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Refusal; Enjoy ladies. SMUT James/OFC
Topic Started: August 27, 2011, 8:16 pm (5,578 Views)
usmcjahusmc8762
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Poor Twisted Me
[ * ]
Posted Image This era James. :biggrin

It was a dark rainy night, and just like any dark, rainy night, James sat in his basement studio. A guitar in his lap, a note pad and pen in front of him. His girl of a few years was up in their room sound asleep, and he was down here. With a fresh cup of coffee , and a donut to help kep him awake, he began to scribble words down. As he read them over and over, he scribbled them out in anger. Why the fuck doesn't any of this work, or make sense?! God damnit! I just want all this to fucking come out and make fucking sense! He thought as he angrily tossed his pen across the room.

He stood, setting his guitar on its rack and headed up for bed. He stared longingly at the tiny figure curled up in his king sized bed. The covers barely covering her full breasts as she lay on her back. He smiled to himself as he stripped out of his tank and jeans, and pulled on his Pajama pants. Resting them dangerously low on his hips, and crawled in next to her. Cautious as to not wake her, he rested his arm over her waist. She stirred slightly, and rolled over, curling into his broad chest. He could feel her soft lips smile against his neck and he smiled to himself.

Zane-"Where were you baby? It's late."

James-"I was just down in the studio, trying to work on some lyrics." He couldn't help telling her the full truth nowadays. She had gotten so good at telling whether or not he was lying these days, that it was almost impossible for him to. He still was unable to understand why she was still with him. He had gone through his rehab, and relapsed. Then back to rehab. He had hit her, and he had called her things that he wished he had never called her. And yet, here she was. Still calling him baby, still curling up with him til morning. He didn't understand, but whatever the reason, he loved her. And that was certain.

Zane-"Oh okay baby. Did you get anything out?" She asked curiously, running her fingertips down his bare chest and back up. He sighed in relaxation and kissed her hair.

James-"No. Nothing that came out seemed to make sense. I may go back to it tomorrow."

Zane-"Baby? Why don't you give it a rest for just a day? I'm sure it'll be fine if you don't have lyrics tomorrow. I mean, you're only one guy."

James-"I need those lyrics Zane." He said somewhat firmly. Tensing a little as she stopped her ministrations on his chest. He had been working on not getting so frustrated every time she tried to help, but it was just so hard. Without the full control over the 'old' him, it made it so much more difficult to contain the ever present monster.

Zane-"Okay babe. Whatever you say.

James-"I'm sorry Zane I didn't mean.."

She cut him off, pressing her lips against his softly. Her hand trailing absently behind his neck, pulling him closer. There were some days he wished she wouldn't feel the need to channel his anger through sex, and other days he went along with it. After all, he was 30-something and loved getting laid. But, sex wasn't always enough for him. It gave him the release he wanted, but in the end he would still be wallowing in his anger. He rested his hand over her blanket covered hip, and pushed her away firmly. Not angrily, but firm enough to get his point across. She stared at him confused and with a hint of hurt in her gentle, blue, eyes.

Zane-"What's the matter? You don't want me?"

James-"No! No! It's not that. It's just.. I don't know.. Is it a bad thing that some nights, I don't appreciate having my bones jumped when I'm trying to vent something to you?"

Zane-"You weren't trying to vent, James. You were shutting down on me."

James-"What do you think apologizing was? An act?"

He didn't know why, but he came in here so happy to lay with her, and yet now he was just so angry at her and wanted her to leave. Go back to her apartment and not come back til tomorrow afternoon. But he was determined not to let that happen. He knew if he was to do that, it'd be the last time he ever saw her. She made that clear once he graduated from rehab the second time.

Zane-"No, but.. I don't know James. You just been so off lately. I know you are not drinking, so before you get all "assuming" on me, let me finish. It's like now you act like you never wanna have sex, and like you'd rather lock yourself in the studio all day. If you don't write something down that doesn't make sense, you kill yourself even more by getting frustrated and going back to it. All I'm asking for, is for you to maybe take a break. Just for a day. It couldn't hurt that much."

James-"You have no idea what it's like Zane. They pressure me! I'm just trying to keep up."

Zane-"And it's hard without the alcohol. I know baby. But I'm here to help you. That's all. Whether it's with a shoulder rub, or whatever that little dirty mind of yours' desires." She smiled, and he returned the grin. He couldn't help it when she tried to make things seem less tense. She had a point. Everything was so much harder without the crutch of alcohol. Everything was so much more stressful without the crutch of being in control all the time. Having to share his lyrical ideas with the rest of the group, it was hard for him to take their criticism. Which wasn't very often. But when it was, it sucked more than anything. I'm not used to it. He wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her tight against him.

James-"You always know just what to say."

Zane-"Because I care. Because I love you and know you need somebody. Though you refuse to accept the fact."

James-"I'm done refusing." He mumbled out as he closed his eyes and drifted to sleep.

More soon if you like!
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Shannyn(:
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Tongue-tied & twisted just an earthbound misfit, I
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:splat: :splat: S&M JAMES! ... :drool :drool
oh sweet lord .. :love that picture gave me goosebumps :blush:
I can already tell i'm going to like this story :biggrin :horns2
more, please! :heart:
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usmcjahusmc8762
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Poor Twisted Me
[ * ]
As the sun peeked through the shades the next morning, James shielded his eyes. A headache forming just behind his temples, he groaned softly. He rolled back onto his stomach draping his arm over Zanes' lower back. his face buried in the pillow, he suddenly grew uncomfortable and stood. Strolling in to the bathroom, he leaned on the sink. Fuck coffee before I sleep from now on. He thought as he splashed water on his face. As his head was drooped down over the sink, little water droplets falling slowly from his nose, he felt the tiny, warm arms of Zane wrap around him. He chin rested on his shoulder blade, he smiled. Turning in her arms, he wrapped his around her waist.

James-"Good morning Zane."

Zane-"Good morning James. And uhh.. Good morning Jaymz friend." She smiled when she brushed herself against him. Watching as he slowly closed his eyes an tilt his head back.

Zane-"Maybe that's why you have such a headache baby."

James-"Nah. I think it's the coffee I drank last night. Before crawling into bed."

Zane-"Uh huh. Whatever you say baby. I'm going down to make breakfast. Are you gonna shower?"

James looked down at himself, than back into her eyes. He smirked and pulled her closer against him.

James-"Would you join me if I asked you to?"

Zane-"Who's gonna make breakfast?"

James-"I'll take you out."

Zane smiled and he returned the gentle gesture pulling her night shirt over her head. He had learned to be slow, and to be gentle. Not to rush things. Zane hated all that rough shit that he had been into. And it took every part of his will not to be rough, and slam her against the walls and thrust into her ruthlessly. That was however, why she had left before. He was drunk and he had forced her into the situation. Forming the purple bruises on her thighs that she had used against him during his recovery state. Saying if he was sober, none of that would've happened. It was a cruel thing to say to him, but nowadays he has thanked her for the words, instead of hating her like he had for so long.

He continued running his hands slowly up and down her waist. Cherishing the fact that she was still standing there with him. Looking up at him with those icy blue eyes and soft lips. He knew damn well she was ready for him, but he wanted to make her wait. Slowly tracing his fingers underneath her waist band of her pj pants. Sliding them down her legs, he knelt in front of her. His hands running up the back of her thighs, to cup her butt and pull her closer to his face. His lips traced over her hips and her stomach. Resting his forehead on her tummy, she traced her fingers in his long dirty blonde mane.

Zane-"You okay baby?"

James-"Yeah, I'm fine."

Zane-"Stand up baby."

He did as he was told and she reached up on her tippy toes and placed her soft lips against his chapped, sore ones. His hands stayed at his sides until she reached for them and placed them on her waist.

Zane-"Why you being so reserved?"

James-"I'm not. I'm being gentle with you."

Zane-"I'm not fragile James."

James-"Yeah, but I know you don't like this kind of thing to be rushed. I'm jst trying to make it mean something to the both of us.."

Zane-"I love you. And I'm proud of the man you're becoming."

He kissed her in his response and tugged her hair gently. Eliciting a soft moan from her throat he groaned softly and pressed her against the tile wall between his hard body. His arms pinned on either side of her, and his hips slowly grinding against hers. She sighed and tilted her head back for him to access her neck with his lips.

Zane-"James?"

James-"Yes?"

Zane-"Be..uhm..Be rough with me?"

He pulled away and stared at her unsure. He didn't know if he could do that. Each time he set his hands on her thighs, scenes from that night..The night he put forceful, purple bruises all down her, haunted him. He didn't know if he had the self-control to do this.

James-"Zane..Baby.. I don't know if I can...I don't.. I don't wanna loose..c..control..Please baby...understand..I just..I"

Zane-"I guess we will have to find out. I'm comfortable with you James. I'll be okay. You won't hurt me. It's okay."

She caressed his cheek, snaking her hand around the back of his neck pulling him down against her lips. Kissing him hard and lustfully, she rocked herself against his groin and felt him harden more with each movement.

Zane-"Come on James...Please..Play with me...I want to.."

James struggled to keep a steady breath and forced his eyes shut as he gripped her hips firmly, pressing her against the wall. Pinning her her, he leaned down, biting her neck. Marking her ruthlessly and all over. Leaving his teeth impressions on her shoulder, and both sides of her neck. She was groaning, and grinding harder against him. Tugging her panties down forcefully, he pushed two of his fingers inside of her without warning. She tightened around him in surprise, but soon relaxed and allowed him to continue.

James-"Zane..You're so..Fuck..Just so wet...soft...and fragile.."

He rested his forehead against her shoulder and forced himself to push his fingers fater, and harder in and out of her. His thumb rubbing her clit fast and hard.

James-"I don't wanna fucking hurt you..Like I did before." His voice was just above a whisper against her skin.

Zane-"Oh..God...James..you aren't hurting me..You're pleasuring me.."

She tugged on his hair pulling his head up to kiss her hurriedly. Biting and nipping at each other, James slid his fingers out, just to add a third finger. SHe yelped at the new sensation and stood on her tip toes before adjusting and setting herself down on his hand.

Zane-"Fuck..James..I like it..I want..more..of you..please Jamie.."

He smiled and slid his pants to the floor. Thanking himself for finally deciding to never wear underwear when he slept. Grabbing her thighs in his hands, he lifted her off the ground. The muscles in his forearms flexing at the weight. Zane smiled and gripped his arms. Feeling the dips of the muscle beneath her fingers. His whole body was flexing. And it was all for her. All for her to pleasure, and to tease, and to lick, and to suck. It was no one elses'. James slid himself into her slowly. Tossing his head back, his eyes tightly shut as she tightened around his shaft. Sliding slowly out, he thrusted himself back in hard. His fingers gripped her thighs tightly. For sure leaving little bruises as he pounded continuesly harder into her. Zane moaned louder and louder as she dug her finger nails in to his shoulders.

James-"Fuck..Zane..I'm..uhh..So..fucking..close..."

Zane-"Oh harder James..Push yourself baby..Its okay..Just fuck me.."

With that he slammed into her tight slit. Reaching between them he rubbed his thumb over her clit making her moan louder. His breath started to hitch, and he could feel his arms start to shake. Lifting her, he placed her so that his forearms held her up and his hands pressed into the cool tile wall. SLam after slam, he felt his orgasm rush over him, and he exploded himself into her. She climaxed soon after him, resting her head relaxedly on his shoulder. He set her down and immeadiately pulled her into his chest. Holding her tightly, he kissed the top of her head.

James-"That was just a taste baby.."

Zane-"I know. But it was a mighty great taste my lover."

James-"We should shower and dress."

Zane-"If I shower with you, I'll be tempted to blow you.." She smiled, running her hands down his pecs, massaging them slowly.

James-"Oh please..be my guest.." He sighed.

Zane-"You want it?"

James-"Yes, please." He let his eyes slip close, finding himself harden once more for her.

Zane-"And if I just walk away now? What're you gonna do Jamie?"

James-"Fuckin' tug you down to your knees by your hair, and force you to suck me." He didn't want to say it. Or maybe he did. He wasn't playing this time though. Zane could hear it in his voice and see it on his face. He really would do it if she got up and walked away. Did she wanna test him like that? She knew he was the fragile one these days

Zane-"Oh baby...Careful, I may have to have you punish me like that..I like it when you pull my hair."

James-"No you don't. You fucking hate it..You're a good girl. You refuse to let me drag you around."

Zane-"I'm done refusing baby."

MORE SOON!
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Shannyn(:
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.. :drool :drool :drool :drool .. oh my goshhhhhh :o
that was, perfect :heart:
more, please! :bow :bow :bow :bow
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usmcjahusmc8762
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Poor Twisted Me
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James-"Be a good girl baby..I like it when you're a good girl.."

Zane-"Be a bad boy Jamie. I don't want you to be gentle anymore.."

She decided it was time to push his limits now. See if he could handle it. She didn't like watching him walk on egg shells all the time. She did honestly miss the days he would drag her to her knees and fuck her mouth. She refused to admit it to him, because she knew how much he resented himself for it. She didn't wanna send more confusing thoughts into his head than she already had. But it was time for him to come out now. To be rough, but let the monster remain caged.

She pushed herself away from him and strutted backwards out the bathroom and to her dresser. She could hear James' low growl and his heavy footsteps as he made his way towards her. His hands tight on her hips, he growled deeply into her ear. "What the fuck did I say Zane?" She shivered at his firm voice and his breath against her skin. She knew he was playing, so she remained calm.

Zane-"I don't know. I kinda blocked you out baby. Sorry. Could you repeat yourself?" She smirked back at him. Glancing at his hardened expression over her shoulder.

James tugged a thick mat of her hair in his fist. Forcefully pulling her around to face him. Tilting her head back to look at him, he gave her a playful glare, and shoved her to her knees. Gripping his length in one hand, and holding her hair still in the other, he pressed his tip against her full lips til she opened her mouth. Sliding himself into her moist mouth, he gripped the back of her head with both hands. Tilting his head back and closing his eyes, he thrusted himself into her mouth. Moaning at the sound of gagging her. He knew she'd pull back if she had had enough. So he had no worries.

James-"MM.. Yeah..Just like that..." Thrusting once more, he pushed himself as far as he could, forceing her head to stay in the one position and hold him in the back of her throat. He heard her gag once more, and pulled his hard cock out of her mouth. Watching as a line of spit left her lips and fell against her chin. He smiled down at her and pulled her head back once more by her hair. Stroking himself slowly, she smiled up at him.

Zane-"Cum on baby. Cum for me. You know I like it. Give me what I want Jamie." Her voice was low, seductive, and teasing. Making James' stroke himself faster and harder. He felt himself start to shake and his stomach flex with each heavy pant that escaped his lips.

James-"Open your mouth Zane." He squared himself over her, and placed his tip on her tongue. Moaning loudly as he let himself go. Exploding his warm juices onto her tongue. He didn't wait, pushing her mouth back onto his shaft, he forced her to suck him dry. She moaned, staring up at him with those blue eyes. Pulling away, she licked his length one last time, plastering a smile on her face. She kissed her way up his chest and over his neck. Softly kissing his lips.

Zane-"Feel better baby?"

James-"Oh.. Much better.."

Zane-"Go shower..Okay? I'll get breakfast ready for you."

James-"I'm not hungry." He smirked. "And neither should you be."

Zane-"I can swallow more than just your cock for breakfast thank you." She remarked back.

James-"Not if I say you can't."

Zane-"What the fuck are you? My master?"

He grabbed her chin in one hand and smiled playfully. "Yes. I fucking am."

Zane-"I fucking think not, asshole." She smiled chuckling softly. She liked the way they played liked this. He was never serious and he would never harm her.

Few Weeks Later:Studio

Kirk-"James? Where you on the whole solos thing?"

James-"Huh? Oh, who gives a fuck about solos guys. If we don't do a solo, we class ourselves with all these other fucking pussy ass wanna be bands. Lets just do our thing. If the song feels right with a guitar solo, do it. Kirk, if you fucking feel it while you're in there, go for it. I'm with you on that one."

Lars-"You're always fucking with him man."

James-"What the fuck is your issue Lars? Why you being whinny about it? It's not like you're playing the guitar or anything. So why the fuck does it matter to you?"

Lars-"What the fuck you biting my head off for?! I was just stating the obvious. But whatever Het. I'm not arguing with you tonight."

Kirk-"Really guys? Fucking just one night. That's all I'm asking. Quit the baby shit. We are in our 30's. Not teens. Lets hash it out in the studio."

James-"Lars is being a cunt. I'm not working at this tonight."

Kirk-"James..fucking quit being a prick. You were in the wrong for biting his head off. Lars, you are in the wrong for sulking all night and blaming James. There. Fucking settled. Happy?"

James-"No. I'm not fucking happy."

Lars-"Have you ever been happy without a fucking bottle in your hand?!"

Kirk looked at Lars, shocked that he'd say such a thing. Let alone to James. A man who was clearly of much larger size than the little Dane. James jumped to his feet, knocking the chair over that he was perched on. Clenching his fists he glared at Lars.

James-"What the fuck did you just say to me Lars?!!"

Lars-"You fucking heard me Hetfield! You've been such a prick since you quit drinking! Fucking pick up a bottle! Give us all a little break! Kirk even fucking hates being around you now."

James snapped his glare at the quiet man on the couch. "Is that fucking true! Do you hate being around me since I quit drinking?! Have I been that bad?" He was no longer raising his voice. Instead, his tone was calm, and almost gentle like. But you could hear the anger behind it and Kirk shook his head in agreement.

Kirk-"James..I don't know..Maybe it's Zane, or maybe it's the fact your trying to resist the bottle to much. I mean, it's almost like you're trying to hard."

James looked down, shaking his head and storming out of the studio. Both Lars and Kirk jumped up to go after him when Kirk grabbed Lars' arm. "Let me. You seem to be getting nowhere with him." Lars shook his head and sat back down. Kirk strolled outside into the chilly air, and found his long-time friend sitting on the curb, sipping a cup of coffee. Taking a spot next to him, he crossed his legs and looked down at the concrete.

Kirk-"What's been going on lately James?"

James-"Nothing."

Kirk-"Don't do this shit James. Fucking known you longer than that. Talk to me man."

James-"I fucking hate being pressured! And that's how Lars has been making me feel. 'Where your fucking lyrics bro?' 'Where the fuck you been Het?' Like, he needs to leave me alone!"

Kirk-"I see. Look, you really haven't been an ass. I do enjoy having you around, but it seems like you and Lars have been competing for who has the biggest fucking ego. Just let ig go sometimes. I know you're the front man and all, but let him have the spot light some days. It won't kill you. And as for guitar and lyric shit, he does have a say. And he should be entitled to it. You guys write well together. Give him that respect James. As for Lars' he's just being a prick and trying to show you his dominance. That's all. He just wants your attention. Drummers get lonely back there." He smiled kiddingly at his large friend and patted his shoulder.

Kirk-"How are you and Zane?"

James-"We're good I suppose. She wants me to take time out of the studio. Says I'm too busy working that she feels like I'm ignoring her. I'm only one man Kirk. You can't play tug-o-war with me..I don't know which family to choose. I could replace Zane with another bitch, but I can't replace fucking Metallica."

Kirk-"You can't replace Zane. You know better than to say that. We understand if you wanna take time off. That;s fine. We managed while you were in rehab. I'm sure a few days off for all of us would be good.The studio is getting to all our heads and we need new air. So, lets all go ahead and take a 6-week vacation. Alright?"

James-"^-weeks?! Are you fuckin kidding me?! I cannot stay away that long!"

Kirk-"You said that about drinking. And now look where you are? Three years sober. And I'm fuckin proud of you for that James."

James-"Thanks man. I appreciate that."

Kirk-"Get your over sized ass back in there, pick Lars' up in a big bear hug, and lets all call it a night."

James smiled, and followed Kirk back into the warmth of the building. Smiling lightly at Lars', he gave his Danish friend a hug and apologized for acting the way he had. Explaining how he had felt to put on the spot, and pressured. Lars gave his own apology and explained his side. SHaring a group hug, the guys shook hands and went back to their homes.

MORE SOON!!!
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disposable_hero
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Frantic
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Dominant James omg :drool

This is great!
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Shannyn(:
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Awh the ending was emotional :wub:
The start though.... WOAH :drool :drool :lol:
more, please! :heart: :heart: :heart:
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usmcjahusmc8762
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Poor Twisted Me
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James unlocked his front door, dragging his feet underneath him as he tiredly strolled to his bedroom. Pushing the door open with his shoulder, he pulled his shirt off slowly. Plopping face first down onto the bed. He felt Zanes' cold hands on his middle back and he groaned half-assedly. His face still burried in the pillow, he heard her say something, but it came as a mumble to his ears. He lifted his head when she removed her hand and rolled onto her side. Her back to him.

James-"I'm sorry baby. What did you say?"

Zane-"Nothing. Go to bed. You're clearly really tired."

James-"I'll stay awake to hear you talk. Please. I wanna hear."

Zane-"Why are you home so late? I mean, I don't want to bitch at you like I'm your mother, but James it's fucking 2 in the morning! You said 10!"

James-"Some shit went down. I'm sorry."

Zane-"Some shit went down..Hmm. Like what kind of shit James?" Her stare was icy, and James felt his skin heat with the nerves of her accusing him.

James-"Lars and I got into an argument over guitar solos. Stupid, I know. Doesn't make sense and not enough for you to believe me."

Zane-"How did you know I'd think you were lying to me?"

James-"Cause for the past few weeks, that's all you been doing! I haven't had one drink, one sniff of Cocaine, or anything! You know how fucking hard I'm trying to be the man for you?!"

Zane-"That's the thing! You're trying to be something that you are not!"

James-"So I've never been the guy for you?! Why the fuck have you stuck around me so long then?!"

Zane-"Because you're someone I thought I could trust, and love and one day fucking marry!"

James-"I'm never fucking getting married Zane! Fuck marriage! I don't need a fucking wedding band to tell me I'm fucking committed. I fucking love you! And that's not an act or a joke! I do love you! I'm just trying to show myself that I can actually love someone! It doesn't make sense to you, because you've never had to be where I'm at. Where love was just a four letter word that didn't mean shit!"

He stood, angrily stomping into the kitchen. Swinging the refrigerator door open. Cursing as he found nothing even close to Whiskey. These would be the times where the 'old' him would grab the bottle and down at least half of it. But he couldn't fucking do that. He was stronger than that.

James-"You know what fucking Kirk told me today?! He fucking told me he was fucking proud of me! For being sober so long! Have you ever said you were proud of me?! Didn't fucking think so!"

He made his way towards her, settling with a Coke in his hand. He got so close, that their noses were almost touching. His breathing heavy, and his glare strong. He ignored the fearful tears that were welling up in Zanes' eyes. She was strong, she'd get the fuck over it. He thought to himself.

James-"Why the fuck you still here Zane? Huh? If I'm such an ass, and such a liar, why the fuck you still with me?"

Zane-"Because I know I'm the only thing keeping you on your path of staying sober. I know that if I were to leave, you'd go right back to drinking."

James-"You don't fucking know the man I can fucking be."

Zane-"A man is not drowning their issues in the bottom of an amber liquid filled bottle, and then taking it out on some slut in the shower."

James grabbed her shoulder and pressed her into the wall. He wasn't hurting her, nor was he being forceful. But his fingers were firm on her collar bone.

James-"Shut the fuck up. You don't fucking know who I am! Or what I've had to endure!"

Zane-"Yeah, I do James. You're a fucking alcoholic. A violent one at that. And you take it out on whatever skank is closest to you with her mouth open. You're not a man James. You're a fucking animal. And no one else has the balls to fucking tell you so that you can fix it. No one but me. And you're just pissed off because you fucking know I'm right about you."

James let go of her and looked down. Just to angrily throw the soda can across the room, hitting the wall and splattering the dark liquid all over the wood flooring. His chest heaved in frustration and anger. She was right. She was so fucking right. He rubbed his hands over his face, and slicked them back through his hair.

James-"Fuck you for being right." He choked out.

She stepped forward, placing a shaky hand on his shoulder.

Zane-"I'm not sorry for those things I said James. Sometimes you need to hear the things that hurt and anger you in order to get it. I do love you, and don't doubt that for a minute. I am proud of you, but it's hard to say sometimes when you pull shit like this. Cause you're not showing me something that I should be proud of."

James-"What do you want me to show you Zane? I've run out of things to prove to you."

Zane-"That's because they weren't real James. They were just things you were telling yourself that sounded good. Show me the real you. That's all I'm asking for."

James-"You wouldn't like the real me, even if it pounded you real well between those pretty little legs of yours'."

Zane-"We'll just have to see about that won't we?"

James-"We can't keep having make-up sex. It may be working for you, but it's not working for me. It's destroying me. I hate all that PDA shit you ask me to do at the mall or in the park. Fuck that. That's for us to see, not the world. I fucking love when I get to take you somewhere nice, and glare at a guy because he stared at you wrong. The real me? You want the real me? Watch me in the studio. Read my fucking lyrics. That's the real me. I don't know how to show it when I'm out of my environment. I never had that chance. And I'm not willing to take that chance now."

Zane-"Why?"

James-"Because, it's different. And I'm happy with the way I'm going now."

Zane-"You're happy with this? Really James?"

James-"Yes. I am happy with this. This is what a relationship is. Fighting, and loving."

Zane-"And if I'm not happy?"

James turned and stretched his arm out, pointing at the front door. "Then there's the door Zane. I'm not gonna hold you hostage in a place you are not happy. I never have, and I never will. If you wanna leave, then go. I'm not stopping you."

Zane-"Well that's assuring and comforting. Thanks James."

James-"Sometimes you need to hear the things that hurt and anger you in order to get it." He was looking her dead in the eyes as he repeated her words from earlier. His heart was beating slow and steady. He knew if he had been unsure about letting her go, his heart would be beating much faster, and he'd be shaking. But this felt right to him. To let her go. Maybe it was time.

Zane-"Is that what you really want James? For me to go? And never come back?"

James-"It's not about what I want Zane. You said yourself that you were questioning your happiness. I told you I was happy, but I'll also be fine if you left. I do love you, don't get me wrong, but I'm not gonna love someone who's not happy loving me."

Zane-"I'm not loving you though, James. I'm loving an animal that is still uncaged."

James-"I'm always gonna be this way Zane. There's no caging this animal. That's how it is. If you don't like it, or if it's not enough for you, then too bad. I'm sorry. But I'm not gonna try anymore. I'm drained of trying."

Zane-"Fine James. I'm sorry it happened this way."

James-"Don't be. You can't fight fate."

With that Zane walked back into their bedroom, grabbed a duffel bag of clothes and headed for the door. Turning the cold knob, she opened the heavy wooden door. Being met with the warm air of the night, she turned, facing James once more. He was staring at her casually, his hands deep in his pockets and his eyes gentle, looking into hers.


Zane-"I'll pick everything else up tomorrow at noon."

MORE SOON!!!
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disposable_hero
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AW NO :(
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Shannyn(:
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OH MY GOSH! :o
That was intenseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
More, PLEAAASE!
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The next day around the mid-afternoon, James awaited Zanes' arrival on his front step. Resting his arms on his knees, he thought about the night before. Why don't I feel anything? I really did love her..I mean shit, three years is a long time.. God damnit! I just wanna prove to her I can be something than what she knows so well. Fuck! Oh well, they come and they go. I'm obviously not affected by it, or I would've called her by now. She never really treated me that well anyway. Or was that all me? Should I try again? Fuck, it's too late to even try. Fuck it. I'm just gonna let her go. Damn here she comes. Fuck she looks hot. She's wearing that shit on purpose. Damn her. What a bitch.

James snapped out of his trance and stood. Plastering a forced side smile, he stepped off to the side. She brushed past him, not even glancing twice at him. Hello to you to whore. James thought as he angrily shoved his hands in his pockets. Fuck. Why the hell am I angry? I'm the one who kicked her out. She don't fuckin owe me a smile.

He followed her to where she was in the bedroom. Leaning in the doorway, he just stared at her. His eyes watching her body move and flex as she lifted her things from the chest of drawers.

James-"If you want help with the heavy stuff, don't hesitate to ask." He stated blatantly. She just nodded her head, and continued staring down at her project. Zipping the one bag, she went for the picture by his side of the bed.

Zane-"Were you gonna keep this? I was wondering if maybe I could take it..Ease your mind a little."

James-"Take what you want that ever belonged to you or our memory. Don't matter to me."

Zane-"James, it'd help if you'd be a little bit more sensitive. You're being a jackass."

James-"How?! I offered to help you lift the heavy stuff. How is that being a jackass?"

Zane-"You're acting like it doesn't hurt you one bit to watch me do this! At least a welcoming hug would've been nice."

James-"That would've been awkward Zane. Besides, you didn't even so much as look at me, and secondly. I didn't wanna hug you, and make you start thinking that I changed my mind. I don't wanna send mixed feelings."

Zane-"Little late for that..."

James-"Just.. Get your shit, and get the fuck out." He glared at her and strutted off into the kitchen. Within the next hour or so, she had all her stuff in the tailgate of her truck, and was standing in front of him on his porch.

Zane-"Bye James."

James-"Yeah. Goodbye Zane."

She awkwardly reached out and hugged him tightly. Rubbing her hands down his back, she quickly pushed herself off him. Walking to her truck, she got in and sped off. Away from the life she wished she could've saved, and could've loved better.

THAT NIGHT: STUDIO WITH KIRK AND LARS.

Kirk-"James...James...-sigh- James..James!!"

James snapped up at the screeching sound in his sound proof headphones, and tossed them off his head. Glaring at the window, he motioned his shoulders up as if to ask "What?"

Kirk-"That sounded fucking amazing dude! But hey. Lets step outside and talk about it." He gave his friend a concerning look and motioned his head towards the door. James stood, setting his guitar on the rack, and headed out of the studio waiting for his friend to approach him.

Kirk-"Lars told me what happened. Said he saw Zane this afternoon with all her shit packed in her truck."

James-"Yupp. I saw Lars' too. I waved to him."

Kirk-"Care to share what went on between the two of you? Especially since it has you so deep in a trance.."

James-"I let her go Kirk. She said she wasn't happy, and I told her there's the door. I'm not gonna hold someone down if they aren't happy with me."

Kirk-"Why wasn't she happy James?"

James-"Honestly, I'm still trying to figure that one out. She said I wasn't proving to her what a man I could be by staying late at the studio, and that I acted like I never wanted have sex. When really, the only time she ever wanted to have sex was if we just got done fighting. I wanted to solve things by talking. She wanted to solve them by sucking my dick. I don't know Kirk, I didn't love her. I told myself I did, because I wanted to actually try and feel something..But it was all a lie. All 3 years of it."

Kirk-"Man, you are capable of loving. Look at how you feel with this family. That's what love feels like James. You've always had trouble loving girls. that's not an issue. They just don't understand you, because you won't let them. Hence Zane. You let her believe you were a totally different person, while at the same time, letting bits of the real you slip. You can't do that. You either give them all of you, or none at all."

James-"If I knew how, I would."

Kirk-"Fuck dude. That's such a lie. Stop telling yourself this bull shit 'I don't know how'. Like Really bro. You know how, I just think you don't want to. That's your issue. You're so worried about a girl judging your image and your rep. If they do, then fuck 'em. And not in the literal sense James. I believe Zane was actually happy. I don't think she was happy with the games you constantly played with her head and her heart. As cheesy as it is, that's as plain as I can make it. You fucked her over. She was just trying to be there. And you can get angry all you want, but I'm right. And Lars' is going to tell you the same thing James."

James-"I didn't fucking love her Kirk. I know that for a fucking fact. She was a bitch, and fucking hated the me that I've always been."

Kirk-"James, you don't even know who you are. Maybe that's your issue. You don't even know who you are unless you are drunk." Kirk stood and strode back towards the studio.

James-"Fuck you Kirk! You don't know shit." His friend just kept walking and raised his hand, giving James the highway salute in response. James sat there for a few minutes before deciding to get up and drive towards the neon light down the street. If he got to drunk to drive, he'd walk towards the studio and hope he made it there. Stepping in, he curled his nose at the foul smell of alcohol and cigerettes.

What the fuck am I doing here? I'm not even supposed to be drinking. Fuck. Maybe Kirk was right. I shoulda kept the little bitch around. I did fuck with her head a lot didn't I? Damn, Zane. Come back. Just walk in here and drag me out by my shirt, like you always used to before I went to that rehab. Tell me I fucked up, tell me you love me. Tell me you wanna fuck me Zane. Just walk in baby. Please. I'm done refusing you. I'm done refusing my heart. I'll put this monster away, if you just walk in here. James twirled the long neck in his hands and took another sip. His third one of the night. He knew he should stop. He could feel the buzz coming on and he could feel the beat of his heart slowing. The bartender stared at him from the corner and popped another one. Sliding it James' way. He gave the bartender a half-smile and looked down at the fresh beer. Fuck if I'm paying for that.

James stood, and wobbled towards the door. The bartender holding him up around the waist. He pushed the large man up against his truck door and reached in his pocket for the mans' keys. Taking them and placing them in his own pocket he looked up at the drunken mess in front of him.

Jace-"Hey man. Can you fuckin hear me? Do you understand me?"

James-"Mm..yeah.. sure..." He slurred.

Jace-"I took your keys. Go ahead and sleep in your truck tonight. I'll return them in the morning okay?"

James-"You fucking stole my truck and put it to sleep?! What the fuck man?! Give me my truck."

Jace-"You're leaning against it. Look, climb up there and go to sleep."

James-"Oh...uhmm...okay..I can do that...I can walk to the studio..its right there.." James pointed in a random direction and the bartender shook his head. Knowing farewell the studio was back the other way. He knew the drunken man would attempt to walk there if he went inside, so he helped James into the passenger seat, and drove him to the studio. Letting them both in, he helped the half-passed out man walk to the couch, and lied him down. Setting his truck keys on the counter.

MORE SOON
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disposable_hero
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More please.

I love this fic so far. :biggrin
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Shannyn(:
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"You fucking stole my truck and put it to sleep?! What the fuck man?! Give me my truck." :lol: :lol:

ooooo love it love it love it! :biggrin
MOAR! :horns2
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James groaned quietly, running his hand over his temples massaging them lightly. His eyes squinted shut at the dimly lit room. How the fuck did I get here? And what the fuck happened last night? Fuck. I went drinking..So much for 3 years of being sober..God damn it. I just gave her an excuse to say I told you so...Fuck you Zane...Fuck you for not fighting me on staying with me. Fuck you for actually buying what I said. Just...Fuck you!! The last thought came out in a half assed yell, and he slapped the glass lamp onto the floor. Covering his ears as it broke against the hard wood flooring. He walked to the back room, where the bathroom and shower were and stood in front of the mirror. His hair was all a mess, his shirt wrinkled and stained of beer, he could smell the left over liquor on his breath, and to top things off, the dream he had had, left him with morning wood. Leaning on the counter, he stared longingly into the bloodshot eyes that just stared back at him. He looked like utter shit.

Centered around James' thoughts.

I had no fucking right to go out and drink. I have no fucking right to blame her. You were so good to me Zane. Why did you believe the shit I fed you? I never really wanted you to go. I want you to come back. I want you to hold me again Zane. Fuck, I was so horrible to you. I never should have called you those horrible names, I never should have argued with you when you were so right. I should have been your man.. I regret everything about this relationship..Everything but meeting you, holding you, and kissing you. Everything but telling you that I love you. God, I love you so much. Please Zane..don't ever forgive me for these sins. Use it against me to make me a better man. Fuck what am I thinking?! I am not a fucking man! I'm a fucking coward, who couldn't face you with the truth! I'm a fucking bastard who couldn't find the strength to tell you how I really felt. I am not a fucking man!! This is a fucking monster! I fucking hate you!! Go away!!! I don't want this anymore!!!

He stretched his arm out quickly, shattering the glass underneath his knuckles. Grasping a shard in his fist, he clutched it tightly, til he could feel it piercing his calloused palm. I just want to be free..Free of it all..Someone..Just please..Set me free.. He tossed the shard of glass across the room, watching it explode into tiny pieces against the tile wall. Looking down at his palm, he rubbed the bloody mess down his white wife-beater. Staggering still from the massive headache pounding in his head, he gripped the walls for balance til he reached the swirly chair in the studio part of the building. Plopping down, he tossed his head back and closed his eyes. A slide show of the life his and Zane had had began to dance behind his eyelids. Right then, he began to hallucinate the feel of her hands rubbing his chest, and his stomach. He could smell her perfume, and feel her breasts against him. He could feel her lips on his neck, and then on his. He slid his hand down in to the waist band of his baggy jeans, and touched himself slowly. He watched as she bounced on top of him, he could feel the firmness of her ass in his hands as he held her up all those nights.

His hand began sliding up and down his length, his thumb teasing the tip every few strokes. He bit his lip, chewing softly til he could taste the light amount of blood he was drawing from it. He stroked himself faster, as he pictured their wild time in his pool when they first met. Her tan body, contrasted against the white bikini as she slowly stepped into the cool water. Seductively walking towards him, her hands tracing the tops of the water. She had been undressing him with her eyes the whole day, and he had just got his chance with her alone. His stomach began to roll as he felt his body coming to it's edge. Squeezing a tad bit tighter, he stroked faster and exploded himself in his jeans.

James-"Even in my thoughts, you fuck me Zane. Gad damnit..Will I ever get you back?"

He reached over for the paper towels and wiped his hand off. Leaning forward, he dropped his head in his hands and closed his eyes. This guilt is going to kill me...I should feel guilty..You were such a good girl..And I turned you into such a dirty one. God Damn it..I'm to blame for all this...I never should of done those things..I broke that promise Zane...I told you I wouldn't drink anymore, and I did...I told you, you were the only one..and you weren't...There was always another one..Those were my long nights at the studio..I'm so sorry Zane. Baby..I'm soo sorry. I messed up..I fucking fucked up baby girl..I fucked you over one to many times...And I regret it. I regret it all...Take me God..Just take me now...I don't deserve to walk this Earth for the things I have done..

James stood and rushed out the door. Jumping into his lifted truck, his prized possession, he leaned over and reached into the glove-box. Grasping the .40 caliber in his hand, he placed it in his lap. Tracing his fingers slowly over the barrel, and down to the Safety knotch. He unclicked the safety and undid the clip. Checking to see if it was loaded, he slipped the clip back in. Cocking the gun, loading the top bullet in the chamber, he set the gun back onto his thigh. Am I fucking stupid?! What the fuck am I doing?! Fuck..I am stupid..Stupid for the way I've treated the ones who wanted to care..I'm stupid for hitting Lars' that night, I'm stupid for beating Zane in a drunken rampage..Fuck..What the fuck would it matter? It's not like they want a monster around...It's not like they'd miss the dick I have become..I'm a pussy...I'm a coward..I'm unwanted here..Fuck all this shit! Just fuck it all!!

Removing the clip from the .40, he cocked the gun once more, til the bullet fell out of its chamber. Holding it in his hand, he slipped it back into the clip, and clicked the safety back on. Shoving the gun back into the glove-box, he stepped out of his truck and headed back into the studio. Slamming the door shut, he stepped into Lars' and his room. The one they stayed in when a day at the studio turned into an all nighter, from the amount of alcohol they would have consumed back in the day. He looked at all the Playboy posters they had pinned to the wall. Angered by the sight, he tore them down and tossed them into the trash. Grabbing the picture of him and Zane off the coffee table by his bed, he let his eyes well up with tears. Out of shame, he tossed the photo across the room. Breathing heavily, and realizing what he had done, he stalked over and picked the broken frame up.

Removing the photo, he held it in his bloody palm and pressed it against his chest. He wanted nothing more than to just get her back. But it was too late for that. Stuffing the smeared photo in his pocket he searched the room, for anything that may refer to the 'old' him in any way. He wanted no trace of the monster he once was. He wanted to come back here tonight and be clean. Clean of everything. He didn't want to walk in and have to stare at those sluts in the photos, or stare at the empty beer cans, and the beer stains on the carpets. He hated that smell. Being on that note, he walked out of the studio, locking it up, he drove down to the nearest barber. Signing an autograph for the middle-aged man, he received a fresh haircut and went home to shave. Impressed with his new look, he smiled at himself in the mirror. Going to his kitchen, he unlocked the cabinet where he kept his stash hidden from Zane.

Grabbing the long neck bottles, he dumped the expensive, amber liquid down the drain. Smiling softly to himself as he did so. Next he walked to his room, and tossed away all the Cigar packs, and condoms, and thongs that belonged to unknown visitors. Grabbing the album he had secretly made of him and Zanes' life, he taped the picture on the last page. Writing a note he taped it to the front of the book.

Hello there Zane,
how are you my baby girl? I created this book in secret..And trust me, it was hard to keep from you. It's a story in pictures of the life we had lived together for 3 years. Baby, I love you. And I absolutely regret everything about the relationship. All my actions, and all the words that ever left my throat. I regret leaving you here all alone while I was on tour partying. I fucking love you baby girl, and I know damn well, that an apology is not worth any of your time. I was never worth any of your time. I have now realized how hard you were trying to be there for me. To make me see that you loved and cared for me. I was such an ass to you. Fuck I was more than just an ass. I would like it if you'd meet up with me, and let me explain everything. Let me explain to you who I REALLY am. What I am. Please..I know I don't deserve it, but please baby..I love you Zane..and I think it's time you understand just what it is that I am. If you decide to meet me, I'll be at the little green patch I used to take you to whenever we'd go on dates. I'll be there all day. So you may show whenever you please.
LOVE, your Jamie.


MORE SOON!! WILL SHE SHOW?!!!
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Sober James is best James. :biggrin
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