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| Somebody That I Used To Know; Het, James fic, drama/romance | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: December 16, 2011, 2:04 am (14,468 Views) | |
| Voxx | January 18, 2012, 10:55 pm Post #136 |
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Yes...Jason's girlfriend!! And you're right. She is definitely running away from her problems. She's just trying to rationalize her actions. Hopefully I will be able to update soon
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| Lilith | January 19, 2012, 12:53 am Post #137 |
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♥ Jaimelicious ♥
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Well, in her place I would have done exactly the same. Yes she might be running away, but it's the sensible thing to do. Honestly she is basically who messed up with both guys. She seduced Jason, but, even if he is the cute sensitive guy in here, he acted no better. He let her lose her virginity to him while she was drunk, to then take no responsibility. And James might have abused her, but she should have seen coming that giving a free pass to her bed to a horny drunk --boyfriend or not-- meant a huge risk to her phisical integrity. Both relationships are screwed up at this moment. A fresh start is the best. |
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| Some_Kind_Of_Monster | January 19, 2012, 7:13 am Post #138 |
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☠ (R.I.P) † Return Is Possible †
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Great chapter! Although this avoiding James for two weeks was a bit childish to me. If you have something this horrible to share, just do it, I know I would! I've been through some haevy shit in my life and escape is not a good idea. But I can understand what she's going through and why she's so keen on chenging he suroundings. You write in a such way that, every thought and emotion is understandable and clear for the reader, thank you. Can't wait for more
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| Scorpion Flower | January 19, 2012, 5:06 pm Post #139 |
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Outlaw Torn
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I think she should have come "clean" with him, not wait two weeks to do so. To me , he was a complete jerk, even if she said yes, he was going to do it either way. I know he was drunk, but being drunk cannot be an excuse, it was abuse. A fresh start is good for her, hope she manages to keep her ideas in place, only that way she'll know what she wants for her life. More and more I think James is not what she wants:)) But that's just me, one can only wonder, right? |
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| Voxx | January 21, 2012, 12:34 am Post #140 |
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Hello! I've got a pretty big paper due on Monday, so I probably won't be able to post again until after then. But I needed a break from the monotony of politics and religion in the post-colony ( ) today and wrote up this little bit for you ladies. While in many instances, I don't particularly agree with Kat's actions (in that I would make different choices in many of her situations) I am going to defend her waiting two weeks to talk to James! I think that she needed to take some time to think about what she wanted to say to him, to collect her thoughts and to calm down a little emotionally. Given the ambiguity of what happened, I think it was important for her to wait until the events became a little more clear in her mind. I think if she had confronted him right away when everything was still so fresh and painful, the conversation would have gone a lot differently and potentially more violently and aggressively. Time is supposed to be the ultimate healer right? Anyways! Moving on! Enjoy this next little bit. It's nice and short. Edit: Actually, it's not that short LOL Chapter 22 I had stopped dead in my tracks when I had uttered my question, my face frozen in shock as I took in this stranger who was being so unabashedly forward in someone else's home. After she had placed her purse on the kitchen table, she turned to me, hands on her hips and gave me her best don't mess with me look with raised eyebrows and steely eyes, though I was unimpressed. I waited a few seconds for her to answer but she didn't. She just continued to stare at me, wide eyed and full of attitude and really starting to piss me off. My eyes narrowed at her, "I live here, thanks for asking. I'm glad we cleared that up. Now who the hell are you and how did you get in?" I asked her once more, trying to remember if I had locked the front door when I came in. I always did and I was certain that today was no different. I took the last few steps into the kitchen so I was facing her on the opposite side the kitchen table. I crossed my arms over my chest in an unfriendly manner and stared her down aggressively. As I waited for her to answer, and she processed what I said, it dawned on me that maybe walking into the kitchen wasn't the best idea. For all I knew she could be a crazy psychotic woman killer who liked to squat in her victims' homes. I bit the inside of my cheek a little nervously and tried to maintain my less than friendly composure, hoping I looked semi-intimidating in my green cashmere v-neck knit sweater, charcoal pencil skirt, bangles and purple pumps (for a dash of colour! See, I know fashion!) Somehow, I doubted it. I looked the picture of corporate America. Not intimidating at all. Finally she spoke. I was surprised by her response. She ignored my questions and instead fired several new questions at me in rapid succession. "You live here?" she asked incredulously. "You live here with Jason? As in his roommate? As in the marketing consultant? As in you're a girl!?". She finished her questions and glared at me with such intensity and fury I was sure she was going to pop her head off, or at least give herself a brain aneurysm. "Yeah, that's me. A real bonafide girl. Guilty as charged. Now could you please answer MY question?" I asked her back in anger, shocked at how rude she was being to me. "I do live here! You're the one trespassing and I'd like some answers if you would be so kind" I told her matter-of-factly and a little cheekily, though I immediately knew who she was when she asked if I lived here with Jason. It must the girlfriend. Armed with this new information, I gave her a closer inspection as she answered my question. She had shoulder length blonde hair, not a platinum blonde, more of a natural dirty blonde. It was cut in a plain style and she had bangs. She seemed to buy into the current hair spray craze and it made me cringe inwardly. I hate hairspray. Her eyes were brown and her face relatively plain. I thought back to my initial reaction of her. Not ugly, just not overly pretty. She was your typical average looking woman. She was curvy with large breasts and a curvy bottom and though not chubby, she wasn't exactly slim either. Standing closer to her, I realized that she actually wasn't that short. I would place her around 5'5 maybe, though compared to me just being shy of 5'11, she was short. She also looked a little older than I had expected, closer to 30 I would guess. All in all, I must admit I was surprised by Jason's choice in a girlfriend. He always struck me as the type that would go for tall, slim, busty platinum blondes, not what stood before me. But each to his own I guess. "I'm Judy," she said to me hesitantly, almost like she was remembering her manners, though wanted to ignore them at the same time, "Jason's girlfriend". "Uh huh, well Jason's not home. I guess he gave you a key" I said as I looked at the key she had set down on the kitchen table and then back up her. I raised my eyebrows and gave her an appraising look before turning to go back into my room. "Try not to break anything while you wait for him" I threw back over my shoulder more as something snarky to say, rather than actually meaning it. I slipped back into my room and shut the door halfway before deciding to tidy up a bit. It wasn't that I didn't like her, I didn't even know her yet, I was in no position to make that judgement. It was more the fact that she had given me attitude and had been rude to me in my own home! I also figured that Jason would have some explaining to do when he got home. She didn't seem too impressed that his roommate was a girl. The sadistic part of me kind of thought that was funny. I smiled to myself as I imagined the blow up that would occur when he got home. I spent the rest of the afternoon busying myself by tidying up room. I organized my desk and the stacks of papers of it. I dusted, vacuumed and then washed the floors and cleaned my mirror and windows. Mr. Frisch's assistant had called me back to give me the details of my flight and hotel. They had booked me in the Ritz Paris, which I knew happened to be a very expensive and well-to do hotel downtown. When I had hung up the phone, my sense of excitement increased tenfold and I could hardly contain myself. But I had calmly walked back to my bedroom to closet myself away from Judy's questioning looks. What she did while I was tidying my room, I have no idea. It was close to suppertime when Jason finally came home. I heard the key in the lock and then the door opening and closing quickly. I was sitting in bed reading a book. I heard him greet Judy warmly and she greeted him back, though not nearly as warmly. "Why didn't you tell me your roommate is a woman?" I heard her ask him semi-quietly, though the annoyance was clear in her voice and it prevented her from speaking as quietly as I think she would have hoped. Jason didn't answer right away. He was probably having an "Oh shit" moment and I was sure he was trying to come up with something to say that wouldn't piss off Judy. "How do you know? Did you meet her?" he finally replied. I cringed a little at his response. If Judy wasn't mad before, she sure would be now because with an answer like that, it seemed like Jason was purposely hiding his female roommate. Then I thought about how many times I said I'd like to meet her and hadn't until now. Maybe he actually didn't want her to know about me. "Yes, I met her! It was quite a surprise I must say. I let myself in like you told me to and the first thing I saw was this beautiful Amazonian woman staring at me me in horror! Why didn't you tell me that your roommate is a woman?" she asked him furiously. Sensing that this was a conversation that Jason would want to have in private, I got up quietly from my bed and as silently as I could, closed my bedroom door so they could at least have their conversation in semi-privacy. Though as I was closing the door I heard Jason mutter, "Actually, she's not South American, she's Scandinavian and Russian. So I doubt she looked like an Amazon". To which Judy replied, "Who fucking cares!?". I winced at her tone as I managed to close the door without being heard. Poor Jason was sure to get a tongue lashing now. I turned my radio on in an attempt to try and drown out their voices and hummed along. I knew if I was in Jason's place, I wouldn't want him eavesdropping on me, so I was making an effort to not listen in, however tempted I might be. I snuggled back under my covers and resumed reading my book. A half hour later there was a knock on my door. "Come in" I called softly as I leaned over to shut off the radio. Jason opened the door and gently closed it behind him before leaning casually against it. "Hey" I smiled at him. "Hey" he replied sheepishly, hands in pockets, looking down embarrassed, but smiling nonetheless. "So you heard?" he asked me. I wrinkled my noise and gave him a sympathetic smile. "Just a little bit" I admitted. Jason sighed and threw himself onto my bed so that he was lying on his stomach facing me. "How much trouble are you in?" I asked him teasingly. He rolled his eyes at me but returned my smile with a shit eating grin, "Not so much that a good roll in the sack won't be able to fix it". I shook my head at his response, but my smile grew. I was happy that Jason had found someone to be happy with. It made me feel slightly less guilty about possibly leaving San Francisco. "What do you think of her?" he asked me suddenly and I was caught off guard. I opened and closed my mouth several times like a stupid fish and Jason snorted at my expression. "That bad?". "No?" I replied quickly. "No not that. I uh...it's just...she seems older" I finished lamely and then face palmed at my terrible comment. I'm such a bad friend. Jason narrowed his eyes and hung his head, hiding his expression from me and I was afraid that he was mad at me. Ah great, I thought. Way to screw things up. But when he raised his head he had a small grin playing at the corners of his mouth, despite the obviously serious expression he was trying maintain. I saw right through him. I grabbed one of the down filled pillows beside me and chucked it at his head playfully. It hit him square in the face and he let out a burst of laughter. "Yeah, she's a little older" he admitted, "I met her at a bar. She's an elementary school teacher". I clamped my mouth shut trying very hard to swallow the laugh that was on the verge of exploding out my throat. "Uh huh..." I said carefully waiting for him to continue but I knew that my face was giving everything I was trying to hold in away, whether I was silent or not. "Kat! Shut up!" Jason shouted at me, though he was only playing because he teasingly tossed the pillow back at me. "I didn't say anything!" I protested as I raised my arms to protect myself from the pillow, but I was too slow and it hit me in the face anyways and dropped into my lap. I rolled my eyes in jest, "Great, now you've ruined my hair" I said as I pretended to be concerned with fixing it. "Oh hush, your hair looks great". I smiled, pouted a little while posing for him and blinked my eyes slowly a few times. "Why, thank you!" I joked. Jason rolled his eyes at me and then continued. "I know she's different than girls I normally date, but I like her. I like her because she's different and not all about the music and the band. It's nice to go out with someone and talk about something other than music, you know?". I nodded in agreement. "Look, I talked to her for all of sixty seconds. I can't really make a judgement about her based on that. But if she makes you happy, then that's what matters right?". I smiled at him and moved the pillow off of my lap and set it back down beside me. He was watching me, his head cocked to the side and long hair messy and in his face. He casually tucked it back behind his ear as he narrowed his eyes as me. "You seem oddly happy" he said to me suspiciously. I licked my lips as I stalled, trying to think of the appropriate thing to say. "I am happy" I settled on saying though said it cautiously, weighing my next words carefully. "I talked to James today. He came by the office". "Yeah, I know" Jason interrupted me and his expression immediately changed to one that was less than happy. I raised my eyebrows at him but then shook my head. "Actually, I don't want to know. It's over now. I'm moving on". Jason nodded his head in understanding. "I'm going to Paris though. Tomorrow actually; to get away, clear my head a bit". I pointed towards at my packed suitcase. Jason looked over his shoulder at it and then returned his gaze to mine. "How long?". "I don't know to be honest" I confessed. Jason was silent for a few moments. I watched the wheels turn in his mind as he processed my news. Then he reached out and took my hand in his own. It enveloped my much smaller one and felt warm, calloused and familiar. He gave me a small smile, genuine but sad at the same time. "I think it will be good for you to get away. I'll miss you though. Even if it's only for a little while". I looked back at him, at his blue eyes, saw that he legitimately felt what he said and I felt that familiar feeling flip flop feeling as my stomach tied itself into knots. I had tried very hard to ignore it while I had been with James and I tried very hard to ignore it now. I panicked a little, gently pulled my hand away and willed myself to think of something else. I smiled at him the way a friend would and then changed the subject. Staying on the subject of missing each other while I was gone was a dangerous one. "Did you need me to spend the night at Dahlia's so you two can have some alone time?" Good save? I wasn't so sure. My heart skipped a beat as he smiled at me mischievously. "No, don't be silly. We're fine. I can be quiet" he waggled his eyebrows at me which elicited a small laugh from myself. "Okay. But you won't be seeing much of me tonight. I'm going to try and stay out of your way. I know I said I wanted to meet her, but honestly, I don't exactly think I'm her most favourite person right now. Probably be best to wait until she cools down a bit before I spend any serious time with her". "Ah...yeah. Look I'm sorry about that" Jason apologized meekly. He looked like he was about to continue but I held up my hand to stop him. "You don't need to apologize to me Jase. It's none of my business" I leaned over and ruffled his beautiful curly locks, "Now go. Your lady is waiting". Jason sighed and then slithered off of my bed. "Come wake me before you leave tomorrow?" he asked as he was leaving my room. I nodded that I would and then he left, closing the door gently behind him. I sighed and then reflected upon our conversation. Elementary school teacher, I thought. Dumb bitch should know I don't look like an Amazon then. Oh god! That was mean. I mentally kicked myself and then slumped down further in bed and picked my book back up. Nice thoughts, I told myself, think nice thoughts. Edited by Voxx, January 21, 2012, 2:32 am.
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| Lilith | January 21, 2012, 3:24 am Post #141 |
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♥ Jaimelicious ♥
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So everything is ready for her to leave. Although she seems a bit jealous of Judy. But distance is what she needs right now. |
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| Scorpion Flower | January 21, 2012, 6:50 am Post #142 |
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Outlaw Torn
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I think she was a bit jealous of Judy!! But then, most women in her situation would be. I am quite sure of that. Hope she has a great time in Paris, and hope she doesn't get lost in the fashion world, it is quite easy to do so. Now let's see what happens:)
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| Some_Kind_Of_Monster | January 21, 2012, 7:06 am Post #143 |
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☠ (R.I.P) † Return Is Possible †
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Elementary school teacher, I thought. Dumb bitch should know I don't look like an Amazon then. Nice chapter, Kat is a strong, young woman. I'm sure she'll make things right. (and she will be missing Jason )
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| Nah Bruno | January 21, 2012, 11:42 pm Post #144 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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So glad you updated it! Yes, her jealous is kind cute. I think Paris will do good to her and the boys will probably freak out if she really become a model We all wanna see some James too
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| Voxx | January 22, 2012, 12:09 am Post #145 |
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Don't worry, I can assure you that James has not been written out of this fic. He will still be very much present.
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| Nah Bruno | January 23, 2012, 11:14 pm Post #146 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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I won't let this go to second page!
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| Voxx | January 23, 2012, 11:22 pm Post #147 |
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Some Kind Of Monster
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So here's the next update ladies. Some time has passed since the last chapter and a lot has changed. There is, sadly, no James in this chapter, but I assure you, he's not gone. He is still very much central to the story. He will be making an appearance shortly! I hope you enjoy it and it doesn't disappoint. Feel free to leave comments if it does! This chapter was actually really long, so I've split it into three parts. Here's part one ![]() Chapter 23 Part 1 A year and a half later September 1988 A year and a half later I was living happily in Paris. My meeting with Chanel that day had gone well. I had done a short photo shoot and the pictures had been developed right away to show Mr. Lagerfeld and his team. I was surprised by how natural and easy it felt to pose in front of the camera. For me, it was like I got to become another person while I was in front of the camera and tell a story with my body. It wasn't me that was being photographed, it was a character, and I ended up enjoying the process immensely, more than I ever thought I would. Karl Lagerfeld had loved my photos and the walk I had shown him when he asked, despite being incredibly nervous and star struck when I met him. He had hired me on the spot as the new face of Chanel. I was both astonished and ecstatic that he had decided to give me a try. His reasoning was that Chanel sought to be the top fashion house in the industry, always attempting to start the latest trend and be one step ahead of everyone else. He thought that by signing an unknown woman to be the new face of Chanel, he was doing something that was unheard of in the industry, and he thought it was fun and edgy. He also told me that I had the right look because of my heritage. I looked slightly exotic with my snow white skin and high, defined cheekbones, but still relatable to his target clientele. He liked the contrast between my white skin and dark chocolate brown hair. After that initial meeting, I rarely saw Mr. Lagerfeld, except for official functions or fittings for the runway shows. My career with Chanel began with a whirlwind. Before I knew it my face was in magazines, billboards and on the runways of Paris. I was advertising both their perfume line and their clothes. At first, it was difficult adjusting to the hectic lifestyle of a model. To begin with, I was older than a lot of the other girls and they resented the fact that my job was just handed to me. I hadn't had to work my way up through the ranks the way they had. So initially, making friends had been tough. I actually befriended a few photographers and creative directors first before I was able to have friendly, genuine conversations with the other girls. In many ways, I understood their resentment of me. So I tried to downplay my ego and be as nice as I possibly could. I didn't want to give them more reasons to dislike me. I also found it difficult to get used to photographers and journalists following me around while I went about my daily life. I was told that because I was unknown to the industry, journalist might try and dig up things from my past and print them in papers and magazines. I did my best to ignore the journalists and I rarely gave interviews, only if I was required to by Chanel. I also made a point to live carefully in Paris. I knew that everything I did was a reflection of Chanel. I didn't want to give them a reason to terminate my contract with them. Thus, I rarely attended parties, only if they were official functions and I refrained from dating. In fact, other than my career change, my life now was relatively similar to my life in San Francisco; except, of course, it was absent of Metallica. Despite the few transitional difficulties though, I actually really enjoyed modelling. During the brief period of time that I had been doing it, I learned a lot of myself and I dramatically matured. Since I was one of the older girls in the business, I often found myself shocked and appalled by what some of the younger girls would say about other girls whom they claimed to be friends with. It was like being back in high school; filled with drama and cattiness. I stayed as far away as I could from these petty dramas. I had no interest bad mouthing any of the other models or photographers. I just wanted to do the job that I had been hired to do and then get out of there. Because of this, and my decision to refrain from partying and dating, I was labelled a bit of peculiarity within the industry, hence some of the interest from journalists. During this time, I learned a lot about who I was when I had to pose in front of the cameras. It really was all about assuming a character in order to model and market the product. Sometimes it was about playing a femme fatal, other times playing it was about playing a hard, strong woman and other times it was it was about being naive and innocent. Regardless, I found that I needed to know exactly who I was and be well grounded in order to play the role of something I wasn't. I enjoyed these challenges and I threw myself into my work with gusto. Modelling had made me grow up a lot and I wasn't the same woman I was when I left San Francisco. I felt like the blinders had been lifted and I was finally able to discern what I wanted in life. I felt more in charge of what was going on in my life than ever before. So here I was, a year and a half later making a name for myself in the fashion industry. It was mid September and early in the morning, but I was already busy, bustling about my Parisian apartment. I was lucky enough to be able to both afford and get one in such a great location. It was right in the heart of the city; above a cafe and about five minute walk from both Pont Neuf and the Louvre. It was small, as most inner city apartments are, especially in older buildings, but it was cozy and just the right size for me and Figuro. From my kitchen window I had a beautiful view of the Seine that I enjoyed every day when I ate my breakfast, and today was no different. I had just poured boiling water into my French press to make a nice, refreshing cup of coffee and was clearing a space on the counter top to prepare some berries and yoghurt to go along with it when I heard a soft knock on the door. I stopped, puzzled a little, but then thought it might be my elderly neighbour. She often took little getaways and asked me to water her plants while she was away. I wrapped my thigh length black lace and white silk chiffon robe around me a little more tightly to make sure I wasn’t indecent and then I tiptoed over to the front door. I undid the safety chain, turned the lock and then opened the door. I got the surprise of my life when I opened the door to reveal a tired, dishevelled and slightly confused Jason on my doorstep. He was holding a piece of paper in his hand and was looking down at it, brows furrowed when I opened the door. However, once the door was completely open, he raised his eyes to me and smiled when he recognized me, pleased that he was obviously at the correct address. My heart started to pound frantically in my chest and I was sure I stopped breathing as I took him in. His hair was longer than the last time I had seen him, which was a year and a half ago, and he had put some muscle onto his frame. He was still slim and toned and still wore the same jeans and t-shirt combo that I had come to love on him. His blue eyes sparkled when they met mine and I felt a big silly grin spread onto my face as I looked at him. In his other hand, Jason was carrying a duffel bag. He dropped it on the floor as he stepped forward to embrace me warmly. I opened my arms to receive him, speechless, completely unable to form any coherent words. I was overjoyed though. I held him tight to me and I felt him bury his face into my neck and hair and breathe me in deeply. I ran my hands over his back and relished at the way he felt against me. I started to pull back from the hug but Jason held on tighter, not yet ready to let go. "Jason" I breathed, finally able to speak. At my voice, Jason finally loosened his grip and I was able to step back and look at him again. He was smiling broadly. "Do you have any idea how hard it was to find this place?" he teased me. I shook my head, still in shock, but happy all the same. I stepped back and gave him some space as I held the door open further. "Come in!" I encouraged him. He picked up his duffel bag and slid past me, intentionally crowding my space as his face passed inches from mine. I shivered as I closed the door behind him and took a few moments, locking the door again, as I cleared my head. I turned around and saw Jason looking about my cozy apartment. Figuro came trotting over to see who the visitor was. Jason scooted him up and gave him a kiss on the head and then held him close to his chest while he stroked him lovingly. "Hey there buddy. I've miss you" he spoke to the cat affectionately, the way you would speak to a child. I smiled to myself as I watched him, almost in a trance, still trying to come to grips with the fact that he was here. I shook my head, trying to clear it again and padded softly into the kitchen. Jason put Figuro down and turned back to me, reaching to pull me close again. I sidestepped him playfully, heading towards the French press to show him that I had a purpose, but really, I didn't think it was a good idea to get too close to him. As happy as I was to see him, I didn't exactly know what his motives were for being here. I pressed the plunger and poured two cups of coffee and prepared them each to our liking. I handed him his coffee and the finally asked, "What are you doing here Jase? I mean, it's not that I'm not happy to you see, because I am, I'm just really surprised" I said to him honestly and then took a sip of the hot, soothing liquid. I sat down on one of the stools that were on the other side of the counter and Jason took the other one. He took a sip of his coffee but then promptly spit it back into his cup, fanning his mouth a bit. "Hot!" he declared, setting it back down on the counter top before giving me a sidelong look and then continuing. "Well we're on tour now" I nodded because I knew that. Metallica had just released their latest album And Justice For All. I knew that they were embarking on a tour to promote it. "We're in Europe right now. Our next show is in Munich but we've got the weekend off and I just wanted to see you. I miss you Kat. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of you. Phone calls and letters just aren't enough. I needed to see you" he said softly. I smiled and reached out to take his hand. It was warm, calloused and so familiar it made my heart ache a little as I realized how much I really had missed him. We locked eyes again and then Jason's eyes lowered as he gave me a slow once over, taking in my skimpy robe. I watched him bite his lip as his eyes roamed my body. I shivered a little and tried to ignore him as he did it, not really wanting to know what he was thinking. Instead, I remembered how upset Jason had been with me when I had come home from Paris and told him I was leaving San Francisco to move there. "I can't believe you're leaving!" he shouted at me, slamming his hands down onto the kitchen table. I stared at him, wide-eyed, not knowing what to say. "What am I going to do without you?" he demanded. I swallowed the lump in my throat before I spoke. "I need to do this for me Jase. I need to leave. I need to get out of this city and away from everything. This is my opportunity". I did my best to hold back my tears that were just behind my eyes, threatening to fall at any moment. Jason glared at me furiously. "When have you ever expressed an interest in modelling?" he asked me rhetorically. "You're running away. You did this when Marc died and you're doing it now. Face it, be honest with yourself. You don't want to face your problems. You're like a child Kat". "Jason..." I trailed off, not knowing how to make him understand that I just wanted a fresh start. "Is this partially about Judy?" he asked me, completely throwing me for a loop. "What?" I asked him surprise. "No, Jason it's not. I made this choice before I even met her. It's just, this place, it's toxic for me now. I can't breathe when I'm here. I need to leave. It's for the best". "Kat?" Jason said my name softly, pulling me out of my mind and back into the present. "Did you hear what I said?". His face looked concerned, almost like he was afraid that I was going to reject him and ask him to leave. "Yeah, I did" I smiled at him. "I missed you too. I'm glad you came. I gave his hand a squeeze before dropping it and standing up. I walked around to the other side of the counter. I knew that Jason was watching me keenly, probably staring at the bottom of my robe that only just barely covered my bottom. "Are you hungry? I was just about to eat actually". Jason shook his head. "Thanks, but no, the coffee is fine" he said and then pointed at his still steaming cup of coffee. I nodded and then set about the task of washing an assortment of berries, cutting up a banana and mixing it with some plain yogurt. Jason watched me in contented silence as I went about the task of preparing my breakfast. Every so often I would look up at him and we would lock eyes, his gaze intense. thoughtful, but happy, and I would inevitably blush and look away shyly. It was during one of these times that I looked up that I noticed the manila envelope still sitting on the counter top amongst all of my other mail. My heart skipped a beat and I almost dropped the knife I was using to cut the banana. I was sure my eyes widened in panic and I started to shake a little. I dropped my eyes, hoping Jason hadn't seen and I carefully avoiding looking at the envelope again. I silently prayed that he wouldn't see it and pick it up to look inside. Though he would have no reason to do so, I was suddenly beyond paranoid that he would and decided I needed to get him out of the kitchen as soon as possible. I finished preparing my breakfast and then picked up my bowl and coffee and brought Jason into what I called the den, though the kitchen and den were in the same room. The apartment was open concept, separated by the breakfast bar. I sat down on my sofa, tucking my legs underneath me, being careful to make sure that my robe wasn't revealing anything. Jason sat down opposite from me and I could feel his eyes roaming over my body again. I shifted a little nervously, but my heart rate slowed a little now that we were out of the kitchen and I could go back to enjoying his presence without the threat of him discovering the envelope. I took a spoonful of my yogurt and looked at the slim, yellow gold band on his left ring finger. "Judy's well I hope?" I asked him. I remember when during one of our brief phone calls Jason had told me that he had married Judy in a civil ceremony at city hall earlier in the year. I was beyond surprised when he told me. I never thought that Judy was the type of girl that Jason would end up settling down with. But then who was I to judge? I had told myself to be happy for them, and that was what I was doing. I knew that Jason going away on tour was probably going to be hard on her until she got used to it. And for that, I felt sorry for her. I sincerely hoped that it work out for the two of them. Jason glanced down at his wedding band, spread his fingers wide and then adjusted the band on his finger slightly. "Yeah, I think so". I raised my eyebrows slightly at his tone and words as I shovelled another spoonful of yogurt into my mouth. It was almost uncaring and callous. I decided to ignore it though. If they were having problems, it wasn't my place to ask. If he wanted to talk about it then he would. Though I was quite concerned now. "That's good" I smiled at him and he returned it, though this time the smile didn't meet his eyes and it looked forced. It made me wonder what kind of problems they were having, but I kept my mouth shut about it. "I still have to get your guys a wedding gift" I teased him. Jason rolled his eyes and set his mug down on the coffee table in front of us. He started to unconsciously spin his wedding band on his finger again. He shook his head and the pushed his hair back for his face. His jaw was set firmly, and it made me think that maybe their problems were quite serious. He tilted his head to regard me and his fair felt back in front of his face. "I don't want to talk about Judy" he declared harshly. His tone was final so I merely nodded my agreement that we would not talk about Judy, but in my head there were alarm bells going off. As his friend, and someone that cared about him deeply, I wanted to ask him what was wrong, but the finality in his tone was what stopped me. I never heard that tone come from Jason when he spoke to me, so I decided it would be best to heed it. Jason picked his coffee back up from the coffee table and took a closer look around my apartment, surveying it from the couch. "You've got a nice place" he noted. I nodded in agreement, "Yeah, I really love it here" I paused and then sighed, "It feels like home, more so than San Francisco ever did" I smiled at him, "It must be my French connection through Montreal". He returned my smile and then continued to look around. His eyes stopped wandering and focused on something next to the small stereo system near I had near the window. He put his coffee down and walked over to pick something up, though I knew exactly what is was when his eyes became locked on the stereo. He turned around, holding up a CD case and was grinning broadly. "You bought it?" he asked me teasingly as he plopped himself back down on the couch. "I thought you hate metal?". Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. I snatched the case from his hands and turned it over, pointing at his picture on the back. "Actually, I don't hate metal; I just prefer not to listen to it. And, I bought this record because well let's face it; you look hilarious! I'm planning on blow this picture up to hand on my wall" I teased him and then burst out laughing when his jaw dropped and he looked at me in a mock offended manner. He snatched the case back and looked at his photo. "What's wrong with it?" he demanded from me as he scrutinized it carefully. I smiled smugly and plucked it back from his fingers. "Look how angry you look. Did you really have to pretend to look so angry? Was it a requirement?" I ragged on him and then furrowed my brows and set my jaw firmly, starting intently at Jason. In a deep voice I said, "Look I"m Jason. I'm angry". "Okay that's it! Give it here!" Jason laughed and then reached for the CD case again but I pulled it back out of reach laughing along with him. He crawled on top of me and I hid the case underneath my bum. "If you think I won't try and get it from there, you're crazy woman!". Jason grabbed me around the waist, picked me up easily and then plopped me down on the other side of the couch. He then picked up the CD triumphantly. "Gosh, you've gotten light" he remarked suddenly and then started to poke my belly. It tickled and I started to laugh hysterically, clutching my sides and batting his hands away while shouting at him to stop. "Really, Kat, in all honesty, you look thinner" he said sounding concerned. I shook my head at him, "I've dropped a dress size, but I'm nowhere near to being as thin as the majority of the girls I see. I'm actually considered heavy in the industry". Jason looked at me dumbfounded before exploding. "What the fuck! That's insane! You're so thin! You've always been thin! What size are you now?". "Jason, you never ask a woman what her dress size is" I chastised him playfully. I decided to revert the subject back to the record he was still holding in his hands. "You know, I was surprised by the record to be honest. It wasn't quite was I was expecting". Jason grimaced slightly before turning it over to look at the back cover again. "Yeah, you and me both". I waited silently for Jason to explain. "I'm guessing you noticed the bass, or lack of bass on the record". I nodded. In fact, I had. I had found it odd, given how audible the bass had been on the previous Metallica albums. Jason snorted before tossing the CD onto the coffee table and then stretching his legs out, resting them on the coffee table before crossing his arms over his chest. "Yeah well, James and I had a few disagreements after you left. I think it was his way of sticking it to me, you know by turning the bass down so low you can't even here it". I raised my eyebrows, though to be honest, I wasn't all the surprised that he and James had had a few disagreements after I had left. I was surprised that James would be so petty though/ I cleared my throat hesitantly, unsure if I was over stepping my bounds here. "Do you want to talk about it?". He glanced at me, and I felt like he was trying to gauge my mood before he continued. He seemed to have judged that I looked okay, because he turned to face me more fully. "Well, they were about you Kat. I mean you obviously left to get away from him and I was pissed about it. I felt like I had lost my best friend because James couldn't keep his dick in his pants and his hands off of you, and I told him as much. We got into a few physical altercations over it too". He waited for my response. His tone was matter of fact, not angry, not resentful; just stating the facts. I decided the best course to take would be honesty. I looked at Jason sympathetically, tilting my head slightly. My long hair fell in front of my face and I pushed back over my shoulders and behind my ears. It was getting long now; it was about two thirds of the way down my back. "Jason, in the time that I've been here Paris, I've had a lot of long, lonely hours to sit here and think about everything that happened between James and I and you and I". I paused, unsure of what to say next. I had thought about saying this to Jason for awhile now and I wanted to make sure I said it right. I scooted a little closer to him so I could look him more fully in the eye. I wanted him to know that I was serious about what I was going to say. He blue eyes watched me carefully, but blankly, not giving a hint of his emotions away. "I want to say I'm sorry. I know now that what happened between us was unfair to you and I should have never have put you in a position where I led you on, even if it was unintentional, and then date your friend and band mate. I was being willfully naive about you being okay with it; because really, deep down, I knew. I knew how felt about me. I knew and I kind of liked it. I liked knowing that there was a guy out there that loved me no matter what I did. I was so unfair to you. I took advantage of our friendship. And when that terrible night happened and I asked you to pretend to be okay with James..." I trailed off in the middle of my long speech because I had to stop and take a deep breath. I looked away for a second to try and regain control of my body. I was shaking slightly because I was scared that Jason wouldn't accept my apology. I was so scared that deep down he resented me for everything that I did to him. I raised my eyes back to Jason's and his eyes were still vacant of emotion. His body though was relaxed. That much I could tell. I swallowed and balled my hands into fists to stop them from shaking. "I asked a lot of you, to not confront James. I thought at the time I saving you from making a mistake I thought you would regret. But now I see, I had no right to make those decisions for you. Just like I was out of line to lead you on like I did. I just really need you to know Jase, that I'm so sorry. For everything". I finished saying what I needed to say and took one last deep breath. It felt so good to finally be able to say all that. It felt freeing in a way. I waited patiently for Jason to respond. I wasn't expecting him to say much, but part of me wanted to know that he accepted my apology. He grabbed my hand, holding it firmly and he gently ran his thumb over my knuckles while he look straight ahead, pondering what I had said. I was nervous, because he wasn't saying anything. But the feeling of his thumb continuously stroking my hand was reassuring. If he really did deep down resent me, I didn't think he would be holding my hand right now. At long last, he turned to face me fully. He shifted his whole body to face me, taking his legs off of the coffee table and tucking one underneath him so his body could shift accordingly. "You don't need to apologize". I started to protest but he released my hand to place a finger over my lips. "Shh" he commanded me, though he smiled warmly at me. "I'll accept it because I know that's what you need from me, but I don't believe that you owed me any kind of apology. Things happened and everyone made mistakes. But nothing was wholly your fault. I don't need an apology from you. Okay?". I nodded at him, for the sake of not arguing. I didn't want to argue with him, especially now that I had said what I had needed to say. Now that that was over with, I just wanted to be able to enjoy the time I had with him before him before he left. "Now, let's hug it out" he insisted and teased at the same time. I smiled as he leaned over, opening my arms to receive him. Only he didn't hug me, he scooped me up in his arms and firmly deposited me in his lap, only then enveloping my in his arms. I squealed in surprised when he picked me up, completely taken aback. He held me firmly against his chest and rested his chin on my shoulder, nuzzling my neck slightly as he always used to do. His breath was warm against my neck and his hair tickled me. I tried to relax against his body as he held me close, but it felt both right and wrong at the same time. I didn't know what Jason thought he was doing, but it was impossible for me to revert back into our old patterns and friendship; especially given the fact that he was married and I knew Judy still didn't like me very much. I had heard her a few times in the background while I had talked with Jason on the phone asking him to come to bed or to talk another time because she needed him for something. But every time he had rejected her, and I always felt a little guilty over it. I knew that Judy especially wouldn't appreciate Jason pulling me into his lap like this. I felt awkward and unsure. I thought my apology would be the start of a new chapter for us, but from Jason and the way he continued to hold me, all I could discern was that he didn't want things to change. To be honest, I felt confused as I sat there in his arms. I wanted to be there because it was comforting and familiar, but I didn't want to be there at the same time, for precisely those same reasons. "Jason" I said to him softly as I tried to squirm away from him. His arms pulled me tighter and he held me firm. Against my back, I could feel his heart racing in his chest. He murmured softly, his lips against my silk covered shoulder. "Please Kat. I've missed you so much. Just let me hold you. I need you. It helps me to forget". I half turned to look at him. His eyes were closed as he rested his forehead against my shoulder blade. I could feel his warm breath through the silk of my robe. It was creating a hot pocket of air between my robe and skin. I relished in the way it felt, but at the same time knew I needed to get up from his lap before this went any further into old patterns. My heart went out to him though, as I remembered how he hadn't wanted to talk about his marriage. And now with the words he had just spoken, it was abundantly clear that whatever it was, it was seriously bothering him and he was trying to avoid it. I felt like maybe my attempted apology had maybe stirred up some of what he was so clearly trying to forget about. "Jason" I repeated his name as I tried to gently unhinge his arms from around me, "you have to let me go. I have to get dressed. I've got a fitting to go to this morning. Fashion week is next month and I need to have my garments fitted to me. I can't be late". It wasn't a lie, it was true. I did have an appointment to keep this morning. "Why don't you come with me?" I suggested, thinking that it might help him take his mind off of what was bothering him so much. "Okay" he mumbled into my shoulder and I felt the vibrations travel through my body dangerously. I shuddered and quickly stood up when he released his grip. I took our mugs and my bowl and put them in the kitchen sink to wash later and slipped into my bedroom. I went into my adjoining bathroom, pulled my long hair back into a ponytail and washed my face. When I was done, I patted it dry and went back into my bedroom to apply my makeup in front of my vanity. I had just finished moisturizing my face and was going to get to work on moisturizing my body when Jason padded into my bedroom. He sat down on my bed and I looked his reflection in my mirror. He was watching me intently. I sighed, puzzled at his odd behaviour. "Jase, I have to get dressed". He shrugged his shoulders and then leaned back on my bed, supporting his weight on his elbows. He stared back at me through my mirror. "What's stopping you?" he challenged me. I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from saying "you" because I thought that might end up hurting his feelings. But at the same time, I didn't know what to think by him coming in here when he obviously knew I had to get dressed. I didn't know what he was playing at or why he was being so strange. I looked back at his reflection. But I answered his question honestly. "Jason, it's different now. You're married" I reminded him pointedly. "I don't care" he whispered, giving me a clue as to what was bothering him. "Well I care" I retorted a little testily. But I reminded myself to breathe so I wouldn't lose my temper with him. "It's nothing I haven't seen before. I want to talk to you. I haven't seen in you in a year and a half. Don't make me wait outside” he whined, sitting up slightly to look at me more fully in the mirror. I squirmed as I felt the heat in his gaze, despite the fact that the mirror seemed to dissipate it slightly, I still felt it keenly. In a way, I was being silly because I had done a few campaigns that could be considered risqué that thousands of people around the world had probably seen, including Jason. In fact, I knew he had seen them because the few times we talked, he mentioned seeing them. So what was the difference if he saw me in my lingerie now? Well for starters, the way he was looking at me, like he was willing my robe so slip off of my shoulders was honestly making me uncomfortable. "Jason..." I whispered as I lowered my eyes and crumpled a little under his gaze. I heard him get up from my bed and walk over until he was standing behind me. I could feel the warmth resonating from his body; he was standing so close to me. I looked up and we locked eyes again through our reflections in my mirror. He leaned down, his hands first resting on my shoulders and then slowly sliding down my arms until they came to rest on my hips and then the knotted belt around my middle. I shivered at his touch, so familiar and yet now it also felt foreign to me. He leaned down further as his fingers gripped the knot until his lips were level with my ear. Our eye contact never waned and my lips were open in a slight "o" as I held my breath, unsure of what he was going to do next. "I just want to look at you" he whispered into my ear, his blue eyes staring into mine, willing me to agree. "That's all" he whispered again, though his voice held the hint of a growl in it. He waited for my response patiently, though I was frozen. I had no idea what to say or do. I mean what do you do in a situation where your best friend who was at one point in love with you, and who you lost your virginity drunkenly to, who is now married and you live thousands of miles away from, but then comes to visit you and has been unable to keep his eyes off of you since he got here and whom you were also at one point slightly in love with asks if it's okay if he watches you get dressed? I gulped audibly, unable to answer him. Help? |
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| Voxx | January 23, 2012, 11:23 pm Post #148 |
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Aww, you're such a darling! Good thing I just updated!
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| ElisabethOrion | January 24, 2012, 12:10 am Post #149 |
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I'm creatively constipated.
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Hehehehehehe Jason you horny bastard. KEEP GOING YOU'RE DOING GREAT! :horns2
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| Voxx | January 24, 2012, 12:17 am Post #150 |
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Aw thanks for the encouragement! (miss you're lovely comments, I'm glad you're back!)If my schedule permits, I'll post part two tomorrow. It's so long, I wouldn't want to to discourage people from reading the update because of the length
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![]](http://z1.ifrm.com/static/1/pip_r.png)
I LOVE THIS




I've been through some haevy shit in my life and escape is not a good idea. But I can understand what she's going through and why she's so keen on chenging he suroundings.
) today and wrote up this little bit for you ladies.
But then, most women in her situation would be. I am quite sure of that. Hope she has a great time in Paris, and hope she doesn't get lost in the fashion world, it is quite easy to do so. Now let's see what happens:)
)


8:38 PM Jul 10