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How We Became Fire; James short story
Topic Started: September 2, 2010, 5:12 am (19,011 Views)
4everJamie
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Some Kind Of Monster
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:nanner: Yay!! Cullen is home.
And James & Ade finally Posted Image married!! :nanner: :heart:

But James...drinking again? Posted Image


Can´t wait to read more! :biggrin
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Izzy
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awww!!! They finally got married! :heart: :wub:

but James has been drinking again!! :ugh: :angry
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Scorpion Flower
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When I got up next morning I roamed around the living room thinking if I should have that serious talk during our honeymoon, somehow I knew that we’d end up fighting but then he didn’t forbid himself from resisting his temptation so I also had the right to spoil things a bit. It hurt me to know that he waited until I fell asleep and it hurt me even more that he was not keeping up with his word. We had just gotten married…

Tired of walking around in circles and hammering on the same thing I decided to take a shower and get dressed. While I was putting my dress back on the suitcase James stirred and I saw his eyes opening.

“Sorry if I awaked you.” I told him. He raised his head a bit to be able to see me.

“No, it’s ok. What time is it?” He asked with a sleepy tone rubbing his eyes.

“11 am.” I said. James found my dry tone weird and sat on the bed looking at me.

“What is it?” He asked serious. I looked at him ready to shoot but then I count to ten to prevent me from just venting. I needed to be calm and concise. I could not talk to him heated up, I had to be reasonable and clear enough so we wouldn’t clash.

“Nothing.” I said putting my eyes back on the suitcase but James knew me well. He strayed the sheet away from him and came to meet me, crouching by my side. With two fingers on my chin he turned my face to him and looked into my eyes.

“I know you…” He said. I took his hand away and turned my head away in silence. “Ade? Wanna tell me?”

“How could you?” I shot in a bit angered. There I was not saying things the best way. That was what I was avoiding and I couldn’t go that way, that was not the best way to deal with him. James raised his eyebrow not understanding my question. “I saw the glass on the table last night.” I explained making things clear for him. His eyes fell on the floor in shame then he got up and walked towards the bathroom leaving me there without an explanation.

“I am going to take a shower.” He said before closing the door. I stood quietly looking at the window but staring at nothing incredulous.

“I can’t believe this…” I whispered finally reacting and shaking my head. I came back to keep my clothes inside the bag but then his indifference or whatever his reaction was irritated me. I got up and walked to the bathroom opening the door rampant.

“And you just walk away and say nothing?” I asked him leaning against the basin crossing my arms around my chest. I didn’t raise my voice or change my tone to a menacing one. I spoke normally. James was washing his chest and he kept on doing it as if I wasn’t there. “James!” I exclaimed. There he looked at me.

“We’re on our honeymoon!” He said but his voice raised a bit and that was fuel for me.

“Yes we are! Glad you are thinking about that! Now you could have think about that before.” I said.

“Let’s not fight Ade.”

“I don’t wanna fight. I want us to talk.” I said. James closed the water after rinsing himself. I took a step forward and handed him the towel. He ran the towel over his head and then on his face.

“It was juts a glass.” He said.

“You cannot have a glass!” I said. James got out of the bathroom and I went after him. He picked up his shirt and slid his arms inside it and ran it over his head.

“Can we do this later? At least let me have a quiet morning.” I knew he was trying to escape the subject. Maybe he was still drinking after all and I haven’t noticed.

“No, we cannot do this later. This is a fucking serious problem and we talk about it now.” James ripped his jeans in a hasty move off the bed. He was furious I was contradicting him. “I am in the living room waiting for you. I give you a few minutes for thinking about a nice explanation.” I said turning away and leaving him. I sat on the couch waiting.

It didn’t take long until he opened the door of the room. I didn’t look up, I kept on looking at my feet. I felt his weight sitting beside on the couch and there I looked at him with tears in my eyes. “You promised me…” Was all I could tell him. All of a sudden I was out of words, my mind was blank.

“Don’t look at me with that disappointed look.” He asked me.

“And how do you want me to look at you?” James shook his head. “Come on…you can’t do something like that and ask me not to be disappointed. We have been through so much, we almost lost our son but everything is fine now. They have been quiet, finally we are able to sleep more than five minutes without them crying, Cullen is at home and fine, we are fine…I don’t see a reason…I don’t understand…”

“It was just a glass Ade. You’re overreacting.”

“Even then! The fact that you saw a bottle in there and weren’t able to resist to open and have a glass is enough to worry me. You even said it once, you just can’t drink and now you are trying to convince me that you can have a glass and stop? Or are you trying to convince yourself you can do that? James…we just got married and on our wedding night you left me alone in bed to come to the living room and have a glass of champagne.”

“It’s not like that.” He said. Technically we weren’t fighting. We were talking low.

“It is! And that’s the dangerous part is that you don’t see it! What are you trying to do?”

“It’s ok Ade. I haven’t had a drop before and last night it was just that glass.” He tried by all means to convince me but there no words that could reach that end.

“James…” I got up standing in front of him and shaking my hands in front of him. “What is it now that you don’t understand in the part that you can’t drink! You can’t have nothing alcoholic, you’ll fall again into your bad habits. Do you want that for you? For us? Because I don’t want that for us. I’ve seen enough a couple of weeks ago. You are not you. You’re an ugly and cranky person that yells at your babies and almost hit me for interfering. You slack on your band and leave them hanging in the studio, you put everything around you on hold and it seems like nothing else exists. I want to exist for you, I want to be important for you.” He got up and grabbed my hands.

“Look…” He said entwining his fingers in mine. “I was wrong not to resist it ok? But I swear I had just a glass and then I stopped. I swear Ade…”

“And the bottle?” I asked him. I found the glass on the table but I didn’t see the bottle around. James gave me a disappointed look as he realized his word wasn’t enough. He sighed letting go of my hands. He walked up to the small fridge and took the bottle out of it. It was basically full.

“Happy now?” He asked me. I felt a bit guilty that moment for not having trust his word but I guess I had enough reasons not to. He put the bottle on the table and came to me again. “You could have trust me.” He said resting his hands on his waist.

“It’s true but then I have my reasons to question you to the limits.” I said with my heart breaking a little. I came a little closer and held him tight. “I am a bit scared ok.” I told him. It took him a while to hold me back but he eventually did it.

“I had a glass and then I stopped.” He repeated.

“Because I showed up?” James let go of me and looked in my eyes.

“Now I am getting pissed at you Ade.” He said turning his back on me but I stretched out an arm and tugged my hand in the waist of his jeans pulling him back. He didn’t offer resistance but he didn’t turn around to look back at me. I held him from behind.

“You also need to understand my point. I am trying hard not to lose my mind with all this and stay by your side and trying to understand you, but I do have a point, a HUGE point.” I told him. He took a deep breath and bent his head down.

“You do.” He finally said. I let go of him and walked around to stand in front of him cupping his face between my hands.

“You will destroy yourself and I love you too much to let you do that without a fight. I won’t throw my towel down easily. I will bust your ass and tease you and nag you about it if I feel like I have to. Don’t think that I am gonna close my eyes at everything you do.” He caught my hands and pulled them down but not abruptly or violently or mad.

“I shouldn’t have done it. There I admit it.” He said.

“I don’t want you to admit it just to agree with me and make me feel cool about it. I want you admitting it knowing it’s a huge mistake you’re making. You know that for sure, better than I do.” He nodded. “Do you think you need to call your sponsor and maybe talk to him about it.”

“No, I can do this on my own.” I looked in his eyes for a while silent. “Really Ade.”

“Ok.” I said giving him another sign of trust but I knew I would keep my eyes open for any signal that would prove me otherwise. “Let’s have breakfast now.” I said putting an end to that conversation. When I was letting go of him he pulled me to him.

“I truly understand your fear.” He said and then kissed my lips.

“Then don’t make me afraid.” He simply nodded in silence. I let go to order breakfast to room service, we had to leave after it.

I couldn’t stop thinking how maybe this fight was far from being easy or over. Dealing with his drinking problem was far from being easy or to accept, with the drinking I knew many other things would appear. Forgiving him once for cheating was hard twice…I didn’t know if I was capable of. While he was driving to Katy’s to pick up the twins he felt how distant I was.

“Ade?” He called me grabbing my hand in his and resting it on his leg. I got out of my trance and looked at him. “I don’t like to see you like that, especially today.”

“I was just thinking.” I said.

“I am sorry babe. I am sorry I got you worried.”

“You know it’s not even today that is important. I mean we got married yesterday, it is a fact but then we have been living together and we’ve had two babies, so we have been through a lot already so today is just another day in our life together. It is just the fact that I can’t stop worrying. It is not worse because we are married now, I considered myself married to you before, it is not a paper that sets the rules. The point is YOU, you are the important thing.”

“So it’s not important that you’re married to me now? That you’re my wife and you’re Mrs. Hetfield?” He said with a smirk. He was joking. I took my hand off his leg and tapped his arm.

“Moron.” I called him.

“Because I could have spared some money trying to pull all that out together when I proposed.” He continued to tease and I tapped him again making him laugh loud. He grabbed my hand and took it to his lips kissing it.

“That is not what I meant funny guy.” I said.

“I know babe. I am just trying to light things up.”

“I am happy.” I said.

“You know what I was thinking?” I shook my head. “It will be funny, on our next record it will appear mixed by Adriana Hetfield.”

“And then your fans are gonna bitch about the sound is not good that is muffled and the guitars are too distorted and bla…bla…bla…and you just hired me because I am your wife.” I laughed.

“We should go on a proper honeymoon.” He said all of a sudden. I raised my eyebrows at him. “Why not?”

“Are you forgetting that we have two little monsters?”

“Maybe we could arrange something.”

“They are just six weeks old baby. We’d have to travel with too many things. They need a lot of stuff, plus it wouldn’t be much different than being at home with them and they are more comfortable there and so are we at this moment.” I explained.

“Yeah, you’re right. Have you noticed how they have grown?” He said with his eyes shining and a huge smile. “Cayla looks a lot like Marcella when she was that little.”

“Because Cella is your spit image and so is Cayla. And Cullen is too. I don’t know how you do it but you get almost all your kids to look like you.”

“My genes are dominant.” He grinned.

“You’re so vane.” I stick my tongue out. James pulled the car over abruptly and leaned over me. “Now you scared me.” I said straying a bit but not too much.

“I just felt the need to kiss you.” He said gluing his lips on mine. “I love you.” He said parting from me a little and I was going to tell him the same but he silenced me with another devastating kiss.
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Izzy
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At least James admitted that he shouldn't have drank, but he should've drank in the first place :rolleyes:

The second half of this part was quite sweet!! :wub:

More! :biggrin
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xlau05
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I hope he will get over his addiction soon :ugh: at least the end of the chapter was better :heart:
thank you for the update :biggrin
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Scorpion Flower
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Ladies...here it goes today:) Thank you for the comments. :heart:

******************************


“Awww…you guys could have at least have lunch alone.” Katy said when she saw us at her door.

“Come on, you guys look like shit.” James laughed and I giggled as I saw the big bag under their eyes. “Tough night?” He teased them and I elbowed him laughing.

“Very funny sir.” Katy rolled her eyes. “Well, they weren’t in the mood of sleeping much during the night, what do you guys do with this kids? I mean they eat and then they just stare at us waiting for something I cannot figure out what it is.” James and I laughed loud.

“Well…” I said picking up my girl in my arms. I rubbed my nose in hers and talked to Katy looking at my baby girl’s face. “They like to play a little…” I giggled.

“And you have to talk to them.” James added smiling. Katy threw herself on the couch with her mouth opened.

“Seriously who on this earth can play with a baby at 4 am in the morning.” She blurted making me hoot with laughter. “Don’t laugh my dear, you two are nuts.”

“When the day comes for you you’ll see how it makes sense and well, you don’t have an option but to be there and make them company. Sometimes we take them to our bed and we fell asleep and they don’t…” He laughed and I nodded.

“Yeah…it has happened more than once.” I laughed. The thunder outside made jump on Katy’s couch and Cayla shuddered in my arms making a face. “Jesus, what’s up with the fucking weather in California?” I retorted. “It’s always raining now.”

“Raining, wind, thunder…” Katy puffed.

“We better get going James. Since it’s raining it’s gonna take us some time to get home and I am afraid because of the babies.” I said getting up. James nodded and he began to tuck the twins in the stroller. “Thanks for everything my dear.” I said hugging Katy.

“You are welcome.” She said.

“Tell Phil we had to leave.” I said seeing Phil had fell asleep on the couch.

“And that…” James pointed chuckling. “That was just one night, now imagine us. Bye Katy.” He kissed her cheek.

“Bye. Put some sense in that head.” She said tapping his head. James simply nodded and then we shared a complicity look. James grabbed the bags and I pushed the stroller.

“I better bring the car here so they won’t get wet in the rain.” James said. I nodded and James brought the car near the door, one by one he took the babies inside the car protecting them with his coat, once they were in I ran and we both hoped in the car. “Damn rain!” James exclaimed running his hands through his wet hair. We drove home slow as the heavy rain was blurring the view. Cullen and Cayla began to move and complain a little bit on the back seat.

“I think they’re getting hungry.” I said as I looked back. I tried to shake their chairs a little bit to calm them down but they were only beginning to cry a bit more.

“Shit…” James cursed. “And the damn traffic is not helping.”

“It must be an accident.” I said as we got stuck on the freeway. Cayla complained a little louder and Cullen followed her. James looked back at them.

“Hey guys…” He said peacefully. “Come on…cooperate with mom and dad.”

“I don’t think they understand that. Where are their bags?” I asked him.

“In the trunk.” He said frowning.

“You have to pull over babe. I need to pick up their bags. There’s bottles and milk in there. Katy said she had prepared 2 bottles just in case. This is the case.” I laughed. James signaled to the right and parked the car.

“I’ll go there. It’s raining too much.” He said. He was the one getting wet again. As he brought the bags back inside the car I began to search for the bottles, handing one to James once I found them. I kneeled on our seats to be able to bring our kids to us and then we sat, each one of us with a baby on our arms and feeding them. Cullen raised an arm as he began to suck.

“Yes daddy, you rule!” James talked to him smiling. There we were, in the middle of a freeway feeding our twins under heavy rain tapping on the windows. Suddenly we heard a knock on James’s window. “Oh Fuck…” He whispered. James opened the window just a bit to prevent the rain to get in.

“Excuse me sir but you can’t be parked here.” We heard the police man saying. “Can I see your drivers license please.” James opened the window a bit more.

“Excuse me officer, I know but they…” James pointed to Cullen on his hands and to Cayla on mine. “…they wanted to eat.” He said shrugging. The police man looked at both babies and smiled. “I am sorry.” James said again.

“It’s ok sir. You better close the window if you don’t want to have your baby wet. Have a nice day and take your time.” James nodded and thanked him closing the window after. We looked at each other and began to laugh.

“Did you see his face once he saw the babies?” I said. James nodded hooting with laughter.

“We were supposed to be on a honeymoon and here we are under heavy rain, in the middle of a fucking freeway feeding our kids.”

“Aww…but they are so lovely.” I said drooling over Cayla. James picked Cullen up and brought his face close to his as he was finished.

“And now your highness, should I change your diaper?” He talked to Cullen making me giggle. James brought his nose near it. “I think he’s clean.” Our tormented drive back home began once the babies were tucked in their chairs again. With the car rolling slowly they fell asleep soon, leaving us in peace. It took us more than an hour to get home. The twins were still sleeping so we put them on the stroller and left them in the living room. James decided to put some firewood in the fireplace so it was warm and cozy with all the rain outside and I cooked us some meal as we were starving. I took the trays to the couch in the living room and we ate in front of the fireplace.

“Nice honeymoon.” He commented with me.

“I can’t complain. My babies are sleeping peacefully.” I said as I watched them in the stroller. “Fireplace is burning, rain and wind outside and I am in the arms of my husband. This is perfect.” I said leaning against James’s chest. He surrounded me with his arms and kissed the top of my head. “Wait here.” He said getting up and leaving me alone, coming back a minute later with two blankets. I had some idea of what he wanted to do but I watched him stretching a furry blanket over the carpet and then stretching the other one tapping on it after motioning me to join him. I crawled until there and stood on my fours in front of him just like he was.

“Having ideas?” I smiled.

“What does it look like?” He said raising a hand and pulling a strand of my hair away. Then he caressed my cheek with the tip of his fingers and came a little closer. “Since we’re supposed to be on honeymoon…” He planted kisses over my face tickling me with his lips. “I think we should profit of this fire, of this quietness and make the most out of it.” He stopped kissing me right when his lips were just an inch from mine. I smiled and then he brushed his lips on mine. “Is it a good idea?” He whispered against my lips.

“I think so…” I whispered back. He pecked me.

“Wanna?” He smiled and grabbed my upper lip between his teeth letting go right after.

“I don’t know…” I said kissing his lips again. James smiled and got up standing on his knees. He took his hand to my shoulders and pulled me down on the blanket laying beside me after.

“I guess I am gonna have to convince you then.” He rolled on me and kissed me again. He kissed me once and then twice. My hand traveled to the back of his neck pulling his head down for a third kiss. Our lips locked this time demanding for more, soon our tongues entwined in a tormented dance.

“So was it or was it not a good idea?” James asked kissing my neck.

“Fantastic.” I said tangling my fingers in his hair as his lips sucked on my neck. James kneeled in front of me and began to unbutton my blouse smiling when he got rid of it. He threw it away and it landed right on top of Cayla.

“Oh shit.” He widened his eyes and we both stood quiet waiting for a cry but since she remained silent he looked back at me and smiled. Then he occupied himself to get rid of my bra grinning when my breasts were revealed. He was like a kid in a candy store. He bent over me and kissed them, squeezing then with his hands. As his hands massage my breasts he looked for my lips again and his thumps teased my already hard nipples at the same time as he kissed me. I arched my back at him to intensify the contact. My legs parted almost mechanically and I felt his bulge against my crotch. He rubbed against me making me sigh.

“A bit of teasing.” He said rubbing against me and getting me wet.

“Take off your jeans.” I gasped as my arousal was just peaking. He shook his head imprisoning my hands with his above my hand. He thrust against me harder making me feel him more against me. James smiled and his eyes sparkled as he played with my desire.

“Mnmmnn….” I moaned pulling my hips up. Seeing my rush James stopped and rested on his knees again. Passing one my legs over his head he began to take off my jeans. Then he tugged his thumbs on the side of my panties and got rid of them. He picked up my ankle and ran my leg over his head again leaving me naked, opened legs right in front of his eyes. He gave me a saucy smile

“Perfect…” He whispered looking at me. I was about to move from that position that somehow made me feel uncomfortable but he rested a hand in my chest. “Don’t move Ade. And I didn’t. James got up and undid his own jeans and his boxers were next then he came back to me resting between my legs. I felt his hard length rubbing against me and I raised my hips to take him in but he pulled back. I hated how he was such a teaser sometimes. I rolled my eyes as he did it and he smiled kissing my lips.

“Is there something wrong Ade?” He asked.

“No.” I smiled.

“Is there something you want?” He rubbed against me driving me wild.

“Come on teaser.” I whispered clutching my hands onto his ass making him go down.

“How much do you want it?” He smiled again biting my neck.

“A lot.” I confessed. He entered the tip and stopped. I raised my hips a bit and he slid in a bit more making me moan.

“Oooh…” He sighed as he felt me squeezing him. James began to move in and out and every time he did it he’d go deeper, until his thrusts met a steady rhythm. My hands traveled up and down his back in delight. He rocked my body perfectly. Every time we made love he owned me and no one else knew how to please me as he did. He knew how to press every button at the right time.

“I love you baby.” I whispered taking a hand to his face. He bent over my lips kissing them.

“And I love you.” He said. “I love so much my love.” He kissed my face as he thrust. I wrapped my arms around him and held him close as he thrust into me building me up for my peak. James continued speaking in my ear. “I will do anything for you.” My body began to give him signals I was close to explode. His hips began to move faster and soon a lightening bolt hit my body sending an endless energy over it making it quiver and shudder and making me gasp James’s name countless times as I rode my orgasm. He didn’t resist much more and when I was calming down I felt him jerk and he groaned clenching his jaw as he thrust releasing his seed. He rolled to his side right away panting and fighting to breathe normally again.

“Oh God…” He gasped pulling me to him with one arm. “I am so tired.” He complained. I rested my head on his chest and ran a hand through it. James pulled the blanket over us. “It’s still pouring rain.” He said.

“And the wind is just scary.” I said as the wind was blowing insanely strong. Suddenly a chair of the deck hit against the window making me cringe and hide my face against James, he got scared too at the noise and held me tight strongly until we both realized it was the chair and his grip released a bit. “Fuck.” He said laughing and I began to laugh too.

“It scared me.” I said.

“Me too.” He said still laughing. James got up to turn the TV on and we watched the news to find out what was happening. They were advising people to stay home as a storm was hitting San Francisco.

“Guess we don’t have to worry about that as we’re not going anywhere.” He said kissing the top of my head. Cayla and Cullen began to cry and I looked at him.

“The furthest we go is the kitchen now.” I laughed. I put my panties on and his shirt. James put his boxers and we prepared another bottle for the twins. We fed them near the fire in our improvised bed and then we laid them there with us.

“We’ve done a pretty good job.” I said looking at our kids.

“They are so perfect.” James made a face at Cayla and she reacted with a soft smile. “She smiled Ade!! She smiled!!” He exclaimed.

“I saw it.” I said. To me that was so new and so I had my eyes glittering but to him…he had been through that three times so I didn’t think these things would be so important to him but there he was with his eyes glittering as if it was the first time something like that happened to him. James baby talked to Cayla making her smile every time she’d hear his voice and we both laughed every time she did it. Cullen was sleeping peacefully and Cayla was just filling us with joy with her shy smiles.

“This is the best thing ever.” James said bending over me kissing me my lips.

“Don’t ruin it.” I pleaded looking in his eyes. James looked back at Cayla answering my pleading with silence. “Promise me…” I insisted.

“I swear.” He said.
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xlau05
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that was :drool and so sweet! I hope that James won't ruin it all again..

more :heart:
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4everJamie
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Sorry, couldn´t be here to comment. :(
But I loved the updates :horns: :heart: :horns2
And this really made me laugh:“Yes daddy, you rule!” James talked to him smiling." :lol: :lol: :tu:
I really hope James can be true to his word.
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Scorpion Flower
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Only promises are hard to keep…

As time went by I came back to my work with Metallica in the studio. The twins were left in a special daycare for babies. It was hard to maintain a house, take care of two babies and cope with a huge band like Metallica in a studio plus deal with a problematic husband, trying to keep the secret and trying to keep us together and myself, with time James got worse.

He had his ups and downs and we tried to managed it. I was always hoping he’d keep his word every time he’d say it was the last time only it never was the last time. Next morning we’d fight, I’d cry. he’d cry, we were both hurt and not talking to each other until all the rage was gone. Then we’d sit and talk properly without yelling at each other, without accusations and harsh words. None of this was easy to live with. James was just a different human being under the influence of alcohol even the babies with just 6 months old seemed to know the difference, when he’d get home wasted they’d stare at him serious not a trace of smile on their faces, not a sound not nothing. At six months old they’d recognize both me and him, they were very expressive babies, every time they’d see us they would smile and baby talk to us and threw their arms in the air so we could pick them up and when James was shifaced they wouldn’t do none of this. I came to the painful conclusion that my kids, not understanding of course the cause or why, reacted differently. It broke my heart.

I woke up in the morning just like every day tired and exhausted. I got the kids prepared and then I took a shower and got dressed. I had another shock acknowledging I had woke up in a empty bed. Passing through the living room on my way out to the door I saw his feet hanging from the couch. I put the babies in the stroller and I decided to wake him up.

“James…” I shook him. “James wake up.” I said. Not a trace of compassion in my voice.

“Leave me alone.” He mumbled.

“You have to go to the studio.” I said.

“I don’t a give fuck. I need to sleep.”

“James?” I called him again, then I sat on the edge of the couch looking at him and I began to cry. I felt so hopeless and I was beginning to be desperate. I didn’t know where to turn, everything was derailing fast. The babies felt lonely all alone in the hall that they began to cry. I got up cleaning my eyes to meet them. Not even with their yelling James moved, he looked so worn out, thin and pale. He was killing himself bit by bit and I was asked to watch it in secret.

I abandoned the house and took my children to the daycare and then drove to Sausalito towards One on One studios where Metallica was recording. I parked next to Lars and stayed in the car for a while thinking about a nice excuse for James not showing up, only it was not the first time and I was running out of excuses. I got out of the car and prepared to face them.

“Where’s James?” Lars asked me immediately.

“He’s not coming.” I said coldly sitting on my chair and beginning to prepare the table right away. Lars pulled a chair and sat next to me.

“What do you mean he’s not coming? What the fuck? He has to be here!” Lars exclaimed and I could see he was annoyed. I looked at him serious.

“He’s not coming and I don’t have anything else to tell you. If you want to know why when he gets here IF he gets here at all you ask him. I am tired of this.” I said. “Rob wanna lay your tracks?” I talked to Rob expecting to put an end to that conversation with Lars. Rob raised me his thumb and began to play.

“What’s happening Ade?” Lars asked pressing start button to record Rob’s track.

“Nothing is happening.” I said adjusting the tuning button and not being able to face Lars.

“I am not stupid. Something is happening. He’s cranky all the time, skips studio sometimes. You two don’t seem fine, you seemed even a bit distant and both sad.” As Lars kept on describing how he’d see my relationship my eyes watered but I resisted the urge I had to talk to someone else other than Katy, who knew everything.

“Like I said, nothing is happening.” I told him. “Now if you wanna help me, then please stop asking me things and cooperate a little.” Lars stood still for a moment looking at me and then nodded, patting my shoulder before getting up. He was going to join Rob laying the tracks but before he turned back to look at me.

“You know Ade, you might think that covering him up might help him but in fact it doesn’t because you’re just feeding his need and ruining yourself.” His words made me explode. I pressed stop and burst out of the room crying. I closed myself in the bathroom for a while to let all my pain come out. I took my cell off my pocket and dialed Katy’s number.

“Hi.” I said when she picked up the call.

“How are you?” She asked knowingly.

“Not good. Can you have lunch with me?” I asked her.

“At that steak house downtown you like? One o’ clock?” She proposed.

“Yes. I’ll see you later then.”

“See ya.”

As I hung the phone, I put it back on my pocket and I washed my face then I went back to the guys.

“Ok guys…I am sorry. I am ready now.” I told them. Rob raised his thumb again and began to lay his tracks while I followed him adjusting the sound of it outside. Kirk was sat behind me reading a surf magazine and Lars, as usual, sat by my side following all the work.

We worked through the sound for the rest of the morning without Lars making me anymore questions then we stopped as we needed James to be there and he’d only show up after lunch. I met Katy a bit later than one o’ clock but she understood.

“Now tell me, why that sad tone on the phone?” She asked sipping on her water.

“He didn’t sleep on our bed again. I found him passed out on the couch.”

“Oh Ade…that is so out of control.”

“I know and worse he’s now completely obsessed with Paul, the boy that works with us in the studio. He says he’s interested in me and that he’s hitting on me. He’s obsessed with that.” I explained.

“He knows he is fucking up and he’s jealous you might find someone better than him.”

“It doesn’t matter how many times I talk to him and I ask him to stop, next day he shows up wasted. He doesn’t care.” I cried.

“He’s an addict. It doesn’t matter how many times he’s gonna say he won’t do it and deep inside he doesn’t want to do it but he can’t resist it.”

“I know he doesn’t want to do it Katy. I cry and then he cries and we’re just hurting each other more and more and I asked him to enter somewhere again but he doesn’t want to go. I can’t live like this. This is killing me. I can’t watch him like that, it’s so painful.” Katy held me close to support me.

“I don’t know what to tell you. I know you love him, it must be really hard.”

“He’s acting like a manic. You know at the beginning it was only when he drink that his behavior was weird but now it’s all the time.”

“Because his head is not alright, because he’s dealing with an addiction all the time.”

Time with Katy was always precious but now even more because she was the only person I could open up to. When I got back to the studio I saw James’s truck already in the parking lot. The four of them were discussing details in the room together with Paul.

“Good afternoon.” I said entering the room. They all greeted me and Paul smiled.

“Hi Ade.” He said. I saw James narrowing his eyes at him.

“Hi.” I said turning to James.

“Hi.” He said putting his eyes back on the guitar right after.

“So, let’s roll?” I clapped my hands trying to light thing up as the air got a bit tense in there. Paul, James and I in the same room, at that time was a bit too crowded. The guys got together in the sound room ready to play together and Paul and I sat to control the recording.

“We should maybe give a bit more of tune to the bass?” Paul suggested as they played and I nodded to him giving him permission to pull the button up a bit more. “Yeah…” He said smiling and nodding his head to the beat. “Now we’ve got a perfect bass line.” He laughed and gave me the horns and I reattributed with a smile. I just heard James’s guitar stopping and I looked back to the room. James put his guitar down and came to us grabbing Paul’s collar.

“One more smile like that to my wife and I punch your cute face.” James menaced him. Paul looked at him terrorized and I pulled him back by his belt.

“What are you doing?” I shouted at him. “Are you out of your mind?” I asked him. James looked back at me furious.

“Come here.” He said grabbing my wrist with strength and dragging me outside the sound room.

“James let go, you’re hurting me.” I told him but he only let go when he locked us up in the kitchen.

“You don’t ever talk to me like that in front of every one.” He ordered me.

“Do you think you can boss me around? I won’t if I think you are right which wasn’t the case. The boy was joking, we work together. You are fucking insane. He is a kid.” I exclaimed.

“He’s been hitting on you!” James yelled back.

“In your head!” I shouted. “Just in your fucking head! You’re sick.” I said. I approached him. “James put some sense in your head.” I said.

“He is hitting on you.” He said. From that close I could smell beer. I took both my hands in despair to my face and began to shake it franticly.

“You have been drinking already.” I told him. His eyes watered and he didn’t even bothered hiding it.

“This is me now.” He said as if I had to accept that.

“And I have to do what? Accept it?”

“I don’t know…” He blurted and shrugged. That was him lately. The mighty Hetfield who didn’t care about anyone.

“I am getting tired.” I told him. “I am getting tired of everything, of waking up alone in bed all the time, of having a husband who doesn’t even look at me or his kids when he comes home. A husband who passes out on the couch, who makes love to me now as if I am a thing and not even a person. A husband who forgot to say he loves me, maybe he doesn’t love me anymore or maybe he has just forgot all about it.” I ranted. He leaned against the counter and looked down.

“I still love you.” He said.

“Then please check in somewhere because I am losing my strength. I can’t stay here watching you destroy yourself like you have been doing, it’s fucking painful. I never thought you’d come this far…Look at you! Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? You’re just a shadow of the man you used to be. I love you, I still love you but I just can’t stand this. Not anymore.”

“So now what?” He asked me but I felt fear in his question.

“I don’t know…” I said sitting on the table. “I don’t know…” I looked up at him expecting him to say something. “ I just want you to say we’re gonna be alright. That you’re gonna do something for us to be alright. You’re slacking on your band, on me, on your kids. Did you know Cali called asking for you yesterday? It’s been more than a week since you last saw them! How can you do that to them? They are just kids and they love you and you just go to a fucking bar instead of being with your family. You almost make me hate you, you know. Do you know there’s only a thin line separating love and hate? I hate you sometimes. I didn’t know what to tell her on the phone yesterday. They are your kids, they deserve more from you. I deserve more from you. Just fucking do something!” James had his eyes filled with tears but still he decided to turn his back on me and close the door. “James…” I called him. I got up from the chair but the last thing I saw was him leaving the studio ignoring my calls. I joined the others.

“Where’s James?” Lars asked.

“He left.”

“What do you mean he left?” Kirk asked surprised. “He just got here!”

“Well that is him now!” I said ironically using James’s own words.

“Again you mean!” Lars said. “That was him before…I know that motherfucker.”

“Again…whatever.” I picked up my purse. “You know what? I am going home. I am going to pick up my twins and I am going home having some quality time with them.” And I left also hoping James would be home. Somehow I whished he’d put some sense on that head and he’d be home waiting for me. I couldn’t be more wrong. No one was home…
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Izzy
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Everytime James drinks, he just gets worse and worse... :ugh: :ugh:

More please!! :heart:
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xlau05
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damn.. this is so NOT good :ugh:
come on James! you're not helping at all.. I bet he's in a bar again.
let's see what's going to happen..

great chapter :)
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4everJamie
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Poor Ade & James. I feel so bad for both of them :( Unfortunately that´s how it is living with & loving an addict. :(
I really hope that James will go and get help, because that life style will kill him sooner or later. :(
Great chapter!
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Scorpion Flower
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Thank you three for the comments. :heart: :heart:

Here's today's instalement.

*************************************

I waited all afternoon for him to come home but it was in vain. I was concerned, he had never spent that much time away. He just disappeared. I tried to reach him on his cell but it was dead, I could realize he had turned it off so no one, including me, could find him or talk to him. Before going to the kitchen and prepare dinner I bathed the twins, fed them and put them to sleep then I cooked something fast and light since I also knew I was going to have dinner by myself.

Around nine o’ clock I tried his cell again but it skipped to his box again and I decided to leave him a message this time.

“James, it’s me. Please call me when you hear this. Bye.” I hung up but I stood still with the cell on my hand thinking, I dialed his number again and left another message. “It’s me again, I am worried about you, please come home. Please, just come home.” I threw the cell on the couch and sat on it desperate. It crossed my mind that he was going away. Where? I didn’t have a clue but I feared somehow he decided to leave us. I was just too confused and anything was an option.

One thing was him going out at night after being in the studio another was going away from the studio in the afternoon and never coming back. His phone was also turned on all the time, I used to call him and he’d answer my call, not in a good mood but he always did. Every time I’d asked him to come home and in one way or another he always did. If this time he decided to shut his cell off it was because he didn’t want to be found or talk to anyone and since he had not come back home, I was thinking the worst.

I began to walk in circles biting my nails trying to find a solution. I thought about chasing him around town but then there were thousands of bars where he could be, plus I had the babies at home, I could not just drag them with me. That was insane, he was driving me insane and still not for a moment I stopped loving him. All that struggle was because I didn’t want to leave him and still he was just closing all the doors. His addiction was just getting worse every day and he was not even fighting it anymore.

“I have to do something.” I said determined to fight for him with all that I had. I picked up my cell and dialed Pep’s number. If someone knew where he was, he’d be the one because he was his best friend and I knew Pep was aware of what was happening to him. Katy was my person, the person I could rely on and trust and Pep was his. So I dialed his number not caring about the consequences and taking a chance because there was also the risk of him not knowing anything and James would kill me for that but I had to do something, I couldn’t just stay there and wait. I had waited all day long.

“Pep?” I said as he picked up the call.

“Ade, Hi!” He said a bit surprised.

“Am I interrupting anything, can you talk?”

“No, I was just watching TV. How are you?” He asked me.

“Not very good.” I told him. “Do you know where James is?” I asked him right away because I didn’t want to lose any time. Pep went silent and I knew there that he knew the whole truth. “Pep, come on. I am worried about him.”

“I don’t know where he is.” He said.

“Really? Because he left the studio still in the afternoon and he hasn’t come back home yet and he’s phone is turned off. Please!”

“Honestly Ade, I don’t know.” Pep sounded sincere and I just sat on the couch hopeless and desperate. I stood silent thinking about what I should do. “Ade?” He called me.

“Yeah…”

“I haven’t seen him today.” He said.

“I hoped he’d come looking for you or something. He just disappeared.”

“Stay calm.” He suggested.

“I can’t stay calm Pep. For all I know he can be in a fucking hospital or maybe crashed his car or I don’t know…all crazy thoughts are running through my mind right now.”

“Hey, stop thinking about the worst!” He exclaimed.

“He’s been driving home drunk every day!” I exclaimed back. “I left him two messages, one of them asking him to come back home. I don’t know, I have this weird feeling that he doesn’t want to be found.”

“Do you want me to help you? You sound desperate my dear.”

“I am desperate Pep…” I cried. “I love him and I am just watching him sink in misery and so fast.”

“Calm down Ade. Look, I know a few places where the guys usually hang out. I’ll go around to see if I find him there, is that ok?”

“Oh Pep thank you. I was about to put the babies in the car and drive myself around town looking for him.”

“No, stay there. I’ll do it for you and if I find him I’ll call you, ok?”

“Thanks.” He said. After our goodbyes my anxiety took place together with my despair and I just couldn’t stay still in one place. Only my babies to distract me for a while when they woke up for the late meal, there I could distract a bit and even smile and play with them for a while. I had to be there for them.

Hours passed and Pep didn’t call nor James. I tried his cell meanwhile about a thousand times, I had this idea in my mind that he was going away from us. As the babies slept again I returned to the couch and turned the TV on. I didn’t even bother changing the channel because I was not actually watching it. I just needed some noise around the house because the silence in there was crushing me. Suddenly my phone rang and I ran to pick up the call.

“Hello.” I said with my hands shaking a bit as the number was anonymous.

“It’s me.” I heard on the other side.

“James!” I almost yelled. “James, are you alright?”

“I am fine. I just heard your message…” He said but then he just stopped talking, that was not a good sign. He was calling me after hearing me asking him to come home.

“Come home.” I asked. “Please come home…” I begged.

“I can’t.” I heard him say. I sat back on the couch crying, my suspicious were true.

“James…” I called him again.

“Yeah.” He said. I knew he was crying as well and his voice sounded a bit faded.

“Tell me where you are. Let’s talk, the two of us.”

“Ade, it’s better this way. I don’t want to be a burden for you and that’s all I am right now.

“No. James no. Let me go talk to you, tell me where you are.”

“Ade, I am not even in town. I am not near.” He said. I ran upstairs to our room and opened the doors of the closet. I hadn’t been there yet since I got home and much to my shock most of his clothes were gone.

“You are leaving us.” I said crying even more and sitting on our bed.

“I need to be alone for a while.”

“Am I that easily to let go? Aren’t your children important enough to make you stay? How can you let go of me so easily?” I asked him again. “Tell me how do you do it because I am not capable of the same. I can’t let go of you like that, I can’t just pack my stuff and go.”

“It’s not easy. Don’t say that because it is not. I just need to be alone for a while.”

“For what? So you can get drunk without having anyone around you to nag you? So you can drown yourself in alcohol without feeling guilty? So you can destroy yourself even faster? How can you do this? How can you be this weak? You married me five months ago and you’re walking away already, this is not what I expected my marriage to be. James you come home tomorrow or this will be the end of our marriage.”

“Do you really want to put things that way?” I cleaned my tears and cleared my throat to speak clearly and firmly.

“Yes. I am not going to ask you to drive back home this late if you are out of town but I tell you, tomorrow if you don’t come back home, I will pack my stuff and our twins’ stuff and I will come back to my house in LA. Divorce is next. I won’t take this shit. I am trying by all means to help you and to maintain what we have and you give up on everything first opportunity you have. You abandoned us! How could you do such thing?” James was silent, not reacting. “Do you hear me?” I asked him.

“I have to go.” He said. I was incredulous. I was there telling him to come back and menacing with divorce and he just said he had to go.

“I hope you heard what I told you, I mean it.” I said.

“I love you.” He said choking a bit.

“If you love me then come back.” I cried again. I couldn’t keep my tears inside. “We go through this together. We’ll find a way, just don’t do this.”

“I love you and our children, always remember that.” The phone went dead right after. I laid in bed sobbing, somehow I sensed he was saying goodbye. That couldn’t be…that couldn’t be happening to us! I was the one who had all the right to pack my stuff and go and still I was the one trying to pick up our pieces together and he…he was just throwing everything we build into the garbage.

I laid there for an hour more just crying myself out and just then I remembered Pep was out looking for him. I sat back on the bed and dragged my miserable arm to my cell and dialed Pep’s number.

“Pep, he called me.” I told him when he answered the call.

“Good, because I couldn’t find him anywhere, but…” I was too nervous to let him finish what he was going to say.

“He took most of his clothes. He’s abandoning us.” I said crying again.

“What? I am on my way.” Pep hung up the phone. It didn’t took him long to get to my house. At midnight, instead of sleeping I was crying my despair with a friend. Pep sat on the chair in front of my couch and I sat on the floor with my back against it. “What the fuck is that of him leaving you?”

“Well, he called me and he said he was far and I asked him to come home and he said he wasn’t coming back, then he said something about being far and it hit me to check our wardrobe and then I saw most of his clothes were gone, he said it was better that way.” I sobbed.

“And what did you say?” Pep was rubbing his hands on his jeans.

“I told him he had to come back until tomorrow otherwise I would leave to LA.”

“I know where he is.” He said.

“You do? And you weren’t telling me?”

“I was going to tell you when we were on the phone but you dropped the fucking news and I had to come here.”

“Where is he?” I asked getting up.

“He’s up in the north at Tim’s cabin.”

“Do you have the address?”

“Yeah…but…” Pep said unsure as I began to go upstairs but he followed me.

“How much time driving?” I asked as I threw some clothes on my bed.

“Two hours but Ade…it is almost 1 am!” Pep exclaimed.

“I don’t care Pep. I will go to him. I won’t wait until tomorrow because I know he’s not coming. I am going there and I will make him look in my eyes and say he doesn’t want us back in his life.”

“He can’t say that Ade, I know he loves you. He’s just doing this…” Pep ran a hand through his hair. “Well…because he’s back to the bottle. Motherfucker…” He muttered.

“I love him too much to give up on him that easily. He’s been giving me hell Pep and other than that I feel this incredible pain seeing him that low and hitting the end of the abyss this fast. I want to help him, I want my James back.”

“But it’s so late Ade! What about your kids?” Pep tried to deceived me.

“They’ll sleep in the car.”

“Ade…” He tried but I turned around and rolled my eyes.

“Pep, are you gonna help me?” Pep took a deep breath and then began to help me pack. The babies’ stuff took longer, I needed to be careful to pack everything they needed. “Is there a supermarket near that cabin, a village with these things?” I asked. I didn’t know if we were staying long, if James was telling me to come back alone or if we were coming back all together so I had to be prepared. Pep nodded at my question and that put a rest to my heart in case the babies needed milk or diapers, the rest I would take enough with me. The trunk of my car was filled with their things and then there was just a suitcase for myself. I tucked the babies on their chair and closed the stroller before sticking it in the car.

“Now the address?” I asked Pep while preparing the GPS. I set it as he helped me.

“This is insane Ade, it’s two o’clock and there’s two 6 months babies on your back seat.”

“They are alright Pep. They are sleeping and I need to go after my love. If I don’t he’s not coming tomorrow, I know that! I know him and at this moment his head is just a mess. He thinks it is better to be alone but I know it is not, he’ll fall faster.” Pep nodded and closed the door going to his car. I turned the ignition key and started my engine. Pep followed me until we were off my property then he waved as we were going opposites side.

Most of the way up until the cabin was freeway so I drove quite fast and there was no way I could get the wrong the way. The worst was when I reached the first village, then I followed the GPS instructions carefully finally stopping in the middle of nowhere in front of a wooden cabin. I got out of the car sure that was the right place because his truck was there, there was also a river near ‘cause I could her the water other than that it was too dark.

The clock read 4 am, it took me exactly two hours drive as Pep said. There was a light coming out of a window so I assumed he was awake at that time of the night. I took the stroller off the car and put the babies sleeping in it. The night was rather cold in the middle of the woods so I put a blanket over them. I didn’t know how much time it would take him to open the door. I closed the car and pushed the stroller towards the door. I knocked and then I waited. Nothing…I tried to peak at the window but the curtains didn’t let me see anything inside so I tapped at the window.

“James.” I shouted. “Open the door.” I came back near my kids and knocked on the door again. “James…” I called again and then I heard the locker turning. James looked like he was sleeping, his eyes looked in mine and then he looked down at our kids and then back at me. He stood still with teary eyes looking at me and I felt mine watering too.

“We came to you.” I told him pushing the stroller a bit ahead. “Will you take us in?” He remained silent and a tear dropped down his face.
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xlau05
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Blackened
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holy shit, what the fuck is going on with James??? this is so dramatic D:
I need more of this :o
please!!!

:heart:
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Izzy
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omg! This is really dramatic!!

James has gotta speak to her now!!

more!!! :heart:
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