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| Shotgun Wedding; James/OC. Justice era. | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: July 24, 2011, 3:30 pm (11,469 Views) | |
| ElisabethOrion | October 9, 2011, 8:06 pm Post #121 |
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I'm creatively constipated.
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klsdjgghfghfgklj How did I miss this?? Fucking James, you deserve that broken nose 100%. Keep going! :horns2
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| ilovejaymz | October 10, 2011, 4:13 am Post #122 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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Argh no... i hope he get his shit together! I hope the muses i send you, wont leave you anytime soon.. We love this
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| disposable_hero | October 13, 2011, 9:06 pm Post #123 |
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Frantic
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I never meant for this fic to drag on for so long, so I'm trying to end it in less than five parts. The first of five, then. - - - - Ashlynn's POV By the time Metallica had finished touring for a while in September of 1993, James' drinking level rose to that of a casual drinker. He no longer drank to get drunk, but for fun and because everyone else was drinking. It didn't bother me, but it worried me because I had flashbacks to his past drinking episodes. Thinking about that part of James' life killed me and I hoped he was finished with it. It was October now and I felt as old as could be. Adrian, now three, was speaking in full sentences and dressing himself. He could sort of recite the alphabet and he could count to twenty on his own. His intelligence killed me. He even slept in what his called a 'big bed.' I wondered when he would start driving. "We should go out tonight," James said, bending down to pick Adrian off of the kitchen floor. Adrian giggled as James bounced him on his hip. I was at the kitchen table, going through papers and whatnot. Taking care of James' legal and financial arrangements was taxing; there was always so much to be done. "I dunno. It's Kris' day off and Laura's busy with school. And I have a headache." James looked concerned then. For the past few months, I constantly had migraines that would last for weeks at a time. He was starting to catch onto them and it worried him that they hit me so often. "Again?" I nodded and shuffled some papers. Adrian was reaching for his blocks on the ground, so James settled him next to them once more. Sighing, he walked up behind me and placed his hands on my shoulders, then he started massaging them. I leaned back, groaning as the tension in my shoulders disappeared. "We'll stay home," James said, kissing the top of my head. "And I'm calling the doctor for you. You're scaring me." I was surprised that James even mentioned the doctor. From his strict Christian Science upbringing, he had a slight aversion to doctors and hospitals, and I plain disliked doctors unless they were absolutely necessary. "Don't stay home because of me. Just because I'm acting like an old woman doesn't mean you have to, too." I shook my head and he pressed his thumbs into my back, rotating them slowly. I groaned again. "I mean, I'm twenty-five, but I feel so fucking old." "What d'ya mean?" I sighed. "I ache. When I get up in the morning, everything hurts; I can't run anymore. I'm always tired. I get these awful fucking headaches and my vision is shot. I can't even read without the book pressed to my nose." James stopped rubbing my shoulders. He moved into the seat next to mine and blinked, tilting his head to the side. "How long has this been going on?" "Three months, I guess." I shrugged and went back to my papers. James lowered the papers out of my hands, pushing them to the far side of the table. "Why didn't you tell me?" "You've been busy with the band, obviously, and I've been busy with Adrian and everything else. It's really not that big of a deal." "Not that big of a deal? Are you high? What you just described to me is exactly the shit my mom used to say, Ashlynn." When my facial expression didn't change, James frowned. "My mom had cancer." I let out a laugh, one detached from humor. I was nervous all of a sudden. "I don't have cancer. That's ridiculous." He shook his head and left the table. I watched as he picked up the phone. After punching in some numbers and waiting a few seconds, he spoke, "Hey, man, can you do me a favor?" The person on the other line spoke and James let out a strangled chuckle. "Yeah, I was wondering if you could watch Adrian for a few hours. I have to take Ashlynn to the doctor." The person on the other line spoke again and James nodded as if he were in the room with the person. "Alright, man, thanks. Can you be here in an hour?" There was more nodding. "Thanks again." When he hung up the phone, I furrowed my eyebrows at him. "Who was that?" "Kirk. He's gonna watch Adrian for a few hours and we're going to the doctor." James pulled me out of my chair and pushed me towards the living room. "Go get dressed and I'll call the doctor." "But..." He shoved me softly and I stumbled into the living room. "Go, baby. I'm not arguing with you." I sighed and, like a scolded dog, hung my head as I headed for the stairs. There was no arguing with James. - - - - James' POV Okay, I'll admit that bringing up cancer was an asshole move, but I couldn't help it. It scared me just as much as it did Ashlynn. She was acting like my mom had just before she got diagnosed with cancer: always tired and sad, forcing her happiness. If Ashlynn had cancer, I don’t know what I would with myself. I lost one important woman in my life to cancer and I couldn't lose another one. Shit, Ashlynn was the only important woman in my life. She was the love of my fucking life and if she died, I'd go with her. Thinking about it made my stomach churn nervously. I was worried, but I wouldn't let it show. If I did, Ashlynn would be going nuts. We were sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office and she was sitting next to me, her legs bunched up beneath her as she stared out at the rain. It hadn't stopped raining since we left the house. It was like the weather changed with my mood. Fuck, I thought, clenching my hand into a fist. I flexed it a few times, trying to relieve the tension in my body. But when no relief came, I brought my fist down to my thigh. Ashlynn jumped at the noise and turned to face me. I squeezed my eyes shut, huffing. Her hand found my knee. "Please calm down," she said, sighing softly. "I'm trying," I replied in a gruff whisper. "For my sake, baby." Ashlynn squeezed my knee and I looked at her. She looked sad. "Please." "Alright, Ashlynn." I placed my hand over hers and nodded. "Okay." The nurse called us back shortly after that and now Ashlynn and I were in a private room, she on the table and me in a chair to the side of the room. She shifted uncomfortably and I was about to cross the room to console her when the doctor burst into the room. He was a little Jewish guy, a family doctor, in his late sixties. We mainly had a regular doctor for Adrian, but we'd been here for stupid routine checkups. "Hello, Hetfields!" "Hey, Dr. Ratzman," I said solemnly, nodding at him. He still assumed Ashlynn was a Hetfield and normally, I'd laugh, but I wasn't in the mood for laughing. Maybe I never would be again. "So, Ashlynn, James tells me you've been tired and you've had severe migraines for the past three months. Is that right?" Ashlynn nodded under Dr. Ratzman's watchful gaze and he wrote something down on his chart. "And what else has been going on?" Ashlynn monotonously listed off the symptoms she told me earlier that day and then hung her head. I did the same. "And what are we thinking here?" Dr. Ratzman said, leaning against the counter, watching us both. "Anemia." "Cancer." Our voices overlapped and Ashlynn glared pointedly at me when I blurted 'cancer.' The doctor lifted his eyebrows, but said nothing. He banged about his counter, collecting things and snapping on rubber gloves. "So," he said, turning to us. "I'm going to do some blood work and then we should have the results back by Wednesday." Ashlynn and I nodded and Dr. Ratzman went to work, taking small tubes of Ashlynn's blood. He prescribed her some low dose pain meds and then we left. We were quiet on the way home, but I kept my hand protectively clasped around Ashlynn's knee as I drove. When we came into the house, Adrian ran over to us, bumping against Ashlynn's legs as he skidded to a stop. "Mommy! Play with me," he said, pulling her pant leg towards his Legos, where Kirk was happily building a tower amidst Adrian's city he frequently built for his dinosaur toys. He looked up and I smirked at him. "Nice tower, dude." "Thanks, I've been working on it all day." Kirk rose from the floor and, as Adrian guided Ashlynn to his toys, my friend walked over to me. I glanced over my shoulder at Ashlynn and Adrian before following Kirk onto the porch to talk. "So, uh, Adrian ate lunch. He wouldn't nap, though. He told me to 'get lost' and that he wanted to watch his shows. He's not one to argue with, man." Kirk dug a pack of cigarettes out of his pants and I held my hand out. I normally didn't smoke, but I was stressed as hell. When he gave me one and a lighter, I lit it before speaking, "Thanks, Kirk. I didn't mean to lay Adrian on you last minute, but I couldn't get a hold of the babysitter and Jason and Lars were out. I wouldn't trust him with anyone else." "It's cool. He's not hard to watch and he's a cool little dude. But I gotta go, so I'll see you tomorrow and we'll talk then, yeah?" I nodded and Kirk grinned. He bounded down the stairs and climbed into his car. He sped off, leaving me with my thoughts and my cigarette in the rain. - - - - Ashlynn's POV "Ash, wake up," James said, pressing his lips to my forehead. I turned to my side, groaning. He wrapped his arms around me and raised me into a sitting position. "We have to go to the doctor's." "Can't they just call? I'm tired." I rested my head on his chest and groaned again. "Nope, get up." He smoothed my hair out and kissed the top of my head again. "What are you doing up before me, anyway?" I mumbled into his shirt, my eyes still closed. "I didn't really sleep, baby. Now get up." With a chuckle, James pulled away from me. I reluctantly opened my eyes and early morning sun blinded me. I cringed inwardly, but rolled out of bed with a huff. James reached out to me as we stood and brought me to him. He leaned down and our lips met in a kiss. "I'm here no matter what happens, okay?" He spoke, his lips moving against mine. I nodded slowly and looked down. "Okay." - - - - "Wanna play?" Adrian questioned from my lap, looking at a play area in the corner of the office. I smoothed out Adrian's curls and sighed. I was aching again and my stomach hurt. As much as I wanted to play with Adrian, I couldn't. I felt terrible. James, as if sensing this, plucked our son from my lap and hurried over to the play area, leaving Adrian's giggles in his wake. We were called back twenty minutes later and we were in the same room as before, but Adrian was in my lap now. He chattered about the games he and James had played in waiting room and I urged him to speak more, smiling and laughing with him. "The Hetfields again! Plus the littlest." Dr. Ratzman banged into the room, as usual, and bent down to greet my son, making Adrian hide his face in my neck, laughing. "So," James said, leaning forward, "What is it?" "Oh, so quick and to the point. That's what I like about you, James." The doctor opened my file and tapped his pen against his knee until he found what he was looking for. "Ah, yes. Well, it's not what you thought it was. No cancer. No anemia." "Thank fuck," James muttered, leaning back in his chair. I smiled brightly, but then remembered there was still something wrong with me and frowned. "What is it?" "Diabetes." Dr. Ratzman looked at me and raised his bushy eyebrows. I furrowed mine back. "It runs in my family, but I'm healthy." I blinked. "Aren't I?" "It's gestational diabetes, Ashlynn." "Gestational?" James leaned forward curiously. "As in pregnant?" When the doctor nodded, I nearly fainted. I was pregnant again. I made eye contact with James and he was smiling. He was fucking smiling. I felt like throwing something at him. The doctor congratulated us and then spent the next ten minutes instructing me how to take care of myself over the next few months. We left the office, James beaming. I was happy that I wasn't actually sick, but the thought of another baby made me nuts. Adrian was in that stage where he needed all sorts of attention and he'd be that way for a while. Adrian and a newborn. I was going to lose it. "Hey, what's wrong?" James climbed into the truck after buckling Adrian into his car seat. He started the car and let it idle for a few seconds until I answered him. "I'm nervous." "Nervous? You mean, you're not excited?" James looked dumbfounded, like I was insane not to be happy about a new baby. "You're excited?" "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" He laughed and put the car in drive. "I'm thirty, I want more kids, and I'm not getting any younger." I didn't reply, but turned my face towards the window. I started to jiggle my leg, a nervous habit I'd had for years. I figured James wouldn't be too excited when I told him there was a chance that the baby might not be his. |
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| jaymzbabe | October 13, 2011, 9:43 pm Post #124 |
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Blackened
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Amazing chapter again the baby might not be James', who then is the potential daddy?????
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| disposable_hero | October 13, 2011, 10:02 pm Post #125 |
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Frantic
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Thank you! And you'll find out soon enough.
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| Auluna Raie | October 14, 2011, 4:06 pm Post #126 |
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Shark-Tastic!
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I think I speak for all when I say: Oh holy fuck! |
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| cmania | October 16, 2011, 4:43 pm Post #127 |
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Frantic
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please the baby is from james :c ... beacase when james know about that OMG no :c pleaseeeee from james please please
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| disposable_hero | October 16, 2011, 9:10 pm Post #128 |
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Frantic
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A short part to hold you guys over for a little while. I'm studying for midterms so I won't be writing for a week or two. ![]() - - - - James' POV It was January and I had finally convinced Ashlynn to find out the baby's sex. I was excited. I wanted to be a real father to this baby, not the distant one I had been to Adrian for the first year or so of his life. I was so awful to Ashlynn during her last pregnancy and I wanted to make it up to her by treating her like a queen during this one, but she wasn't receptive. She didn't like to talk about it. It was like the bulge of her stomach was the elephant in the room that we ignored. "Is this your first child?" The ultrasound technician asked brightly, squirting some of that nasty ultrasound gel on her stomach. Ashlynn turned her face away from the monitor as the tech pressed the scanner to her abdomen. "No, we have a son. He's three," I answered, wondering why Ashlynn was being so melancholy. The woman pointed up to the screen and I turned my head. "Alright, look to your left. You'll see the head. And below that the hands." She pointed to indicate the things she was speaking about. "Is it a boy or a girl?" I tilted my head at the monitor, unable to make anything out. I was just here to know the sex and to see if it was healthy. "And is it okay?" "Okay?" Ashlynn turned her head to the side. "You mean healthy." "Yeah, healthy. Is it healthy?" "Of course. Everything's fine." The tech moved the machine about Ashlynn's abdomen for a few seconds before pointing to the screen again. "And you're having a little girl! Congratulations!" I let out a breath. A girl. I was going to have a little girl to spoil and protect. I closed my eyes and and a small smile snaked across my face. We were going to have a girl. It didn't register with Ashlynn because she stared vacantly at the ultrasound monitor. The ultrasound tech was starting to look uncomfortable in our silence, so I voiced my thanks and she left. Ashlynn rose from the table and pulled her shirt over her swollen belly. She left the room and I followed behind her, suppressing my happiness. "Ashlynn, what's wrong?" I questioned as we crawled through traffic in her El Camino. I averted my gaze fro the road and my eyes found hers. Her eyes were pools of brown. She was going to cry. I gripped her hand up in mine and brought it to my lips. "Talk to me, Ashlynn. Please." She let out a sigh. "I'm upset with myself, that's all." "Why? Why aren't you happy? I don't understand...you have to talk to me." "I'm...I don't know." She shook her hand and pulled her hand away from me. "I'm fine. I'm just emotional and tired. Don't worry." She gave me a tired smile before turning to face the window. I figured if I pressed the subject any longer she would get mad at me, so I placed both hands on the wheel and faced forward, placid. - - - - Two days later and I still didn't bother Ashlynn, but I was still worried about her. She didn't speak to me. I just wanted to know what was the matter with her. I was sitting in bed, jotting down ideas and lyrics in a notebook. Ashlynn was curled up next to me with some book by Cormac McCarthy propped up on her stomach. I looked up from my notebook and found her staring at me. I smiled and she looked away. "Goddammit, Ashlynn." I snapped the notebook shut and shoved it into my nightstand drawer. "Tell me what's wrong." When she didn't look up from her book, I snatched it from her hands. "James," she groaned, frowning. "Come on." "Talk to me and you can have it back." "I'm fine. Just give me my book." Ashlynn reached forward, but I dangle the book out of her grasp. "Tell me what's wrong." "Nothing's wrong," she snapped sharply, reaching forward. I laughed. "There obviously is if you're getting defensive about it." I tossed the book away and it landed across the room. "Tell me." "You're such a fucking child, James. Fuck!" Ashlynn crossed her arms over her chest and spoke quickly. "The baby might not be yours." I almost didn't catch what she said, but when my brain finally processed her words, a knife pierced my heart. "The baby..." I ran a hand through my hair. "It's not mine. How?" I looked over at Ashlynn and she shrunk beneath my gaze. Her voice was small. "Might not be. It's not definite." I was breathless. The knife in my heart twisted. "How?" "Do you remember when we had that huge fight in July when you got back from the European leg of the tour?" I nodded and her lower lip trembled. "When I left, I went out. I got really, really drunk. I don't remember anything except waking up in someone else's bed the next morning." My chest heaved with anger. I was sitting up now and my legs were hanging over the side of the bed. My head was hanging. "Who was it?" Ashlynn hiccuped behind me. She was crying. "I don't remember. I left after I woke up." My fingertips were digging into my knees and I was chewing fiercely on the inside of my cheek. Her sobs only fueled my anger. I wanted to turn around and shake her, tell her to shut up. But I couldn't. I was shaking too much. "Why, Ashlynn? Why would you do that?" "I could ask you the same question." She hiccuped. "Why did you cheat on me all those times that you did?" Her voice was still shaky, but it held anger. "That's different, Ashlynn! You might be pregnant with someone else's kid!" I stood up and kicked the bed. "Fuck!" I crossed the room, opening the drawers on my bureau when I reached it. I pulled out a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. I was stumbling as I dressed, blind with anger. As I headed for the door, Ashlynn scrambled out of bed. Her trembling hand grabbed my elbow and I spun around. "Please don't leave, James. Let me explain. Please..." "There's nothing to explain, Ashlynn. You fucked someone else and that baby might not be mine. It's that fucking simple." I pulled away from her and pulled open the bedroom door, slamming it as I entered the hallway. I stomped down the hallway, only stopping when Adrian's bedroom door creaked open. He was holding the door, rubbing his eye with his fist. "Daddy?" He blinked up at me before letting out a yawn. "Hey, buddy," I said softly, my anger melting away from me. I walked over to him and scooped him into my arms. With a sigh, I walked into his room and deposited him in his bed. I knelt on the side and stroked his hair as he drifted back to sleep. When I was sure he was asleep, I quietly backed out of the room. My anger returned as I darted down the steps and out of the house. I was so angry with Ashlynn. I was so angry with the guy she fucked. I was so fucking angry. I climbed into my truck and started the engine, then pulled out of the driveway. I sped down the street and didn't stop at the intersection. I needed to get out. |
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| Auluna Raie | October 16, 2011, 11:32 pm Post #129 |
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Shark-Tastic!
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Hate to say it, but James kinda had it coming...Karma and all. |
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| ilovejaymz | October 18, 2011, 9:46 am Post #130 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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Ooh i missed the updates, but oh my... what a twist! Looking forward to more. And i hope your midterms, goes well
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| disposable_hero | October 18, 2011, 9:22 pm Post #131 |
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Frantic
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I took a study break ![]() - - - - James' POV I drove recklessly for the next hour or so. I didn't know where I was going. An angry, blinding whiteness clouded my brain and I had no idea what I was doing. When the finally whiteness subsided, I found that I was sitting in my idling pickup and my hands had a death grip on the steering wheel. My knuckles were white. I looked up and saw that the truck was parked at the edge of a forest of redwoods. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. Muir Woods, where I came to think. I started coming here after the band relocated to San Francisco whenever I needed to ponder something or cool down. I came here after I found out we were going to New York; I came here after Cliff died; I came here after Adrian was born; I came here to ask Ashlynn to marry me. And now I was here, stewing in my anger at my fiance. This was my place. With a huff, I ambled out of the truck. Darkness welcomed me as I stood before the towering redwoods. I stared into the trees and the whiteness overcame me once more. I fumed. My nails dug into my palms and I waited. Finally, after a few minutes, it came. My anger took over. "Fuck!" I screamed, my voice booming over the trees. "Fuuuck!" With that, I went at the nearest tree. My fists collided with the bark and my feet did the same. I kicked and punched and screamed for what seemed like hours, but only a few minutes had gone by. By the time I lost my breath, my knuckles were bleeding profusely and my feet were throbbing in my shoes. Delirious, I backed up against my truck and slid to the mossy ground. Despite the blood, I brought my hands over my head. When I caught my breath, I yelled again. There was fluttering above the trees. The birds. I'd scared the birds. I looked up and watched them disappear into the night sky, wishing I could follow them. I didn't want to be here. I couldn't live knowing that my little girl wasn't actually mine. I couldn't live knowing that Ashlynn had cheated on me. Maybe you deserved this, said a voice in my head, as though with a knowing smirk. You treated Ashlynn like shit up until now. You drank and cheated on her and even hit her. You deserve this. "No!" I gripped my head and yanked at my hair. I was yelling at no one. "It's not my fault!" Karma, the voice argued. You ruined her life. You knocked her up. You dragged her from Georgia. You put her through all that emotional trauma. You ruined her. "No, no! I saved her, she told me! She wasn't happy there and I made her happy!" I knocked the back of my head against the truck, tearing at my hair. "I didn't do it!" I knocked my head against the side of the truck again and continued to do it until I was lightheaded. My vision clouded and I leaned my head into the dent I'd made. This is your fault. You have to deal with it. This is your repayment to her, for destroying her life. Regardless of that baby's parentage, you'll raise it. It'll be yours. You owe that to Ashlynn. I shook my head and, for the first time since Cliff died, hot tears streamed down my cheeks. I swiped them away with a bloodied hand, disgusted with myself. I was thirty fucking years old, I didn't need to be crying. But still, the tears came. I eventually gave in after I grew tired of wiping the tears away. My head was in my hands and my shoulders shook with my sobs. I was pathetic, but I kept crying. I couldn't help myself. I was only deterred from my crying when headlights skimmed over me and a car pulled up next to my truck. I wanted to crawl under the truck and hide and I was seriously contemplating it when the car window rolled down. A kid of nineteen or so hung his head out of the window and a girl peeked over his shoulder. "Hey, man, are you alright down there?" I sighed loudly and pushed myself off of the ground, wiping the dirt off my ass as I straightened up. "Yeah, kid. I'm fine," I answered gruffly as I climbed into my truck. Thankfully, it was dark enough so that my face and my tears were hidden. But it wasn't dark enough to conceal my identity. "Hey, wait, man," the kid said to my retreating back. "You're James Hetfield, aren't you?" His voice started to shake. He sounded excited. "Oh, man. I fucking love Ride The Lightning." He leaned into his car and conjured up that very cassette tape. "I hate to bother you, man, but could you sign this for me?" I was in no mood to deal with this kid, but who was I to say no? He was a fan. He was one of the many who fueled my career and my life. With a nod, I leaned into the cab of the truck and rummaged around in the glove compartment for a marker. I noticed then how disgusting my hands looked. I snatched a napkin from the compartment and wiped furiously at my bloody fingers, hoping the kid wouldn’t take notice of them. "Alright, man." I turned around and held out my hand. "I'll sign it for you." I flashed him and his girl a smile and signed the case. When I handed it back, he wouldn't stop thanking me. I laughed and waved him off, then climbed into my truck and drove off. Thank God for that kid, though. If it hadn't been for him showing up, I would've torn apart another tree or hurt myself even more. I was in my right mind now and, as I drove, I examined my hands. I flexed my fingers and groaned loudly as I brought my left hand into a fist. One of my fingers, I was sure, was broken. Lars was going to kill me. But that was the least of my worries. I had to go home to Ashlynn and think of some way to apologize to her. Not only for running out on her like I did, but for all of the shit I'd put her through since we met. That voice was right, I ruined her life when I convinced her to move to California. She was miserable and I wasn't realizing it until now, so I needed to make it up to her. I needed to make her happy again. |
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| gabriba87 | October 18, 2011, 11:06 pm Post #132 |
Poor Twisted Me
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I finally read everything you wrote! OMG this is so good! Congratulations! Now James has to do a DNA test!
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| Auluna Raie | October 19, 2011, 12:23 am Post #133 |
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Shark-Tastic!
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In 1993 DNA testing was still in the very early stages, so that's probably out of the realm of possibilities... |
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| disposable_hero | October 19, 2011, 12:46 am Post #134 |
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Frantic
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This is true. We're going to have to wait until the baby is born! But the '80s, DNA analysis/testing was available via fingerprinting, but James and Ashlynn won't need it. You'll see.
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| gabriba87 | October 19, 2011, 7:07 am Post #135 |
Poor Twisted Me
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I really love this fic! |
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:horns2







8:43 PM Jul 10