| The Reason Is You; het, Jason/OFC spin off of olyamet's "I'm the One..." | |
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| Topic Started: Aug 22 2011, 12:07 PM (2,198 Views) | |
| tuesday's gone | Aug 22 2011, 12:07 PM Post #1 |
Commando
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OK girls, as Olya kindly announced in her last update on "I'm the One" this is a spin off revolving around Jason after his talk with Angel, intended for all of you (us) who wanted a happy ending for Jason. I hope you enjoy it! I'll try to update weekly. Also, I'm not a native speaker of English, so bear with me there  Important facts: Type: Hetero. Pairing: Jason/OFC Warnings: Sex, strong language. Disclaimer: All events are entirely fictional. Link to original story: http://s11.zetaboards.com/Metallichicks/topic/795556/1/ _______________________________________________________________________ Chapter 1 He watched her crossing the street. His heart jumped up to his throat, forcing all air out his lungs and beating frantically. Breathe, just breathe, he repeated the mantra to himself and waited for the door to open. She came in and searched the faces. Somehow, all oxygen seemed to have been sucked out of the room upon her entry. Feeling like a fish on dry land, Jason raised his arm and waived at her. “Thanks for agreeing to meet me.”, Angel approached the table. “Hi, what kind of friend would I be if I didn't.” He rose from his seat. His body weighed a ton. She gave him a quick hug. He breathed in quickly, stealing this last part of her. He felt pathetic and stupid, but his body disobeyed and her scent pervaded his nostrils sending a wave of warmth all over his body. The warm sensation quickly abated to be replaced by cold shivers of fear and loss crawling up his spine and gripping at his heart. He dropped back into his chair, like a lifeless mass. “So, what's good here?” “Nothing... but they make killer coffee. I knew what kind of place to pick for you.” He mustered a smile. He knew he did not fool her with it for a minute. But it was a reflex, self preservation. Small talk followed and offered him a chance to quickly pick up the falling pieces of his soul and stick them in place just for a few minutes longer. The harder he tried, the more he fell apart, throughout the talk of his plans and the new band. Every word and every look became an effort. He felt like a boxer, fighting in his personal ring, in an empty venue. Newsted vs Newsted. Round one. “Jason... I'm sorry for what I did to you. I wasn't thinking at that moment, you were there and I...” He looked up and met her gaze, penetrating and pleading. His stomach was in a knot, his heart thumping in his ears, deafening him, blocking all the sounds around him. The memories of her lips on his, her tongue in his mouth, his arms around her, her body next to his, landed on him like painful blows, making him lose balance in his ring and retreat. His heart bled. He breathed in, the warm air filled with the scent of coffee burning his throat, making it more of an effort to push the lump that suffocated him further down and stretch his lips in a faint smile. His opponent sneered at him. “You fucking liar!” Round two. “It's okay... I understand. I just... I don't want you to blame yourself for me leaving Metallica. It was coming to that before it. I already made my decision. It wasn't you...” “Then why do I feel like you're lying?” Because you know him, his opponent yelled, hitting him. Blood splattered over the floor. “It wasn't what you did that night. That wasn't the reason.” “Was it something that I did before? I don't remember ever having a fight with you, we were always good friends and I...” “Yes, we were always good friends.” A heavy blow knocked him off his feet. Every cell in his body hurt . Newsted, the opponent, jumped around him in a trance, howling down on him “you liar, you fucking liar”. He swallowed. His legs hurt from the strain to stay there in the bistro, sitting, pretending, playing his little one-man play. He wanted to run. Fast. Just run. From her. From the world. From himself. From the lies. From the illusion that made up his life for the past fourteen years. “One, two, three, four…” the other Newsted screamed. Just a few minutes more, he thought, just a few minutes more. He stood up with effort. Outside, he pushed his feet into the floor harder, as if the stone would yield to him allowing him to sink and disappear. Round three. “Then what... I don't get it... Jason, I feel that I'm at least partially to blame for it... I just...” She cupped his hands. Another blow. And another. And another. He fell again. He pulled his hands back and looked up at her. He rose to his feet again, swaying, barely standing. Round four. “It was many things, many things that made me feel... restrained.” “But you've always had such great chemistry with James... everyone can see it at gigs. You were a big part of Metallica. You can't just throw away fourteen years, maybe if you talk to James...” A series of blows. He staggered. He could not defend himself. He did not want to. He wanted it to be over. “That wouldn't fix it.” he said and looked up at her. He was still on his feet. Time to end this, he thought and sneered at his opponent. “Come on, give me all you’ve got.” Round five. “He knows I'm not coming back, he knows all the reasons. We talked before that night. And I told him all of it... almost all of it...” “And I just added to the rupture between you two... Jason, everything is fixable. I know how much your project means to you, and I know James knows it too, you can compromise... just talk to him, when he's out, get together and talk.” His body ached. He wanted to surrender. Not yet. “Come on”, he spat blood. “Even if we do, even if we find the way.. it's not likely. He feels like I'm taking away from Metallica and he would never stand this. No... there is no coming back, I'm done, it's over.” “I can talk to him, we can find a way...” The ring swirled around him. Another blow. And another. And another. He fell on his knees and looked up at his opponent jeering down on him. Not yet. Almost there. He slowly got up to his feet again. “Angel... there is something else... there is one other thing that I told him that night... that put the final cut between us... Even if I wanted to come back, which I don't, he wouldn't want me to.” “James always thought of you as a good friend, a good bassist, at least from the time I knew him. What can possibly make James not want you back?” “The way I feel about you...” Knock-out. The room darkened around him. His body hit the floor with a thud. One, two… “I know you probably hate me for what I did, jumping you like that, using you to hurt him, but I didn't do it to hurt you, I wasn't thinking... Jason, I was in pain and I'm deeply sorry. You have every right to hate me.” Three, four….He tried to get up but his body disobeyed. He was numb and disoriented. “I wish I did...” Five, six… “Jason... what are you...” The room kept spinning. “See, I hid it so well all those years... I never dared to show it, or say it, or do anything about it. You chose him, that evening, remember that party in Barcelona, a week before you called him an asshole? I was looking for you to finally tell you how I feel about you, that I loved you from the first moment I saw you... and when I saw you looking at him... I knew it then, I was too late, your heart was already his.” “Jason.. I never...” Seven, eight… The room spun faster, walls coming down on him. “I told James all that, he knows, now you know too. And I'm sorry... I wish it was different, I wish... I wish for many things to be different. I just want you to know one thing. It's not your fault, it was time for me to get my life straightened out. Fill this void, follow my passion for a different music, to be free to create, to just feel free.” “Jason.. I... I'm so sorry...” “Don’t be. I’m not... Everything happened how it’s supposed to. I just burnt out with all of it. Now I’m free to be me, think of myself. Plus... after that night... when I saw you in that rage... I knew that your choice was the right one. I would never be able to tame you, I would’ve just become a man behind a strong woman. I could’ve never been the one for you, it would’ve never worked. Now, let’s get off this topic. The summary is: I don’t regret anything, everything is right, I’m happy, I wish you and James get back together, and I wish a great future for Metallica. I will pull my life together and make the best out of it.” Nine. Ten. Darkness. The end. An awkward pause followed. Angel looked at him with a mixture of sadness and understanding. He had no strength left in him. This had to end. And it had to end now. “Well, I guess the kids are waiting for you…” he slowly rose from his seat. “Send them my love. I guess it won’t be appropriate to send gifts or Christmas cards. Not after everything…” He ran his hand through his hair, avoiding Angel’s eyes. “You can always, always send them whatever you want, Jason.” she looked at him and took his hand in hers. “And we can still be in touch. If you wish… When James sorts himself out and…” she looked down. “You know we can’t. And we won’t.” He forced a cough and pulled her into a short embrace. “Goodbye Angel. Be happy with your family.” He broke the embrace. “Goodbye Jason. Take care, ok?” she turned around to grab her purse and wipe a tear off her face. “OK” he whispered through a faint smile and waived. He stared at stained glass of the bistro door as it closed behind her. She left and took most of his adult life with her. Fourteen years of… struggle. To earn respect, to earn love, to earn freedom. And there he was, fourteen years later, exhausted and empty. He stood up on his leaden legs and walked through the haze of sounds and faces on the street. He got inside his car and clutched the steering wheel, resting his forehead on his knuckles. Another breath. Another swallow. Tickling, warm, wet sensation on his cheek and salty taste in his mouth. He let out a cry, exhaling and gasping for air simultaneously. With shaky fingers he turned on the ignition and sped away. He opened the windows to get more air. The breeze brought in soothingly cool air drying his face. He drove home in silence. His car stereo broke that morning. How fucking symbolic, he snorted. He entered the house, listening for familiar sound of paws on the wooden floor. “Ted!” he called out. |
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| olyamet | Aug 22 2011, 12:23 PM Post #2 |
Jäger.....
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OMG!!!! BO, I LOVE YOU FOR POSTING IT!!!! This scene from his point of view, so deep, so heartbreaking... God.. poor baby... you made me cry... I love the internal boxing ring, that is just PERFECT! I don't have words to explain how much this made it so real, so painful! The knock out after revealing it all, after fourteen years of silence. The end... the walls closing up... LOVE IT!!!! LOVE YOU!!! Brilliant writing!   |
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| jØrdan | Aug 22 2011, 02:22 PM Post #3 |
Do I feel lucky...
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OMG *tear* What she said ^^^ I'm so glad you're writing about Jason!! I want so badly for him to be happy after all that  Thank you so much for posting this! And who gives a shit if English isn't your first language (I didn't even see mistakes!), you write fantastic! I want more  
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| SlayingTheDreamer | Aug 22 2011, 03:58 PM Post #4 |
Sherlock Holmes
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I just want to say that you are an amazing writer, you made me speechless. no words
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| Izzy | Aug 23 2011, 04:37 AM Post #5 |
666...The Number of the Beast!
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Wow! I really love this so far! Can't wait for more!
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| Lenne13 | Aug 23 2011, 04:52 PM Post #6 |
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Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand!!
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You got me involved in the Jason' feelings in a way unexplainable..... What a wonderful way you have to write! Thank you and I will wait for more!
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| tuesday's gone | Aug 28 2011, 11:27 AM Post #7 |
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Commando
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@Olya (or should I say granny?) I love you for making me write and post! You know that my biggest fear was to follow up on you! @Jordan, thank you so much for your comment! I want him to be happy too Spoiler: click to toggle Hope you'll continue reading!@Izzy, thank you! Here comes more and I hope you'll like it! @Anamarija, puno hvala!!! Your compliments made me blush! @Lenne I'm happy beyond words to see you reading my fic! Thank you so much! And thanks to everyone else who read this scribble of mine. Here's more, hope you'll like it. ________________________________________________________________________________________ Chapter 2 “Come here boy! Ted!” He entered the living room and met a pair of sad, tired eyes watching him from the rug. The old dog wagged his tail barely, lifting his head with effort, reaching Jason’s palm and licking his fingers. Ted was now only a shadow of a once playful, energetic and restless Irish Setter. “What is it old man?” Jason patted Ted gently, stroking his long, once shiny and color rich coat. His eyes rimmed with tears again. It's time, the voice inside of him whispered. Ted was fourteen years old and ailing fast. Jason did everything the vets ordered, he watched the dog’s diet, gave him his heart condition pills, calcium for the bones, took him for shorter walks more often, mashed his food, left the lights on at night so Ted could see. But time passed mercilessly and finally brought the two of them to this moment. Ted looked at Jason with his warm, brown, pleading eyes. Jason took Ted in his arms and buried his face in the warm coat. “Let’s go old man”. He carried the dog to his car and drove to the vet office. There was no one in the waiting room. “I’ll be right there” a voice shouted from the other room. A woman came out from one of the rooms, wearing light blue scrubs. “Hello” she said and smiled, “how can I help you?” she patted Ted, examining his eyes and looked up at Jason. Her face was a blur. He tried to speak but a lump blocked his vocal cords. He took a deep breath, but it stuck there, refusing to move, suffocating him. His eyes filled with tears. He coughed in panic. Everything around him was crumbling down and he was falling apart, right there, in the vet office. And Ted was in his arms, dying. With the last shred of strength he took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment to suppress tears and quickly pull himself together in the dark. Ted licked his hand and Jason held the dog tighter in his arms. She spoke again. “You are tired of this dog life, aren’t you…?” she stroked Ted behind his ears looking up at Jason, question in her eyes. “Ted” Jason whispered. “Ted”, she looked down at the dog again, “let’s go over here Ted and Mr…?” “Newsted”, he chocked. She entered the room first and spread a blanket over the examination table. “Put Ted here Mr. Newsted, we’ll make him warm and comfortable”. She listened to Ted’s heart and breathing with a stethoscope. Jason stroked the dog, never breaking eye contact. “Mr. Newsted?” His heart sank in the well of sadness. He looked up. Her face was still a blur. “Ted is not doing so well.” she said gently but matter-of-factually. “You should know that he will not be able to live much longer, 48 hours maximum. He is already in pain and breathes with considerable difficulty” Jason looked at the dog and nodded. “Would you like to have Ted put to sleep?” He nodded again, tears running down his cheeks now. Ted licked his fingers again. Jason’s lips quivered. He smiled at the dog, his voice trembling. “Yeah old man, I guess we have to part our ways now. You won’t be in pain much longer you know. And I will be here with you.” He pressed his forehead against Ted’s, stroking him gently. “Right here” he whispered. She gave Ted a shot. “This is anesthetic. He is not in pain any longer. I will now administer the second shot and it will be over quickly”, she said quietly. He nodded again. He stroked Ted rhythmically, as the veterinarian performed the procedure. He smiled thinking about the day a friend had showed up with a puppy in his arms, asking Jason to take it, because he was moving and couldn't bring the puppy along. “How the fuck am I going to take care of a puppy?!”, he exclaimed but the dog licked his hand and looked at him and it was love at first sight. He took Ted everywhere with him. He became a regular companion at all tours and every trip, something like the fifth member of the band. Ted was often mischievous, especially while in the dressing rooms during gigs. But no one could resist him. He once chewed on Kirk’s expensive cigar collection. Kirk was pissed and Ted was sick. Later Kirk trained him to hold a cigar in his teeth, without chewing it, and bought a pimp hat for Ted and took him to photo shoots like that. For some reason Ted liked Lars immensely, and jumped on him whenever the opportunity was there, licking Lars all over his face, ignoring his cries of protest. When James would ignore Lars’ suggestions and ideas, Lars would turn to Ted and say “so, Ted, I was saying, I thought we could do this…” and Ted would listen to him attentively, tilting his head. James always complained about “the hairy beast” eating his shoes. And then he would storm out and come back packed with stuff from pet store, artificial bones and squeaking toys and just place the bags in front of Ted saying “here, you fucker, chew on that, smells better than my shoes anyway”. James always seemed annoyed with Ted, but Ted knew him better. He would give James all his attention and love whenever James was around. At the end of the day, the two of them could often be found passed out on the couch together. Kat took her first steps with him. Angel loved taking him for long walks. Ted was so devoted to her, never leaving her side when she would visit, always on guard when she was surrounded by other people. He loved Angel. Like owner, like pet, Jason snorted bitterly. Ted was his companion and family. He was the one waiting for him, looking forward to him, sleeping at his feet, waking him up so he wouldn’t be late, cuddling against him when he would feel down. He was the one real, honest, true thing in his life for the past fourteen years. And now he was gone. Jason kissed the still warm fur between Ted’s closed eyes. “Goodbye buddy. Sleep well”. Tears glistened on the brown fur. Jason closed the door behind him and wiped his tears. He took a deep breath, running both hands through his hair. His legs felt leaden again. His inside was just a void. Where the hell should he go now? Home? Too empty. Bar? Too crowded. Isolate in the studio and play? No. For the first time since he first took a guitar in his hands, he did not feel like playing. The realization brought up a terrifying question. What is he going to do now? Fourteen years in pieces. And no idea where to go once he walks out of this office. James’ pained face appeared before him like an apparition. He would never forget the pain and disgust flashing at him from drunken blue eyes. The words “get out and never come back” rang in his ears, making the room spin. Angel emerged from the blurred distance, her last hug and smile and “take care” hit him like an electric shock, pushing him into the abyss, the door of the bistro closing in his face, Ted wagging his tail at him and running away. “Never come back” James’ voice reverberated as the room kept spinning. “Mr. Newsted”, he felt a hand on his shoulder and slowly climbed up from the abyss of his mind, soft blond curls and a pair of green eyes growing clear before him. “Are you alright? Would you like to sit down?” the green eyes looked at him with concern. “No, I’m fine. I’m sorry, I got lost in thoughts for a moment. It’s… Ted’s been with me for 14 years and…” He fell silent and looked at her. He felt a strong urge to just tell her everything but his reason held him back. His brain worked tiredly, slowly making up the following sentence of a polite conversation. Why did it take so damn long? He smiled uncomfortably. She smiled back and broke the silence. “You allowed Ted to go peacefully and painlessly. It took a lot of courage to do that. And it also took a lot of love. Rest assured that he felt your love and was grateful for what you were doing for him.” she paused for a second. “Come with me, there’s something you might want to see.” She opened the door to the room from which she had come out when he brought Ted in. He followed her and looked inside. A big black Labrador bitch lay on the blanket surrounded by five puppies. She licked them vigorously as they crammed around her. He looked at the veterinarian and met her gaze. Green eyes sparkled with joy and she beamed at him. He looked at the puppies again and couldn’t hold back a grin. There it was, new life, right there in this room, right next to where he said his last goodbye to Ted. He realized that puppies were being born just as Ted was falling asleep. The thought was oddly comforting. “Here comes the sixth one”, she said and he watched the sixth puppy coming out, rear first. The vet gently pulled the puppy out and placed it next to the others. “Come on girl, here’s your sixth boy. Come on, help him out” she encouraged the dog, but the Labrador just turned her head away towards the other puppies. He watched the veterinarian as she peeled the membrane off the puppy’s face and cleaned its mouth and nose. Then she placed this small furry ball next to his brothers. He squeaked and staggered, trying to reach the comfort of his mother’s breast but other puppies blocked all access to him and finally the mother just pushed him away. He whined feebly. “Oh no, she doesn’t want him” the veterinarian said, taking the puppy in her hand. “Can I take him?” Jason asked “Sure, he’ll enjoy the warmth” she smiled and placed the furry ball in his hand. He was so small and so helpless, trembling in his hand. Jason felt a racing heartbeat on his fingers and nuzzling of a miniature wet snout. He grinned again, despite himself. “Hey little boy” he whispered. “Place your hand over him, like this” she took his other hand and placed it over the puppy gently “to keep him warm”. “What happens to him now?” he asked? Her green eyes lost the glow of joy. “If the mother doesn’t want him, the owners will not be willing to bother. They are breeders. They’ll think there’s something wrong with him and will not take him. So…” she looked at him with sadness. Oh no! Hell no! “Well, can I take him?” he looked at her. “Well, I think you can, if you want to. Though, they’ll still want money you know.” He smiled, lifting his hands holding the puppy and stroking its small head with his index finger. “Money will not be a problem. Is it possible to check that right now?” Her face lit up. “Sure, I’ll make the call right now. You two stay here. Take this”, she put a small dropper with white liquid in his hand, “and feed him, like this”, she took his hand in hers and teased the puppy with the dropper tip. The puppy opened its mouth immediately and started sucking on the dropper. “Now press gently, we don’t want too much milk in his mouth”. He gently squeezed the bulb with shaky fingers and saw the white liquid slowly descending from the pipette. “There, you’re a natural” she looked up from the puppy and their eyes met. She smiled, the sparkles in her eyes dancing again and her smile shining on him like the brightest of suns. “Thank you ….” he stopped mid-sentence and his eyes darted to the tag on her scrubs. Strange spelling, shit, he can’t pronounce that “uh, thank you doctor” he blurted and blushed. She laughed. “Don’t worry, it’s a complicated last name, I know. I’m Magdalena” “Jason” he said and signaled to his full hands apologizing silently for not shaking her hand. That captivating smile was still on her face. “Pleased to meet you, Jason. Now let me make that phone call. I’ll be right back”. As the door closed behind her, Jason looked at his new companion, still sucking eagerly on the dropper. “You’ll be fine little man. I promise.” |
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| olyamet | Aug 28 2011, 11:47 AM Post #8 |
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Jäger.....
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Omg... I so... I can't even type... YOU MADE ME CRY!!!! I'm here like a fucking wimp in tears, with box of Kleenex!!! God... poor Jason... he's life falling apart. First the band, then Angel, now the dog... the old life dying... all of it, just cut off. That part was so beautiful and so painful! And then... then a new life in a form of a small helpless puppy... unwanted, just like Jason, rejected even by his mother. God, that is a match made in Heaven! Both needing each other so much at this moment! I love you Bo!!! And the last words!!!
Just made me tear up again, but gave me hope. They need each other, they found each other... and they will be alright... Aaaand..... I'm intrigued by this vet... Awesome, deep an very emotional chapter!!! LOVE IT!!! |
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| jØrdan | Aug 28 2011, 12:00 PM Post #9 |
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Do I feel lucky...
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Like Olya said, beautiful and painful. Ugh to have all of that happen and now he has to put his best friend to sleep. But where one life ends, another begins! I think Jason's future IS in that room.  Thank you so much again for posting. I love this! And again, the writing is amazing!
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| olyamet | Aug 29 2011, 07:34 AM Post #10 |
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Jäger.....
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Okay, I know, I've already commented, but I was in tears and couldn't think straight. I missed a few things. This.
Priceless. And the part with James... funny with '“the hairy beast” eating his shoes' and then that scream... God it made me feel chills, just imagining how Jason must felt... And of course the part about Angel... it's so weird to read about some one you made up, a fictional character... somehow now she seems real... sorry, it's just me, grandma and all...  I just reread it and the tears are back... I can't stop them, this is just so sad and wonderfully written!! God, Bo, I love you! I love you for writing it and for posting it and for making me cry!
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| SlayingTheDreamer | Aug 29 2011, 09:12 AM Post #11 |
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Sherlock Holmes
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nema na čemu I must say I shed a tear but I enjoyed it nevertheless also, there are some funny parts I loved, especially this
aw, made me melt |
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| Freyja | Aug 29 2011, 11:46 AM Post #12 |
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??????????
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Firstly: I'm really happy that fic has a spin-off and that it's about Jason! Secondly: your writing is brilliant!!! Both chapters were VERY interesting and very well told, attention-grabbing and making you feel as if you're there - GREAT work! MORE!!! |
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| Izzy | Aug 29 2011, 12:44 PM Post #13 |
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666...The Number of the Beast!
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That was really emotional. Poor Jason, he's already going through a difficult time, but losing a dog that was like a best friend to him, left him heartbroken. Then... a new puppy comes along. Poor thing, unwanted by his mother. I just love how Jason instantly decides to look after the abandoned puppy. He is so caring. I'm also curious about this vet. I wonder if he will meet up with her again.
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| tuesday's gone | Sep 4 2011, 11:48 AM Post #14 |
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Commando
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@Olya - double comment?! LOL I love you granny!!! And thank you for pointing out EVERYTHING that had to be pointed out. Oh, and sorry for making you cry! @Jordan - thank YOU for reading and commenting! I'm so happy to see people enjoy this. And, as usual, your feeling is right, there is something about Jason's future... @Anamarija - that was one of my favorite parts, and yes, I melted too! James... you just have to love him, even Ted knew it @Hrisi - OMG!!!! I am happy beyond words to see you here, reading AND liking it!!! Thank you so much! I hope you stick around @Izzy - It's just sooooo Jason isn't it? Loving to the bone! Girls, thank you all so much for reading and taking the time to comment. Here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy it! ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________- Chapter 3 He sat on the chair and continued feeding the puppy. The dog’s racing and strong heartbeat reminded him of new life on his hands. He thought about the intricate ironies of fate that brought him here on this very day, at this very hour. It could have been any other day, he could have still been in the band, in love with his friend’s wife, living his old fake life. It could have been another veterinarian in the office, someone who would not pay attention, or care much, or even worse, someone who would have recognized him and pestered him. Instead, it was this day. The day he finally confessed his unreturned love to Angel and to himself. The day when he drove the last nail in the coffin of his past years. The day when Ted died. And it was this very veterinarian. Magdalena. With gentle hands and sparkles in her eyes and the most contagious smile he has ever seen. She helped him close one chapter and then opened another one for him, when she opened the door to that room. His head cleared up. Echoes of sadness, regret and fear were muffled by the sound of his heart beating steadily after a long time. He knew he would carry his demons for months to come but the future somehow seemed less intimidating. “I guess we were lucky to stumble upon each other, you and I.” he told the puppy, stroking his little head. “Very lucky indeed!” He looked up and there it was, that smile, shining on him again. “Good news?” “Yup, you got yourself a new dog”, the sparkles danced. “OK, uh, what do I do now? I never took care of anyone that little” his eyes widened. “You’ll have your hands full for a while. Just like with a human baby, you know. He’ll want your love and care and attention. You will have to feed him and cuddle him and clean up after him. A lot.” she laughed at the sight of him, staring at her with words “what the hell was I thinking” written all over his face. “Don’t worry, I’ll help you, if you want.” He blurted out, looking at the puppy and then at her: “Of course! We will need all the help we can get” and laughed. She smiled and held his gaze. He did not look away. A few seconds passed in comfortable silence and then the puppy started wriggling in his hand, demanding attention. “Hey, hey, easy! You’ll fall out!” he laughed. “OK, he needs a name” he looked at Magdalena again. “Oh, that’s between you guys, I don’t want to intrude” she took a step back and shrugged her shoulders laughing. “Hm, lucky boy, what should I call you?” Jason’s brows furrowed. She watched him as he contemplated the name. He lifted the puppy close to his face and whispered something. His eyes were warm and gentle, his long fingers cupping the small furry ball. Yes, that puppy got himself a nice, loving owner, she thought. She observed Jason’s curly hair, sharp jaw lines, muscled neck, shoulders and arms. Lucky, indeed, she bit her lip at the thought and smiled to herself. “How about Lucky?” his voice snapped her out of her thoughts. “Lucky is just perfect” she smiled and he smiled back. Beautiful smile to top it all off… Oh stop it Magdalena! “OK, my shift ends in twenty minutes. I suggest we go and do some shopping for Lucky, unless you want to do that on your own?” she looked at Jason. Was that too much? “Oh we go together definitely! I don’t know where to go or what to buy. I mean, I’ll pay for everything, I don’t expect you to work for free, please don’t think that I’m trying…” I should have mentioned that earlier, shit, he gave himself a mental slap. “Jason, it’s ok.” she smiled reassuringly. “Let me wrap things up here and then we go.” Half an hour later Jason and Lucky stood in front of the clinic waiting for Magdalena to show up. Meanwhile she stood in front of her locker changing her scrubs for a pair of faded blue jeans, a white T-shirt and Converse sneakers. She made a shopping list in her head, thinking about the best stores and fastest routes. The organization-freak inside her enjoyed this immensely. She opened the door and saw Lucky curled up in the cavity above Jason’s collar bone. She fought the urge for a cheesy “aaaawwww” with difficulty and walked towards them. As he followed her car to the store, he watched her dancing in her seat, her blond curls waving around her head and her hands tapping the rhythm on the steering wheel. It was such a contrast to complete silence of his car. He was drawn to the joy and optimism she radiated and grateful to whichever force sent her his way. Their little shopping trip ended faster than he expected and he was reluctant to go home. The abyss he had fallen into earlier still lurked behind the door of that house. He closed the trunk door and turned towards her. “Allow me and Lucky to invite you for a drink at our place. And some takeout, if you’re hungry.” he spoke fast, hoping that he didn’t sound too desperate, smiling faintly to cover up his anxiousness. She watched him and thought how he’s just being polite now. Yup, she was pushy, she should not have offered to go to the store with him. Always acting on impulse with people she liked. Always the same mistake. “I don’t know…”, she started. His heart sank. He looked at her, tilting his head slightly, and lowering his eyes but keeping his gaze on her. She noticed only then how blue his eyes were. She was looking at mesmerizing blue springs that she could stare at for hours. Blue depths were calling for her to dive in and explore. Honesty and beauty glistened on the surface. Sadness lurked underneath, like dark caves hidden on the bottom of the ocean. She held his gaze trying to enumerate reasons in her head why she should refuse the invitation. But the longer she looked the more she wanted to explore the hidden treasures under the surface. It has been a long time since she felt so drawn towards the unknown. She inhaled and jumped into the blue wells. “A cold beer would be most refreshing.” His face lit up. “After you then” he gestured to her car. While she was waiting for him to bring drinks from the fridge, she looked around the living room. She approached the book shelves to browse through the titles. There were interesting looking statuettes on one of the shelves. They looked familiar, she saw something like this before. It was a small old gramophone. She read the plate. Metallica. Jason Newsted. Metallica?! “Nice little gramophones aren’t they?” She turned, question obvious in her eyes. He stood at the door frame, two beers in his hand. “Yup, that would be me” he shrugged, smiling uncomfortably. “And I did not know. I look like a complete idiot now, don’t I?” “No, you don’t. Trust me, there is nothing wrong with you not knowing that. I’m a former member anyway. Here” he handed her the beer and turned around quickly, avoiding her eyes. He sat on the sofa and took Lucky in his lap fixing his eyes on the sleeping puppy. Former member. The words sank in. A flash ripped through Jason’s insides up to his throat. His palms got sweaty and his stomach clenched while he hastily planned for an escape route out of the conversation. OK, here we go. “So, that pretty much sums it up about me, what about you?” he smiled faintly and finally summoned the courage to look at her. She studied his face carefully for a few seconds. His heart raced loud as a bass drum in his ears and his temples pulsated as he waited for her to start asking questions about the band. It was only human that she would, he thought. What should he say? Stick to the official version? Health factors, artistic differences… His brain was in a state of anxious overload. He tried to hold her gaze but his eyes kept darting away in an attempt to protect his secrets smoldering in his subconscious and waiting patiently to burst into flames as soon as he was alone with his thoughts. After a few seconds for her and short of an eternity for him, she just returned the smile. Jason saw appreciation and understanding in her look. A wave of relief washed over him making every muscle in his body relax from a painful spasm. He finally managed to make his eyes hold steady on her. She sighed and started. “Well, I’m a veterinarian; that much is obvious. I’m 30. The office you came to is where I work part time in the afternoon and evening shifts. I work at the ranch of famous race horse breeders the rest of the time. It’s my specialty, racing horses. I take care of the whole herd; watch horses’ fitness, diet, mare pregnancy, the whole lot. Basically just making sure that they are all fit and well and at the top of their game. Because once they’re not, things get rough on them. And that is when I cry and bang the wall and feel frustrated. No breeder wants them for long. And those horses can be brought back, they can, they just need time and effort and love and support, just like humans do. But you know how things are when money is involved. Nobody really wants to bother. So, I take all the shit, pardon my French, I swallow all the frustration and I still work, because it pays well and because I’m saving every cent I can to make my dream a reality one day. I’m not exactly any bank’s favorite client, so I just have to do my best with what I’ve got, which means I have to work, work, work.” she pumped her fist in the air, saying the last words and laughed. He listened carefully. She was so different. So different from anyone he has met and been with before. She was life that was going on outside his world. There she was, a woman with a dream and a plan how to make it true. Her eyes sparkled again, as she talked about saving horses. Just like humans, she said. He wished there was some one who could save him, get him out of this limbo, make him stand on his legs again, see the world with different eyes, explore what else it had to offer, teach him to be only Jason Newsted, rather than Newsted the newbie, Newsted the bass player, Newsted always a good friend. Always good but never good enough. She noticed he was listening to her but his thoughts were elsewhere. His brows were furrowed and his fists clenched. Sadness contorted his beautiful face. “Sorry, I got a bit carried away. One of my problems is that I talk too much.” she looked at him apologetically, hoping that was enough to make him look at her. Her voice silenced his swirling thoughts for a second. Her eyes were inviting, their intense green color taking up the room, their warmth comforting. Then he remembered that other pair of hypnotizing eyes and the room spun, the abyss opening up under his feet. He shook off the image hastily. “What is it that you dream of?” he asked quietly and looked up at her again from under his brow. The sparkles in her eyes started their dance again. “Oh, I dream of a ranch. I dream of a clinic. I dream of saving horses….Have you ever been to Montana?” His heart jumped. Of all the places… She could not have known, could she, she did not know anything about him. What were the chances… “Yeah, I’ve been to Montana” he encouraged her to go on. “That’s the dream setting for this dream of mine. It’s highly unlikely though.” she sighed. “But there’s nothing wrong in dreaming, right?” she smiled. “I’ll drink to that”, he returned the smile. “If you want to, you can go with me to the ranch tomorrow.” There was a lot of insecurity in her voice but she looked him straight in the eyes. “That is if that is something that would interest you at all.” she fell silent. “And if you have time… I mean…” she shrugged, looking around the room, embarrassed. “I don’t…” He interrupted her with his answer. “I’d love to.” Anything to get away, was the unspoken afterthought. He’d deal with his guilty conscience about that later. “I usually have lunch at a secluded spot above the ranch. It’s beautiful and I think Lucky would be safe roaming there. I could make us a picnic basket?” Where did that come from? She felt short of breath. “That sounds great.” their eyes met, the sparkles in her eyes danced, their flashes reflecting in the darkness underneath the clear blue surface. Later that day Jason was under the shower. Hot water caressed his face and body, relaxing his muscles as he recounted the rollercoaster of emotions and events of the day. He kept his eyes closed and suddenly realized that there was no dark abyss sucking him in. He was standing on the green plains, as green and comforting as her eyes. The sun shone on him as bright and warm as her smile. He did not want to open his eyes and allowed himself to linger on the plains some more. His legs felt light, a smile forced its way to his lips and stretched them, pulling the corners upwards and pinning them there. He turned the water off and the muffled sound of the TV in the bedroom reached him. “After 14 years of holding down bass duties for Metallica, Jason Newsted is leaving the band….” The feeling of lightness quickly withdrew. He stepped out of the bathroom and turned the TV off. The dark screen now mirrored his naked body, his hair dripping wet, drops gathering in thin streaks running down his back and chest. Jason looked at his naked reflection. Is it ever going to close, this open wound on his soul? Is it ever going to be over, this doubt if he did the right thing? It was the right thing to save his integrity, or what was left of it, that was the one thing he was sure of. That was what led him through the agony of breaking up from the band, of coming to terms with Angel. He never thought about what would come next. He did have plans for Echobrain, for working on his own music, for doing something different, for exploring new ways. But he never thought about what the rest of his life would look like. Music was most of it, but not all. The remainder seemed as blank as the TV screen. He sighed. Lucky staggered to his feet and licked the drops of water from his ankles. Jason took him in his hand, smiling affectionately. “Hey buddy, it’s bed time. We have a big day out tomorrow you and I and Magdalena.” Was that the answer to questions about new beginnings? He put Lucky in a basket next to his bed and turned the light off. A few minutes later he heard sad squeaking from the basket. “Train him to sleep in the basket since day one” were Magdalena’s words. “Don’t fall for his cries.” How can you not fall on that?! He sighed and took Lucky out of the basket. “OK, you, this is just for tonight and just because you’re so small. Don’t think you’re gonna sleep in my bed when you grow up” he lectured Lucky picking him up and putting him on the bed. Lucky explored the bed, sniffing around and finally curled up in a ball at Jason’s feet. Jason closed his eyes and let his mind drift off to the green plains again and roam freely. |
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| Freyja | Sep 4 2011, 04:10 PM Post #15 |
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Brilliant!!!!! The whole paragraph of him basically ripping his inner self in pieces and finishing it with this sentence - I shivered! I really like your writing style, very descriptive, really pulls you into the world you're telling about - an hour after I read the chapter I feel as if I have actually watched a movie, the picture is THAT vivid. The sinister me hopes you won't make everything for Jason and Magdalena roses and bird songs, but you'll torture them a lot before that  UPDATE MORE OFTEN!!!!!!!!! |
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5:59 AM May 22