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| Just Desserts; Kirk has a yellowjacket in his car. But who will get stung? | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: April 19, 2014, 11:58 pm (272 Views) | |
| lady_jaymz | April 19, 2014, 11:58 pm Post #1 |
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Bad Seed
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This story is loosely based on this AMAZING Youtube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLf1l1faaRQ Kirk is so cute (and Lars is so mean!) I couldn't resist writing a story about this! (The part where he tears his clothes off - the sequel, maybe? )**** THE YELLOWJACKET IN KIRK'S CAR It was a gorgeous September day, and at Metallica HQ four of the world's most famous musicians were elated after completing an especially productive recording session. Everything from Lars Ulrich's drum tracks to James Hetfield's guttural howls to Kirk Hammett's searing leads was locked in right and tight. There was a smile on every face as the band members packed up for the day and headed out to enjoy the California sunshine. Kirk was especially happy. He had played all of his parts completely on point, and even earned a rare kudos from Lars! Now he couldn't wait to wax up his surfboard and catch some waves. He said his goodbyes to the rest of the guys, who were still chatting and loading up their gear and headed to his car. But as the doors clicked unlocked Kirk detected a frenetic little creature bouncing around through the windows . . . A BEE!! "Oh my god. There's a yellowjacket in my car!" he exclaimed out loud. He turned around frantically to look at the other guys, then looked back at the bee. "There's a YELLOWJACKET IN MY CAR!" Panic seized him as the reality of the situation sank in, and he realized that he couldn't get in his car without being stung. Bassist Rob Trujillo was the first to notice Kirk, who was frozen in place, staring through the driver's side window of his car. He walked over to the frightened guitarist, concern etching his face. "Hey, man. What's going on? I thought you were going to hit the beach." "Th-there's a yellowjacket in my car!" Kirk stammered. Rob took an instinctive step back. "Oh, man." He thought a few seconds and then stepped back by Kirk and grabbed the door handle. "Well, why don't you just let it out?" "NO, NO!" Kirk screeched in horror, flailing his arms and blocking the door with his body. "He'll get out! And sting us all!" "Well, it has to get out, somehow!" "But if we let it out it will detect our movement and sting us. That's what bees do," Kirk hyperventilated. "Haven't you ever heard that you're supposed to be perfectly still around bees? Or else you'll piss them off and they ATTACK!" "Then what will you do? How will you leave?" "Maybe it will get tired of flying and die in there," Kirk pondered. "Maybe it will overheat. Or . . . that's it, that's it! There's some roach spray under the kitchen sink in the studio. We could open the door a crack and spray it in and maybe-" Rob sputtered back a laugh. "Uh, OK, and fill your car with toxic fumes? Is that really what you want?" Kirk furrowed his brow deeply over this conundrum. It was then that his other two bandmates finally noticed this unfortunate scene. "What the hell's going on down there?" yelled James from the doorway of HQ as Lars locked up beside him. Lars, who never liked to miss ANY of the action, spun around so fast he didn't even finish turning the key. The sight of a gibbering Kirk plastered to his car, pale as a sheet, while Rob prowled around peering in his windows made the drummer break into a wide grin, stamping a foot and clapping his hands as he howled, "What the FUCK!" "This isn't funny, you guys!" Kirk yelled back at them. "There's a bee in his car," Rob shrugged sheepishsly. "A YELLOWJACKET," Kirk corrected him. "Uh, open the door? Let it out?" James replied, looking at his bandmates as if they had lost their minds. "That's what he said," Kirk whimpered, his face screwed up in agony. Lars' eyes were wide and his face was lit up like a Christmas tree. "Oh my god, Kirk, I mean what the FUCK, it's a fucking BEE. Just open the goddamn door and let it out, FUCK, what is WRONG with you girls - I mean, GUYS." Rob walked away from the car back toward his bandmates. "I dunno, I mean, I tried..." "My GOD, just open the goddamn DOOR," Lars yelled again. "Oh my GOD, Kirk." "No, no NO!!!" Kirk screeched. "You can't DO that!" "Yes I can! I will! It's a motherfucking bee! You're losing your head over a goddamned BUG." Lars lunged toward the car. "NO!" Kirk screamed, blocking Lars and slapping at him hysterically. "NOOOOOO! Get the BUG SPRAY! PLEEEEASE!!!" "What the fuck, man, stop HITTING me, I am trying to HELP you. You should be glad I even CARE, even though I don't really GIVE A FUCK..." "Christ, kids, calm down!" James Hetfield commanded. (Sometimes, he felt like the only reasonable person in this band). "Kirk, stop freaking yourself out over a silly bee." He sauntered over to the guitarist, who by now was huddled by his car in a sobbing heap, stung by Lars' words. "You don't have to be so MEAN, Lars. I mean, fuck you, too!!" Kirk bawled. James calmly stooped by Kirk's side and laid a strong hand on his frightened friend's tense shoulder. "Come on, man," he said softly. "Get yourself together and I'll take a look at the bee." "It's a yellowjacket," Kirk whimpered. "The yellowjacket, yes. Now just calm down and back away from the car." "But, but ..." "Just DO it, man." "Ok," Kirk stammered weakly. There was something about James' strong, solid presence that was comforting, and made Kirk do as he said. He stepped back about five feet, then stopped and stared back into his car. "All the way," James waved him on. "Back to the door." Kirk obeyed. "Holy SHIT, man," Lars looked around at everyone and laughed. "What a fucking WIMP." James shot Lars a dirty look as he started to open Kirk's door. "I don't see YOU helping anyone, Lars." (Kirk turned around to face the door and covered his eyes. "I can't look...") Lars stiffened his body and huffed in indignation. "HUH! Only because I was like, ACCOSTED. Let me do it, James. I can do it. It's just a stupid-" Lars snatched the door handle and yanked it open - "YEEEEEEEOW!!!" The freed bee shot out like a rocket and stung the drummer right between the eyes. Kirk uncovered his eyes when he heard Lars shriek. "Is it gone? Is it gone, you guys? Can I get in my car, now?" "FUUUUUUCKKKKKK YOU KIRK YOU FUCKING ARRRRRRGH THAT FUCKING BEE FUCKING STUNG ME WHAT THE FUUUUCCCKKKK!" "Oh, no, poor Lars!" Kirk started to get up to help the drummer but James sat him back down, wrapped a strong arm around his shoulder, and grinned. "Enjoy this moment, Kirk. For once, man, you were right. Haven't you been waiting for this moment for ages?" "FUCK YOU EVERYONE I HATE YOU GUYS I AM GOING INTO ANAPHYLACTIC SHOCK I COULD DIE FROM THIS SHIT!!!! BOB ROCK WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT FUCKER!! DOES SOMEONE HAVE AN EPI PEN FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!!!" Yes, it was a beautiful day, indeed! THE END |
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8:37 PM Jul 10