Welcome Guest [Log In] [Register]
Welcome to zetaboards. We hope you enjoy your visit.


You're currently viewing our forum as a guest. This means you are limited to certain areas of the board and there are some features you can't use. If you join our community, you'll be able to access member-only sections, and use many member-only features such as customizing your profile, sending personal messages, and voting in polls. Registration is simple, fast, and completely free.


Join our community!


If you're already a member please log in to your account to access all of our features:

Username:   Password:
Add Reply
Too Late, Too Late; James+Deborah(OFC), 2001-
Topic Started: March 22, 2011, 1:11 pm (15,652 Views)
Orionhearted
Member Avatar
Frantic
[ * ]
Yay update! :cloud9
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
ElisabethOrion
Member Avatar
I'm creatively constipated.
[ * ]
Don't worry I'm still reading when I can!
Anyways, WOW.
I really want her to talk to James but with her dad falling ill it looks like it's going to be a while before they speak again. :ugh:

Continue! :biggrin
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Broken, Beat & Scarred
Member Avatar


Yay! Thanks for commenting everyone! Glad to see your comments. :)

There's some discussion between James and Deborah in this one, but... it might not be good.

Let me know what you think! :heart:


PART 31:

When we arrived at the hospital, I was allowed to see Mom even though the visiting hours were over and it was the middle of the night. I left Sarah with Kirk and walked into the room. Mom looked so fragile. I sat on a chair next to the bed and held her hand. The door opened and a nurse walked in.

“Ms Walker?”

“That would be me,” I said.

“I was just talking to your husband outside the room. You have apparently traveled several hours already,” she continued.

“Yeah, we have,” I said, not bothering to correct her about Kirk being my husband. “Tell me about Mom. What happened? Will she make it?”

“Well, she was in her garden as she collapsed, her neighbor happened to see her and called 911 immediately. As you know, she had a heart attack and we were able to stabilize her condition, but she hasn’t woken up yet. Unfortunately, the chances for her to wake up decrease every day.”

“So, she might not make it then?”

“There is no guarantee, no.”

“Is there anything I can do?”

“Yes, some people believe that people in coma are able to hear what is talked around them. I have been talking to her and I would think that it might help if you did, too. We are going to move her to another room in the morning; it will be a room that is a bit more private. We can set up a bed for you in there if you want to.”

“That would be very nice of you, thank you,” I smiled. “We’re going to go for a while; it has been a long day. We’ll be back sometime in the morning, though, is it possible for me to talk to a doctor then?”

“Certainly. I should get going, too, I suppose I will see you later,” the nurse said and left the room.

“Hi, Mom, it’s Deborah. Kirk, Sarah and I came here today. We’re gonna go to your house and get settled there and probably sleep for a while, too. Kirk drove us here from Orlando and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t been sleeping much. I’ll be back later, I love you,” I got up, gave her a kiss and walked to Kirk. “We can go to Mom’s house now and come back later,” I told him.

“Okay, are you alright?” he asked and wrapped his arm around me.

“Been better. I’m glad I’m here and I’m glad you’re here, too,” I replied, taking Sarah from him.

~*~*~*~*~

As we were driving to Mom’s house, I powered up my cell phone.

I saw that I had received two text messages and two voice mails from James. All of the messages were pretty similar. He first asked if Sarah was alright. Then he asked where we were, what had happened and finally, in the last message as if he had forgotten, he asked if I was okay.

I ignored the messages, as I still really didn’t want to talk to him. Now, however, I didn’t feel as bad as I had felt at home. I had known that I had some serious feelings for James, which, obviously, wasn’t good at all. After all, he was seeing someone else and I had already told him, many times, that there would never be anything between us, ever again, because I couldn’t do that. But not wanting to talk to him maybe slightly made those feelings go away. At least for the time being, which was good, because now I didn’t think about him all the time.

~*~*~*~*~

I was putting away some of my clothes in Mom’s bedroom as Kirk walked in. He was talking on the phone. “Yeah. But... – Yeah, I’ll ask,” he sighed. “Deborah would you like to talk to James?” he asked, pointing to the phone.

“Not really,” I replied.

“Sorry, man,” Kirk said to James. “There’s nothing I can do. I can’t force her to talk to you. – They’re both fine. – That's her choice. – Look, James, I-”

I grabbed the phone from Kirk. “I don’t want to talk to you. Can’t you understand that? I have already told you that many times. I’m not taking Sarah away from you. I just need time. Do you understand that?”

“Yeah, I get it. Why don’t we just forget this then? That’s what you want anyway, isn’t it?” he asked in a harsh tone. The next thing I heard was the dial tone. I handed the phone back to Kirk and burst into tears. He pulled me into a hug and held me until I stopped crying.

“Let’s go and sleep for a few hours. We’ll go back to the hospital then,” Kirk said and walked me to a guest room where I had put Sarah to sleep in. Kirk tucked me in, lay next to me, and held me. He always knew what to do when I wasn’t feeling good.

~*~*~*~*~

“What did James tell you?” Kirk asked, as we were driving to the hospital to see Mom. We hadn’t talked about the phone call last night, and he of course wanted to know what he had said that had upset me so.

“He said that we can just forget this and that’s what I want. Then he hung up,” I told him.

“I’m guessing that’s not what you want.”

“Of course, it isn’t!” I exclaimed. “Why would I want to keep Sarah from seeing her father? Or James from seeing his daughter?”

“I meant you. Not them. What do you want?”

I sighed. “I want my old life back. I want everything to be all right again. Like it was then...”

“So you still love him?” Kirk asked. I glanced at him.

“I didn’t say that.”

“No, but I asked. Do you?”

“Yeah.” Kirk opened his mouth to say something, but I continued, “And even though I love him, nothing will happen, so forget about it. He did something I can never forget, he obviously seems to think that I’m avoiding him because I wouldn’t want him to see Sarah and, more importantly, he is with someone else. So, just forget it, okay?”

“Fine,” he said softly and looked at me. “I was told that I am needed at HQ, there’s some album stuff I need to care of. I'll stay as long as I can, but I do need to go back. Can you manage alone?”

“I suppose so. I’ve done that for the past months, so why not...”

“Hey, I'd stay if I could. And you can always call me and ask me help you out. Even if we hadn't been talking to each other for a while. And actually, when Lars told you to call him if you needed anything.... That offer still stands. He’d come here if you needed him to.”

“And he’ll just get in the middle of all the things with James... It’s not wise... I’ll just see how it goes with Mom and hope that everything will go well,” I said.

~*~*~*~*~

I was talking to Mom’s doctor. Kirk was, once again, taking care of Sarah.

“Your mother has had some heart problems before, did you know that?” I shook my head and bit my lip, trying not to start crying. “Well, I’ve been treating her ever since she moved here. Her problems haven’t been really serious, but she was taking medication for them, anyway.”

“She knew this all along?” I asked, feeling both shocked and hurt because she hadn't told me about her health problems.

“Yes. Well, she knew that she might have a heart attack. I believe that she didn’t want to tell you, because she was worried about you and she didn’t want you to worry about her, too.” I nodded. “I know I shouldn’t talk about this, but your mother has told me about your... situation.” I looked up at him.

“My ‘situation’?” I repeated in disbelief.

“Yes. You having an illegitimate child with a certain rock star.” How dare he! And he sounded so judgmental.

“And how exactly is that any of your business? I believe that that is absolutely between me and him. Rock stars are people, just like anyone else, and they have kids, too!”

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to intrude, but your mother was worried about you,” he said and held up his hands. “I’m just saying that I got the idea that you two haven’t been in touch and that she was just worried about you not being able to cope with it and she didn’t want to worry you more.”

“I understand. Could we talk about my mother now, instead of my relationship with ‘a certain rock star’?”

“Yes, of course. As I was saying, this wasn’t a complete surprise. She’s doing fairly well at the moment, but it is possible that she will not wake up.”

“I know. The nurse told me that yesterday.”

“I see. Well, I think we’ve talked about everything that needed to be talked about. Is there anything else you’d like to know?”

“No.”

“Very well, you may stay with your mother for as long as you wish. And, as far as I’m concerned, you’re free to take your daughter to see her as well.”

“Fine. Thank you,” I said, stood up. “Just so you know, you telling me what my mother has told you about me and my family... That violates doctor-patient confidentiality.” I left his office and I was furious. How dare he talk about James and me? That was absolutely none of his business and he knew absolutely nothing about my ‘situation’.

Kirk was waiting for me outside the room, holding Sarah on his lap. “We can go and see her,” I told him and we walked silently to Mom’s room. “Mom? It’s me. Kirk and Sarah are here, too,” I told her. Kirk grabbed a chair and positioned it next to the one on which I was sitting. He sat down and took my hand in his hand, squeezing it softly.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
ilovejaymz
Member Avatar
Poor Twisted Me
[ * ]
aargh.. more, that was not enough.. no progress, come ooon, i'm on the edge of my seat here!

:heart:
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Broken, Beat & Scarred
Member Avatar


Thanks for your comment, Naja! :) Next update is here and I think James will make an appearance in part 33. :)


PART 32:

I had been sitting next to Mom for hours when I suddenly felt her squeeze my hand slightly. I looked at her and saw that she was smiling a little.

“Water, please, dear,” she whispered. I smiled at her and gave her a little water to drink.

“I’m gonna go get the doctor,” I said and got off my chair. I went to get the doctor and as he walked in the room, I nudged Kirk to wake him up. He had been taking a well-deserved nap in the bed next to Mom's. “She’s awake,” I whispered.

The doctor told us that Mom was fine and that she was probably going to make a full recovery. I felt very happy.

“Hello, Kirk, nice to see you again,” Mom said to Kirk as soon as the doctor had left the room.

“Nice to see you, too, Mrs. Walker.”

“Would you stop calling me that? You’ve been doing that for a decade. It makes me feel old,” Mom said and laughed. “I’m Millie, okay?”

“Sorry. Millie.”

“Now, Deborah honey, where is James?”

I sighed. “He’s in San Francisco. He... We’re not talking at the moment.” It was uncomfortable to talk to Mom about James. She had no idea what he had done.

“Well, why on earth not? He’s such a charming man. I thought you were doing fine.” Oh, yes... Charming. Of course James was charming when he was around Mom. But who would act horribly in front of their once-almost-mother-in-law and their daughter’s grandmother.

“We were, but we’re not anymore. I’m sorry, but I think that he’s not going to come.”

“But you are perfect for each other!” Mom exclaimed.

Ever since I had gotten to know Kirk, Mom had tried to play matchmaker and get James and me together. Well, sure, she hadn’t met James then, but she was always asking, if I had already ‘talked to that handsome friend of Kirk’s’. When we finally got together, she was happy for us and she said that she knew we would end up together eventually. Apparently, I clearly was interested in James and vice versa. Well... that might have been true.

After a couple of years she had started to plan a wedding and it had been hard for me to tell her that there wouldn’t be one, as he didn’t want to get married, at all. Ever. Then, when I had had Sarah, she was certain that we would get back together and live happily ever after. What she didn’t know, was the real reason why we weren’t together. That woman.

Anyway, when Mom had been in San Francisco during the summer, she had grown to like James even more; surely, he was much different than he had been before. Mom had kept telling me that I should have gotten back together with him, as now he was happy to have a child and a family.

“Things aren’t so simple, Mom. So much has happened.”

“You’ll figure things out,” she said matter-of-factly. “Now, I’m sorry to ask you, but could you possibly go and pick up a few things for me from the house? I’m knitting some clothes for Sarah and I have some writing to do.”

“Mom. You had a heart attack. You are going to go back to sleep now and rest.”

“I’ve been sleeping for quite a while. I’m fine,” she argued back.

“No. I’m not getting you anything, you are just going to stay there and rest. End of discussion.”

“Deb? I should get going, I’m sorry. There’s that meeting tomorrow that I need to attend,” Kirk said.

“Oh, right, I’ll walk you outside then,” I said and got up. We walked out of the room and stopped in the corridor to talk for a while.

“I think that you should consider talking to James. I’m sure he didn’t mean it.”

“Look, don’t start this, not you, too. I told him clearly that I didn’t want to talk to him. Or well, I said that I didn't feel okay talking to him. He said fine. I told him I’d call him when I would want to talk to him. He said fine. Then he started calling me and didn’t believe when I said that I couldn't talk to him. Then he got upset and told me that we could forget about this and that that’s what I wanted. So, as far as I’m concerned, he did mean it.”

Kirk looked at me for a while and said, “But you love him.”

“That has nothing to do with this.”

“It should. If you love him, you’d want to fix things.”

“Look, he has already hurt me so many times that I don’t want it to happen again. He hasn’t changed at all. Well, maybe he doesn’t drink anymore, but other than that, nothing has changed. I can’t let him hurt me over and over again. Do you understand that?”

Kirk nodded. “I do. I get that, but there are two sides to a coin, always. This is not just about you. You guys have a daughter, whether he wanted it or not, but he does have a right to see her. You are going to have to be able to talk to him at some point.” I opened my mouth to speak, but he held up his hand. “Yes, I know, he said that you're done, but do you think he meant it?” He was silent for a second and continued, “Me neither. And yes, he needs to realize that he can't keep going back forth, either he chooses to be involved or he doesn't. But I know for a fact that he loves Sarah practically as much as he loves you.”

“Loved.”

“Well, past or present, I doubt his feelings have changed, just like yours haven't. Maybe the circumstances are different now. But the point is, he is the father of your child.”

“I'm aware of the fact.”

“Good. I'll stop annoying you now, you'll figure things out. I’ll call you later when I'm back home and it's a decent hour to call you. I gotta run now. I love you,” Kirk said, kissed my cheek and left.

I looked after Kirk for a while, smiling. He was so nice, I was glad to have him as a friend. I also hoped that he would leave me and James ‘alone’; it didn’t do any good that he kept interfering. It was just mixing things up. James and I needed to work things out ourselves. Or, actually, we didn’t. Not anymore. No matter what Kirk said, James had said that things were over.

I sighed and went back to Mom.

“Alright. About James: We broke up for a reason and we’re not getting back together. Not today, not tomorrow and not ever. We are very different; I don’t really understand how we managed to stay together for the four years we were together. I’m not in love with James anymore. The same goes for him. He is seeing someone else. They are very serious about their relationship. And, at the moment, James and I aren’t talking, because I don’t want to see him right now. I’m hurt because of something he did. And? I spoke on the phone with him and he said that we can forget ‘this’, which, I’m guessing, means me and Sarah and our friendship. And I don’t want to talk about this more. And you need to stop talking about us as if there would be an ‘us’ or as if we would be getting back together.”

“I’ll talk about what I want. Besides, if you two really love each other, then you’ll find a way of getting things solved and you’ll get back together,” she said, as if she hadn’t heard what I had just told her.

“We won’t, it’s just not going to happen. And we’re not in love with each other,” I said, hoping that Mom was right.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
ilovejaymz
Member Avatar
Poor Twisted Me
[ * ]
Oh she is so stubborn, i almost get all mad at her.... :lol: .. but then, the last sentence.. there's hope ahead :biggrin
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Broken, Beat & Scarred
Member Avatar


Thanks for commenting, again, Naja! :heart: Glad to see you're still reading.

Now the promised part with James. Enjoy?


Part 33:

I woke up as I realized that someone was knocking on the front door. I looked at the alarm clock on the nightstand and saw that it was 2am. I got up quickly and walked to the door, looking through the peephole. I sighed. “What are you doing here?” I asked as I opened the door.

“Kirk told me you were here.” As if that explained it all and made everything go away.

“Well, I told him not to. Go away. I don’t want to talk to you,” I said. “We were supposed to forget all this, so go and we can do just that,” I continued.

“I’m sorry about what I said.”

“Yeah. Go. Away. Which part of that don’t you understand?”

“I’m not going. We really need to talk.”

“No. Go,” I said and started to close the door. He stopped the door with his hand and stood still.

“Please?”

“No! I don’t want to!”

“I’m sorry about what I said,” he repeated, “I didn’t mean it.”

“James, just get the hell away from here!” I yelled, not bothering to worry if I would wake Sarah up.

“Yell all you want, I’m not going. Not until we talk things through.”

“I can’t do that. Don’t you understand? I don’t want you in this house. I hate you!” The last part was a lie, but I couldn’t stand him hurting me all the time. I couldn't take it.

I started to close the door again, but he managed to get inside. He wrapped his arms around me and I started to beat his chest and I tried to push him away. I knew that didn’t help me at all, he was obviously more powerful than I was. In the end, I was just sobbing uncontrollably in his embrace. I was so angry with him, but at the same time, I just wanted to be close to him. I missed him.

He stroked my back gently and planted a few kisses on the top of my head. I looked up at him and saw tears in his eyes. Without thinking, I kissed him. He replied to the kiss and when I actually realized that we were kissing, I quickly pulled away. “I’m sorry,” I muttered, “I didn’t mean to, I just-”

“It’s okay. Don’t worry about it,” he said quietly. We were both quiet for a while; we were still hugging, until he quietly asked, “Do you really want me to go? Is that what you truly want in your heart?”

“No,” I whispered. “I would want you to stay here, but don’t you think that this is too complicated?” I asked. I feared that he would say ‘yes’.

“What do you mean?”

“We don’t get along anymore. We both know that. This isn’t the first fight we’ve had in the past months. I'm... It's difficult to have you around. There's too much going on, too much things we haven't settled.”

“I know that, but things between us... Our past, it's complicated...”

“But this shouldn’t be so hard.” I didn’t know why I said that. It was true, but I didn’t want him to leave. Still I kept saying things that might make him leave.

“It should. We have a history together and since things didn’t end in the nicest possible way, we need to deal with the stuff. I’m glad that we finally talked about what happened, and I’m sorry I pushed you to get you to talk about it... I shouldn’t have done that... Or... I shouldn't have gotten angry with you for needing time to deal with what I told you. But if we’re determined to get this work, we can do it.”

“How can you be so sure?” I asked him quietly.

“I just am, trust me,” he said.

“I do,” I whispered. I wasn’t sure what he meant when he said that we can make this work. If it was us getting along or us being together...

“Okay. I’ll get my stuff now and get settled then. I can just stay for a few days, we’re a bit busy at the studio.”

“Yeah, Kirk told me that. And there’s a guest room upstairs, second door on the left. And the bathroom’s the first door on the right.” He just nodded and left to his car. I shrugged and walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water. After drinking the water, I headed to Mom’s bedroom and thought that I could try and go back to sleep.

~*~*~*~*~

I tossed and turned in my bed. I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about how stupid I had been; I had kissed him. I knew perfectly well that he was in a relationship. I felt like hitting my head in the wall. Of course, that wouldn’t be a wise thing to do as it would hurt and it would also wake Sarah up.

I had been trying to hear James come back into the house, but I hadn’t heard anything. I got up, put on a sweater and sweatpants and walked downstairs to the front door. There was a car on the driveway, so he hadn’t left. Well, at least not by car. I opened the door and stepped outside. I looked around and saw absolutely no glimpse of him. I walked to the other side of the house and saw him sitting on the stairs that led to the backyard. I walked over to him and sat next to him. I glanced at him and wrapped my arms around my legs.

“You know, you could’ve come inside. You don’t have to sit here. It’s a bit cold, isn’t it?”

“I suppose so,” he said quietly. “I was just thinking,” he continued after a while.

“I see. I was thinking, too,” I replied. After some more silence, I continued, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what was going on with Mom. I just... I couldn't deal with us then. I needed to be here with her. And I just thought that if you had known, you would have come here. Well, you did that anyway, but...”

“Yeah,” James replied after a while.

I frowned. It seemed like his mood had gone from good to miserable in a short period of time. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he said softly.

“James... I can see that something’s bothering you...”

“You don’t want to know about it.” I thought I sensed bitterness in his tone of voice.

“Why do you say that?” I asked him.

“Because that’s how it is. You don’t want to know.” He spoke slowly, as if he had trouble saying the words.

“You don’t believe that yourself. You know that I care about you,” I objected.

“Fine,” he spat. He took a bottle from behind his leg and showed it to me. It was a half-drunk bottle of Jack. “This is bothering me.”

I sighed. “Why are you doing this?”

“It helps.”

“What do you need help for?” I asked quietly.

“Stuff.”

“I don’t think that drinking helps with anything.”

“And I don’t think that you believing something or not changes what I think,” he spat. He continued speaking more calmly. “I know I shouldn’t drink, but... like I said, it helps.”

“Tell me what you need help for. Whatever it is that you’re trying to get away from... it won’t happen with the help of a bottle. That’s just temporary.”

“I don’t need your help. I can deal with this by myself,” James answered and looked at the bottle. He ran his finger over the sticker on the bottle and sighed deeply.

I hadn’t seen him look like that in a long time. The look that he had on his face now... it showed his vulnerable part. That was the James that I hadn’t really gotten to know. He had never let me. And he wouldn’t let me now, either. But this James... It wasn’t James Hetfield of Metallica but James who was never able to mourn Cliff correctly, James who felt everything was taken away from him, James whose parents left him, died, whatever. I saw the James that was scared of things unknown to me, things I knew he wanted to share with someone, but couldn’t. I really wanted to hug him, but, at the same time, I didn’t want to do that, because I thought that it would mean that I was supporting his drinking.

“Very well,” I said and got up. “I’ll say this to you just this once. I will not let you be around Sarah when you have been drinking. And, obviously, it’s not my business anymore if you need or want to drink, but I would still encourage you to get help with that and go back to rehab. You are an alcoholic and if you fall off the wagon, which has obviously already happened, I’m pretty sure that you will end up drinking like you did before. You’ve said that you haven’t liked that, so, I don’t see why you’d do that to yourself.” James was silent, so, I left him sitting there. I walked back inside the house, thinking that I would have to have a serious conversation with him tomorrow.

~*~*~*~*~

I took my cell phone, went to another room and dialed the number. “Hi, it’s me. I got a surprise visitor today. I suppose you don’t know anything about him?”

“I suppose you won’t believe me if I say no?” Kirk asked, laughing.

“Not really.” I wasn’t amused, at all.

“Okay, so I told him to go to you... Is that so awful?”

“Yes! I told you not to tell him! Why don’t you listen to me? Doesn’t it mean anything to you when I ask you to do, or in this case, to not do something?”

“I’m sorry, but... Okay, I’ll just say this and that’s done then. When you talk about him, it’s so obvious that you love him. And not only that you love him but that you are in love with him. I know that you’re telling everyone that nothing will happen between you two and all that crap, but I can see that that’s not what you want. You should stop fooling yourself and everyone else and do what you really want to do. He loves you, too. Meaning that he is in love with you, too. If you would just talk thoroughly, it would be okay.”

“It wouldn’t, Kirk, you don’t know how much he has already hurt me. I don’t think I can take much more any longer.”

“I just-”

“I appreciate what you’re doing, but please stop it. If it comes to that point where we need to work things out, we’ll do it ourselves. Understood?”

“Yes, I’m sorry.”
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Orionhearted
Member Avatar
Frantic
[ * ]
Oooh the plot thickens! ^_^
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
ilovejaymz
Member Avatar
Poor Twisted Me
[ * ]
Oh no! He's drinking again......... :ugh:

Well, as a start, he's there.. And she kissed him... making them both confused..

Oh and, several times a day i look, in hopes for a new update.. so YES, I'm still reading, and are impatient for new updates :heart:
Edited by ilovejaymz, August 28, 2011, 3:42 pm.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
ElisabethOrion
Member Avatar
I'm creatively constipated.
[ * ]
James. wtf. :angry :bat

If I were her I wouldn't let him see Sarah until he went back to rehab.

But that kiss... omg... gave me butterflies of hope thinking they would be okay. :unsure: I hope they are okay. :heart:
Edited by ElisabethOrion, August 28, 2011, 3:56 pm.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
ilovejaymz
Member Avatar
Poor Twisted Me
[ * ]
MIIIINNAAAAAAA?
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Broken, Beat & Scarred
Member Avatar


Yeeeeeeesssssssssss, I know... I'm working on it. :D I am planning on updating today, actually. I've wanted to update all this week, actually, but unfortunately I've been working from 8am to (at least) 9pm everyday, with the exception of Friday when I was working from 5am to 9pm, so, I've been a little tired when I've gotten home. Today's been the only the that I've been able to sleep for more than 5 hours. And it's back to work tomorrow for me, will probably be from 8am to 11pm, yikes. :D But you could say I've been a little busy.

But there'll be an update soon, I hope.

Thanks for commenting, all!
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
Broken, Beat & Scarred
Member Avatar


Okay, and here is an update, finally! :)

Thanks for your comments, Cass, Naja and Elisabeth!


Part 34:

James:

Before James and Deborah talked, but not too much before:

There was a knock on my door. I was surprised; I wasn’t expecting anyone to drop by. Deborah and Sarah had just left and I had already seen the guys at the studio. I went to the door and opened it. I really wasn’t expecting to see her there.

“Hi, come in,” I said and Christina did so.

“Hey, I’m sorry I’m dropping by like this, I hope I’m not disturbing...,” she said and gave me a smile.

“You’re not. Deborah isn’t here, though.” I was waiting for her to turn around and leave, but she didn’t do that.

“Yeah, I know. I waited for her to leave. I wanted to talk to you about her.”

“What? Is she alright?” I immediately panicked, and then felt a little ashamed – I didn’t need to care.

“Yeah, it’s nothing like that...,” she said and casually walked into the living room. She sat down on the couch and waited for me to sit, too. “I just can’t take this anymore. I know that things are complicated and everything, but I can see that you two want to be together. I just-”

“She doesn’t want to be with me,” I interrupted her, “we’ve talked about that and-”

Now it was her turn to interrupt. “She does.”

“She doesn’t.”

“Look, I’ve known her forever. I can see when she’s lying. You used to be able to do that as well... Or maybe you don't want to do that now... But in case, she is lying now. She’s trying to protect herself, but, at the same time, she’s just hurting herself more. She doesn’t want to feel close to you because she’s afraid that she’ll end up getting hurt. But while she’s doing that, she’s also realizing that she’s alone. She has no-one who she could just hug and who would tell her that everything is fine. That’s what she needs. She wants to feel safe. That’s what she used to feel around you. But then... “

“Yeah, I messed up and hurt her more. Yeah, I’m familiar with the story...,” I said bitterly.

“Yeah. She might act like everything has changed, but that’s not true. You just need to make her realize that you have changed.”

“Yeah, I have changed. I’m in a relationship, I'm with Karen and I love her. Deborah has moved on and so have I. Deb knows that I love Karen. She’s okay with it. We’re not going to get back together. It’s not going to happen, not anymore. If I hadn’t messed up earlier, things would probably be very different.” I didn't like lying to her, but... everyone still thought I was dating Karen.

“Right. I don’t believe you, but whatever. Just please don’t hurt her anymore. She’s about to break...,” she said, got up and left.

I was left alone to think. I didn’t know what I should do. On one hand, I really wanted to believe Christina, but then again, Deborah had told me several times that there was no way that we’d get together ever again. I didn’t want to push her and make her talk about it.

~*~*~*~*~

In Florida:

When I got to the house, I started to regret coming to Florida. She had told me not to come. And well, I had told her on the phone that this was over. I had been drinking then, so I hadn’t really meant what I had said. Of course, that was no excuse. I hated myself for drinking, but I didn’t know what else to do. I didn't want to hurt her, but that was apparently what I did, over and over again.

I sighed, got out of the car and went to knock on the door.

~*~*~*~*~

After Deborah went inside, I kept thinking about what had happened and what she had said. Christina had been right and, once again, I had messed up; now she was saying that she didn’t want me to see Sarah anymore.

All I could think about was having a drink. I decided not to have one, though, since I had decided to visit a few buddies of mine and I needed to drive. I picked up my bottle, got up and walked to the car. I threw the bottle on the backseat and reached for my cell phone in the glove compartment. I turned the phone on, deleted a few messages from Kirk, he was asking if I had talked to Deborah and if it had gone well.

I searched for my friend’s number and gave him a call.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s James. I’m sorry to call you this late, but I’m in Jacksonville and I was wondering if you’d like to get together.”

“Yeah, that’d be great.”

“Alright. I have a car here, so I could drive over.”

“You sure you wanna drive at this time?”

“Yeah, it’s okay, I flew over today, so I’m still in Californian time and I’m not that tired anyway.”

“Ah, alright. Can you find the place?”

“Probably. If not, I’ll call you later. I’m gonna leave in a few hours, so it’ll take a while.”

“Yeah, that’s cool, I was actually gonna go to some bars with the boys.”

“Alright, so, I’ll see you later.”

“Yeah, see you.”

I hung up and placed the phone on the front seat. I needed to go inside the house, but I wanted to wait for a while in case Deborah was waiting for me inside. However, I thought that she probably wouldn’t be waiting, but I just wanted to be sure.

~*~*~*~*~

Before I went inside, I took some of my things from the trunk; glasses, wallet, a little something to eat and a map of Florida and Jacksonville. Inside, I left Deborah a little note, but before I left, I took the note away and replaced it with a shorter one. I went back to the car and read the note I had originally planned to leave Deborah.

“Im sorry I keep disappointing you. The reason I picked up the bottle again was you, I need to have you in my life. I know I said that we're over, but... I didn't want that, not really. I was drunk then. I haven't been honest with you. I broke up with Karen months ago. I love you. You're the one I want to be with. Anyway I understand that you dont want me to be around Sarah so I wont be. I dont expect to see you either so have a nice life”

I ripped the note into a few pieces and dropped the pieces onto the floor. I started the car and left.
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
ilovejaymz
Member Avatar
Poor Twisted Me
[ * ]
Oh he's got it rough.. poor baby :heart:
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
ElisabethOrion
Member Avatar
I'm creatively constipated.
[ * ]
I wonder who he's gonna go see... :blink:

I love this Minna! Keep it up! :biggrin :heart:
Offline Profile Quote Post Goto Top
 
1 user reading this topic (1 Guest and 0 Anonymous)
Go to Next Page
« Previous Topic · Het / Gen · Next Topic »
Add Reply