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I'm institutionalized. ...and didn't see the bars.; pondering life's journey to change myself
Topic Started: Jan 16 2015, 11:01 PM (123 Views)
meanieandme
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Pondering the many failures in my life and seeing it all become meaningless in the face of old age. Most people end up in one kind of cell or another. Whether it's a cubicle, a jail cell or a bed in a nursing home.

I need to find meaning and hope.
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meanieandme
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I just realized that I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I didn't have a routine. ....you know, work, eat and sleep. Its so wierd. Lately, I don't feel like creating anything which used to be an integral part of my being.

I think that I my main mistake was bringing my beadwork out to sell. The combination of rejection/rude people, and people looking for ideas or designs to scavenge from crafters. I lost my desire to create after my failure to earn a second income from my beadwork. I am lucky that I am multi-talented. I am drawing and painting now. I am reluctant to offer my talent and imagination up for public consumption due to my previous failure.

I realize now that I was creating beadwork for others and not understanding that I wasn't doing it for myself anymore. I lost desire to create for myself now. I need to find out how to create for myself again in my beadwork.

As far as my artwork goes, I am reluctant to offer it up for public consumption on one hand. On the other hand I feel compelled to believe that I have to be able to sell my work to be considered a success.

I want to regain creation for myself again. Not feel like a failure if I am not a commercial success.

This is going to be hard.
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Luna~Rose
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I just want to point out that beading is a craft and doesn't really require much "talent" per se. Whereas you have substantial musical and artisticv talent that hardly anyone can touch. Nobody is going to be able to steal your work in those two departments because they lack talent.

As for selling art, consider Monet, Van Gough, and others that weren't commercially successful in their own lifetimes.
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meanieandme
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Exactly! Why do I feel like a failure for not being commercially successful. I might be able to create again if I could show my artwork without caring about other people's opinions .

It's going to be hard. I am used to critiques like a boss or work situation. That's the institutional part of me...the crazy I need input even from people who are mean.
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Luna~Rose
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You were trained to feel that way. You need to forget all that. Who cares what the snotty idiot with a 12th grade education and room temperature IQ but is an expert in everything thinks. I'd only worry about what important people think (hint, they like your art and want to buy it). Your also in South Dakota so you're also dealing with that. Honestly, most of them are super snobby, completely backwards, and weird (like our mom). So you know... who cares. Get to a real state if you want to market your art.
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meanieandme
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Yeah. ..that is kind of what I was thinking. Maybe I could discover the size and dimensions of the room I'm trapped in. I cannot escape unless I know the situation I am in.
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Luna~Rose
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Remember, you have the whole wide world for a market now thanks to the internet. Watermark everything or they'll just take it though.
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Luna~Rose
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Here we go, right our of the ether when we need it:
Passion Versus Talent
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Luna~Rose
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