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Too Late, Too Late; James+Deborah(OFC), 2001-
Topic Started: March 22, 2011, 1:11 pm (15,648 Views)
ilovejaymz
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Poor Twisted Me
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It's so typical to get sick in the weekend :( .. I hope you get all well really soon :)

And I'm looking forward to read more :D .. James is so sweet to her.

:heart: :heart:
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Karla Hetfield
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Poor Twisted Me
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Hi!
I took some time to read this, and I'm hopeful that Deborah moves with James!!! She has to! :lol:
This will so help them out with sorting their problems... at least the way I think, with some time, of course. It's great to see that he's being so patient with her abou it.
Great chapter, waiting for more here! :wavey
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Broken, Beat & Scarred
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Bah, too many things to do / take care of, something has to be put to the second place, or the tenth place or something.

Anyways, thanks for commenting, Naja and Karla! :heart: I made the current chapter a bit longer since it's been a while since I last updated. Keep commenting, and let me know what you think. :)


PART 47:

James and I talked about us a few days after we had been looking at the houses. I, once again, told him that I wanted to be with him and that I loved him, but that I couldn’t do it right now. He had been very understanding, which certainly was great, considering that I refused to tell him some things he really wanted to know.

He had told me, again, that he, too, wanted to be with me and that whenever I would be ready, he would be there. I had asked him not to hold his breath, because I had no idea when I would be ready for a relationship – if I even would be. He had told me that he wasn’t going anywhere and I would have all the time I needed. “Like you said: if it’s going to be someone, that someone will be you. If it’s not you, it’s no-one,” he had said.

I had also talked with him about his addictions. I had told him that I probably couldn’t take it if he started to drink again, and since he had already fallen off the wagon once, there was a good change it might happen again. James had assured me that he was going to AA meetings and that he was doing fine. There would be times when he needed extra help, but it was easier for him to deal with everything when he knew I was there for him. I was glad we had had that discussion; after all, it really cleared some things for me.

James had bought the house. Or, as he kept reminding me, we had bought the house. He, or we, really, picked the third house we had gone to see, because we thought the rooms were the best there and the yard was the nicest. Both James and I felt that we didn't want to take the first house, even though it had been lovely, because we had already kind-of-sort-of argued there. That didn't seem like a good start to us living together.

Honestly, I could have gladly settled with a smaller house, which to me would still have been huge. James, on the other hand, insisted we pick a bigger house. I wasn’t entirely sure if he wanted to make up for the past by trying to make me happy this way, if he had some other reasons or if he just wanted to get rid of his money.

The house was up on a hill overlooking the Bay. It was reasonably close to Lars’ house; he had already said he would drop by sometime when he was running. As James and I knew that Lars liked to go running around six in the morning, we had tried to convince him to not stop his running for us. Lars had seen through our excuse and told us not to worry; he also jogged in the evening.

Anyway, the house had three stories (basement, first and second floor). James was going to set up a studio of some kind in the basement. The first floor included a kitchen, a dining room, a living room, a small bedroom that James wanted to turn into a library/music room, next to the living room, two bathrooms and two bedrooms, of which the other one would be Sarah’s playroom and the other one would be a guest room. In the second floor, there were four bedrooms (a bedroom and an office for us both) and a huge bathroom with a Jacuzzi. There were also walk-in closets in all of the bedrooms. James and my bedrooms were practically next to each other; the huge bathroom separated them from each other, however the huge bathroom adjoined both our rooms. The other one of the bathrooms downstairs adjoined the guest room. The yard was huge, far too big in my opinion. There was a pool to which there was a children’s pool attached. James was planning to get a swing set and other things for Sarah. There was also a veranda where James wanted to have a grill and a table set. On the other side of the veranda, he was getting a smaller table and some sun deck chairs.

James also insisted on buying new furniture, so everything would be new and the house could really be seen as a new beginning. I had jokingly asked if I could at least keep my clothes and my child, to which he had replied that I could if I really, really wanted that. I got to keep some of my furniture though, apart from my kitchen table and couch, as I donated them to Christina who was happy to have them. And, quite frankly, I had wanted to get rid of them for a long time.

James insisted that I go with him to pick out the new furniture. I would have been happy if he had gone by himself, but he kept on insisting until I agreed to go. Truthfully, I liked shopping with him for our own house, but at the same time, I didn't like knowing that we were not together, that it was really his house, not mine.

James had wanted to buy three king-size beds for the three bedrooms and a double bed for Sarah, but I had managed to talk him out of it. Instead, he got himself a king, I got a queen and we got a double bed for the guest bedroom. Sarah got a regular twin bed, though we figured it would take her a while until she'd get to sleep in it. James let me buy all the curtains and other fabrics; he had told me not to save money and to get what I wanted. I had done that, but I had ended up saving some money. But what James didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

Really I wanted to tell James off for using his money so carelessly – I mean, he didn't really need a new house, and we certainly didn't need to replace all our old furniture, but then I figured James had earned it. He'd made a career for himself, done really well at it, and his personal life resembled that of a married man with a family, more or less. He was living with a woman, with their child. He was no longer an irresponsible drunk who could barely get out of bed on certain days... He'd done well. And if he wanted to spend his money, then... so be it.

----

Christina was getting her wedding, everything was going as planned and she didn’t seem to be stressed at all. I, on the other hand, was quite stressed since I had promised to take care of a lot of things for her.

I had met up with Dan’s best man, Darryl, a few times and I thought that he was really nice. I had learned that the friend of Dan’s who likes Metallica, (as Dan had said earlier when James and I had been out with Christina and Dan) was actually Darryl.

I hadn’t told him I knew James, or anyone else in Metallica, but he found out once, by accident, when the four of us, Christina, him, Dan and me, had been at Christina’s apartment planning the wedding. Darryl had mainly come to meet Christina and to see Dan. They had some things to take care of, too, like finding the suits and so on.

Anyway, we were at Christina’s place and James dropped Sarah off. Sarah ran to me from the door, before James managed to take off her shoes, and climbed on my lap. James came into the kitchen a bit later, having talked with Dan for a while. He gave me a kiss on the cheek and ruffled Sarah’s hair.

I introduced James to Darryl who seemed a little shocked. Being a Metallica fan, he told James that it was an honor to meet him and that he’d been in the Club for years, but he’d never won a Meet and Greet. I noticed James was trying to tell me something, but he couldn’t get a word in. I kicked Dan under the table and discreetly nodded toward Darryl. Dan understood what I meant and he took Darryl out of the room.

James looked relieved, and told me that he'd go put Sarah down for a nap. He said he still had some things to care of and he'd have to leave as soon as Sarah was asleep. He lifted Sarah from my lap and walked to Dan and Christina’s bedroom where we had a travel bed for Sarah, in case she’d have to go to bed. Dan and Darryl came back to the kitchen a moment later.

“How come you know James Hetfield?” he asked me as he sat down.

“I used to work for Metallica,” I replied simply, not wanting to explain everything.

He looked at me, probably trying to think if he'd seen any pictures of me on the band's website or something like that. “So... What... you’re his babysitter?”

“Lawyer, actually. And was, I’m not working at the moment.”

“But, whose ch- Ohhhh.... You’re married? I had no idea. I didn't realize he was married.”

“We’re not married,” I said as I saw James coming from the bedroom. He gestured he had to go and mouthed ‘sorry’. I nodded to him. He blew me a kiss and left.

“Well, how come you- OUCH!” he looked at Dan angrily and rubbed his side. “What did you do that for?”

“I know you're interested, seeing as he's in your favorite band, but I don’t think that Deb and James’ relationship is any of your business. And I’m sure the girls have better things to do right now than talk about your favorite band.”

“Right, I’m sorry,” Darryl said sincerely. “It’s just that I’ve wanted to meet him all my life, you know...?”

I smiled at him, knowing exactly how it was. “Yeah, don’t worry. I know exactly how that feels. Before I met them and became friends with them, I always ran into people who knew Metallica, who'd partied with them, worked for them, was friends with them, had gotten drunk with them and so on and so on. It really seemed that I was the only one who hadn’t done that. I never could believe my luck, until I met them.” My phone began ringing and as I noticed it was James, I excused myself and walked into the living room.

“Hey,” I said as I picked up.

“Hey, I’m sorry I left.”

“It’s alright. If you have some place to be, then-”

“Well, I don’t. So... It’s okay if you’re mad at me, but-”

I cut him off. “I’m not. It’s okay, really.”

“I couldn’t stay there and talk to a fan, I can’t do that now.”

“I’m a fan.”

“Yeah, but... It’s not the same. You don’t go, ‘Oh my God, James Hetfield, I’m so honored to meet you. I’ve been a fan for a zillion years and I have Kill ‘em All and Ride the Lightning and Master of Puppets and the Garage Days EP and Justice and Black and all the singles and your demo tapes. Could you sign this and this and this? Could you play this song there and that song there? Can you tell me something about the new album? Can you tell me about the bassist? Can you thank me in the ‘thank yous’ and could you say “blah blah, I love you” in the mic at the gig and could you tell me how you play the first riff to Escape and yada yada yada.’”

I frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” His voice sounded strained.

“Come on. You like talking to fans.”

“Not all the time. I just can’t do it now.”

“Again, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m fine.” Now he was starting to sound annoyed. Great. I had to force myself to not argue with him.

“Okay, we’ll be home in a few hours,” I said, understanding that James didn’t want to talk about whatever bothered him.

“Yeah, I’ll see you then,” he said quietly and hung up. I walked back to the kitchen and noticed Dan and Darryl had left.

“They went out. Sorry about Darryl, maybe we should’ve warned him.”

“It’s alright; I’m kinda used to that. James wasn’t in a good mood; I don’t know what’s going on. I’m sure they’ll talk more some other time.”

~*~*~*~*~

I had been living with James for a month. I had gotten comfortable with the house and felt like I had been living there all my life. Also, living with James seemed natural and I loved it. My bedroom was two doors from his, but more often than not we'd end up sleeping in the same bed. It wasn't really romantic, more like practical. Or just being lazy. One of us would put Sarah to sleep, the other would come in later to check up on the little girl and find whoever was putting her to sleep had also fallen asleep on the bed. Sarah would be lifted to her own bed and most often the one lifting her to her bed would be so tired that it was easier to fall right back into bed.

So, we had gotten closer and closer, and I was willing to bet that if anyone who didn’t know about our situation had seen us together, they definitely would have thought that we were in a relationship. I had no problem of snuggling up to him and I knew he was happy about that – I was, too. There was nothing stopping us from being close to each other. It felt really nice.

Sarah loved to sleep with us both and if she woke up with both of us in the same bed, she was giggly and happy right from the morning.

Kirk and I had talked about everything and we were just as close now as we had been years earlier. He, along with the rest of the band and crew, were psyched about the new album, which they loved. I had been going to the studio a few times a week, I had met Rob, Metallica’s new bassist several times and he seemed to get along with the guys, much better than Jason ever did. Rob and I got along very well, too, we actually knew each other from before. I recognized him to be one of Kirk’s surfing buddies.

~*~*~*~*~

I had just put Sarah to sleep; James was in his room making some phone calls. It was only a few weeks until Christina’s wedding and I was quite busy with the preparations. Since James wasn’t really busy with Metallica, he had been taking care of Sarah during the day and he did his own stuff at night.

I walked past James’ den; I was on my way to the shower. I heard him talking on the phone.

“Honey, I miss seeing you, too, but I can’t come see you now. I would love to, because it has been a long time since we’ve seen each other, but I just can’t... You remember what happened before... – Hell yeah, I’m nervous about that. You know I don’t get along with him that well. – Well, I can’t help it. – Look, I’ll meet up with you when you’re here or I’m there, how’s that? – Yeah, I’ll think about that later. It might work. - Yeah, I’ll talk to you later. – I love you, too.”
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Karla Hetfield
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Poor Twisted Me
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:o
I just hope that the last lines of this chapter was just some misunderstanding and that he's not talking to another girl.
The chapter was great! :heart:
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ElisabethOrion
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OMG I just caught up.
I hope she doesn't think he's talking to like an ex or anything.
I bet he's just talking to his sister or something.
Or maybe he is talking to an ex.
IDK
I just hope everything settles soon.
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ilovejaymz
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Oh that'd better be family he talked to!

Sorry for the delay, at least i hope i don't have to wait for to long for the continue of this. Still very much loving this fic :D
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Broken, Beat & Scarred
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Ugh, the last couple of weeks of the school semesters always suck. I've been in this city, and in that city, going to this lecture and that lecture, and I'm trying to finish three projects and bleh. Too much to do, too little time.

Anyway, thanks for reading, Karla, Elisabeth and Naja! :heart:

Here's the next update real quick. Enjoy and keep commenting!



Part 48:

I quickly walked to the bathroom, thinking that I shouldn’t have been listening to his conversation. I showered quickly and then went to my bedroom quietly, trying not to wake Sarah up. I heard James going to his bedroom and I hoped that he wouldn’t come to check up on Sarah – I wasn’t sure if I could keep myself from asking him who he had been talking to.

As I lay on my bed, I couldn’t get the phone call out of my mind. It seemed that James had been talking to a woman, and judging by his words this woman was someone that he was close, very close, to him. Maybe a girlfriend?

But that couldn’t be it. He had said that it was me or no-one, and he wouldn’t take something like that back. Or would he? I sighed and decided to let it go. If it was something he felt he needed to tell me, he would. Then again... If it was just nothing, he wouldn’t have called the person ‘honey’ and he wouldn’t have said that he loved the person. So... The person was a girlfriend of his for sure...

Groaning, I turned on my stomach and pulled the pillow and the blanket over my head.

~*~*~*~*~

During the second week of April, I was playing with Sarah outside as James came to sit on the patio. He motioned for me to come over and I did so as soon as I got Sarah to go say ‘hi’ to him.

The phone call from earlier still bothered me. I hadn’t been able to ask him about that, even though we had promised to be honest to each other. But then again, he hadn’t talked about it either, so why should I have? Besides, if he had found someone to be with, someone that actually was willing to give him a shot, unlike me... Well... Who was I to complain about that? I was the only reason we hadn’t gotten back together. It would be unreasonable to think that he would wait for me, especially since I had told him that I most likely would not be able to be with him in a long time. Ugh, why did all those things happen to me?

“You know the MTV Icon thing?” he asked me as I sat down on a chair and Sarah was climbing onto James’ lap. I watched James play with Sarah for a while until I answered. I smiled a little, feeling a bit sad. He was such an amazing man... Why was I so troubled?

“Yeah, I do.”

“Yeah, well, we’ve been invited there. I mean, we’ll be the icons.”

“Yeah, you’ve told me that. And Kirk, too. Congratulations, I suppose,” I said and smiled at him.

“Yeah, I was wondering if you’d go with me. They are kinda expecting us to bring our wives, but... Well, I can’t do that, obviously. Lars is taking Stacey and Kirk’s taking Lisa and Rob’s taking his girlfriend Charla, so...”

“You don’t want to be the only one who’s going alone?” I asked. I assumed that was what he was saying. If MTV expected them to bring their wives... then, sure, he would have to, I thought sarcastically. He could take the woman with him.

“No,” he said hurriedly, “I wouldn’t mind if I was going alone, but I’d like you to come there,” he said and glanced at Sarah quickly. He looked back up at me and continued, “It would mean a lot to me to have you there. After all, you’re... well, officially, I guess you’re my roommate, but you’re the closest thing I have to a girlfriend or wife or something.”

I thought about it a little bit. The fan in me screamed that I would have to go; it was an honor and once in a lifetime situation. If I didn’t know James, or anyone in Metallica for that matter, I would have been there in a heartbeat, that is, if someone had asked me to. The girlfriend, or roommate or whatever, part in me said that if it meant a lot to him, I would have to go. As both the parts came to the same conclusion, I told him, “Yeah, I’ll go. Well, providing that someone will take care of Sarah then and that I don’t have anything planned then. When is it exactly?”

“Well, no need to worry about Sarah, I asked Christina and Dan to take her and they’re fine with it. And it’s on the third, but we should be there on the second for the rehearsal. So, in whole, we’d leave on the second and come back on the fourth. And in May.”

“Is she really okay with it?” I wasn’t sure if I could just leave Sarah to Christina and Dan. They’d get along great, but I had never let Sarah alone for three whole days. James nodded solemnly. “Right... Well, I suppose it would work then... It’s in Los Angeles, right? I’ll talk to Christina about it, just to make sure she’s really okay with it and all.”

“Yeah,” he said. “Okay, that’s almost done then. Another thing...” I was partly waiting for him to say something about the phone call, but he didn’t. “You know we’re playing that gig in San Quentin on the first, right?” I nodded. “Wanna come there, too?”

“I’ll have to think about that... I wouldn’t want to leave Sarah alone for four days... And I’m not really sure about the whole prison environment.”

“It wouldn’t be four days. Just... The first, then half the second, whole of the third and then half of the fourth.”

“Okay, so... Two full days and two halves. That’s three days, but it’s technically four.”

“Well... I know,” he said, chuckling, “but think about it, okay?”

“Yeah, I will. How was your day anyway?”

“It was good. I did some interviews and we rehearsed some songs. We started talking about going on tour. It’s freaking me out. How about you?”

“Nothing special. She woke up an hour after you left and we had breakfast and we played and then had lunch and played some more. And she’s falling asleep in a second,” I said. James looked down at Sarah and noticed she had her eyes closed and she was softly gripping his thumb.

“I’ll take her to bed then,” he said and got up carefully. Either Sarah didn’t notice James getting up or she didn’t mind, as she stayed quiet. James came to give me a kiss on the cheek and thanked me. Before I managed to ask what he was thanking me for, he had already gone inside.

I got up and went to gather Sarah’s toys from the yard. When I got them all gathered, I went inside to find James. He was in the living room listening to music.

“What for did you thank me?” I asked and sat down next to him on the couch. He was listening to the music with his eyes closed, but I knew I didn’t bother him by coming to talk to him, as he was drumming his thighs with his fingers.

“I don’t think I do that enough,” he said, wrapped his other arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. I rested my head on his shoulder and took his hand in mine.

“But what for?”

“Just for being here. For giving me Sarah, I just realized, when I was holding her, that she’s the most beautiful and the most precious thing in my life. And for still trusting me. And helping me. You’ve done a lot for me, more than anyone, you know that?”

“I’m not sure if that’s true,” I said softly. “But... Then I have to thank you, too,” I continued, “I wouldn’t have her without you. And, in fact, without you... Well, I don’t know if I’d be here. I probably would be friends with Kirk, but if we hadn’t fallen in love... I don’t know,” I finished and closed my eyes.

“Yeah, I don’t know either...,” he replied quietly. After a moment, he continued, “You don’t have to come to that San Quentin gig if you don’t want to. It’s just special to me, and I would like to have you there. But really, you don’t have to. And you don’t have to come to LA either. I understand if you want to stay with Sarah...”

“I already said I’d think about coming to Los Angeles.”

“But it’s okay if you don’t want to,” he said and I thought I sensed a change in his tone of voice. Maybe he didn’t want me to go after all.

“Okay...,” I said, as I didn’t know what else to say. I took a deep breath and got up. “Well, I’ll go clean up the kitchen,” I said and let go of his hand.

I had reached the living room doorway, when he spoke up, “Deborah, wait.” I stopped but didn’t turn to him. “I’m sorry. Please, come back here.”

I turned around and looked at him. “Do you want me to go to LA with you? Honestly? ‘Cos it doesn’t seem like it.”

“I’m sorry, Deborah. I do want you to go. I just... I want you to want to go there, or to San Quentin. I don’t want to pressure you.” I walked over to the couch and sat down next to him. I took his hand in mine and looked at him in the eyes.

“You’re not pressuring me. Like I said, I don’t want to leave Sarah alone for four days and I don’t want to take her with me, either. I’m not actually sure if I would be allowed to take her, at least to San Quentin, but still...”

“Yeah. I don’t actually know if the San Quentin thing will be the whole day... We’re shooting St. Anger on one day and then we just have a gig on the next. And I was asked to speak to the inmates before the gig.”

“I’ll think about it, I promise. And what are you going to talk about?”

“I don’t know yet. Something wise I hope, I don’t want to have some of their friends kicking my ass in some shadowy, narrow street.”

“They wouldn’t do that... would they?”

James laughed. “I should hope not. Anyway, I’ll stay outta narrow streets,” he said and laughed softly. “Nah, I’ll see what I come up with.” We were both quiet for a while. “When’s the wedding again?”

“The what?” I asked. “Oh. Christina’s,” I said hastily. I had zoned off for a second and I thought he was talking about our wedding. As if we were getting married. We weren’t even together. “It’s on the 20th. Saturday, next week. You’ll be there, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, I was just checking,” he replied. “Deb?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you okay with this?”

“With what?”

“This. Us being like this...”

“Yeah, I don’t mind at all. Why?”

“Well, I just... I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable or that I’m pushing you or anything... I just wanted to make sure you’re all right with this. And what about when I kiss you on the cheek, are you okay with that? It doesn’t make you feel like uncomfortable?”

“No, James, I’m fine with all this. Don’t worry. And I don’t think you’re pushing me, not at all. I would tell you if I was uncomfortable. It’s sweet of you to ask, though.”

“And when I asked you to go to the Icon thing...? You didn’t think I was like asking you out or anything? Because I said that Kirk’s bringing Lisa and Lars is bringing Stacey. So... You didn’t think I was saying that you’d be my-”

“James, I’m fine,” I cut him off. “Really. Not uncomfortable at all. Trust me.”

“Yeah, sorry. I just really don’t want to hurt you or anything.”

“I know.”

“Anyway, I should go make a few phone calls. There’s some people in LA I need to meet, so I’m gonna call them and see if they’re available on the second.”

“Yeah, go ahead,” I said, ignoring the little voice in my head, saying that he was talking about that person with whom he had been talking on the phone that night. He got up and I turned on the TV just in time to catch the news.
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ilovejaymz
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Poor Twisted Me
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Not much happening in this chapter ugh..... i hope i'm not coming across rude, cause that's not my intention :) .. just that this part didn't have much, but it'll lead up to something soon, i hope :)

I hope you don't get to stressed with all the things you have to do. Remember to sit back and breathe once in a while :)

:heart: :heart: :heart:
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Karla Hetfield
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Poor Twisted Me
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Good chapter. It would be good if she went to Los Angeles with James... maybe some things could change... :biggrin
Waiting for more!
Thanks for the update! :wavey
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ElisabethOrion
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Aww how sweet of James. :heart:
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Broken, Beat & Scarred
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Thanks for all your comments, Naja, Karla and Elisabeth! :heart:

I know the last update was boring, and this is a bit, too. But in the future there'll be a bunch of things happening. Good or bad, I won't tell. ;) We'll see. But here's the next update in any case! Enjoy!


Part 49:

“James?” I asked and knocked on his bedroom door.

“Come on in.” I opened the door and stepped in. He was doing push-ups on the floor, but finished as I closed the door behind me. “What is it?” he asked and looked at me.

“I... Before, earlier, you said that you’re freaking out about touring. How come?”

His expression changed a bit from casual to sincere and serious. “I don’t know how I can do that again. It was always about going up there, giving your everything and then drinking. I just... Well, I’m not exactly that young anymore and I... I don’t know if I can be on tour without drinking. I’m afraid of falling off the wagon. I don’t want that. And now that I have a daughter, I don’t know if I want to go anywhere. I mean, I don’t want to miss out on her growing up any more than I already have and how can I avoid that if I tour for a year or so? We should do a big tour when the album comes out and... I just don’t know.”

“You’ll do fine. I suppose Sarah and I could come see you a few times, at least, maybe even tour with you. And drinking? You just have to be strong. Like you’ve been now.”

“It’s different there. You’re in a weird place, there’s nothing familiar there. Especially when we're abroad. There's nothing I have there that would keep me strong...”

I walked over to James and placed my hand on his chest, over his heart. I could feel its beating. “Here you have what keeps you strong. This is what you’ve had up until now. No one here is keeping you from drinking. I’m not, Kirk’s not, Lars’s not, Rob’s not. It’s you. If you wanted to go get drunk, you could. But you know here,” I patted his chest, “that you shouldn’t drink. And that’s why you don’t. Yeah, I’m sure that we’re all helping, but in the end, it’s you. And I’m so proud of you because of that. There was a time when I wouldn't have believed you had it in you. And yeah, you’re not that young anymore, but do you have to be young to go up on a stage to show what you can do? Do you remember how fantastic it feels to have tens of thousands of people singing your songs? To just go say “Hi” in the mic and have them all go crazy because of it? Do you remember how much it meant to you to have someone tell you that you have helped them get over difficult things in their life? That you made a difference?”

“Thanks. That helped a lot,” he said quietly, his voice a little hoarse.

“No problem. I’m gonna go to sleep now, I’ll go to Christina’s in the morning,” I said and started to leave. James grabbed my hand and pulled me back to him.

“I probably shouldn’t even ask, but... would you mind if I came to sleep in your room? I kinda don’t want to be alone now... It’s stupid, I mean, I’m a grown man, but... still.”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll be there.”

“Okay, I’ll just take a shower,” he said and smiled at me.

~*~*~*~*~

I got under covers and waited for James to come over. It took him about 15 minutes, but when he finally did come, he wrapped his arm around my waist and snuggled up to me. “Still don’t mind?” he asked softly.

“No, I don’t. It’s nice,” I said and took his hand in mine.

“When we go to LA,” James started, “We’ll go to the hotel first. Then the guys and me will go to the rehearsal, you can stay with Lisa, Stacey and Charla. We’re gonna meet some people after the rehearsal and then we thought we could all go have dinner.”

“Sounds good. Who are you meeting?”

“Some friends,” he replied.

“A woman? The one you were talking on the phone before?” The words just came out of my mouth before I realized what I was asking him.

“How do you know about that?” he asked and sat up. “Are you listening to my phone calls?”

“No, I’m not. I just overheard you, that’s all.”

“Who I talk to is none of your business,” he said, sounding very annoyed. He got up from the bed, glaring at me.

I bit my lip, hoping I could keep my tears at bay. “I know, but like I said, I overheard you. I can’t help that.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll go back to my room,” he said and walked to the door.

“James...,” I started.

“Don’t bother,” he replied sharply, slamming the door shut behind him. I sighed, closed my eyes, and thought I’d talk to him when he had calmed down.

~*~*~*~*~

It was the evening of April 18. Things between James and I had been tense and a bit cold. I had tried to talk to him a few times, but since he was pissed off at me, and since that meant pretty much all he did was snarl and insult me, I stopped trying to make things right. I didn’t think he had any reason to be upset, since I hadn’t done anything bad and if he thought I had, it wasn’t on purpose. I had gotten a bit annoyed at him, too.

I was packing my things, as I was going to spend the following two nights at Christina’s place. James and I had agreed not to take Sarah to the wedding, although, now I wasn’t sure if James was even coming to the wedding with me. I was taking Sarah with me to Christina’s anyway and I would take her to Mom the following day.

As I was packing Sarah’s things, James came to me. “You don’t have to take her. Have tomorrow off. I’ll take care of her.”

I looked at him and shrugged. “If that’s what you want. I’ll just go then.” I put Sarah’s things back in their places and checked that I had everything I needed. I took a few bags to the car and went back into the house get rest of my things and to say bye-bye to Sarah. “You’ll stay here with Daddy and I’ll see you tomorrow when you go to Grandma’s, okay, sweetie?” Sarah lifted her arms up, wanting me to pick her up. I did so and played with her for a few minutes. “I gotta go,” I said and handed her to James. She started crying immediately. I hesitated. “Maybe I should just take her... Just... I’ll take her.”

“She’s just gonna be in the way with the preparations, you know that. You’re gonna go to the place tomorrow and you have a lot to do, right?”

“Yeah, but... I don’t want to make her cry.”

“Believe me: that will happen anyway at some point. I’ll put her to bed soon. She’ll be fine. You just go.”

“Fine. I’m not expecting to see you at the wedding, so, I’ll see you in a few days then,” I said and left, trying to stop hearing Sarah crying.

~*~*~*~*~

It was the wedding day and I was in the dressing room with Christina. I had gone to Mom’s to see Sarah last night before Sarah’s bedtime. Mom had told me that I had just missed James, I got the idea he'd been hanging around for a bit longer than necessary, but I was glad I hadn't seen him. I had played with Sarah for a while until I had had to go back to Christina’s place to pick her up. We'd spent the night at a hotel, whereas Dan had stayed at their apartment.

I had told Christina that James most likely wouldn’t come to the wedding, after all. I had told her that James and I were arguing, but I didn’t tell her why. I had thought that I should, but I just hadn’t. James hadn’t told Mom anything about us arguing either, and I was glad about that. I didn’t want Mom worrying about anything, as I knew that she had the habit of worrying a little too much.

Christina was looking at her reflection in the mirror. She had just put on her wedding dress, which was a beautiful white gown. It was strapless and very simple. She looked absolutely stunning. She had been asking me all morning if she looked good or not. I kept telling her that she was extremely beautiful. She had picked me a simple knee-length dress with spaghetti straps. It was light purple, which I also liked. It had a little ribbon on the waist. Christina had two other brides-maids, last minute ones, and they were wearing the same dress as I was, only in pink.

“Can I ask you something?” Christina asked as she was adjusting her veil. We had ten more minutes before we had to go walk down the aisle.

I rolled my eyes at her. “I’m telling you, you look gorgeous! The dress looks perfect on you! Just stop worrying about it.”

She laughed. “Thanks. It’s not that, though. I just... I wanna ask you something.”

“Go ahead,” I said, thinking that she was having second thoughts about the marriage. I had prepared for that to happen and I was ready to give her a hundred reasons to marry Dan.

“What do you regret the most?” Christina asked.

“What? Where is this coming from?” I asked in response.

“Just tell me. I’ll explain then.”

“Not calling James after we broke up, I guess. Or before he slept with that woman, anyway. That would have probably changed a lot.”

She nodded. “I thought you’d say that.”

“And?”

“And like I told you after I came back from Europe, you have to give it a shot. Just because you’re arguing, it doesn’t mean that it’s all over. And when we’ve been planning the wedding, you’ve looked like you’d want it to be your wedding... You love him and I know that you don’t think you can be with him, but you don’t know for sure if you won’t try. And if you won’t try, you’ll regret it later, just like you regret not calling him. Maybe you won’t regret it today or tomorrow, but you will.”

“I know that, but... I don’t know.”

“That’s a little conflicting,” she grinned.

“I know. But... You wanna know why we’re arguing?” I asked. I didn’t wait for her reply, but continued, “One day when I was going to the shower, I walked past James’ room and I heard him on the phone. I don’t know who he was talking to, but he called the person ‘honey’, so I’m guessing it was a woman. He said he misses her and that he loves her. Maybe it was Karen... Or the woman he slept with... But yeah, he said that he’d meet her when he’s there or she’s here. I don’t know where ‘there’ is, but later he said that he’s meeting some people in LA. Then, a few nights ago, I asked him about the LA people he'd mentioned and asked if it was the person he had been talking to. He got really pissed and we haven’t talked about it since. I’ve tried, but he doesn’t want to... So... I’m guessing that I was right about that. So... he’s apparently in love with someone else. I don’t think it would work between us. So, as far as I’m concerned, it is over.”

“There has to be a reasonable explanation for that, sweetie, I’m sure there is. He told you before that it’s you or no-one.”

“Well, it wouldn’t be the first time he has lied to me. Maybe he can’t wait for me to get things worked out. The funny thing is, I have actually thought a lot about this, and like you said before, I was going to give him another chance. He’s been great now that we’ve been living together. It’s... There have been moments that could have gotten further. We’ve kissed a few times; we cuddle sometimes, but... I don’t know. I suppose it hasn’t meant anything to him.” I shrugged and sighed.

“I don’t believe that, and hell, neither do you. I don’t think he’s lying and I am sure it has meant a lot to him. You’re just going to have to talk to him and sort it all out, promise?”

“I’ll try.”

“That’s my girl,” she said smiling at me. “So... How do I look?” she asked grinning. I laughed and smacked her arm gently.

~*~*~*~*~

I took Darryl’s arm before we walked down the aisle. As we reached the altar, he let go of me, I walked to the left side, and he walked next to Dan. I smiled at Dan warmly and gazed toward the doors, seeing if Christina was coming already. I glanced at the people who had come to the wedding. I recognized some of Christina’s family members and friends. I also noticed James sitting a few rows from the front. I lifted my eyebrows at him. He smiled, so, I smiled back.

The ceremony was beautiful. It wasn’t very long; the minister talked about love, Christina and Dan said their vows and then it was time for the reception. Before I managed to find James again, I went to talk to Christina.

“James is here, is there a place for him or did you invite someone else instead?”

“No, there’s a place, just where he was supposed to sit, next to you. But go find him now, we’ll go greet some people,” she said and gently pushed me away.

I did as she asked me to and walked around the reception, trying to find James. I finally saw him looking at the guest book. “Thinking about whether to sign it or not?” I asked as I reached him.

He turned to look at me and smiled softly. “Yeah. I don’t know if I should. Any other crazy fans here besides Darryl? So... my name will stay here and won’t be ripped out and sold on eBay?” he chuckled.

“I’m sure you’re safe. Besides, you could write your whole name in there. Like... Write your signature that you put in contracts, not your autograph that you write on album covers. And if you want, I’ve signed on the first page... So, if you’re here, like, with me, you can sign there next to me.”

“Okay, I’ll do that,” he said and flipped back a few pages. He wrote his name down and put the pen away.

“Are you staying?” I asked him. I suppose it was kind of obvious that he was if he had showed up, but I needed to say something to him.

“Yeah, I thought I could.”

“Okay, well, why don’t we go sit already, I think they’re serving the food soon.”

“Alright. And you look beautiful, by the way. Nice dress, and great choice on the color, as well.”

“Thanks,” I said and smiled.

I started walking toward the tables. James took my hand and let me lead him to the table. We sat down and I didn’t know what to do. Should I talk to him about before or just let it be for a while?

Other people wandered toward their tables, as well. Dan and Christina came to sit with their parents, who were shortly followed by Darryl. James stood up to shake hands with them and to congratulate Dan and Christina.

Christina had originally thought she’d put the parents in the same table with Dan’s sister and her husband, but she had then decided to have the parents in the front table with Dan and her, Darryl, and me and James. Christina and Dan were sitting in the middle. Dan’s parents were left from him and Darryl sat next to Dan’s parents. Christina’s parents, on the other hand, were sitting right from Christina, I was sitting next to her father and James was sitting next to me. The two other bridesmaids had been placed at the table with Dan’s sister and her husband.

After we all got our food, a small chatter started and soon everyone seemed to be talking and having fun. The food was delicious and after the dessert, James touched my hand gently. I looked at him.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. And I really shouldn’t have been angry with you for so long. I know you got angry with me, too, so... I’m just sorry,” James said quietly.

“I know,” I replied softly. “But I was right, wasn’t I? That’s why you got so upset, right?”

“Yeah, you were right,” he replied and looked at me. He didn’t say more.
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Karla Hetfield
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:blink:
Oh god... she was right... there's another woman.
I really want to see what will come next.
Thanks for the update, it was great!
:wavey
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Shayniz21
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ugh i wish these two would hurry up and get back together!!! how can you pass up james deborah? honestly?
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Broken, Beat & Scarred
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Thanks for commenting, Karla and Shayniz! :heart:

Well, something finally happens in this next chapter... But it may not last long...

Let me know what you think!


Part 50:

I didn’t want to hear more from James, so, I was glad that it was the time for toasts. I turned away from him, so I could look at the parents, of whom Christina’s father started.

“Hello all, and thanks for coming here. I’m John, Christina’s father and Dan’s brand new father-in-law. I am not very good a speaker, but I just want to say thank you all for coming here to celebrate the day with us. Honestly, Ruth and I never really thought we’d see this day happening,” he said and looked lovingly at his wife. “It always seemed that Christina was never in a relationship or that she never even talked about men in his life with us. However, when she one day called us and told that she was bringing her boyfriend to dinner, we knew something was definitely up. And now, here we are, less than two years later, celebrating their marriage. I want to say congratulations to you, again, and hopefully you will have a wonderful, life-long marriage! I love you both,” he finished and raised his glass. Everyone raised their glasses, Christina and Dan both smiled and thanked John.

After the parents had all spoken, Darryl got up. “Hello all, I’m the best man in the venue. Darryl. I want to thank Christina and Dan for allowing me to be a part of this special occasion. Also, I would like to say thank you to the people who have helped me to remember everything I’ve needed to do,” he glanced at me quickly and continued, “I have known Dan for about fifteen years or so, and I can honestly say that I have never seen him as happy as now. I’m pretty sure that meeting Christina was the best thing that happened to him in all his life. Well, second best thing, getting to know me was obviously the best thing,” he grinned. The people laughed a little, but listened to him again as he continued. “I have been thinking about what I should say when it’s my turn to speak. Tell something about Dan’s past? Well, it’s been pretty uneventful, so, there is nothing much there... Talk about love? Well, I think it would be better to leave that to people that are in love... So, then it dawned to me. I had to go through a lot of trouble to find this, and I really should thank Dan’s parents, by the way,” he said and gave them a warm smile.

“My life when I am 40 years old by Dan Miller, 10 years old,” Darryl started. Dan burst out laughing and pretended to be embarrassed. “When I am 40 years old, I will live in a house on the beach. I will be a police officer and I will have two big police dogs. I will not have any kids. But I will have a wife who will cook me dinner every day. When I am 40 years old, I will be a happy man and I will play a lot of football. The end.” People laughed and started clapping.

“So,” Darryl started, “now that we know what Dan thinks he’s going to get, maybe we should try to find out what Christina thought about the same subject... We’ll let the maid of honor have a few words.”

I got up and smiled at the crowd. “Thank you, Darryl. I’m Deborah, Christina’s maid of honor and best friend. First of all, congratulations to the happy couple! I can only imagine how you must be feeling right now! And I would like to thank Christina and Dan’s parents. I know you’ve all put a lot of work and effort into organizing the wedding with Christina and me, and certainly, you have put a lot of effort into making sure that Christina and Dan grew up to be these wonderful people that they are now.”

“Now, Christina and I have known each other pretty much forever. We went to the same kindergarten and schools. She’s like a sister to me, a sister I never had. I’m glad I have her. Because of this, I wanted to make sure this speech was very special, because that’s what it should be. And I have had a lot of time to think about what to say, but I haven’t really come up with anything. I don’t want to do the normal speech about what love is, because, in my opinion, love is indefinable, or it can be defined in as many ways as there are people feeling love. I, or anyone else here, apart from Christina and Dan, couldn’t possibly tell what their love is like.

“So, one night I was talking with Darryl and he said that he was having a little trouble with the speech, but he had thought of something that might be fun. He asked what I thought about it, and well, his idea was so good that I thought I could do the same thing. So, I called Ruth and asked her if she could find a similar short text of Christina’s. Unfortunately, it seems that we never wrote anything like that during all the time we spent in school. Luckily, though, I found a letter Christina had written to me.” I took a piece of paper from my purse and looked at it. “This was written when we were about fourteen or fifteen. Christina spent the summer in another state, so, we wrote letters to each other.”

“Dear Deborah, I am very bored here. I wish you were here. Did I ever tell you about the boy that lives here? He’s pretty cute. But I don’t want a boyfriend like him. I want to marry someone who has dark hair, blue eyes and who wants to have kids. I want to have three kids. Two girls and one boy. What about you? I’ll write more tomorrow, bye bye, Christina.”

“That was one of the shortest letters I received. They were normally about seven or eight pages long, but if we all look at Dan... He does have dark hair and well, green eyes, but close enough, right?”

“What about the kids?” someone yelled. Dan raised two fingers in the air.

“I guess that’s two then. Compromise, nice, you guys,” I said and laughed. “Anyway, both Darryl and I want to thank you guys for making our best friends as happy as they deserve to be,” I said looking at Christina and Dan. “Congratulations!”

Christina got up to give me a huge hug, after which we all toasted Christina and Dan.

~*~*~*~*~

I was dancing with Darryl, looking at Dan’s grandparents. They were in their 70s and looked like they were still very much in love. James knocked on Darryl’s shoulder. “May I?” he asked Darryl. Darryl smiled at him and gave me to him.

“I didn’t know you danced in public,” I said, trying to keep a light tone in my voice. I had wished that he wouldn't come talk to me while we were around other people. I didn't want to start bawling my eyes out in front of everyone.

“I guess you’re worth it then,” he said and smiled. “We didn’t quite finish our talk before. Or, I didn’t.” I felt his thumb making small circles over my back.

“Yeah. I don’t know if I want to have this conversation here.” I kept looking at the old couple and I felt tears forming in my eyes. I blinked my eyes furiously, trying to keep the tears away. I really didn’t want to ruin Christina’s wedding day by starting to cry there, in front of everyone and make a scene.

“It’s not that awful, I promise. May I?” I shrugged and looked at his shoulder. “You were right; I was talking to a woman then. I should have told you, I know, but I was afraid you wouldn’t understand, which now seems incredibly stupid, or that this would happen. And this happened anyway, so... I should have told you before. When I was in rehab, I-”

“Karen? You were talking to Karen?” I turned my head up to look at him. He must have felt bad for me since he smiled sadly at me. Since he wasn't saying anything, I continued, “That makes sense. Her ex-husband doesn’t like you two meeting each other and-”

James put his fingers on my lips and shushed me. “When I was in rehab,” he started again, looking into my eyes, “I was supposed to call people. Like you, for example,” he brushed his thumb over my cheek. “And the guys, my family members. I didn’t call to all of those people and I have told everyone that no one came to see me. But someone did, though.” He turned to look away from my eyes, and I was terrified of what he was going to say. “I called Diane, at first she said she wouldn’t come, but she did anyway. After Pops died, I wasn’t close with anyone from my family. You know that. You of all people know that, Deborah.” He looked at me again, and I saw that his eyes had welled up with tears. “But... Dee came to see me and we’ve been seeing each other sometimes, rarely. She just happens to live in Nebraska, so, we don’t see each other very often. We have gotten quite close, which I like. It’s been long that I’ve felt like I even have a sister, but now we’re closer than ever. I have been meaning to tell you about her a zillion times, but I’ve been waiting for the right moment, it just feels like there has never been one. There was the moving in together and we’ve been talking about other stuff and all... There just never seemed to be a moment to say that I’m talking to her again. It really sounds odd saying it, but... I just didn’t know how to tell you. I mean... It's... I'm not good at this stuff.”

“I am such an idiot,” I said quietly. A tear rolled on my cheek and James smiled a little, brushing it away with his finger.

“No, you’re not.”

“Yeah, I am, I thought that you were seeing someone behind my back, and that wouldn’t even be possible, because we’re not together or anything, but I just thought that what you told me before... That it would be me or no one... That... that was just then and you had gotten over it,” I stopped talking as I realized I was just babbling. “Really, I’m an idiot.”

“You’re really not. I understand all that. I can believe that that’s what you thought. I’m sure I would’ve thought the same, or worse, if it had been you. And I’m really sorry I got mad at you. I really shouldn’t have done that. And I realize that my reaction probably really didn't help the situation. I should have just told you right then and there. Not accume you of eavesdropping. I mean, I didn’t even believe that you would have been listening to my phone calls, I’m sorry I said that, I just got angry.”

“It’s alright, don’t apologize, and, well, I was listening. Not the whole thing, I just... I walked by and I heard you saying “Honey, I miss seeing you, too,” and I listened to what you said after that, I shouldn’t have done that, I’m sorry, too.”

“Not your fault. And hey, it’s still just you, believe me. I wouldn’t have said that if I hadn’t meant it.”

“I know that,” I said. “I knew you wouldn’t lie to me, but... There was just a possibility for that...” He nodded.

The song we had been dancing to came to an end, so I started to let go of James. He didn’t let me go. “One more, okay? I kinda like this.”

“Alright,” I said and let him pull me close to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck again and looked him in the eyes.

“Listen,” he whispered and began singing softly, “Look into my eyes, you will see, what you mean to me.”

“Bryan Adams, really?” I asked and smiled.

“Come on, don’t spoil the moment. Just listen,” he said and looked at me with love in his eyes. “Don't tell me, it's not worth tryin' for. You can't tell me, it's not worth dyin' for. You know it's true, everything I do, I do it for you.”

He sang almost the entire song, just leaving some parts out. I didn’t know if it was because he didn’t remember the lyrics or if he thought the parts weren’t good. Although, I have to say that I was very surprised to find out that he knew as much of the lyrics as he did. I never could’ve imagined James listening to Bryan Adams.

When he was done and the song changed, we stayed on the dance floor still, and danced. I kissed him softly on the lips. “I’m not going to say ‘I’m sorry’ this time,” I said and smiled at him.

“That’s excellent. And let me tell you something... I wish I could go back in time. I... I wish I could go back to the good parts in our relationship. Before I ever hurt you, before you had any doubts of me. If I could do that and if we could start again, I would make sure I would hold you closer to me, I would tell you that I love you more often and I would never hurt you. But I know that’s impossible. I mean, I can’t undo what I’ve done, you know? I can’t take back the things I’ve said to you and I can’t take away this feeling that constantly reminds me that I hurt you, that I hurt you bad, but what I can do, is tell you I love you. I loved you from the first moment I held you. I knew you were perfect to me, right then and there. And if it has taken me ten damn years to figure that out... I’m glad you’re still here. Because after those then years, you mean much more to me know.”

“You’re going to make me cry,” I said, smiling. “And I have to show you something when we get home.”

“I love what that sounds. I mean... You used to say that, when we were going to my place, but... Now it’s really true, it’s our home. I never thought I’d care about anyone as much as I care about you. Just hearing you say ‘when we get home’ makes me so happy that you have no idea.”

“It makes me happy, as well. And I love you, too, James.” I kissed him one more time and rested my head on his shoulder.

“Hey, sorry we’re interrupting, but you’ve danced through three songs already, and in a row, any chance you could possibly let go of each other, at least, for a song?” Christina asked.

“Alright, but just because you’re the bride,” James said and chuckled, “I’m out of the dance floor after this one. I’ll see you,” he looked at me, “at the table then.” He gave me a kiss, let go of me and Dan took me in his arms.

“You alright?” he asked. I glanced at him, and from the look on his face, I knew he had been watching James and me. I nodded.

“Feeling great. How about you? How do you feel?”

“Great. Fantastic. It’s amazing. I just wanted to say thanks to you for making Christina talk to me after Europe. I just realized when I was listening to your toast, you saying that Christina is like a sister you never had... I realized that you’re really close and you’re actually the reason she called me. And I don’t think I thanked you for that...”

“Well, I told her that either she’d talk to you or I would,” I said and smiled, remembering the day.

“Yeah, but, if you hadn’t, I’m not sure if I would have called again. So, really, thank you, so much.”

“You’re welcome. And I should have to thank your wife, too, remind me to do that, will you?”

“I will.”
Edited by Broken, Beat & Scarred, January 15, 2012, 8:50 am.
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ilovejaymz
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Poor Twisted Me
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:o WTH! I missed an update.. how did that happen :o

I liked the update that i missed, but i LOVED the part with the wedding. Not only because they FINALLY talked. I had a suspicion that it was some family, but i didn't think of his sister at all.

The part i loved the most, was the toast that Darryl and Deb made. That was SO sweet. So clever thought of Minna :heart:

Quote:
 
But it may not last long...

Oh how i hate that statement :ugh:

Can't wait to read more.. Have i told you that i love this story? :heart: :heart:
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