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How We Became Fire; James short story
Topic Started: September 2, 2010, 5:12 am (19,012 Views)
Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
[ * ]
Well, Today's part IF you're still interested...

*******************************

As we got to the hospital we went straight to the glass window where we could see our baby from far. Nothing had changed, he was still there. James held my hand firmly and rested his forehead against the glass. His eyes were not on our baby though, they were on the floor. I could imagine how that was tickling on his mind, as his emotions were running wild.

“He can’t go ‘cause I haven’t spent enough time with him.” He said out of the blue. I realized he was regretting one more time what he had been doing. I squeezed his hand a bit in support.

“You are mean when you drink.” I told him. Maybe it was not the best time to be telling him that but I was desperate too. I needed him to realize how ugly he was and how I was not used to that ugly person. James was far from being a perfect man but then who wants a perfect man anyway. He was perfectly imperfect…In between his flaws there was always time and space to have a nice gesture with me and the drunken version of him there was only space for nasty words and stupid actions.

“I have been told that.” He said with a sigh. He didn’t sound mad at me. “Why am I doing the same mistake twice?” He asked looking at me.

“Before you do it for me or for your children you have to do it for yourself. You have to think if you were happy before and balance stuff. How did you feel this morning? Do your own and self research and look inside of you for what led you to that again.”

“I am an alcoholic Ade.” He said taking his hand to his chest. “I’ll always be one!” I took his hand back in mine.

“I know. I know you said you were not cured and you would never be cured but something must have hit you strongly enough for you to have the need for it in a way that you could not control it. Maybe if you find that reason it will be easier for us to go from there.” I was going to keep on telling him my opinion but when I raised my eyes over his shoulder I saw Katy coming with Phil and my baby girl. I smiled and James looked back to see where I was smiling at.

“Hi.” Katy said hugging me tightly, then she turned to James and greeted him but I could feel some tension in the air. Katy was cold with him and James barely looked in her eyes and gave her a faded smile. I wondered if Katy noticed anything strange on him when she saw him coming in last night.

“Thank you so much for all you have been doing.” I told her.

“Don’t worry about that Ade. Just concentrate on your son right now, we’ll take care of the rest.” Phil talked to me.

“Well, I do have to concentrate on Cullen for sure but I cannot forget I also have daughter.” I said bending over the stroller picking up my baby girl in my arms. I kissed her forehead and having her in my arms I realized how much I missed her and holding her. I realized how much she was part of my life now. I rubbed my nose in hers causing her to open her little blue eyes.

“Oh…great…you awaked her.” James said peaking at her over my shoulder. “Prepare your ears for a nice opera show.” He smiled and I giggled with his joke. “Hi there little princess.” James whispered at her bending over me kissing his daughter. “Let me grab her.” He asked me. I looked in his eyes and we spoke in silence. His gaze told me how much he wanted to have her in his arms that moment to make up the most for the time he’s been missing with them and having her in his arms would give him strength. I gave him Cayla and he held her carefully beginning to walk down the corridor for a moment alone with her. I watched him walking away blinking a bit as some tears wanted to come out but I managed to control it.

Katy did a small gesture to Phil and he excused himself to go to the cafeteria. I knew she had something to tell me and something was bothering her.

“You want to tell me something.” I turned to her straying my eyes off James.

“How come you leave Cayla alone with him?” She asked me. I knew there Katy saw something.

“He is fine now.” I told her openly. James had asked me not to mention his lapse to anyone but Katy must have seen something different in him to make me that question.

“Now!! He was drunk when he got home last night.” She whispered not to be heard.

“I know!” I said a bit disarmed.

“And you are that calm?”

“What do you want me to do? Run away from him?” I asked her.

“No..” Katy said confused. “I don’t know…” She said looking a bit lost all of a sudden.

“Do you think it’s that easy? I love him, first of all, second we’re having a fucking hard time with our baby son in there.” I said pointing at Cullen. “I have to be by his side and support him otherwise it’s gonna be worse. I have to give him the benefit of the doubt.”

“And you’re going to marry that man?” She asked. I looked at Katy and I almost didn’t recognize her.

“That man is the father of my children. That man is the man a year and some time ago you were telling me to give him a chance!”

“And first he cheated on you and now he’s back to the bottle. You have two babies now Ade…think if you wanna take that ride.” I looked at her shaking my head incredulous with her words.

“I am gonna take that ride Katy. I love him and I want to help him. I have to stand up for him.” Katy took a hand to her eyes and shook her head.

“I am sorry.” She said. “I am being a bitch. I am sorry. I’m just worried about you. How long have you known?”

“I didn’t know. I mean I knew something was wrong because he’d been weird but I didn’t suspect it was the alcohol again, not until this morning when I went home to talk to him and I found him all dressed crashed on the bed.”

“You should have seen him last night.”

“I know. With this thing of Cullen it’s even worse for him.” I said.

“It must be so hard.” She said.

“When you have your own kids you’ll understand the despair. No one tell us anything now. They come and go and no one comes here and say if he’s fine, if he’s gonna survive, nothing. They say we need to wait…you just don’t say to a mother or a father to wait ‘cause fucking wait is not good enough.” I began to cry and Katy held me.

“He’s gonna be fine.” She told me. I saw James coming back and I smiled at him from far.

“Just don’t let him know you know ok? He asked me not to tell anyone.” I asked her before James got near. Katy nodded as she felt James approaching on her back. “She behaved?” I asked him smiling.

“Yeah…I had a nice conversation with her, I guess she liked it.” He told me. I saw his eyes wet so I guess the conversation had been emotional.

“And what did she say?” I asked him making him open a smile.

“She frowned here and there, I don’t know if she liked it that much but at least she’s an attentive listener.” I giggled at his remark and kissed his lips. James gave me Cayla announcing he was going to meet Phil at the cafeteria. Katy puffed.
“It crushes me to see the two of you love each other that much and he has to fuck things up all the time.”

Katy left and took Cayla with her, leaving me alone with James again. We were having some toasts and tea when a nurse came to the cafeteria to call us saying the doctor wanted to talk to us. James and I looked at each other a bit uncertain we wanted to go there, we had fear in our eyes, whether the news were great or then they would be really bad. James got up first and stretched me his hand I took it while still sat and gazed at his eyes again and he nodded at him, just then I got up and we began our way to the doctor’s office.

The nurse knocked letting him know we were there and he motioned a hand to the two chairs he had in front of his desk. James and I sat not letting go of each other. I saw he didn’t have good news because the minute we sat in front of him the doctor rested his eyes on the table, then he looked back at us.

“I don’t have good news.” He began. James squeezed my hand in support and I felt my heart beating on my throat. “He’s gotten worse. He’s having tremendous difficulty to breathe and is not reacting to the medicine.”

“Change the medicine.” James said.

“It is not that simple Mr. Hetfield. He’s allergic to the first medicine we’ve tried and now he’s not reacting to this one. I am very sorry…I am doing everything I can.”

“You’re not trying good enough.” James yelled and got up running his hand through his hair. I was just out of words crying. I just wanted to scream my agony out and nothing came out. “SAVE MY SON!” James yelled at the doctor.

“I know this is hard…” The doctor tried to calm down.

“You don’t have any fucking idea how hard this is. It’s not your son in there. It’s not your three weeks baby in there so you don’t have the slightest idea.” James ranted. Tears falling down his face heavily.

“James…” I was able to call him.

“We are trying everything we can. The medicine is not working and we don’t know why.” The doctor tried to explain. James jumped on the doctors collar and grabbed him with both hands shaking him.

“You don’t know? My son is dying and you’re telling me you don’t know why? HE CAN’T DIE!!”

“James…” I called him again grabbing him from the behind trying to pull him away.

“I am sorry.” The doctor said again but the last thing parents in our situation want to hear is sorry. James put his arm around my neck and I clutched onto his chest looking for support and some sort of help.
“Maybe you guys should be with him for a while.” The doctor suggested. James and I looked at the doctor and then at ourselves.

“Ok…” I whispered. We followed the doctor and we were given sterilized suits and masks to go in there, then he opened the door for us and we walked in. We stood each at one side of his crib and each one of us grabbed his hand with our index finger. Cullen closed his little hands around it and I sobbed. James and I didn’t share a word, we just stood there holding his hands, crying. I saw Lars and Connie, Kirk and Lani outside and somehow I felt like leaving. I left James in there and I went outside to meet them, to breathe, to cry out loud properly, to let all my despair take place. I needed to vent, to let all my emotions out. They all surrounded me while I shouted in pain and James didn’t let go from Cullen not until the doctor say he had to leave.

“James man…” Kirk and Lars held him. “Be strong.” Kirk taped his back.

“This isn’t happening.” James said and he repeated it countless times. I left the girls to hold him and his arms pulled me to him in such need. “Thank you for the support guys.” He told them cleaning his eyes. We looked a wreck.

“He’s not reacting to the medicine.” I told them. “So the infection is just getting worse. They have to save my baby…” I began to cry again. I cried loud. “They have to save my baby.” I said again. “SAVE MY BABY!” I yelled and cried. James brought me close to him with his strong arms while I sobbed with my head onto his shoulder. “Oooh James… we’re losing our boy.”

“Shhh…” James rocked me from one side to another.

“We’re losing our baby.” I said. “I can’t lose him…nooooooooo…” I cried and cried and yelled. “ I began to tremble and I felt my hands getting numb and my lips also. I felt weird, the more I cried and yelled the more numb I’d feel but my pain was huge and unbearable.

“Call a doctor…” I heard James saying to one of them, I didn’t look to see to whom he was talking to. “Calm down Ade.” He talked to me in my ear but I just yelled insanely for someone to save my baby boy. I felt my knees failing and James arms pulling me up, I felt dizzy and then I saw Kirk running.

“Someone has to save our baby…” I said. This time my voice didn’t come out loud even though I tried, it came out weak and it was just a whisper. James was no longer clear in front of me he was a bit blurred. “Do something…” I asked him.

“Shit…Ade…” I heard him say but he was so far. “Where’s the fucking doctor?” He asked. I tried to focus but I could no longer do it. In slow motion everything went silent and dark…and peaceful.
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xlau05
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Blackened
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oh my god, Im so out of words! all the last chapters are so emotional :o it's too much for me :P
wonderfully written, I can almost feel their pain!
I REALLY hope that they'll find something to make Cullen feel better.. it must be so hard for James and Ade
and omg, poor Ade, I hope she's going to be okay

MORE pleeeeease :heart:
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4everJamie
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Excellent chapter :tu:
I never cried that much while reading a story as today Posted Image
As if James´alcoholism wasn´t enough to handle - now their baby is in such a bad condition. :( Poor Ade & James.
Cullen must get better.
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Scorpion Flower
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Off we go...

***************************

When I opened my eyes I realized I was laid on the bed of the hospital’s room. My head was pounding and my eyes were still heavy even though I wanted to keep them open. I heard two voices talking and I focused on their conversation and I recognized James’s voice and the other as being Cullen’s doctor.

“Is it safe?” James asked. I turned my head and I saw them standing near the door of the room. James had a different outfit and I assumed I had been off quite some time. Hours. I began to pull my memories together and the puzzle began to gain form. I remembered feeling really week. I realized I had passed out.

“There was a baby in the same condition as your son Mr. Hetfield, who took it and she’s alive. Cullen is weak…It’s a chance!” The doctor said. I paid attention to their conversation as they were talking about my son. James ran a hand through his hair as if he was thinking.

“And where is that medicine?” He asked.

“In Los Angeles. The hospital’s research department developed it but it’s not on the market yet. The girl’s parents ran out of chances and they allowed them to try it on their daughter. She’s alive. Cullen is getting weaker, the medicine is not working and he’s allergic to the other one available. There are not much medicines a three week’s old baby can take.” He explained. I could see James was not convinced, maybe not convinced wasn’t the right term but the was not sure of what to do.

“It’s a risk…” He said confirming my suspicions.

“That if I were you I would take.” The doctor advised. “This is the last chance, the last resource…” James took a hand to his eyes. I understood there that Cullen was going to leave us sooner or later. “The medicine is on its way for LA. It will be delivered here by helicopter, we asked for maximum urgency but for us to try it on him you must sign these papers, we need your permission Mr. Hetfield. Cullen is your baby.” James took the papers and the pen on his hands but hesitated just when he was going to begin his signature.

“What if it doesn’t work or it has some strange side effect?” He asked. James seemed so lost and full of questions.

“We will be monitorizing him, if he’s allergic he’ll be dozed with the antidote just like we have done with the other one. The other girl is fine and well.”

“I am afraid I am giving this permission…” He said. I decided there I should say something and help him in that huge decision.

“Sign it.” I said. James and the doctor looked at me and James gave me a helpless look.

“It’s a non commercialized medicine Ade.” He told me.

“I heard the whole thing. It was tested before and it worked.” I said.

“What if it doesn’t work?”

“This is our last chance to save him James.” I said. James nodded and looked down at the papers in their hand and signed the papers. The doctor took it and left the room closing the door behind him. James rested his hands on his waist and looked down at his feet. Then he came to me and sat at the edge of the bed. He gave me his hand and I grabbed it tight.

“What if he dies?” He asked. From that close I could see how restless his face looked like. Big black bags under his eyes. He looked pale, his eyes bloodshot.

“He is already dying. We don’t have any other option but this.” James began to nod in silence.

“You’re right. What options do we have? We let him just die and stay here until he is finally gone…” He chocked making me swallow the lump in my throat. “…until he is finally gone or we try this and maybe this fucking thing works.” He shook his head with his eyes closed. “This is such a fucking nightmare.”

“What happened to me?” I asked him to make him stray from that subject a bit.

“You passed out on my fucking arms.” He said running a hand through my face. “Then you woke up still too nervous and they put you to sleep.” That explained the long hours I realized I had been off.

“Have you been with Cayla today?” James nodded.

“When I went home to change. She’s fine.” He smiled. “Katy is there…we are not giving her any attention.” He complained. “I held her for a bit, I think she even smiled at me.” He forced a smile.

“She’s too little to smile.” I said.

“I know…she was sleeping, I just like to think she smiled.”

“And Cullen?” I asked. James shook his head.

“I haven’t been there.” He confessed. “I don’t want to go there without you.”

“Did you drink?” I finally asked him. James gave me a faded smile and shook his head.

“No…I stood here the whole night with you and then I went home and came back. You can ask Katy. By the way, does she know anything? She’s a little cold with me.”

“She saw you coming in drunk the other night.” I told him. I saw a shameful wave on his face and grabbed his hand. “Did you bring any clean clothes for me?” James nodded and got up to give me the bag. “I think I am gonna have a shower and get dressed.”

“Do that. I am going back to the doctor and see when that medicine will be here or how long it will take.” I nodded at him and got up feeling a bit dizzy, still I went for a shower and got dressed right after. I needed to be ready for war. I thought about my daughter and James’s words saying we weren’t giving her any attention. It was true with Cullen in the hospital and getting worse every day it was almost like she didn’t exist for us. We were never with her even though we’d make all efforts for her to be alright. The hard thing of having two babies.

Since James wasn’t in the room when I was finished I went to see Cullen at the nursery room. There he was so quiet, his tiny chest coming up and down slowly, too slowly. I felt my despair running through my veins again. I never tasted such despair in my whole life. I watched the nurse taking care of him, touching him and I wanted so much to be the one doing that. The sleepless and painful nights I had passed with him crying, I’d give anything to have that back, now he didn’t even made a sound. The nurse looked at me and greeted me through the glass. I forced a smile with tears at her, then she opened the door.

“He’s a bit agitated. Do you wanna come in and try to calm him down?” She asked. I didn’t know what she meant by agitated, Cullen was just so quiet but I nodded. She gave me another green suit and a mask and I went in. I sat at the bench she has given me and I grabbed his little hand. It was warm, I was glad to know that at least he was warm.

“Mommy’s here Cullen. Shhh…” I whispered. “I love you so much baby.” I said. The nurse looked at the glass and she talked to me.

“I am gonna make the father in.” She said watching James at the other side. It didn’t took long until James was sat in front of me. He gave one hand to Cullen and offered his other one at me.

“The nurse says he’s agitated, we should try to calm him down.” I told him. James nodded and laid back his eyes at our son, then he talked to him for a while. Saying how much he loved him and how much he wanted him to be alright and then he broke my heart completely.

“Don’t be afraid Cullen. Mommy and daddy are here. If you have to leave us you will be our little angel and our shinning star but we’d rather have you here with us and you still be the two. Just don’t go before you know how much you mean to us and how much we love you, be strong.” Then he went silent as he cried a bit. Holding James hand and my son’s hand I decided to sing for him.

“So close no matter how far…couldn’t be much from the heart…” I sang. I didn’t know any kids song so I decided that one was quiet and calm. James eyes looked at me as I sang his song to our baby. “Forever trust in who we are…” Then he sang.

“No…nothing else matters. Trust I seek and I find in you…everyday for us something new…” And we sang to him the whole song with tears in our eyes, when we were finished we left the nursery room as we were requested to do so.

“Let’s go grab something to eat.” He suggested grabbing my hand. We made our way to the cafeteria hand in hand but in silence. We ordered the food and we sat still in silence looking out at the small garden.

“This is just unexplainable isn’t it?” I began. “The wait…the anxiety…the powerless feeling, waiting for him to get better and then they always tell us he’s gotten worse. This is just so insane.”

“He’s breathing so slow.” He said.

“I noticed too. We are loosing him James.” I said.

“I know…” He said. “I know and I can’t do anything but watch him die.” I bent over the table and kissed his lips taking my time, then I sat back.

“This medicine better work otherwise…” I didn’t say the rest as the girl put our plates in front of us. We ate again in silence until the doctor ran into there calling us. My heart sunk in agony thinking about the urgency of his news and I saw James getting tense on the chair.

“The medicine is here and we’re going to give to him now.” He said. I took a deep breath as he delivered the news and James smiled at me, all of a sudden there was a little hope. We left running through the hospital’s corridors to watch them trying to save our Cullen. We watched everything from the glass, our hands clutched onto each other, not talking, just tension…a lot of tension… anxiety…and maybe a little bit of hope. “Now we have to wait and see ho he’s reacting.” The doctor said when he was done. “He’ll be followed from close, don’t worry.” James and I exchange glances and we stood there for hours but there was any news. Lars and Connie stepped by one more time and we sat for a coffee.

“What did they say?” Lars asked after we told them about this new experiment.

“To wait.” James gasped. “I can’t wait anymore. I just want to take him home safely and healthy.

“Have faith.” Connie said.

“Faith?” James blurted.

“How long as it been?” Lars asked. I looked at my watch.

“About 3 hours.” I said. “They should be telling us something by now.” I said impatiently.

“It’s still soon Ade.” Connie commented. “You two should go home and have a quiet night of sleep, be with your daughter for a while. You guys still have another baby that needs you.”

“No. I can’t leave Cullen alone. I can’t.” I said. “Cayla is being good taken care of, and thank god she is fine and healthy. I just can’t go home without Cullen. I had two babies…two babies and I only come back home with Cullen.” I said beginning to cry again.

“Ade…” James wrapped his arm around me and rested his lips in my ear as I bent my head down. “Be calm sweetie…come on…”

“Come on Ade…” Lars said patting my back too. I cleaned my tears, took a deep breath and looked up.

“Let’s have faith.” I said, more like trying to convince myself as I was losing mine. When Lars and Connie left we came back to Cullen.

“Oh I almost forgot Ade.” James said. “When I was home they called from the agency that is putting our wedding together saying your dress was ready, you can pick it up and I also faxed them the rings we’ve chosen. I think pretty much we have all the details figured out. We just have to arrange the cake.” The wedding…Cullen in hospital, how would we be getting married in less than two weeks.

“I’ll pick it up as soon as I can. I am glad all the details are settled, I wouldn’t have patience for it now.”

“I know babe, and if anything bad happens we have to postpone it again.” What a shitty situation we were in.

“You’re here. I was looking for you.” The doctor approached us. We both looked at him anxious.

“He doesn’t have fever. It started to come down two hours ago and he doesn’t have fever now.” James and I held onto each other strongly hearing the news. I wanted to cry loud again. “It doesn’t mean he is out of dangerous, far from that. His condition is still very delicate. Let’s see how he reacts the next hours.” He said living us but our hearts were filled with hope just from the fact that Cullen was not feverish.

“You know what? Lars and Connie are right, go home James. Be with Cayla for a bit, one of us has to stay here in case anything happens. Tomorrow morning I’ll go home for a while too to be with her. We have her, we have to give her our love too.” James looked at me silent but then nodded.

“You’re right.” He said kissing me. I took him to his car and watched him leave. I sat in my room and opened a book to read but when I saw James had time to get home I didn’t resist. I called Katy.

“Hi Ade.” She said.

“Are you still at my house?” I asked her.

“Yes.” She said.

“Then be discrete.

“Ok…”

“Is James home?” I asked to be sure he went straight home.

“Yes.” She said. I threw myself on the bed relieved. I heard Katy walking and I heard Disco barking. She was in my garden. “He is with her in fact, he got here and just grabbed her.”

“Good. Good.”

“Should I stay here just in case?” Katy asked me. That brought some doubts to my mind. Should I trust him to let him stay alone in the house with Cayla?

“You better stay. We never know.” I said feeling a bit remorseful but Cayla was too little.

“I know Cullen is responding to this new medicine, he told us.” Katy said.

“Let’s hope he’s strong enough. I see some light at the end of the tunnel now. I don’t know….I just want him to be alright. The doctor says he’s still in danger just because he hasn’t fever doesn’t mean he’s fine. His condition is still dangerous.”

“He’s gonna be fine Ade.”

“May God hear you.” I said.

“Since when you’re a religious person?” She asked me.

“When you have your son dying in the fucking hospital you become a lot of things and learn a lot of things one of them is pray. I prayed…”

“You’re a superwoman my friend.”

“I am a mother and all mothers are superwomen.”
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xlau05
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yay! there's hope for Cullen! Im sure that everything's going to get better soon.. well, I hope so :D

great update, more! :heart:
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ElisabethOrion
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I'm creatively constipated.
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Gah, I have forgotten to comment for like the past 6 chapters... oopsie. :ugh:
But I are here now :biggrin
Poor Cullen, please get better soon!!! :heart:
James drinking again makes me sad... :( But I'm glad he's willing to stop. :D
And I love the last line, every mother IS a superwoman. :heart: :biggrin
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4everJamie
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Yeah, hope dies last! Come on Cullen, you´re a Hetfield that means you´re a fighter! You can make it!
:tu: great update
I hope everything will get better for them...it just has to!!
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Hawkeye
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Blackened
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4everJamie
February 18, 2011, 3:21 pm
Yeah, hope dies last! Come on Cullen, you´re a Hetfield that means you´re a fighter! You can make it!
:tu: great update
I hope everything will get better for them...it just has to!!
+1! I couldn't have summed up my reaction any better than that!
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kamri39
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Bad Seed
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It took me like two days to catch up with the story. Omg! I'm so in love with this fic, you're a very talented writer!
Btw, you've made me cry with the last chapters. :(
I hope Cullen gets better! :ugh:
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Izzy
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I'm still reading, I forgot to comment... sorry :blush:


The last few parts are very emotional, but well written! :tu:

James should defiantly stop with the drinking :rolleyes: and I really hope that Cullen gets better! :heart:

More!!!!!!! :heart:
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Scorpion Flower
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What a nice pleasure to have a new reader around. :D

Hi Kamri!! :wavey Thanks for reading my story and taking your time to comment. :heart: I hope to continue seeing you around throughout the rest of it. :)

And to all the resident readers... You comments made my day girls. Thank you so much. :heart: :heart:

Well, for today...here we go.

***********************

I woke up in the morning filled with hope something would be different and also determined to go home for a couple of hours and spend some time with my girl. Before I left I stepped by the nursery’s room to look at Cullen. He was still breathing slowly but as the doctor was checking on him I decided to wait to talk to him before I went home. The doctor smiled me from far and then came to meet me.

“Morning.” He said.

“How’s he?” I said stroking my arms with my hands as if I was cold but in fact I was just nervous.

“Still no fever which is good but the infection is the same.” He said. “Only time now will tell. I know if I tell you, you have to wait it seems like a cliché but in this case it is absolutely true and you must be patient. He’s fragile and not much have changed since yesterday but not having fever is a good thing.” I smiled and nodded without much to tell him. I let the doctor walk way from me to look at my son one more time, then I drove back home.

“Hello.” I said as I found Katy and Phil in my backyard playing with the dog.

“You’re here?” She asked surprised.

“I thought about seeing Cayla for a bit.” I said.

“How’s Cullen?” Phil asked.

“He doesn’t have fever which is a good reaction but the doctor says we still have to wait. “I said tapping Disco’s head. “I’m going inside. Where’s she?”

“Probably in your room with James. We haven’t seen then yet.” I nodded at them and went inside. Everything was quiet. Not a trace of James downstairs, not a noise, a whisper nothing. I went upstairs to our room and opened the door gently thinking he’d be asleep but he was giggling all alone ticking Cayla’s belly who was laid by his side on our bed. I peaked first and he was watching her reactions as he tickled her softly.

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping lady instead of being here and wanting to play?” He talked to her. Cayla was laid peacefully with her eyes wide opened listening to him attentively. Just when I cracked the door completely opened James raised his eyes from our girl and looked at me. “Mommy is here.” He said but looking at me and smiling. James was still with his sleeping clothes, his hair still tangled. I approached them and laid myself on the bed too with Cayla in the middle of us. James kissed my lips. “Anything new?” I just shook my head.

“They say we need to wait. He still doesn’t have fever which is good.”

“I think that’s a good sign right?” He asked making a face to Cayla at the same time which caused me to smile.

“I think so.” I said. James kissed the baby’s forehead. “Wasn’t she supposed to be asleep?”

“Yes but after eating she wanted to play I guess or whatever babies do at her age.” He chuckled.

“And you lazy one…” I ran a hand through his hair.

“I stayed here with her on bed. I am feeling lazy indeed and it felt nice. We were communicating.” He laughed making me laugh too.

“I could see that.” I kissed him and then Cayla.

“Look how quiet she is hearing your voice.” James stated. “Is it mommy sweetie? Uh?”

“Hey princess…” I called her grabbing her hand and Cayla remained still trying to capture from where my voice was coming then she crossed her eyes making us laughed loud with her funny face. For instants our nightmare disappeared. Cayla subsided to her sleep half an hour later and I got up to put her in her crib.

“I am going to have shower so I can go back to the hospital.” I said looking at James who was irresistibly stretching himself on bed. I just felt like laying on top of him and roam my hands over his body. “Wanna shower with me?” I offered. James looked at me and gave me a smile. I guess he understood right away the meaning of my proposal.

“Go head, I’ll catch you in a couple of minutes he said tucking his pillow under his head.” I rested my hands on my waist looking at him indignant but finding it funny at the same time.

“Hey…” I protested. He smiled.

“Let me stay here just a bit more. I feel so lazy, I’d just stay here the whole day today.”

“You’re tired.” I told him. He nodded his head. I left him there wasting my hopes for a shower together but then I felt sorry for him. I found James relaxed and even calm, I guess he was exhausted from everything we were living and from his recent problem. In the bathroom I opened the know and left the water running, getting undressed and leaving my clothes on the floor. I stepped under it and soaked my hair wet. I heard some noise and I saw James taking his shirt and boxers off standing in front of me seconds later. I smiled at him.

“You thought I wasn’t coming.” He said with his cute smile. I just took a step near him and put my arms around his neck and kissed his lips right after. I loved when he kissed me lustfully, when he took my breath away with a single kiss. I loved it when I felt my knees weakening at his touch, just like now, or when he carved the tip of his fingers in my back just like he was doing now while he kissed me.

James pushed me against the wall gently and I let myself go, our lips kissing hungrily, my fingers tangled in his hair and tugging it gently. Our breathing already altered, it was coming out in gasps and when he reached under my butt lifting me up a bit I was helpless to resist. I wanted him too much.

He slid inside of me with a perfect and gentle move; my body was so turned on by his touch that I moaned loud when he did it. James gasping was music ringing in my ears and it turned me on even more. I touched him everywhere I could and kissed him ferociously, he murmured my name countless times and mumbled love words in my ears.

“Oohh baby…” I gasped and understanding me, he just increased his thrusts until I cried his name loud, clutching onto his shoulders with all my strength. Feeling my body shudder, he just groaned loud and with one last strong thrust I felt him subside to his orgasm. We remained like that for a while trying to catch out breath.

“Thank you for being so strong.” He told me.

“I am not that strong.” I said.

“Yes you are. Coping with me and with our son ill in the hospital.”

“I just love you two too much.” James gave a peck and let me slid back on the floor gently. I opened the water again and we finished our shower, getting dressed right after. We took Cayla’s electronic baby sitter with us and went to the kitchen. I made ourselves breakfast as I had left the hospital without eating.

“Do you have faith that the medicine is gonna work?” James asked me. I stood silent for a while trying to think, was I faithful enough? “I can’t lose him Ade, I can’t. I can’t deal with this pain. I grabbed his hand in support.

“Hey…you need to stay focused. I need you with me, remember that. This is hard for me too but having your support like I have been having makes things somehow less lonely. You need to stay with us.” I pleaded. James nodded.

“I know…and I am trying.” He said. Katy and Phil heard us in the kitchen and joined us but James and I left to the hospital just right after finishing our morning meal. We haven’t had time for us, time for our daughter and time for our friends. Cullen was our main priority but then everybody understood. When we made out way back to the hospital reality stroke again and my heart sunk in agony again. James could read my mind.

“It is so painful when we have to go back there right?”

“I just want this end.” I said desperate putting my hands behind my back. James parked the car and we made the usual way to the nursery room. I could make that way with my eyes closed now and still there he was, still the same or at least he looked the same.

“I had this hope he’d not find him here anymore. That he was in the room you have been sleeping.” James said. I could hear the despair and the disappointment in his voice.

“I know. I had the same wish.” I said looking at him.

“Fuck…” He said resting with his palm against the window. “When is this going to end? We don’t deserve this Ade…we don’t.”

“Calm down.” I told him resting a hand on his shoulder and James rested his hand on mine.

“I was waiting for you to arrive.” The doctor said behind us. James and I looked back at him. We were afraid, every time now the doctor approached us we were afraid. The doctor smiled, it had been the first smile I had seen from him and my heart just raced frantic.

“Yes…” James said waiting for the doctor to continue, I guess he was just as anxious as I was.

“He reacted in a good way. The medicine is, at least for now, working.” James and I looked at each other with tears in our eyes, this time tears of hope and not sadness. “I think it’s going to work.” The doctor continued.

“Thank you.” I told him grabbing the doctors hands in mine totally grateful for everything he had done for my son.

“I am going to take another look at him.” He said leaving James and I. We held tightly into each other.

“This is good news.” He said. “Our baby is getting better Ade.” He said crying, then he began to sob.

“Now I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.” I said.

“Yes…oh baby…” He sobbed a bit more and so did I.

“Do you wanna come in a bit?” The doctor called us. We were again prepared to go inside a sterilized room and sat near Cullen. His breathing was a but faster but it was noisy. I looked at the doctor and he understood my questioning look. “He’s got his lungs infected, it’s normal. Don’t worry the fact that we can hear him breathing is a very good sign.” I nodded and looked back at Cullen.

“Hey baby…” I whispered at him. “Hang in there sweetie, hang in there.” Cullen moved a bit and James smiled. I couldn’t see it properly because we had a mask but his lines let it show and his eyes shined a bit.

“He moved!” He exclaimed. Cullen hadn’t move in days and then he opened his tiny eyes making us almost jump with joy. I looked amazed at my baby’s blue eyes thanking God mentally for that moment.

“I thought I’d never see your eyes again Cullen.” I talked to him. “I love you so much, I never thought I’d be capable of such feeling. You have to stay with me and dad and your siblings, Cayla misses you…” I began to babble from my heart.

“And I promise I’ll be a better dad. Don’t think I don’t love you, I do… so much little one… you just happen to have this really troubled father.”

“It was a good thing you guys tried the medicine.” The doctor said. “I do think he is going to be alright now.”
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4everJamie
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Some Kind Of Monster
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This was sooo cute:
“Shouldn’t you be sleeping lady instead of being here and wanting to play?” He talked to her. Cayla was laid peacefully with her eyes wide opened listening to him attentively. Just when I cracked the door completely opened James raised his eyes from our girl and looked at me. “Mommy is here.” He said but looking at me and smiling." :wub:

Glad that Cullen seems to look a little better. :)

Thanks for the update!
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Hawkeye
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GAAHHH!!! I can't wait that long!
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Scorpion Flower
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:P

**************************************

“I am sorry baby but they wanted to eat first.” I said at the phone with James.

“Ok…I’ll wait.” He said making me giggle.

“I don’t think you have another option.” I joked.

“I can run away!” He exclaimed making me giggle again.

“You better be there when I get there.” I warned him.

“See you in a while.” He said.

“See you.” I told him. Katy was already feeding Cayla and Cullen was getting a bit cranky, I put a diaper over my dress and picked up my boy in my arms beginning to feed him.

“Try no to leave mommy’s dress stained.” I told him. The boy was hungry and had the milk fast.

“James is gonna have a heart attack.” Katy laughed.

“Well, he’s not because I called him otherwise he would.” I smiled.

“Ade, you look gorgeous my dear.”

“Thank you. Too bad it is not the proper dress to arrange everything to take with me. Have you ever seen a bride taking a stroller and baby bags with her to the church?” I laughed loud. I was so happy. Cullen my boy was finally home and safe. Luckily there were no side effects and his lungs healed properly.

“It’s rare for sure.” She agreed. “And even rarer is the fact that I am the one taking you to him.” I looked at her and we both hooted with laughter. Katy was delivering me to James. I had no one else, sure I could have chosen Lars or one of the guys but Katy was my best friend and she has been my family for years, so I chose her. Marcella was going to give us the rings and Cali was walking in the church with us. Castor was with his father already there.

“I am ready now.” I said. I took a deep breath and arranged my hair again and fixed my dress.

“From now on, they are ours.” Lani said referring to the twins. She was there with us because since Katy had to go in with me the babies would be alone. I locked my house and got in the white Limo that would finally take me to James.
My heart pounded like crazy while I was on my ride. I didn’t share a word with Lani or with Katy I just smiled at them now and then. The chapel was quite near of our home

“It’s ok to be nervous.” Katy whispered in my ear.

“I’m almost dying.” I told her.

“Well… I tell you, you don’t wanna die until you see your groom, he looked wonderful.” She said. I laughed. Katy sure knew how to calm me down. When we reached the door of the chapel Lani kissed my forehead going inside with my twins and their stuff. I stood outside with Katy and Cali, my heart? Well my heart was about to take off. I could feel it beating in my throat and when the lady told us to get in I swear I felt like running away but I got in anyway, guided by my friend Katy and to the sound of Nothing Else Matters, the song I’ve chosen.

James was standing still with Castor by his side in front of the altar and behind it there was the minister. Once I got near Katy delivered me to James. We smiled at each other mesmerized and for the first time I felt like I was where I belonged. Castor winked at me as I glanced at him and then we turned to the minister.

He raised his arms and spoke “We are gathered here today…” and so the ceremony of my wedding began. The minister continued “We are gathered here today to witness the coming together of two people, James and Adriana, whose hearts and spirits are entwined as one. They now desire to profess before the world their intention henceforth to walk the road of life together.

Then the priest signal James and James turned to me.

“Ade, there was darkness for a long time and then there was light and that light was you. Your love has given me wings and our journey begins today. I pledge before this assembled company to be your husband from this day forward. Let us make of our two lives, one life. I want you for today, tomorrow and forever.” James voice broke various times while saying his vows. I was barely keeping myself together hearing him. Then it was my turn.

I took a deep breath and then grabbed his hand. “James…” I started. “I have dreamed my whole life of having someone as wonderful as you to love me the way you do. I give myself to you as your wife and I promise here to treasure for all of my days the love we celebrate today. Let us bring together our lives and find ourselves a new, each day.” I couldn’t help the tears that fell down my face and James didn’t avoid it too.

Then the minister spoke again, “Adriana, will you take James as your husband, in happiness and with patience and understanding, through conflict and tranquility?”

“I will.” I said really low.

“James, will you take Adriana as your wife, in happiness and with patience and understanding, through conflict and tranquility?”

“I will.” He said. I glanced at him and smile. The minister motioned to Marcella and she delivered to him the small box she had on her hands. He held our rings and blessed them and then he gave mine to James.

“Ade…” He paused looking in my eyes with the most tender smile on his lips and then continued. “I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you, in the name of God.” With that James placed the ring in my finger, my hand was shaking. It was my turn.

“James… I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have, I honor you, in the name of God.”I placed the ring on James’s finger.

The minister smiled at us. “With this statement made of love and trust, which we have just heard, I now wish you to greet James and Adriana as husband and wife.” The church crowded with close friends began to applaud and the minister turned to us again. “You may now kiss the bride.” He said.

James turned to me and we stared at each other for a few seconds overwhelmed with what we had shared and then he cupped my face with his hands and kissed me like he had never done before; it sure swept the floor off my feet. Then we just smiled at our guests and each one of them came to greet us. Right after greeting every one it was time to leave to the reception. James and I chose a ranch made with the purpose for wedding parties.

“I can’t believe we’re married.” James said putting his arm around my neck and pulling me to him. “I mean, finally…” He said

“Neither can I” I said giggling but James just raised my chin and bent over my face kissing me deadly one more time.

“I can’t wait to be alone with you.” He said breaking the kiss.

“There’s still a couple of hours to go.” I said.

“Oh…no...we leave them having fun and we go away. You look so pretty Ade.” He whispered against my neck giving me the goose bumps.

“You look very good too.” I said. James was dressed in a black tux. He looked amazing.

When we entered the tent of our reception all of them got up from their chairs and clapped again. I felt like a star. I had been married once but not like that and not with all that love in my heart. We smiled and bowed at them thanking and while we were walking to our table The Outlaw Torn was played, when we sat the food began to be served.

We served a shrimp cocktail as a starter, then it was time for a sea soup. Our main plates were two: Grilled lobster and Fillet Mignon and not forgetting that we had friends who were vegetarian we had a vegan dish for them. Wine, water was all over the tables but I always kept my eyes on James. He couldn’t drink. Not that he had been drinking but I knew he was struggling with it even thought he didn’t say it openly. I learned he had a tremendous discomfort towards the subject and that he’d rather not talked about it. I didn’t know if that was a good or a bad thing.

A band played throughout the afternoon and I alternated between making out with my husband, dancing with my friends and trying to calm my babies down. I was dancing when I saw James talking to Lars. He had lost his tie and the jacket and his shirt was half unbuttoned and his sleeves were wrapped up. He was leaning against a pillar holding a bottle of water on his hands and he was nodding at what Lars was telling him but he’s eyes were on me and he smiled as our eyes met. I left the dance floor and walked up to him, I felt like kissing him. suddenly Lars left as soon as I got there and I put my arms around his neck.

“Do you think we can leave now?” I told him.

“I think they’re having fun they won’t even notice we’re missing.” He said. So we held hands and sneaked out but not before instructing Katy for a night with our babies. Since they were just six weeks old, James and I decided not to travel on a honeymoon, we would simply spend our wedding night alone. We walked to the limo that brought us there and we asked the driver to take us to the hotel. The boys in the band offered us a night at the Ritz Carlton Half Moon Bay. Situated on a cliff overlooking 50 miles of coastline, it looked like a palace of the ninetieth century. It was quiet and amazing.

“Are you happy?” He asked as we entered the lobby.

I nodded. “You?”

He kissed my lips gently. “Yes, very much.” I pulled his head down for another kiss, this time a longer one. I couldn’t wait to be with alone with him in the room. James and I walked in hand in hand and waited for the elevator patiently, when we got in and the doors closed I jumped on his neck kissing him fiercely and hungrily.

“Seems like someone is looking forward to this part of the day.” He said joking and smiling. Clearly a teasing smile. The elevator reached our floor meanwhile and when we were about to get out James picked me up on his arms.“Let’s be traditional.” He said. I put my arms around his neck and kissed him and let him carry me. He put me down to open the door and then picked me up again, kicking the door closed and carrying me to the bed. There he laid me on it gently, resting on top of me.

I pulled him down for another kiss, another one of the thousand we had already shared that night. James dug his hand under the dress and ran his hand through my leg, while kissing me passionately. I managed to put my hands between us and began to take off his shirt, pulling it down his shoulders once all the buttons were undone. He took it off his arms and I ran my hands through his chest and through his back, touching every bit of his skin.

“Don’t you wanna get rid of that dress?” He asked. His voice sounded husky. I got up and turned my back on him. I shivered when I felt his fingers undoing the buttons of my dress and then he kissed both my shoulders while releasing me from the its straps, it fell down my shoulders. Still kissing the back of my neck, James also undid my hair, tangling his fingers in it he let it fall naturally and then he just whispered my name in the sexiest way I had heard from him.

I turned around to look at him, holding him close and he kissed me again. James just took my breasts in his hands and I strayed a bit and began to unbutton his pants. I didn’t wait, I just pulled his pants and his shorts down at the same time. James did the same to my panties and then tossed me on the bed positioning himself on top of me.

“Ade…” He whispered in my ear. I felt his hand parting my legs and they obeyed instantly. Slowly he made his way in and slowly I was adjusting myself to him.

“Mmmmm…” I moaned when he reached the end.

“Shhhh…” He shushed looking in my eyes then he began to move in and out of me at a painful and delicious steady rhythm. My fingers carved on the skin of his back letting him know he was driving me crazy. Our lips glued in fire, our tongues slow dancing and our moans being swallowed at the same time. “I love you so much.” He breathed when our lips separated. I responded running a hand through his hair. He closed his eyes at my caress and lowered his head to suck on my neck and biting it gently at the same time. I ran my hands down his back until I found his butt and I clutched my hands on it pressuring him more against me and raising my hips for better access.

“Oh…God…James….that is so good.” I said as he found the exact spot.

“Like it like this?” He asked looking at my eyes. I bit my lip in pleasure and arched my back nodding at him at the same time. I was beginning to be caught on fire. I moved my hips under him as I was just getting all my senses about to explode. My skin was hot, my palms were sweaty and my head was just spinning.

“Ade…” He moaned my name clenching his jaw. “You are driving me nuts.” He said and then he pulled out giving me a saucy look. I raised my eyebrow. “I need to rest a bit.” He said smirking kneeled in front of me. I got up and kneeled in front of him kissing his lips. “I just don’t want this to end right away.” He exclaimed. I knew he was waiting to calm down and when I thought he’d have enough time I straddled him right there in that position. His hands met my hips as I sat on him and slowly I began to rock them around him. “Oh…Fuck…” He moaned throwing his head back rolling his eyes. “So good…” He breathed out.

My hips began to be controlled by his hands and his grip grew tighter around me. All my senses vanished and the sweet love making became frantic and savage as I was desperate to explode and too lost in pleasure. We were gasping for air but none of us wanted to stop there. I clutched my hands onto his shoulders and threw my head back as I shuddered hit by my orgasm. When I calmed down James threw me back on the bed with his hand, grabbing me by my hips and pulling them up a bit as he was still kneeled and then he just entered me again speeding urgently for his need. His face flushed and he clutched his jaw as his whole body tensed then he jerked and I felt him release his load, the next second he collapsed on top of me panting.

“God…” He breathed. James kissed my lips and rolled to his side resting his hand on his chest with a smile on his lips. His tempers were sweating and his face was flushed, his lips still a bit swollen. I ran my hand through his hair and he looked at me. “Look how far we’ve come.” He said taking my hand to his lips and kissing it.

“Seems like we made it…look how far we’ve come my baby…” I joked singing Shania’s song. James raised his head laughing and kissed my lips.

“I love you Ade. I can’t express in words my feelings for you. You understand me better than anyone.”

“We’re one.” I said. I rested my head on his chest and I felt his arms around me then I felt my eyes shutting.

I don’t know how much time I slept but I woke up to find an empty bed. I pulled the covers away and went to the living room of our suite. I found James standing just in boxers in front of the window watching the sea. I grabbed him from behind and placed a kiss on the back of his shoulder.

“What are you doing here so late?” I asked. He turned around to look at me and kissed the tip on my nose.

“Nothing. I couldn’t sleep that’s all.” He said but the next second he let go of me and I felt him weird and maybe tense.

“James…” I called him.

“Come to bed.” He simply said walking in to the room. I looked around and saw a glass on the table. I grabbed it and smelled it. Champagne. He had been drinking.
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xlau05
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yayyyyy he IS getting better :heart: finally, good news!
and the wedding night was awesome :heart: :drool
but.. James shouldn't drink anymore :angry


more please!
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