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Too Late, Too Late; James+Deborah(OFC), 2001-
Topic Started: March 22, 2011, 1:11 pm (15,647 Views)
Broken, Beat & Scarred
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Thanks for commenting, Naja! You may have mentioned that you love this story, and that's good, 'cos I do too. Which is why I have a hard time writing this 'cos I want it to be perfect. I've been writing and rewriting and writing and rewriting chapter umm... 90 or something. Haha. But the damn thing doesn't want to work. Hmh. Anyway, here's the next chapter, a little late, as usual... But hope you enjoy it and do comment if you like it. :heart:


Part 51:

After I had put Sarah to sleep in her crib, I walked over to my desk. I looked for the piece of paper I was going to give to James. After finding the piece of paper, I went to find him. He was in his room, reading some papers by his desk. He had changed into a white tee shirt and black sweats. He had his glasses on and he looked concentrated. I almost turned around and let him be.

“Uhmm... I told you I have to show you something,” I said, hoping I would not be interrupting him.

He looked up at me. “Yeah, that’s right. What is it?”

“I wrote something a while ago,” I started.

He waited for me to continue, but when I didn’t do that, he asked, “And that’s what you want to show me?” I nodded. “Is that it?” he asked and pointed to the piece of paper I held in my hand.

“Yes.”

“So... Are you going to give it to me? It will be easier to read then,” he said and smiled a little.

I hesitated. Just in case, he would say ‘no’. “This is really important, James.”

“I understand.”

“Read this, carefully, think about it, again, carefully, and then we’ll see what happens.”

“Between us?”

“Yeah, between us,” I confirmed. “I’ll go take a shower now,” I said and gave the paper to James.

“Don’t you want to stay here while I read it?”

“No, you have to think about what it says.”

“Alright,” he said and nodded.

I left James to read the poem I had written and walked to the bathroom. It had been a long day and it was so refreshing to stand underneath the warm water flowing over my body. I stayed in the shower for at least half an hour until I got out.

After finishing the shower, I walked to James’ bedroom, thinking I’d find him there. My poem was on the table and next to it was a note from James saying that he had gone for a drive and that he would be back later. I figured James didn’t know what to think and he had left to sort out his thoughts. Which probably meant that he would say ‘no’, then.

I looked at the poem and read it one more time.

“Can you tell me things you used to tell?
Can you spend time with me?
Can you be good to me?
Can you hold me close again?
Can you tell me your secrets?
Can you listen to my secrets?
Can you hold my hand like you did before?
Can you make it all go away?
And, most importantly,
Can you wait 'til I say 'okay'?”


“Stupid”, I said to myself. “What a crappy poem.”

I squeezed the paper into a ball and threw it in James’ trashcan. I went to my room, tidied up a bit and got under covers. I lay there for a while, until I finally fell asleep, thinking that James hadn't come home.

~*~*~*~*~

As I woke up in the morning, after sleeping about five hours, I remembered what had happened the previous night. I had expected James to come wake me up after he came back – if he had come back. I was devastated, and tired. I noticed it was just about 8am, Sarah hadn’t woken up yet – and she probably wouldn’t wake up any time soon as she had fallen asleep so late. I got up and walked to the kitchen to make some breakfast for myself.

James had been home; there was some warm coffee in the coffee pot. I glanced at the fridge door quickly to see if he had left me another note. He hadn’t. I even looked for him, but I couldn’t find him.

“He’s going to say no,” I whispered to myself, as I took my toast out of the toaster.

“Are you sure?” he asked, wrapping his arms around me. For some reason, he didn’t even scare me, even though he had sneaked up behind me.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” I said sadly.

He rested his head on my shoulder, unwrapped his arms from around me and took both my hands in his, preventing me from doing anything. “Why do you think that?”

“You left,” I said softly.

“To think. Which you said I should do.” He ran his thumbs over my hands softly, gently rocking me back and forth.

“You didn’t come back.”

“Yeah, I’m still away, I’m not here holding you.”

“You didn’t come back to me, last night,” I corrected myself.

“You had a long day, you had a long week, you were tired and I didn’t want to wake you up.”

“You could have,” I whispered. I felt a tear running down my cheek and I saw it land on James' hand.

“You’re not crying, are you?”

“No, but I have tears in my eyes.” Well, that was a lie. “Yes, I'm crying.”

“What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong?! Are you really asking me what’s wrong?”

“Yeah, I am. Please, tell me.”

I turned around to face him. “You are going to say ‘no’. I know it. That’s what’s wrong. I wanted this to work out, but it obviously won’t. I hate this. I hate that I can’t have a normal relationship anymore. I hate that everything is so complicated. It wasn’t before. Then it was easy and it felt right. This... this is so difficult and it sometimes feels right, but sometimes it doesn’t. That’s what’s wrong, to name a few things.”

I wiped the tears from my cheeks as he spoke, “Last night everything was great. This all changed when I didn’t come to wake you up in the middle of the night when you were fast asleep?”

“No. I wasn’t thinking about all this last night.”

“Alright. Well, let me tell you something. I wasn’t going to say ‘no’. But I can’t say ‘yes’, either,” he said.

“So...?”

“You once told me to not make promises I can’t keep. So... I’m not going to do that.”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying!” I said and angrily brushed away the tears that had spilled onto my cheeks. As I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing, I started crying even more. I was so angry with myself that I couldn’t understand it. I didn’t even know why I was so angry. James put his hands around my waist firmly, which was good as I probably wouldn’t have been able to stand up otherwise, and pulled me close to him. My whole body shook as I sobbed.

“Honey, you’re exhausted and you're not acting like yourself. Maybe you should sleep a bit more. I know you haven’t been sleeping much during the past weeks.”

“I just want to get this done. And Sarah will wake up soon,” I said in between sobs.

“I’m here. I’ll look after Sarah and we will talk later. That I promise.”

I shook my head. “I can’t sleep. I’ll just keep wondering what you’ll say and I just,” I said and the rest came out with sobs.

“I have no idea what the last part was, but we’ll talk if you go sleep straight away. Okay?”

I nodded and burst into tears again. James picked me up and carried me to his bedroom. He sat me down on the bed and crouched down in front of me.

“I already told you yesterday that I love you. I said that there’s a feeling inside that-”

“Is that ‘The Unnamed Feeling’?” I interrupted him.

“It could be. Anyway, that feeling always reminds me that I’ve hurt you. It’s always there. Every time I look at you, I remember what I have done. It’s horrible, but I deserve it. There were a few things I can promise to do. I can hold your hand and I can hold you, I can tell you my secrets and you can tell me yours. I can wait until you say ‘okay’. I can’t promise to spend as much time with you as you’d like me to. I can’t promise to be good to you. I can’t promise to make it all go away. I can promise that I will do the best I can, but if I promise you that I will never hurt you again... It’ll hurt you more if I do mess up sometime. And I can tell you things I used to tell you, to a certain extent. I don’t want to make you feel bad, like I did then. I don’t want to tell you any of that drunken stuff. The nice stuff I promise to tell. But I won’t promise a perfect life, I’m not perfect and I know, just as well as you do, that sometimes things don’t go right. Sometimes I just don’t want to do what I should do. If you can accept me as I am, I can promise you I will do the best I can.”

“That’s more than enough, James,” I said softly.

“Good, my knees are killing me,” he said and got up slowly.

“James?”

“Yeah?”

“Are we together?”

“Are you ready for it?”

“Right now... I’m ready. But... the furthest things will go is... uhmm... kissing. If that’s a problem for you...”

“It’s not a problem. I said I can wait,” he assured me. “But now, you’re really going back to sleep. I’ve been worried about you lately. You really haven’t slept that much.”

“I’m fine, James.”

“You’re not. You don’t have to say that.”

“Uh... Okay?”

“Like I told you before, I talked to Christina some time ago. She told me, and I later realized it was true, that you’re about to break,” he said and sat next to me. I opened my mouth to tell James that Christina shouldn’t have talked to him about me. He put his hand over my mouth and looked me in the eyes. “I know. You think she shouldn’t have said anything. But I want you to listen to me. She said that when you said that you didn’t want to get back together with me and that you didn’t love me, you were protecting yourself.”

I nodded. “I didn’t allow myself to like you, because... you were with her, or at least I thought you were. I knew nothing would happen and I hated to see you two together. Even though I was really happy for you, it hurt me to see you with her.”

“Yeah, I know that. But my point is that you don’t have to not tell me that kind of stuff. If there’s anything that is bothering you or something, you tell me. We agreed on being honest.”

“I wouldn’t want to say this, but how honest have you been? If I’m being dishonest by not telling you something, then weren’t you doing the same with the Dee thing?”

“Yes, I was. And I wouldn’t call it dishonesty, but whatever the word is, that’s it. And don’t think that I’m blaming you, ‘cos I’m not. I know there are things you don’t want to talk about, but the bottom-line is that if we want to make this work, and I want to, we can’t keep stuff from each other.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“What for?”

“That I’m making this so difficult,” I felt tears in my eyes again.

“I don’t want you to apologize for something that you shouldn’t. It’s not your fault that this is difficult, you have to get your head around that.”

“What if I can’t?”

“Then you’re going to forget how to say you’re sorry,” he replied and smiled at me a bit. He leaned in and rested his forehead on mine. “Now you’re going to sleep. Really. No more talking until you’ve rested.”

“Can you stay here with me?” I asked as I lay down. “Please?” I continued, as he didn’t reply.

He lay down beside me and played with my hair. “If it’s up to me, forever and ever, baby,” he whispered in my ear.

I turned around to face him and nuzzled closer to him. “Was that a promise?”

“Definitely.”

“Since we’re together now, I could move in to your room,” I mumbled.

“I would love that.”
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Shayniz21
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i love this!! im so glad they're back together!!! more please!!
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Voxx
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Some Kind Of Monster
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I'm glad they're back together too! It's about time! I can't wait for the next update! :heart:
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ilovejaymz
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Yay, that's what we have been waiting for :D

Looking forward to more :heart:

Merry Christmas.. I Don't expect a new update until after Christmas :)
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Broken, Beat & Scarred
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^Well, I guess I shouldn't update then? ;)
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ElisabethOrion
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I got all caught up since last time. :D
I'm sooo glad they are back together. :nanner: :heart:
Edited by ElisabethOrion, December 21, 2011, 2:06 pm.
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Broken, Beat & Scarred
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Thanks for commenting Shayniz, Stephanie, Naja and Elisabeth! :heart:

So yeah, it being Christmas time, I'm on vacation and I have a little bit more time to update this, hope you don't mind.

Ever heard the saying, "All good things must come to an end"? Yeah...



Part 52:

I was sitting next to James in their airplane. We had just left from the airport and I already missed Sarah and was worried about her. I knew that she would be absolutely fine with Christina and Dan, but I was still a bit worried, and I missed her a lot, too.

I was looking out the window, trying to stop the worrying, as James leaned over to me. “Are you okay?”

“I miss her,” I said softly and turned to look at James. He smiled at me and kissed my forehead tenderly.

“Me too. It’s just a few days, though, you'll, we'll, see her again soon.”

“I know. But I’ve never been away from her as long as I’ll be now... But well, this had to happen sometime. And I get to see my favorite band up on a stage again,” I said and smiled at him, giving him a kiss.

“Yeah, that should be something.” He said, smiling, but I could tell he was nervous. It was a big deal this MTV Icon gig and since coming back from rehab James had barely done any gigs so he was really nervous. “But we’ll call Christina as soon as we get to the hotel. I miss Sarah, too. She’ll be fine with Christina and Dan, don’t worry.”

“Yeah...” Sighing, I shook my head, trying not to think about me getting further and further away from my daughter every passing second. “What time was the rehearsal again?”

“Starts at six. But I’m thinking we have to leave a bit earlier, but you know... Are you gonna stay with the girls then?”

I shrugged. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“That’s good. And we’re having dinner together after the rehearsal, right?”

“Yeah, that’s what we agreed on.”

“I know, I’m just making sure,” he said and looked at me lovingly. “I’m gonna go talk to Lars. I’ll be right back,” he continued and gave me a gentle kiss. He got up and walked over to Lars. I watched him for a while, thinking how much I had missed him, missed being with him. Smiling stupidly to myself, I picked up a book I had wanted to read for a long time and looked for the chapter I had been reading earlier in the morning.

~*~*~*~*~

The MTV Icon must have been one of the most amazing experiences of my entire life. I was quite aware that Metallica had a very important role in their fans’ lives, me being one of those fans, but the event totally blew me away. I was glad James had asked me to go with him.

I was with James for about an hour before we, the girls that is, were seated. James, with the rest of Metallica, stayed backstage, so they could go to their seats through the crowd.

As Sum 41 took the stage, all of us in the crowd started clapping and cheering. They started with For Whom the Bell Tolls and everyone had their fists up in the air. It was fantastic to hear such a classic played by someone else. Then, all of a sudden, in the middle of the song, Lars’ head appeared on the huge video screen. Next up is James. People stood up and cheered for them. Then Kirk, and lastly, Rob. They all looked so so happy.

Remembering how things had been between them around the time I quit working for them... I never would have believed they'd get over it.

Next Sum 41 started playing Enter Sandman, it was obvious they were doing a medley of some sort. A text, saying “Metallica,” appeared on the screen, after which all four of them could be seen standing in line. The screen was lifted up and I noticed I started screaming just like I used to do when I went to see them do a gig somewhere and they would appear on the stage. And I most certainly wasn’t the only one to do that, part of me just wished I were in the crowd, it felt like I belonged there.

The guys themselves were really happy to be doing this; I could see on James’ face that he was even a little bewildered that there were so many people there. That was a new post-rehab trait I saw in him - he had become humble. He tapped his chest with his fist, showing his respect.

James was the first to walk to his place through the fans. I could just feel how much he enjoyed it. He was high-fiveing fans and giving them the horns. I could barely take my eyes off him. Well, when I managed to do that, I saw Kirk doing some cheesy dance moves, to which I cracked up.

When Sum 41 started Master of Puppets, I began head banging along. It was one of my favorite live songs, even if it wasn’t performed by Metallica themselves. James and the guys finally reached their seats and James looked at me and the crowd and said that it was amazing. I couldn’t hear him, though, but I managed to read his lips. James shook his head in disbelief and raised his fist in the air, to show respect to Sum 41.

Lisa Marie Presley came out on the stage after Sum 41 to tell everyone about what was in store for the night. To quote her, “Tonight we honor a band that’s real, real good, real honest and real loud. For more than 20 years, they’ve kept the faith with their fans, selling nearly 90 million albums in the process. They’ve survived fame and fashion and come out at the other side of it alive and well and still kicking ass.” I saw James nodding along and I couldn’t help but feel really proud of him.

I was in tears after watching a few minutes of the video about Jason, Cliff and James’ rehab. It was sort of funny how it was only now that I got to hear some things that Kirk and Lars were feeling, it was clear that they had grown a lot, as they could now talk about all of the stuff that some years ago were never talked about. I reached over to James and put my hand on his shoulder. He looked at me quickly giving me a smile and rested his hand on mine. James commented on the video to the cameras, saying that he was touched by some things said there.

When it came to be Staind’s turn to perform Nothing Else Matters, James turned to me and said, “You know that this one was all for you.” I nodded and smiled at him, still with tears in my eyes.

I saw from the video screen that people were singing along, and I felt chills running up and down my spine. He had just told me that the most famous song of theirs was written for me. It was amazing.

After Nothing Else Matters, there was video footage again. “Rehab was kinda like the last ditch effort. If all else fails, that will work. And fought it for a long time, I was afraid to test that, what if it doesn’t work? In retrospect, I should have gone there a lot sooner. Not going in time cost me a relationship, and it wasn't until then that I realized how big a problem drinking was for me. People that I was close to kept saying that I should get help. I guess that at some point I knew they were right, but... I never really did anything about it. I’ve come to realize, though, that subconsciously I've always known that I am an addict, I mean, I was writing lyrics about it. I just... I never really looked so deep in the mirror that I would have actually understood that.”

Lars’ interview was next, “The day before we were going to start back up, he basically, he called up and said, “Look, I’m, I’m not ready to start back up.” A part of me wanted to just drive over and say, “Look, what can I do to help you? As a friend, fuck Metallica.” But... I didn’t have the guts to do that. Then you kick yourself for not being aware of what the signs were, because, of course, there were clues planted.”

They did say much more, Kirk included, but thinking about it later, I think those things stand out the most, well, at least to me. The same goes to the rest of the show. I would have so much to tell, but then again, the show has been broadcast several times on TV, and I’m sure everyone who’s interested, knows what happened there. But a few more things about the show...

When it was the time to see footage from the recording of The Black Album, I couldn’t help but smile. I had been around for the most of the time the album had been made, that was the time Kirk and I were together all the time. I even caught a glimpse of myself on the video screen at some point.

As Lars talked about James, and how James had started to act like a front man off-stage, trying to intimidate people, I remembered how true that was. But I also remembered how different he had been around me. He was silent, deep, and sometimes even shy. It was so obvious to me now that he had had feelings for me back then, but how hadn’t I seen it before?

James talked about writing Nothing Else Matters. “I wrote the song in hotel rooms around the world. Over the years, the song has begun to be us on the road, and the difficulties of being in a relationship at the same time. It’s hard to be away from the person you love, much less to be on the other side of the world. But back then... it was about someone I cared about a lot. We weren’t dating, but she was around and I saw her a lot. That’s the line ‘So close, no matter how far’. She was right there, but then again, she wasn’t. I couldn’t tell all those things to her in person, but I felt like I could write the things down and at least get it out. ”

It must have been the hundredth time that I got tears in my eyes. I once again leaned toward James and told him I loved him. He kissed me softly on the lips and I saw some tears in his eyes, too. It was weird for me to claim my love for him in front of - or in the middle of – so many people, but at that moment, I just didn’t care about it, it was just me and him.

When the guys took the stage with Hit the Lights, or the medley, I sneaked into the crowd. It was so fantastic. At one point, when James came to play in the middle of the crowd (during Creeping Death), he noticed me there and for a moment looked puzzled, but as I acted every other fan he continued to do what he did best, which was rocking as hard as ever. The fans, me included, were amazed and ecstatic. We jumped, sang along; it was like a mini-gig at its best.

~*~*~*~*~

“That. Was. Fucking. Un. Believable,” James repeated, for the zillionth time, as we were returning to the hotel. The rest of the gang decided to go barhopping, but James wanted to go back to the hotel – not that he would’ve liked it in bars anymore.

“I know. You were amazing. And Rob really fits in. And all the things in the videos... It really was amazing and touching. There was a lot of new stuff there for me, too.”

“Yeah... It’s difficult to have everyone know about that stuff. It feels like it should be personal, but at the same time, it feels good to let it out...,” he said quietly.

“I know. It helps to talk about things to people. I think I’ve told you that before, haven’t I?”

“Yeah, but I’m stubborn. And even if I know you’re right, I can’t say that. I want to be right.”

“I know, but come on. Tell me how it was to play again. This time, in front of fans instead of prisoners,” I pleaded. I looked him in the eyes and grinned.

“It was fantastic. Just amazing. I loved it. I can’t wait to go on tour again. Although, seeing you there in the crowd was weird,” he said and chuckled. “But it was also great to see you there. You gave me more energy,” he continued, looking at me intently. He brushed his thumb softly over my cheek and pressed his lips on mine. He then rested his forehead on mine and whispered, “Thank you, honey.”

“No, thank you.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him. We kept kissing for some time.

“I was gonna go take a shower, I’m sweaty because of the playing,” James said between kisses.

“Can’t you do that a bit later? I sort of like this...,” I panted, being slightly out of breath.

“Oh yeah?” he kissed me and at the same time pushed me to the bed. I let out a little shriek and then giggled. I looked at James, smiling. “Still ‘sort of’ liking this?”

“Very much so,” I said softly.

James continued kissing me and after a few more kisses, his hand slipped under my shirt. As his hand cupped my breast, I could see everything in my eyes again. It felt horrible. I tried to get his hand away, but I didn’t succeed, he seemed to think that I wanted more as he pressed himself against me and kissed me harder.

“Stop,” I said between kisses. He ignored me. “Stop it!” I yelled and managed to push him away. I got up from the bed and wrapped my arms around me. James was sitting on the bed, breathing heavily.

He looked at me for a moment and then shook his head. He seemed to be angry.

“I’m gonna go take that shower now,” he said sharply and left. I looked at him walking away.

I couldn’t believe him. It wasn’t like him, not at all. I walked to the living room, took my cell phone and some money and left the room.

~*~*~*~*~

I stepped into the elevator and burst into tears. I had been waiting for an apology, but instead he had left. This wasn’t the man I had fallen in love with. It couldn’t be.
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Shayniz21
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Poor Twisted Me
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god dammit! what the hell?! i dont like that they are fighting again, honestly who can resist james!!! more please
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ilovejaymz
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Oh no.. What is going on?

It was all so good, and all the love, and then this?!

Btw, not a new reader.. Naja here, just changed my name ^^
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ElisabethOrion
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uh-oh :ugh:
This doesn't look good. :(
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Broken, Beat & Scarred
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Thanks for commenting, Shay, Naja and Elisabeth. Naja, I have to say that as I saw your username, I thought "yay, new reader!" haha. But you took so long to comment that I thought you weren't going to comment at all ;)

I was going to post this chapter yesterday already, but well... Then I started to think about it more, and I feel like this is the part in the story where I'm going to have to pretty much rewrite the whole thing to make the storyline work better. So yeah... I just spent an hour on this, erased more than half of this chapter, wrote an extra page and here we are... This may or may not work, so... We'll see. And do let me know what you think! :heart: :heart:



Part 53:

“One beer, please,” I said as I sat on an empty stool by the counter. The bartender, an old friend of mine, turned around to ask what type of beer I wanted, and looked surprised as he recognized me.

“Deborah! Hi, long time no see,” he said and leaned in to kiss my cheek. “You look awful.”

“Gee, thanks,” I said, knowing well that he could see I had been crying. “That’s exactly what a woman wants to hear,” I joked.

He looked at me for a while. “What happened?” he asked then.

“Never mind,” I said, shaking my head. “Just, please, a beer?”

“Here you go, miss,” he said, handing me a Blue Moon, my favorite beer. I was touched he still remembered. “Want something stronger?” he asked and gave me a somewhat worried look.

“I don’t know. And thanks for this,” I said and lifted the bottle to my lips. I took a sip and set the bottle down on the counter. It had been a loooong time since I’d had anything with alcohol in it, in fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if I had last drank when I had been together with James before his rehab. “So, how have you been? It has indeed been a long time,” I sat down on a stool and placed my cell phone on the counter.

I had been expecting James to call me, but he hadn't. I wasn't sure if I wanted to talk to him right now, but I did want him to apologize to me for what he'd done. Or tried to do. I knew that it must have been hard for James to agree to wait until we'd have sex, but I really wasn't ready to take that step with him, after everything.

I knew that as far as sex went, we were on different levels. He'd had... well, I honestly didn't even want to think of his number, but he'd had many women, a ton of one night stands, and I hadn't. I'd had a couple of boyfriends over time and my number was less than ten. Way less. And I was fine with having sex, say, twice a week, whereas I knew James wouldn't have minded twice a day.

And yes, James is incredibly good-looking and sexy, not to mention good in bed... or at least, he used to be. The last year of our relationship, the previous attempt at it, we'd probably had sex just a handful of times. Then he had mainly been concerned about himself, not me. But well, he had been drunk most of the time. I had to admit, I was apprehensive of how he would act now that he was sober. Well, it couldn't be any worse than the times he'd been drunk, but still. And I had never really believed that he was satisfied by me. I didn't want him to have sex with me and leave me again, like he'd done in the past. I didn't sleep around with just anyone – I wanted to be in love with the people I had sex with, and I didn't ant them to leave me after they'd gotten what they wanted.

“Deb?” I shook my head, focusing on Pete again. I hadn't realized I'd been so lost in my own thoughts. “Missed my reply?”

I smiled sheepishly at him. “Sorry...”

“I said that I’ve been great. Opened another bar since this one’s doing so well. And that you’re actually lucky you caught me here. This is the only night this week that I’m working here,” he said, leaning a bit closer. He gave me that lazy smile of his that I loved so very much. “Got that now?”

“Yes, thanks,” I said and grinned. “Pete, I’ve missed you. We should see each other more often. And I’ve really been meaning to call you, but I’ve never managed to do that... There’s just so much that’s been going on that you wouldn’t believe it... I guess that’s just an excuse at the end of the day... But... ”

“No sweat, Debbie, I know you still love me,” he said and winked. I giggled.

“I do, you know.”

“Likewise.” He looked at me in the eyes for a moment, clearly thinking what to say. “So... Yeah, I’ve been a bit busy with the bars and stuff. But that’s good, of course. And you’re here now, which is even better. I think you should definitely come down here more often. It’s been too long since we last saw each other...,” he said. Someone from the other side of the bar called for Peter. “I gotta go, I’ll be right back,” he said, moving further away from me.

I finished my beer and waited for him to come back.

He gave me another beer and looked at me again. “So, what brings you down to LA?” I smiled at him a little. “Ah, Metallica?” I nodded. “Should've known. I've seen Kirk a couple of times, he says you and James broke up.”

“Yeah, we did. Before his rehab.”

“Okay. Well, how’s life treating you now? And really, who’s the jerk?” he asked. I noticed my cell phone began ringing. It was James calling me. Finally. I looked at the screen for a moment, then hit 'cancel'. I turned to look at Peter and saw him looking at my cell phone. “Who was that?”

“No-one I want to talk to, or about, right now.”

“Alright. Fair enough. So, what’s going on in your life? Still a lawyer, seeing anyone? Anything else major?”

“I’m not working at the moment, I’m... I have a daughter, so, I take care of her...” I said. It felt slightly bad that I had kept such big news from him. Especially since we had agreed that we’d keep in touch more, or at least would keep each other aware of how things were going.

“Wow... I had no idea... Congratulations. How old is she?”

“15 months. She was born in February 2002. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me...” I showed him a picture of Sarah I had taken with my cell phone.

“Aww, isn’t she precious? She looks a lot like you. Except for the eyes.” I nodded. “And I’m guessing you’re seeing the person who made you look like that.”

“That sounds like I have a black eye and a few broken ribs,” I said, “but yeah... You’re right.”

“He’s the father?”

“Yeah.”

“Married or dating?”

“Dating,” I answered. “If even that,” I added softly. I glanced at my cell phone. James was calling me, again.

Peter leaned over and read the screen. “James, huh? Well, I can’t say I’m surprised, even if I did hear you'd broken up. You always had a major thing for him.”

“I did not. But yeah, James. He’s a great father.”

“Somehow I find that a little hard to believe, no offense. And I thought he didn’t want to have kids. Did he change his mind then?”

“Umm... Kinda. Sarah... Uh, she was an accident and we had split up, like you said and I said and I guess everyone saw that coming... It was when he went to rehab. When he found out, after he came back, he was all right with it... We just started seeing each other again, but...”

“But he messed up?” I nodded. “Cheer up,” he said and smiled. I shook my head and tried to keep the tears away. “Don’t kill me, but if he makes you that miserable, why are you still with him? Because of Sarah?”

“No. I love him. That’s why. He’s changed, Pete. He’s done rehab and he’s totally different nowadays.”

“Yet you’re still here, looking the same as several years ago.”

“It’s different now.”

“Sounds like someone’s avoiding the truth.”

“I’m not. At least, I don’t think I am. I hope I'm not. I really do love him. And I’ve already left him once, or twice... It took him a lot of convincing until I agreed that we could try again... It’s just that... I have issues. I... Or he... Uhm, it’s just not that easy. There are things that are unresolved. And as crazy as it is, there still are things that we've never even talked about.”

“Sounds a bit complicated,” Peter said and handed me a shot of tequila. “You okay with drinking this? I mean... With Sarah and all?”

“Yeah, it’s okay,” I said, taking the shot from him. I downed it with one gulp.

“He’s calling again,” Peter said and nodded toward my phone. “If you need privacy, you can go talk in the back.”

“Nah, I’m good,” I said. James ended the call and soon I got a text message. It was from James, he was asking me where I was. I ignored the message.

“What happened?”

“It’s a long story. I don’t want to bore you with it.”

“Hon, I’m a bartender, when I’m not serving drinks, I listen to people bitching about stuff. And coming from a pretty lady, who happens to be a dear friend, it’s not that bad.”

I cracked him a smile and shook my head. “Thanks, but no thanks. It’s a bit too personal to share here and... It’s not something that I even want to share. It’s just too horrible... But hey, how about you? Wife? Girlfriend? Kids? Have you grown up already?”

“I was seeing someone, but we broke up,” he said. “And no need to say you’re sorry. It’s cool, we didn’t match,” he continued as I was going to say that it sucked they had broken up. “But I guess you could say I’ve grown up a bit then,” he said, smiling.

Peter and I talked for a good hour, maybe more. He served other clients at the same time, but always returned to me to continue our conversation.

We had met in the mid-80s when I had been in Los Angeles to see a Metallica gig. There was a rumor that Metallica were going to a certain bar, which they didn’t do after all, but I had met Peter there. We had hung around for a few hours, and then I had gone to bunk with him for a few nights. We hadn’t seen each other that much in the eighties, maybe once or twice a year, but when we had, we were together for several days. We got to know each other very well.

After I started going out with James, we hadn’t been in touch that much, but I had gone to meet Pete a few times, and he'd visited me when he'd been in San Francisco and so on. Besides, Peter hadn’t originally liked that I had started to date James; he had gotten to know James a bit and he knew about James’ past with women. Needless to say, as a friend Peter was worried that James would see me as a one-night stand, too.

After my fourth beer and a number of other shots, Peter refused to sell me more. Well, I shouldn’t say ‘sell’, as I didn’t pay for my drinks. I always offered to, but he refused to take my money.

During the time we talked, James had called me a few more times, Kirk as well. I had gotten a few more text messages from James. He still hadn’t apologized, but had simply asked where I was and if I was coming back. I wasn’t feeling like talking to him, but I had been pondering about going back to the hotel. Well, I had to go there as all my stuff was there, but I just kept thinking about seeing James again. I couldn’t keep avoiding him for long, after all.

Peter looked past me to the door. “Looks like your famous friends are here,” he said quietly.

“James?”

“And Kirk. They’re coming over here now.” I nodded and took a sip of my water that Peter had given me few moments earlier.

“Of course they are.”

It didn't take long until James appeared by my side. He simply took a seat next to me and asked Pete for a beer. I turned to look at him with my mouth hanging wide open.

Pete seemed quite taken aback as well. “Sorry, man, you're not-”

James held up his hand and Pete stopped talking. “ A non-alcoholic beer, please?”

“Oh, sure.” Pete handed him one and smiled a little at him. “Even if I haven't necessarily liked you on a personal level, I am still a big fan of you, your band and your music. And I'll be damned if you fall off the wagon in my bar.”

“Thanks, man. I'm not too fond of myself on that personal level either, right about now.” He then turned to me and waited for me to look at him. “Can we go talk?”

I nodded slightly. We went outside, telling the bouncer we'd be back. Though, since he knew me, I figured we'd have no trouble getting back in.

We sat down on a bench that was a little down the road from the bar and I waited for James to start talking. It took him a while.

“Look, I'm really sorry. I know that's not enough, I know I made a promise to you and I don't feel like I could honestly say I kept that promise.”

“It doesn't really feel like that to me either...”

“And I'm sorry I just left like that, but... I just wanted to clear my head for a bit, take a cold shower and... And I guess I was trying to avoid this conversation for as long as I could.”

“I understand. I wouldn't really want to have this conversation either.”

“Will you come back to the hotel with me? Maybe we could talk there... Have some more privacy.”

“Okay.”

We went back inside, and I found Peter and Kirk chatting like the two old friends they were. James spoke to Kirk while I said my goodbyes to Peter. “I never thought I'd say this, especially in this situation, but I think I may have to consider changing my opinion on him. I don't think the James I once knew would have come over here to find you...,” he said and winked. “Invite me to the wedding, will you?”

“We’re not getting married. I would invite you if we were. And I’ll call you later, or you call me, whatever,” I promised. “I should probably go now, though...”

“You should. And don’t even bother getting out your money.”

“Wasn’t going to,” I leaned over the counter, gave him a kiss on the cheek and walked over to James and Kirk who had moved a little further away to let me and Peter talk privately.
Edited by Broken, Beat & Scarred, January 1, 2012, 5:29 pm.
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ilovejaymz
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Poor Twisted Me
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Nooo! How did i miss this for a whole week... :ugh: .. crazy times :rolleyes:

:lol: sorry to disappoint you Minna.... And yes, it took some time.. as i started this comment.. crazy times.. but at least Christmas and New Year is over now :)

I really liked this part.. And i think Peter is right, that the James now, is not the James that once was. I'm looking forward to see how the talk will go, and what's gonna happen next :)

:heart:
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ElisabethOrion
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I'm creatively constipated.
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I love to see that James went looking for her. :heart: :horns2
Update soon? :D
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Voxx
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Some Kind Of Monster
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I finally got caught up on your last two chapters. I like where this is going :heart: :heart: . I really hope that they can talk it all out. It would be a shame if they didn't at least give it a try after everything!!!
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Broken, Beat & Scarred
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ElisabethOrion
January 8, 2012, 8:53 pm
I love to see that James went looking for her. :heart: :horns2
Update soon? :D
He originally didn't... So, for this version of the story I had to have a serious talk with him and make sure he did what he had to do. :biggrin

(And because of that, it looks like I'll be completely rewriting the next couple of chapters, so, the next update won't be ready to be posted just yet, especially since my classes start today and I may have a ton of homework to do. :( But perhaps this week, that's what I'm aiming at.)

Thanks for your comments Naja, Elisabeth and Stephanie!
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