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Too Late, Too Late; James+Deborah(OFC), 2001-
Topic Started: March 22, 2011, 1:11 pm (15,646 Views)
ElisabethOrion
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I'm creatively constipated.
[ * ]
Broken, Beat & Scarred
January 9, 2012, 2:32 am
ElisabethOrion
January 8, 2012, 8:53 pm
I love to see that James went looking for her. :heart: :horns2
Update soon? :D
He originally didn't... So, for this version of the story I had to have a serious talk with him and make sure he did what he had to do. :biggrin

(And because of that, it looks like I'll be completely rewriting the next couple of chapters, so, the next update won't be ready to be posted just yet, especially since my classes start today and I may have a ton of homework to do. :( But perhaps this week, that's what I'm aiming at.)

Thanks for your comments Naja, Elisabeth and Stephanie!
Heh, set him straight with some ass-whoopin'. :lol:

Anyways, take your time girl! :D :horns2
We're patient... enough. :lol:
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ilovejaymz
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Poor Twisted Me
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ElisabethOrion
January 9, 2012, 2:36 am
Broken, Beat & Scarred
January 9, 2012, 2:32 am
ElisabethOrion
January 8, 2012, 8:53 pm
I love to see that James went looking for her. :heart: :horns2
Update soon? :D
He originally didn't... So, for this version of the story I had to have a serious talk with him and make sure he did what he had to do. :biggrin

(And because of that, it looks like I'll be completely rewriting the next couple of chapters, so, the next update won't be ready to be posted just yet, especially since my classes start today and I may have a ton of homework to do. :( But perhaps this week, that's what I'm aiming at.)

Thanks for your comments Naja, Elisabeth and Stephanie!
Heh, set him straight with some ass-whoopin'. :lol:

Anyways, take your time girl! :D :horns2
We're patient... enough. :lol:
Your most welcome, it is us, thanking you for the story :D :heart:

As Elisabeth said, just take your time.. don't stress out because we have trouble waiting :biggrin
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Broken, Beat & Scarred
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Okay, thanks again for commenting! :heart:

I have a bit written, just finished rerererereading it, while taking a break from planning my classes for the next two weeks. It's not much, but hope you like it, do comment if you did, or didn't. :)


Part 54:

We decided to walk to the hotel as it wasn't too far. I was feeling slightly drunk, but noticing how differently James was acting around me now all of a sudden somewhat cleared my head. He walked beside me, with his hands shoved in his pockets, he kept looking at the ground and he kept his distance. He was at least four feet away from me all the time.

I cursed silently as I realized my eyes were blurry with tears. Stupid alcohol. I was being ridiculous, but I felt like he didn't want me anymore. It was stupid because I sort of knew that the alcohol was just playing with my head and with my insecurities, but... maybe it wasn't.

Once again, I had no idea what James was thinking because he closed himself up. Yes, he had apologized, but only after he had left me alone, and of course I'd thought he was angry with me, especially since it took him a few hours to come find me. Now, he was just walking near me, it didn't feel like we were walking together, we were just two people walking down the same street, going in the same direction.

I stopped as I could no longer see clearly. I opened my purse, trying to find a tissue.

“Come on, Deborah. We're just two blocks away,” James said. I looked up and saw that he'd stopped about thirty feet away. “It's not far.”

I looked at him for a while. “You're an idiot.”

“What?”

“You heard me.” I couldn't find a tissue, so, I just wiped at my eyes with the back of my hand. I took a deep breath and continued walking. As I got to where James was standing, he reached his hand out to me, but I stepped away from his reach, continuing on, not caring if he was coming behind me or not.

“Deborah...,” he said from behind me and I felt his hand on my shoulder. “I said I was sorry.”

“And that should magically fix everything?! You always do that. You fuck up and then you say you're sorry and assume everything's fine. That's not how it works, James.”

He sighed. “Come on now, you're drunk.”

“I may be drunk, but that doesn't mean I don't mean what I say. Stop being so condescending.”

“I'm not assuming everything's fine between us. I know that's not the case. I wish it wasn't. I want things to be okay. I'm not sure how to deal with this right now...”

As we had reached the hotel entrance, I didn't want to respond to him, in case there were people around, so, I just walked straight to the elevator and got in as the doors opened.

I was glad many people weren't hanging out in the lobby and that we didn't come across anyone in the hallway, I didn't want people to see me when I had quite obviously been crying.

After James opened the door, I walked straight to the bedroom and lay down on the bed, crying, again, or still.

“I can't keep doing this, James,” I whispered.

“I know, and I'm not asking you to.”

So, that was it, then. He was leaving me.

I felt him lay down next to me. “I'm not going to beg. I'll just tell you how it is and what's going on in my head right now. I acted like an asshole tonight. I know that. I was pumped about the gig and I wasn't really thinking straight. I thought you wanted more. But at the same time, I know that I promised to wait until you said okay. I know that. And I hate the fact that I did not wait, that I did not keep my promise. Ultimately, this is an excuse, but it's difficult for me to keep my hands off of you. I think that you're sexy and beautiful and maybe it's wrong of me to think that, but... I just want you so bad. And it really doesn't help that it's been a long time since I've... had sex. But I'm sorry. I really am. And I shouldn't have left the room like that, I should've apologized to you right then and there.”

I didn’t know what to say to him. I did understand him; in fact, I had feared something like this would happen... That he wouldn’t be able to wait. He sounded sincere when he apologized, and I couldn’t honestly say that I was that hurt any longer. Of course, it would take a lot of time and effort to get everything back to the way it had been, but at least I now knew that he was sorry.

“And I promise I will not hold it against you if you're done. I would completely understand that. The sad thing is... I don't think that this is going to work out like this. I mean... I don't want to break up with you, but... Sometimes I think that maybe...”

I opened my eyes to look at him, and I just looked at him for a moment. Neither of us said anything. I still didn't know what to tell him. He was basically breaking up with me. I didn't want him to do that, but I understood where he was coming from. He wanted to have sex, I didn't, end of story. I knew it bothered him. And I hadn't told him everything, so... he didn't understand why I felt that way.

I had been afraid that this would happen. That he'd say he'd had enough of me and my problems. I'd never imagined this was how things were going to end, but... Well, who would have known?

I saw tears glittering in his eyes as he spoke. “God... I don't want to say it. But... I just don't know if this is making both of us happy. I know we can be happy together, that's been the case before, but... The way things are right now... Well, I'm not 100 percent happy. And I don't think you are either.”

He looked at me for a while, but I had no idea what to tell him. What he was saying made sense, absolutely, and I understood him. But I just didn't know what to tell him.

“Alright... Well, I’ll go sleep in the living room. I think the couch folds out,” James said and went to the living room.
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Voxx
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Perhaps I'm going to say a little much right now, but this last bit, the last few chapters sound just like my dumb life in a weird and scary way. I completely empathize with Deborah. After a bad experience, I didn't want to have sex with my boyfriend anymore. And at first it was difficult for him to understand where I was coming from and we almost broke up over it. Now though, we have worked it out and he is willing to wait until I'm ready again. So I just totally understand what Deborah is going through. And I feel so bad for her.

But at the same time, I understand what James is going through, because my poor boyfriend is going through the same thing. I get that it's hard and there's all these temptations and what not; and that for a lot of guys, sex is the only they can really express their feelings for someone. But I also think that James has done a good job, up until that one incident, with being respectful of Deborah's wishes. There are a lot of other ways to show your love for someone other than through sex and I think he has been trying to do this.

I really want to know what happens!!

I hope that they can work it out. I think that James is right and that they can be good together. I hope that Deborah will at some point, be ready to let him back in and commit to him fully once again.

:D :D :D
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ilovejaymz
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Poor Twisted Me
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Hmm yeah.. as Voxx says, we can understand, and feel for both sides... I don't want them to break up either, but maybe that could make Deb see it all form another perspective... get to miss him.. See how big of their lives he actually was, and maybe work out some of her problems, sp she can be in relationship with him.

Did any of that make sense? I have a big headache, so I'm not so coherent tonight :(
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

:wavey Hey, finally caught up! They have been through so much. I hope they finally have a moment of release and reunion. There are many things that are better said through caresses, many wounds that heal better with loving touch.
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Scorpion Flower
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I think you changed a few things in the story since first time I've read it:) I like it this way too. :biggrin It's always a rollercoaster for them isn't it?? Keep it coming. Don't be shy... :lol:
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Broken, Beat & Scarred
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Sorry, no update yet.

Voxx
January 14, 2012, 2:09 pm
Perhaps I'm going to say a little much right now, but this last bit, the last few chapters sound just like my dumb life in a weird and scary way. I completely empathize with Deborah. After a bad experience, I didn't want to have sex with my boyfriend anymore. And at first it was difficult for him to understand where I was coming from and we almost broke up over it. Now though, we have worked it out and he is willing to wait until I'm ready again. So I just totally understand what Deborah is going through. And I feel so bad for her.

But at the same time, I understand what James is going through, because my poor boyfriend is going through the same thing. I get that it's hard and there's all these temptations and what not; and that for a lot of guys, sex is the only they can really express their feelings for someone. But I also think that James has done a good job, up until that one incident, with being respectful of Deborah's wishes. There are a lot of other ways to show your love for someone other than through sex and I think he has been trying to do this.

I really want to know what happens!!

I hope that they can work it out. I think that James is right and that they can be good together. I hope that Deborah will at some point, be ready to let him back in and commit to him fully once again.

:D :D :D
Sorry to hear you've had some bad experiences! :huggie: At the same time, I'm glad the story just might be believable lol

Thank you so much for your comment! Wonderful!

I agree with you on your view of Deborah and of James. It's been difficult for both of them. I thought about writing more about them both, but I'd be rephrasing what the next chapter will say (I hope), so, I think I'll just leave the next chapter to speak for itself. Though, I've been writing and rewriting the next part since I posted the last one, and it's started and ended differently every time. Haha. And every time I go and read it, hoping it would be ready to be posted, it just is not. But I think&hope that in the next chapter(s) it will be clear(er) why things have been so difficult for Deborah and why they've been so difficult for James.

So, after I rewrite it another twenty times or so, we'll see what it will look like then haha.


ilovejaymz
January 14, 2012, 4:49 pm
Hmm yeah.. as Voxx says, we can understand, and feel for both sides... I don't want them to break up either, but maybe that could make Deb see it all form another perspective... get to miss him.. See how big of their lives he actually was, and maybe work out some of her problems, sp she can be in relationship with him.

Did any of that make sense? I have a big headache, so I'm not so coherent tonight :(
That made sense, yes. Sorry about your headache, which I really hope has passed already. :biggrin I don't know if I should say this or not, but I will: in the original story, they actually do break up and Deborah sees that she can have a great life without James... So... I don't know if I want this rewrite to go there or not.


Lilith
January 16, 2012, 12:12 am
:wavey Hey, finally caught up! They have been through so much. I hope they finally have a moment of release and reunion. There are many things that are better said through caresses, many wounds that heal better with loving touch.
Ooh! I was surprised to see you comment on this one, I thought you were starting with the hundred prompts first. ;) Not that I'm complaining, glad you're finally caught up.

Your last sentence is spot on! James has told me, confidentially of course, that he has been thinking about the same thing, but just doesn't quite know how to deal with things... We'll see how it goes.


Scorpion Flower
January 16, 2012, 7:23 am
I think you changed a few things in the story since first time I've read it:) I like it this way too. :biggrin It's always a rollercoaster for them isn't it?? Keep it coming. Don't be shy... :lol:
Yeah, I've said several times already that I'm rewriting the story as I post this. Right now it's still unclear to me if I should keep trying to go back to the original path, or take another road. We'll see.

And I'm not shy, I'm just working 8 to 10 hours a day and at the same time trying to do practically two years' worth of Uni courses in one year. So, my free time is pretty much non-existent. I start going through the next updates about half an hour before going to bed, but then I get too tired before I get anything done, have a chapter ready to posted, and I go to sleep and start the process again the following day haha.


Thanks to all of you for commenting! :heart:
Edited by Broken, Beat & Scarred, January 22, 2012, 4:52 pm.
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ElisabethOrion
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I'm creatively constipated.
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OMG I'm NOT seeing things! My computer just relapsed on me. :lol: I thought I was going crazy there for a minute seeing the name up at the top and then gone the next second. :lol:
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Broken, Beat & Scarred
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Don't blame your computer, it was me ;)
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ilovejaymz
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Poor Twisted Me
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Oh I'm looking forward to see in which direction you go whit this.. What will happen to them next...


And don't sweat it. We will be here waiting, no matter how long it takes you, to get a new chapter ready. Real life is more important :)
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
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Yeah...I am curious too now:)) Take your time and don't over stress it.

Since I've read it before, I'd prefer another path now... :lol: :lol: But it's your call.
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Broken, Beat & Scarred
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Scorpion Flower
January 23, 2012, 6:44 am
Yeah...I am curious too now:)) Take your time and don't over stress it.

Since I've read it before, I'd prefer another path now... :lol: :lol: But it's your call.
I think I'd prefer to take another road, too, since one of the main reasons I never finished the story the first time around was the fact that I didn't like where it ended up. Haha.

But looks like I'm getting off work an hour later than I thought, so, maybe I'll get something done later.... :D
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Broken, Beat & Scarred
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Yay! Got something done. :D

Once again, that's for commenting! :) Here's the next chapter, part 1 of the discussion. Enjoy!(?)


Chapter 55:

After showering and getting through my other nightly rituals, I went to to the living room. I had thought about everything James had said, and while I still wasn't really sure about what I should tell him, I wanted to talk to him. He had said some very important things before and I felt that he deserved a response.

As I entered the living room, I saw James sitting on the couch, watching TV. I walked over to him and sat down next to him. He glanced at me quickly, but didn't pay much attention to me. I took his hand in mine, pulling it to my lap. He entwined his fingers with mine and I stroked the back of his hand with my free hand.

We sat like that for a while, neither of us speaking. All I could hear in my head was him saying that he wasn't happy and that, while he didn't want to say it, maybe it would be better if we dot dot dot. I could hear the dots. What he wasn't saying, the actual words, they hung in the air. I could practically feel them.

I didn't want him to break up with me. I didn't want to break up with him. But.

I sighed a little and said, “You were right. I'm not happy either. Not 100 percent.”

“I... I thought so.” I frowned a little as I realized that he sounded uncertain, somehow. Could it be that he hadn't expected me to say that? Or that he hadn't wanted me to say that?

“I haven't wanted to admit it to myself, or to you, but it's the truth. I knew from the beginning that this was going to be a problem. This waiting thing. And I guess I've sort of been waiting for something like this to happen... I'm still not ready to have sex. I wish I was. And I know that, even under normal circumstances, you want to have sex more often than I do. Which is why I asked you to think about this thoroughly before making a commitment. I shouldn't have asked you to-”

“No, Deborah,” James said strongly. I stopped talking and bit my lip. I was on the verge of tears, again. “Despite what happened tonight, I'm glad you told me to wait. If you're not ready to have sex, you're not. I should respect that. Things most certainly won't get any better if I... force you to do something you don't want to do. So, you were right to ask me to wait. That's that. I'm not talking about it. But this, the being happy thing, it's not about sex. Or about me not thinking about this thoroughly. At least, not on my end.”

“What is it then?” I asked quietly, hating the fact that my voice quivered.

“Well... It hurts me to know that there are things that we still haven't talked about. Like, why you don't want to have sex. And... Well, I can respect the fact that you obviously don't want to tell me what it is, but... I don't think that I can be okay with that. I mean... It affects me, too.”

I looked down at our hands, so comfortably entwined, wishing for our lives to be much easier. I understood that now was the time to tell James everything. Or start telling him everything. I could hardly keep those things to myself anymore. Or our lives, or mine at least, would end up crumbling down and shattering into pieces.

“I do want to tell you,” I said quietly.

“Well, why haven't you?”

I shrugged. “It was never a good time to do that.”

“Okay. And this probably isn't it either... right?” I could hear the hurt in his voice.

I hadn't really ever stopped to think about how he was feeling about this all. I had been, and to an extent I still was, so used to him not caring, or appearing as though he didn't care, that I... well, I didn't think he cared. Or that these things bothered him.

Yes, it was obvious. Of course they did.

But still, he never asked me about these things. I'd told him once that I wasn't ready to talk about this and he said that we could talk when I was ready. But now... He was upset because we, I hadn't been ready to talk. And he hadn't spoken to me about that.

“Well, honestly, no it's not, but if you want us to talk about it... We can do that.”

He shook his head slightly. “I don't want to force you to do that.”

“You're not,” I said and as he raised his eyebrows at me, I continued, “It's such a cliché, isn't it, it not being a good time to talk about something serious and not so very nice... When is it going to be a good time for that kind of discussion? You just need to do it. And... You're not forcing me to talk about this. I think the situation calls for it. Because... If I don't talk to you about this now, then... I think we're going to end up breaking up. Well, maybe that will happen in any case, but... You said you're not happy in the current situation, so... Well, there's no use pretending, is there?”

“Deborah, I don't want you to think that I've been pretending. I love you and I am happy with you. I know I just said that I'm not, but I didn't mean that I'm never happy with you. I'm just saying that I'm not 100% happy. Who the hell knows if I'll ever be that happy. And really, if you're not ready to talk about this now, I don't want the situation to force you to talk about it, either, okay? I'd be okay with us taking a break and thinking about things and talking about all this stuff later.”

I was silent for a moment. “Have you thought about that? Us taking a break?”

“Well... Yeah, I have. But I mean... Me doing what I do, the breaks come naturally. We're going to Europe for a few weeks in a bit, so... Since you're not coming with us, that's going to be a break. A natural break. And eventually, when we go on a world tour... You're probably not going to be there all the time, there's another break.”

“That's not the same thing. It's just being apart. Taking a break is essentially breaking up.”

“Well, yeah, I guess you're right.”

“So, you're really not happy in this relationship...” I tried to take my hand away from his, but he wouldn't let me.

“It's not that.”

“You want to date someone else?” I tried to pull my hand away again. He still held on.

“Don't do that,” he said, holding onto my hand more strongly. “You're trying to distance yourself from me and this situation by pulling your hand away. And if I let you pull your hand away, eventually you're going pull yourself away, too.” I turned to look at him in awe. “Therapy sessions with Phil,” he said and shrugged. “We've had to work on our relationships, and... well, I guess I've learned to read body language or whatever hell that is. But anyway, just because I said that I've thought about us taking a break does not mean that I want us to break up or that I want to screw other women or date someone else. It just means that we have things we need think about and talk about. Some things we need to talk about together, but maybe there are things we need to think about on our own. And then, maybe it's better if we're on a break.”

“Maybe... If you want us to take a break, we can do that.”

“Let's talk this through and talk about the break after, okay?”

“Okay...” Suddenly, my mind went blank. Absolutely blank. I no longer remember what I wanted to tell him. All I could think about was that he wanted us to talk about us taking a break. After we were done with this conversation.

A break. Breaking up.

James cleared his throat. “Okay, well, this sex thing... I just want to say this to you, because I don't think I've said it before.” He moved a little so that he was almost facing me. “So, even if sex is important to me, it's not that important. You are more important to me. Hell, if I'm desperate, I can take care of certain things myself. I've practiced. And even so... Taking a break, assuming it was as if we'd broken up, it wouldn't really solve anything. I mean, about the no sex thing. I'd still feel like we're together, so, I wouldn't have sex with anyone else. So...”

I turned to look at the television. I was so scared of going through with this conversation. And I didn't want to tell him that. I didn't want him to feel sorry for me. I wasn't even sure if he would, but maybe he would. Oh man.

“You've thought about that a lot,” I said quietly, as I turned to look at him again. James shrugged. “I'm sorry.”

“What?” He looked confused.

“I'm sorry. About all of this. I wish there was no issue. I wish I was okay.”

“Don't do that, Deborah. I don't think this is your fault. I think, I've gathered that something's happened, so... It really isn't your fault.”

I looked at him and realized that he probably really meant what he was saying. He looked so sincere.

He gave me a weak smile that tugged at my heartstrings. I really wanted to work things out with him.
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Voxx
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Ah, now this is what I've been waiting for.

I love how honest they are trying to be with each other, especially James. I feel like in this conversation, it really shows how much he's worked on himself, especially through the rehabilitation process. He exhibits a kind of maturity that I think Deborah might be lacking a little bit. He clearly knows what he wants, and Deborah does too, but he's willing to try many different options to try and get to that end result of what he wants. I can also appreciate that it's been hard, knowing that there is something that they need to talk about, but unable to talk about it.

Superb writing! Well worth the wait. :heart: :heart: :heart:

I'm so looking forward to the next update, where they (will hopefully!!) finish the conversation and we'll really get to hear Deborah's thoughts on the whole situation, because I feel like we've mostly heard James' so far.
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