley Breathed


PC and Pixel
by Tak Bui


Dark Side of the Horse
by Samson


Cascadia Federations International Reputation (OOC joke)
by Cascadia
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Aging Fire Engine wrecked, calls for new equipment renewed


A McKeesport Rocks pumper engine flipped trying to make a turn yesterday afternoon in near-freezing conditions when returning from a call. Two firefighters were transported to hospital with no fatalities. The McKeesport Rocks chapter of the National Firefighters Union cited "aging apparatus" as a primary cause of the fire, the engine in question was built in 1996 and has over 200,000 miles on it.

Police are investigating the primary cause of the accident.