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Blackened; James/Lars
Topic Started: August 3, 2011, 9:31 pm (1,109 Views)
UnnamedFeeling
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Bad Seed
[ * ]
Alright. Im New, and A Little Nervous, and not sure if im doing this right.lol. This isn't my first time writing but it's the first time I've ever let anyone else read, and I hope it's okay. so, Please Enjoy, and tell me what you think. :dance

Black Era (1991)




James POV:
_____________________

I remember when this shameless game of ours began so long ago. Two innocent teenage boys constanley daring each other in the teasing, playful way we'd grown to love so much.

I remember that beautiful, cloudless night so well. The way our red, chapped lips trembled as they crashed together under lust. The way our eyes sparkled and dilated as our hands roamed and explored each others skinny, sweaty bodies.

I remember each chocking gasp, wet grunt and silent yelp of pleasure that filled that old motel room.
We'd constantly shush and remind each other we weren't the only ones awake.
The walls were dirty with stains of cigarette smoke and red lipstick; And thinner then the paper sailboats we made as children. Floating idely on top of mushy brown water puddles.
We'd giggle under the pressure of getting caught, so easily broken by the soft, tender noises we made.
I loved the way he'd sigh when I'd trace his brusied hips with my ruff fingers or the way he moaned when my lips trailed over his hot flesh.
Even till this day it sends a hot rush to the pit of my stomache making me cringe and smile, knowing only God knew the dirty things I thought about. But like today.. it's only me and God here. He's the only one that still cares.

Our house is empty and unbearably quiet. The only sound I can hear is the short, sharp breathes I take under muffled cries and soul renching screams that break away my insides and deplete my lungs of oxygen.

The tears have flowed uncontrollable for three days now. I have been as stronge as I could, for as long as I could, But even a man with a ego as big as mine fails to complete his task in life.

Our bandmates ask about where he is, how he is doing, and when he'd return.
They snicker at me under alcoholed breathe and cloudy eyes behind my back.
I hate them for everything they are, and everything they try to be.
They hide shamelessly behind their booze, thinking, maybe, one day, they can prove to each other that they're not the monsters they seem to be, But Im just like them.

The monster in me has made me into something I've always swore I'd never become, but these..these demon - shadowed humans, they are the real monsters here. They always ask their stupid questions, but they're only cast out onto deaf ears. Their talons of hate that rip mercilessly at my heavy heart.. I can ignore, but my absent love, I can not.

Just the sound of his name falling from their greedy lips stabs through my blackened heart, sending jars of pain into my skull. My muscles spasm for the longing that I have for his fingers to trace them under my flesh making me tremble uncontrollable and melt under his watchful emerald eyes. His tounge dancing around my lips breathing on me his thick, sweet scent that suffacates me, clouding the air around me and chocking me until I can no longer breathe. His heavy danish accents tickles my ears and makes my fingers ache. They've wanted for so long to feel him again.

My fingers..they no longer voulentaraly makes love to the starppy strings of that old guitar.
It saddens me to the point of hoplessness, almost to much for my broken body to bare.
The one thing that kept my mind sane, my body rejects.
The music I make soothes me, almost like his kisses on my neck. They play against my heart, pumping the living red through my vains, but not anymore.
He's child, angel-like voice had taken the place of the strumming of those broken strings.

He has been gone for five monthes, thirteen days, and five hours, and I can't stand it any longer. I dare myself to peek through the curtains that drap across the giant window in our room.
They'd been shut tight for so long. Contact to the world was so foreign to them now.
Would the stained sheets of our bed be able to breathe again once I cast out on them the artifical light of the sun, when their own sun had ran away to safety?
Perhaps the light will burn away my flesh and dry up my insides leaving broken skeletal remains of a lustful, pathetic man in his last hours.
Imprints of his well deserved tears burned into his skull, completing his well deserved death.
I run my fingers through the velvety blue.
Luckily, the sun has burned out and exhausted from the bleeding sky.
I will not be dying today.

I sigh to myself with a shaky breath as the stained eggshell colored sheets call out to me. They beg me to sleep with in there deep confounds.
Safety lies ahead, they reasure me helplessly.
Safety for who? My dreams are no longer safe.
His angelic form, deines my apoligizes and lustful wants.
How could he still love such a montser as I?
For that angels sake, I would not ask him too.
I would deny his forgiveness as he had denied me so many times before.
I am greedy and selfish, and deserve no such thing as forgiveness, least of all his.

That night, five monthes ago. His angel wings were broken and his ego cracked.
Only a man he is as I.
My hands lashed out against his body in evil doings. His skin was bruised, his flesh torn. My heart set on one thing, and I got it. Bound under my grip, and the tightness of a leather strap, he couldn't move, he didn't dare.
Whiskey pumped my vains scared and lustful. My head spun and I couldn't recall a thing.

I found myself alone and cold that next morning, with a heart full of sorrow and head full of rage.
He had gone and only I was to blame. He had packed his things, leaving me only with a bitter note and his taste on my tounge from the brutal night before.
He fled back to his family, back to safety. He didn't promise he'd return.
I didn't expect him too.
I didn't want him too and my bitterness would have to except that.

As much as I want to crawl into that taunting and temting bed, that promised me peace and relaxation, my body was against the odds of dreaming at all. I scrape myself from the chair and dressed quickly. I slid into my leather jacket and grabbed my wallet and truck keys and walked absent mindlessly out of the door, not exacually sure of where I was headed.
The bed begged me to stay, I had to say no.

There was only one thing to calm my frantic nerves at this point. The one thing that forced my angel away monthes ago.

I need to feel life running through my vains again.

Pray I be stronger this time and God wont punish me for the wrong I've done.

Pray I be strong to not let it happen again.




Lars POV:
___________________________

The people in this airport push and shove against me. It agitates me to the point I want to scream in there faces, but I couldn't do that.

As much as it would relieve my pain and anger, I couldn't. It would only bring up the rememberance of everything I've been trying to hide from.

Besides seeing my family again, my trip home was almost pointless.
I could think of nothing but him.
I hear his melody- like voice, see his soft, crystal blue eyes and feel strong body everytime I closed my eyes.
I hated him so much for what he did to me.
I didn't think I could ever love him again, but I still hate him enough to love.
It's wrong of me to be so ignorant and blind to him for so long, but it's the least he deserves for everything he put me through.
What if he's at home waiting for me?
What if he isnt? I don't care.

I cring at the thought of him again. That was wrong and too far.
I force myself to wave down a taxi to take me home, to..him.

The man helps me put my bags into the trunk, as I direct him where to go and he drives me away from the lights and safety of the airport into the dark waiting hands of long forgotten lover.
I hope my da was right. I hope what Im doing wont get me hurt again.
He isn't the same as he once was.
His hands has gotten ruffer and his hair shorter.
The blackness runs deeper now.
He's no longer the shy, blond haired boy I met and fail in love with in '81.

I remember when this shamless game of ours began so long ago. Two innocent teenage boys constanley daring each other in the teasing, playful way we'd grown to love so much.

I remember that beautiful, cloudless night so well. The way our red, chapped lips trembled as they crashed together under lust.
The way our eyes sparkled and dilated as our hands roamed and explored each others skinny, sweaty bodies.

I remember each chocking gasp, wet grunt and silent yelp of pleasure that filled that old motel room.
We'd constantly shush and remind each other we weren't the only ones awake.
The walls were dirty with stains of cigarette smoke and red lipstick; And thinner then the paper sailboats we made as children. Floating idely on top of mushy brown water puddles.
We'd giggle under the pressure of getting caught, so easily broken by the soft, tender noises we made.
I loved the way he was so gentle with me then, telling me to relax and let him know when it started to hurt, he would stop.
He'd whisper in my ear promising me the warmth of the sun filling us both and rivers of love streaming from our hearts.
His breathe drying the trails of licks and kisses into my flesh making me shiver under him.
Even till this day it sends a hot rush to the pit of my stomache making me cringe and smile, knowing only God knew the dirty things i thought about. But like tonight.. it's only me and God here. He's the only one that still cares.

I bite and chew at my already aching finger nails. I was acting like a little girl going on her first date. It wasn't the right reaction for the current situation. Not at all.

Despite everything my heart is telling me to say and do, my head is screaming something else.
My brain drifts off to another place in time, flipping the pages of my past thrusting me into the future.
That same paper thin room, just a different nerve racking night.
Smoke chocking the air, redding the brim of my already blood shot eyes.
The sweet, white smoke twirling above us as we held each other in shaking, trembling arms.

I remember my head rested against his chest.
His heart pounding against my cheeck, vibrating my body with ever jump it made.
Red pumping rapidly through ever pretty vain.

I remember sliding down into his lap and watching the ceiling as he ran his fingers through my knotted hair.
I thumbed softly the inside of his thighs.
Even now, he likes it when i do that, but I haven't heard his chalky laugh or see his boyish breathe taking smile in so long, even when I was home.

In no way did it seem fair, but who was I to decide what was fair or not.
This wasn't about me anymore.
It was about him, and my bitterness would have to except that.

The man drives quietly into our driveway. I dig in my wallet for a twenty and tell him to keep the change. I glance at my watch. it's only 2:30 in the morning. If he was inside, he was asleep.
The driver was around the back and getting my bags out before I got from the backseat.
He slams the trunk, nods and I tell him thank you.
He smiles and gets back into the car.
I grab my bags and head up to the house.
The door was locked and I had to dig for a key.

Once inside everything was dark.
If he was asleep, I don't want to wake him.
I left the lights off I tiptoed to the back of the house and sat everything down by the dresser. I stepped quietly across the room to the bed. I ran my hand to his side and my heart broke when I found it empty and cold.
I was right after all. He wouldn't be here. Why would he?

My body felt like it shattered into a million pieces when the thunder in the distance pounded against the ground.
Please God, Let it rain.

I need to know atleast something in this world is real.

I need to feel life running through my vains again.

Pray I be stronger this time and God wont punish me for the wrong I've done.

Pray I be strong to not let it happen again.

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Isis
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TEA + CUDDLES

Aw. :( That was really sad hon. I saw there were some spelling/grammar mistakes but those can be taken care of in a revision. Thanks for sharing!
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UnnamedFeeling
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Bad Seed
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I noticed after I posted it, my mistakes :blush:
but thank you for reading it! glad you liked it.:)
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Lars Mi Amor
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Lars the Great
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Aww :heart: I really like this. :)
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BleedingSoul
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Frantic
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Sad but sweet in a way. :) Liked it.
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UnnamedFeeling
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Bad Seed
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thankyou so much.:) :dance
and yes,it is a bit tragic. :(
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Jik Hyun
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Poor Twisted Me
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wants more of the story. it feels kinda incomplete.
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larscriancinha
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Larsybaby
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It was good, :heart: I loved it.
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LaurenHetfield
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Shadow Kissed
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Wow, that was really sad, but sweet. :heart:

You have to write more. :)
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UnnamedFeeling
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Bad Seed
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:hmm,i know.
i wasn't planning on taking it anywhere,
only leave it incomplete, i suppose.
it adds a sort of emptiness too it. :(

:and thank you, im glad you enjoyed it. :D :heart:

:and i am working on more for a new one,
i think i'll be posting soon. :heart:

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