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A Taste of Eternity; Het, Baby James meets Stephanie...
Topic Started: December 19, 2011, 4:35 pm (18,972 Views)
Voxx
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Some Kind Of Monster
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:(

Worst part of Metallica's whole story.

"After long hours trying to calm him down, we both went to bed. I woke up when the day was already up and James wasn’t there. I began to hear a voice on the street. I peeked at my window and it was him shouting Cliff's name"

^ This is my favourite line. I think it really speaks to the pain that James feels at this point in his life. I really hope that Cliff's death doesn't negatively impact their marriage. I hope Steph doesn't revert back to drugs as an escape from the pain.

These two sure have a long road ahead of them.
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Anselmo's Girl
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Phil crazy!
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This chapter almost made me cry :'( poor cliff :heart: I knew that part was gonna come soon too :(
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

;_; I knew this was coming... but still it was so sad to read, got tears in my eyes... :(
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Nah Bruno
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Poor Twisted Me
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To know this is true is the hardest part... :(
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
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Next day the funeral took place. I showered and then I met James in our room sat on the bed with his head down. He had a terrible night of sleep, he almost didn’t have any and many times I raised from the bed to support him. He was crushed, broken and devastated. It was pitiful to even look at him. I was grieving too but I had to be strong for him, I had to be the one trying to put the pieces together this time but I felt powerless because there was nothing I could do. I dressed in black and then I looked at him, standing right in front of him.

“Are you ready?” I asked him. He looked up at me. His eyes shadowed black and red, swollen, he looked pale and restless.

“No.” He said sighing.

“We have to go babe.” I insisted stretching him my hand. He took it and got up holding onto to me right after. I felt his shoulders shake for the million time. I closed my eyes feeling the warmth of his body against mine and cried with him. I don’t know at that time if I was crying for losing one f my best friends or for seeing my husband in such state of misery.

“Why did this had to happen?” He asked.

“I don’t know sweetie. I don’t know, I wish I had an answer for you, I wish I could make you feel better.” I told him caressing the back of his neck. He strayed and looked at me, his blue eyes filled with water and pain. Not even when he lost his mother I’ve seen him that way. He was having such a hard time dealing with it.

“Can you drive?” He asked me. I nodded. James took my hand and we left the house towards the funeral. He didn’t talk to me on our way there, I also didn’t insist, I guessed he needed his time alone. He needed to be alone with his head to get things together. My hands were shaking while I drove. I didn’t know what my reaction would be once we got inside the church or his and his was what even concerned me the most.

We parked next to Lars. I recognized Kirk’s car as well, we were the last ones to arrive in there. There was some press outside the church shooting photographs as people arrived. James was called many times for declarations.

“Leave me the fuck alone.” That’s all he said while walking in hand in hand with me. Never looking at anyone, his gaze on the ground. He lifted his head when we stepped inside. Cliff’s coffin right in front of our eyes with a photo of him on top. My heart raced and I felt my knees shaking and getting weaker. My lips began to tremble as I was trying not to cry, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t hold my tears at the vision of my friend’s body lying dead inside a black box. I sobbed low. James squeezed my hand and then as my sobs were uncontrollable he surrounded my shoulders and guided me inside the church. We sat up at the front row right in front of Cliff. By our side all band members, his father and his mother. They were crushed, as you can imagine.

Cliff’s dad took James in his arms in a close and tight hug. James sobbed so much I thought I had to take him out of there. I thought he wouldn’t take it, then he sat by my side holding my hand and entwining my fingers with his. The priest began the ceremony. We all rose as he asked and then he blessed the coffin. The whole time James held my hand. He was shaking. I didn’t pay attention to the others but I was sure they were bleeding inside too. They were all very closed and they all loved Cliff to bits. Losing a friend at such young age should be forbidden. None of us were ready for that. We thought we were invincible, immortals and there we had the proof that we were not. God should be damned for all that I knew. God could kiss my ass.

As the coffin was taken to the cemetery we all followed walking. The guys right up at the front and James always clutched onto my hand. There I knew there was nothing I could do but just the fact that I was there was enough for him. My presence was enough to help him cope with that. Cliff was cremated. They rested the coffin for a bit before they dived it into the fire. We all said our goodbyes. I held the coffin close and kissed it countless times. I cried hard at that part. That was sure my last goodbye, I would never listen to his voice again, or hear him laugh or see him play. That was it for everything that concerned him.

“I love you my friend. I will miss you. Please, I hope you’ll be with your arms open to receive me when my time comes. You hear me! Rest in peace. You will be missed Cliff.” I said kissing the coffin as if I was kissing his cheeks. James took a hand to my shoulder and pulled me back.

“We have to let him go.” He whispered to me. I buried my face in his chest crying and sobbing violently. His arms surrounded me into a hug. It was his time to comfort me. I turned around to watch the coffin disappear in huge flames of fire. I rested against James body looking for support. We all cried when we finally couldn’t see anything but fire and then the small door closed. There was no turning back. You know until everything is finished is like you’re living a huge nightmare and then when it’s all done and that moment arrives you sink in reality and you acknowledge that it is real and it’s painful as hell. The boys were lost. Metallica was missing a bass player.

Their management was in there and they asked for a meeting right after the funeral. I went back home driving our car and James went with Lars. How could be the management thinking about a meeting when their best friend’s funeral had just happened? These things were pretty hard to understand. I was sure they didn’t have any decisions on their minds, I was sure they still didn’t know what to do or decide.

I stopped by the market to buy some food. Some people of the neighborhood stopped to give me the condolences. They were used to see Cliff around and they sure knew who James was. Somehow, having these familiar faces trying to comfort you felt good. After the small shopping I returned home. I changed to sweaters and laid on the couch. I tried to watch some TV but I could not concentrate, so I looked around and decided my house needed to be cleaned. I dusted, I ran the vacuum cleaner. I washed the windows and did the laundry and then not satisfied and as James was not home yet, I decided to clean the cupboard and organize it better. In a over all, all I needed was to be occupied. After the cleaning I was exhausted so I went for a shower, I changed to clean sweaters and began to cook dinner.

James loved my meat loaf so that’s what I bought for that night. I prepared the whole thing and put it in the oven. Then I peeled some potatoes and prepared them to boil for a couple of minutes and then I spread them in a tray, cream sauce all over it, small slices of cheese and I should join them with the meat in the oven. Then I prepared salad and opened a bottle of red wine. Everything should be ready by the time he’d get home. I was washing the cutlery when he opened the door.

“Smells good.” He said trying to smile at me, but that smile I knew and loved was not part of him. Not yet. His smiled vanished in seconds and it was sad. I walked up to him and kissed his lips.

“How are you?” I asked him.

“Not good.” Was all he said. “Do I still have time to take a shower?” I nodded. I saw him walking into our room with his head down. Then I saw him walking inside the bathroom, holding some clothes in his hand, still with his head down. I came back to the sink to wash what was still left.

“Steph…” He called me. I looked back to find his head peeking outside the door. “Is it ok if I shower? I mean the whole place is shinning, what the fuck did you do?” I was glad he was, at least, trying to joke.

“I needed to be busy. I cleaned the whole house.” I explained.

“Seems like you bought a new bathroom!” He exclaimed disappearing behind the door. I smiled looking down at the sink again. I set the table and turned off the oven. I took everything to the table and then knocked on the bathroom’s door.

“Jamie, are you taking long? Dinner’s ready.” I informed. He opened the door the next second, coming out in black sweaters, white shirt and his hair tied up. We sat at the table and I served him first. I don’t know if it was from the physical effort I’d done cleaning the house but I actually felt hungry. James, on the other hand was just playing around with his food.

“You’re not eating…” I said. He looked at me with his eyes filled with water again.

“I am not hungry Steph.” He said. I reached for his hand and tapped it.

“You have to make an effort babe.”

“I lost my best friend. We, the band lost a friend not just a band member that we didn’t care about. Today it was his funeral, we’re not even sure if we still want to do this without him. Management called us to say we need to find a new bass player to continue the tour.” He began to talk what was on his mind.

“Wow…” I said surprised. I didn’t expect that. Is that the respect they have for people? Or it doesn’t matter at all, what matters is business, concerts and money rolling.

“Yeah Steph…” He said holding my hand. “I don’t even know if I want to do this without Cliff, how can they ask me to go on stage without him? Do they know how weird it feels for us? Do they even know how hurting we are? Do they even care? We have to look for a bass player next week, next fucking week.”

“Cliff would have wanted you guys to continue Jamie.” I said trying to give him confidence. “You guys are good babe, you have to carry on. Cliff would be happy!”

“And do we have to go on this soon? Fuck the concerts, I am not even ready to travel. How can they expect us to be inside a bus after all we’ve been through. We’re not fucking machines! We’re human beings!”

“Unfortunately I don’t think management sees that. Or they’re just trying to pull you up, I don’t know. They have their strategies, they might sound inhuman but maybe it’s the best way.”

“That’s what they say. The more we stay here grieving the harder it will be.” He said.

“I don’t know what to tell you but if you’re not ready then don’t do anything because it will damage you at some point.” I was concerned that they were not giving time for them to grieve properly and it’s not good when you don’t deal with your pain when you just disguise it inside.

A week later they began the auditions for the next band member. I didn’t know how they would pull this through. I had a tough week dealing with James. He drank too much, and when I mean too much it was really too much. It was my turn to take cold showers with him because he could barely stand most of the times. He’d show up at home late at night stumbling on his feet, slurring and sometimes aggressive. I held his hair while he puked on our toilet, sometimes he didn’t even reached the toilet and puked on the floor. Things were pretty bad but I tried to cope with it and with his pain. I hoped he’d get better.

That week, around the middle of the week they have chosen Cliff’s substitute. James delivered me the news with some sarcasm on his voice. I can’t say I was happy for them, the feeling of having another person in Cliff’s place made my stomach churn but I had to give the guy a chance, it was not his fault at all. I met him one night at a club. He was a nice kid from Michigan. Jason was his name. He was incredibly bullied that night, I felt sorry for him. I had to be sympathetic but I, myself, was struggling with the rage inside my heart. Cliff should be there and not him.

I can’t say Jason’s first times were easy but he was eager to play with them. To get him used to the band they played a small gig in San Francisco before leaving to Europe again. They entered the stage all dressed in black, that would be a routine ever since Cliff died. I couldn’t even watch the whole show. Every time I looked at the right side of the stage I expected to see Cliff and it wasn’t him there. I could only imagined how the boys were feeling. Still none of that was Jason’s fault and they were all pouring their misery down on him. Corinne came back to her homeland right after Cliff’s funeral. None of us heard of her again. She loved him so much, she crossed my mind several times over the years but none of us knew how to reach her. She left without saying goodbye and without leaving a contact.

European tour continued with Jason on bass and I came back to college. Life, slowly, came back to its place. We tried to make the best out of it even though we missed Cliff a lot. It was my last year in college, the next one I would be learning on the field as a intern in a hospital. I wanted the general hospital as it was the most important one in town. I only hoped I could get it. James…well… James changed so much.

In 1987, when the Master of Puppets tour was finally over and he came back home, I barely knew him. He was a bitter man. He brought all bad habits home, it was like he was still on tour. Drunk every night. What I expected to be just while he couldn’t cope with the pain was now a routine. He gave me hell. But as he stood once by my side when I was having a hard time, I felt like I had to do the same for him, so I tried to help him. Most nights he chose to go out without me, I was sure he began to see other women again but he always denied it and I didn’t have any proof. I felt like my fairy tale marriage was falling apart but I was determined to make it survive and I wanted to save him. One night, James was on our couch with a beer in his hand. I was studying for a exam.

“We’re going on studio again.” He informed me. I raised my eyes off the book and looked at him.

“Are you going away again?” I asked.

“No, we’re doing it here just like we did the last one.” I got up and kneeled in front of him. I took the beer off his hands.

“Don’t drink tonight.” I asked him in a sweet tone hoping it would work as it used to work before. He just reached for the beer and took a sip.

“Why not? Please Steph…Don’t start…” He said.

“Jamie…” I began. “You have been drinking so much, can’t you see it?” I tried to make him see the obvious.

“Are we having that conversation again Steph?” He said raising from the couch and talking a bit louder. I stood up and looked at him hopeless.

“What is wrong with you? You used to listen to me. You used to be different, you don’t even care about what I say or ask you anymore.” I said.

“Please, don’t start the drama. I don’t need that!” I walked up to him and stood right in front of him.

“It’s not drama!” I cupped his face in my hands and made him look in my eyes. “Don’t you love me anymore Jamie?” I asked him. My eyes were burning with tears. I had been dying to make him that question. He sighed.

“What makes you think that?” He asked me.

“You’re never with me, even now that you’re here, you prefer to go out without me.” I said.

“You’re always studying, I don’t want to disturb you.”

“And you come back home loaded? Isn’t it disturbing me when I have to clean your puke of the ground? Isn’t it disturbing me when you wake me up in the middle of the night ‘cause you’re drunk and you decide it’s the best time to talk? Isn’t it disturbing me when you smell like other women perfume?” I shot him with questions.

“I don’t have other women. Christ what do I have to do to make you see that?” He shouted at me. “Why are you picking up a fight?”

“Because you drink all the fucking time! Just like my drugs, remember? That is going to kill you. You’re a different person, can’t you see that?”

“Try to understand what I am going through.” He pleaded.

“I tried. I fucking did. But that was several months ago, I thought by now you’d be over it but you’re not. You’re worse, only you don’t see that. I think now you use that as an excuse to drink. I‘ve never seen you drinking this much, it‘s insane!”

“You’re overreacting.” He said turning his back on me. I grabbed his wrist with strength.

“I am not.” I shouted. James jerked his wrist fast and opened his eyes even more at me. I took one step behind. He had never looked at me that way.

“Take you fucking hands off me. You hear me? I just want to be left the fuck alone. Leave me alone.” He said resting the beer on the counter and leaving the house. I sat on the couch crying. I was clueless of what to do.
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Voxx
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Hmm, I have a feeling, they are going to break up soon. I think Steph is going to get tired of the drinking and not know how to handle it. But I don't think they'll get divorced, just separate and James will always be there, looking over her shoulder concerned about men she talks to etc.

The funeral was really sad :( I think you captured how everyone would be feeling just perfectly.

And poor Jason. :(
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Anselmo's Girl
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Phil crazy!
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Voxx
January 27, 2012, 12:11 pm
Hmm, I have a feeling, they are going to break up soon. I think Steph is going to get tired of the drinking and not know how to handle it. But I don't think they'll get divorced, just separate and James will always be there, looking over her shoulder concerned about men she talks to etc.

The funeral was really sad :( I think you captured how everyone would be feeling just perfectly.

And poor Jason. :(
Agreed :(
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Nah Bruno
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Very sad and deep. Although I'm sure Cliff's death changed James' behavior, after a long time he still used this as an excuse for his habits. :(
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Helvi
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Oooh rough time with alcohol? Yeaaah? (sorry I've just been reading Ozzy autobioraphy and it's hard to beat what he wrote xD)
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
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Tired of crying all alone on the couch I got up and went to my room. I picked up some clothes and got dressed. I took a look at the mirror and I looked like shit. I went to the bathroom and washed my face, I put on some makeup. I looked good and sexy, I looked like I was going for a night out but I was just going after my husband. It didn’t matter if I had to drive through all town chasing him, I was determined to find him. I took my car and began to drive around town. First I looked to the usual clubs we used to hang out, his car was nowhere, then I went to another part of town that had some clubs as well, still he was nowhere near. I stopped for a while thinking of where he could be. I remembered a new club scene that was recent and mainly filled with adult clubs. I drove there. The place was packed with cars, motorcycles and people hanging around.

It was hard to see but then I saw James’s car, parked together with Lars’s. I stopped in a vacant place next to his car. I got out and watched the place from the outside. “Ruthie’s Inn” could be read in the neon light flickering above the door in pink color. It seemed like a strip club. I decided to go in. My knees were trembling in fear because I wasn’t sure of what I would find inside. To my surprise I was wrong, it was not a strip club but it was close to one. There were not naked women dancing but there were semi naked women serving on the tables. That was the new fashion now, it was filled with people, mostly men, but there were some girls too. I was harassed by a guy as soon as I stepped in but I ignored him. My mission in there was completely different. Finally I saw James and Lars sat at a table.

Their table was filled with glasses of beer, already emptied of course. A girl approached them bringing two more beers. She was wearing a short black skirt and a pink top that showed her huge breasts. She rubbed them in James shirt as she put the glasses on the table, I saw him smile at her. My stomach churned. I walked up to them but I was stopped by another guy.

“Can I buy you something to drink sexy thing?” He asked him. I shot him my murdering look and he strayed to let me pass through. I approached their table from the behind. They were both with their back turned at me. I stopped when I was close enough. A girl came back with her hands emptied totally ignoring my presence.

“Would you like to have some fun?” She told them with a saucy voice licking her lips at them. Lars laughed and even though he was with his back turned I knew that he was smiling at the her. She touched her breasts right in front of them, James stretched his hand and there I grabbed his arm.

“What’s the matter honey? Want him all for yourself, we can share…” She told me smiling. James looked back at me and he got really serious.

“Would you like that?” I defied him, serious as well. Lars was shocked looking at me. “I don’t think his wife would find it funny.” I told the girl playing her game. She stopped smiling instantly.

“You’re married?” She asked him. James didn’t say a thing. “Well, I guess I don’t mind that.” She said. The girl had some nerves.

“I bet he has his ring somewhere inside his pockets.” I said seeing he was not wearing it. James didn’t say a thing.

“You have your own admirer doll.” The girl told me signaling at my back. I looked back and so did James. There was a guy, a sexy guy on my back. I opened my eyes at him surprised.

“Would you like not to waste your time with that guy and spend some time with me?” He suggested. That place was insane. James got up from his chair fast and pushed the guy away.

“How would you like to spend some time with me fucker?” James told him. “Do you want to spend some time with my wife fucker?”

“You’re his wife?” The girl asked. Seeing none of us was answering she left. Lars got up too but I stopped him from helping James. I went up to him and grabbed him by his shirt.

“Let’s go home now.” I ordered. “And you better put your ring back on, otherwise I am going to pretend I am not married as well.” I told him. I was so pissed off at him. James looked for his ring in the right pocket of his jeans and put it back on his finger. It’s not like he needed to take it off, girls wouldn’t mind it at all given the fact he was James Hetfield of Metallica, but he chose to do it that way. We all left. James followed me in his car. I cried the whole time until I got back home. He was cheating on me again or at least I thought he was. I cleaned my eyes with my hands before I got out of the car. James walked fast inside the house and then I shut the door behind me. I didn’t even know if I wanted to fight. I just went to my room and without saying a thing I threw him his pillow and then closed the door of my room.

“We’re not talking today ‘cause you’re drunk, tomorrow morning we’ll have a chat.” I shouted. He knocked at the door.

“Steph come on, let me explain.”

“There is nothing for you to explain you fucking idiot, I saw it with my eyes.” I told him while taking my clothes off. Once I got inside my pajama I realized I had to open the door to go to the bathroom to take my makeup off. That moment I wished I had a bathroom in my room. I opened the door and James grabbed me.

“We don’t do anything with those girls. They’re just there to entertain nothing more.” He said. I gave him a smile with sarcasm.

“And you stretching your hand to touch her boobs is what?” I closed the door of the bathroom in his face.

“Steph, please hear me. You’re confused I know but it’s nothing you might be thinking of. We go there just to have fun, it’s a cool place.” I opened the door and got out.

“Is that why you don’t ask me now to go out with you? Because you go to those bars so I can’t go with you because clearly it’s a place for guys. Is that why you choose NOT to be married and you hide your ring?.” I ran to the couch and grabbed his shirt. “Is that why your clothes now always smell like cheap perfume? Do you expect me to live with it and to accept this? How would you feel if all of a sudden I would decide to go out with my friends and not include you? How would you feel if all of a sudden I would decide to exclude you from my life? Because that’s what you did. You go out, and I can’t go with you because you want to go watch some fucking semi naked women. Is that what you want from your life? Do you really want some whore in your life instead of what we had?”

“No.” He whispered.

“Then why are you doing this? Why are you shaking me away from your life? I have been trying hard to understand you but I see now that there is nothing to understand. You simply have nasty habits, you get nasty habits on tour and you bring it all home. You need to get a grip. Home is not tour. I am not your fucking mates, I am your wife and I expect more from you. I expect respect and love and tenderness. I don’t want to be the one always holding your hair while you puke shit faced. Life is much more than that. I am young, I have a whole life ahead. I can do better than this.”

“Please…” He pleaded.

“James, after that fight we had some years ago because of women I thought I would have never have this conversation with you again and now I don’t know if I can forgive you, honestly I don’t know. There has been too many things. Your behavior has been terrible. Maybe you are right in one point, maybe I study too much and that strayed you away, same way you’re always on tour. Maybe we grew apart and we didn’t notice.” I was just babbling, I knew perfectly well that I loved him same way.

“I love you!” He yelled. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

“When we love someone James, we don’t hurt them the way you’ve been hurting me. When we love someone we do all we can to keep that person close, the way I did when I had to quit the drugs. When we love the person we are married to, we don’t go to bars with our ring hidden. When we love someone we don’t show up drunk every night at home…and I could go on…” I said with my voice breaking. I was on the verge of crying. I turned my back on him not wanting to hear him and closed the door of the bedroom. I buried my face in my pillow crying. I cried for hours, I cried myself to sleep.

Next morning I woke up with him shaking me, I had forgotten to lock the door of the bedroom.

“Steph, wake up.” He said. I was laid on my stomach and opened an eye to look at him.

“What to do you want?” I asked still pissed at him.

“I’m going to the studio, we’re starting today. I didn’t want to leave without telling you.”

“You can do whatever you want. I don’t give a fuck.” I said sitting on the bed rubbing my eyes.

“Steph…” He said rather shocked at my words. His tone almost making me giving in but I stayed firm. He sat on the bed and grabbed my hand but I shook him away violently and got up the next second. I looked at him.

“If you don’t want to be married to me then I also don’t want to be married to you.” I saw his eyes watering as he heard my words, mine did too but he didn’t see it because I left to the bathroom as fast as I finished my sentence. I got the water running with tears rolling down my eyes. When I heard the door opening I cleaned my eyes quite fast, I didn’t want him to see me crying.

“Steph please reconsider. I am begging you.” He said sitting on the toilet. I took my pajama off and got under the water. I wasn’t able to avoid the tears and under the water he couldn’t see that I was crying. He got up and closed the water. “Please…” He insisted. I shook my head.

“I am not the one who has to reconsider. My behavior is correct. I respect you as my husband. I don’t go out looking for other guys but from now on I might do that, after all I am just 22. I am not the one who has to reconsider James.” My voice was failing again. He looked down at his feet. “You’re the one who has to reconsider. I was in this marriage to stay.” I opened the water again and placed my body under it.

“Tell me you’re still in this marriage to stay, please.” He insisted.

“The thing is, I don’t know if I want to stay. I don’t want to stay, not like this. Not when you cheat on me all the time.”

“I didn’t cheat, I swear!” He exclaimed.

“Still…your behavior is not proper for a married man. Not even one sane woman in this world would live and cope with you. This is insane and I don’t want it for me. I live holding my heart in my hands because I am so afraid of breaking it, or at least lately. I need confidence. I need love, I need the love you used to give and show me, the one you’re not capable of giving me now. Maybe you stopped loving me and you didn’t realize it. It’s ok, unfortunately that happens and that would have hurt less then the things you’ve been doing.”

“Give me a chance.”

“Another one?” I asked raising an eyebrow. “The other time was easier, I owed you, you know, I was also lying to you so I knew I had to forgive you in order for you to forgive me. It was the first time, so you always hope it won’t happen again and you weren’t drunk all the time. Things were so different in case you haven’t noticed.” James closed the water again and grabbed my face to make me look at him.

“We have been married for two years, we can’t just end it like this. You insist that I cheated on you but I never did, if I watch some naked girls, that is not cheating, it’s almost as the same thing as watch porn at home. That is not cheating. I don’t cheat on you, I never did ever since that time I confessed it to you. You’re making a mistake. I swear Steph, there is only one woman in my life and that woman is you. We can’t just end our marriage under a misunderstood.” I got out of the shower and grabbed a towel.

“Aren’t you late?” I told him.

“Who cares if I am late when my wife is telling me she wants us to split?”

“Go to your studio James…” I said. I’ve had had enough of that conversation and I wanted to cry my eyes out but alone. I also didn’t want to split up, but circumstances weren’t making the task easy.

“I love you. Please Steph…” He begged me again. I nodded at him looking at my feet. I didn’t know where that would take us, I just hoped it would take us somewhere peaceful otherwise we would end up crashing and smashing.
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Voxx
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Some Kind Of Monster
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I don't know if she'll be able to forgive him this time. I know I wouldn't. I'd be done. She's right, she's young and has her whole life ahead of her. Right now, with the way his behaviour is, James is holding her back. I hope they break up and James sees how happy and great Steph is doing. Maybe she meets a guy who treats her right and he'll see and want to change his ways for her.

Who knows.
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cmania
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Frantic
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:biggrin i love this fic
please forgive himmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
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Anselmo's Girl
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Phil crazy!
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Oh boy James is really digging his grave :(
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
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James left. I crashed on our couch crying. Truth was I didn’t have to go anywhere that morning. I only had classes in the afternoon. I stayed still for hours trying to find a solution for us. I wanted a solution, I wanted things to get better. That, what we had and the way it was, I didn’t want it. I also didn’t want to separate. I said that because I thought he was distant, I thought he didn’t love me anymore and I thought he was cheating on me again. I left my house around noon to meet my friends from college, the ones I had since my first day in there. We remained faithful and I trusted them.

“Are you coming to my birthday party tonight?” Peter asked me. I sighed before I answered him.

“I don’t know Pete.” I said.

“You look sad Steph, what is it?” I trusted him. He has proven me trust a lot of times.

“It’s James!” I began. “Like I have been telling you, he’s been weird and drinking a lot, yesterday I caught him at Ruthie’s Inn.” I explained.

“He also goes there?” He asked surprised.

“You go there?” I asked even more surprised.

“Yes, I do. Just to entertain a bit.” He said.

“What about your girlfriend?” I asked almost furious with him. “I don’t get you guys…” I said but Peter shut me up.

“I know what you’re thinking but nothing happens in there. We just go there to have fun and yes there’s pretty girls around but it doesn’t mean we do anything with them. “

“James was stretching a hand to some girl’s boob!” I argued. Peter laughed.

“And it would be it.”

“How do I know it would be it? Maybe it would be it in there but what about when they leave?” I had, once again, so many questions in my head.

“Steph, I’ve known you guys since you came to live here. If he says he’s not cheating then he’s not. Try to believe in him.”

“I just feel like splitting up to tell the truth.” I said crossing my arms around my chest.

“Over this? Are you out of your mind? Steph, this club and strip clubs are only to entertain the eyes!” Peter said.

“That’s what he said too.”

“IT IS!!” He shouted. “Come on, I know he’s been giving you a hard time, but give him a chance. You love him, don’t tell me you really want to split up.”

“I don’t! But he’s not giving me an option. He lives his life as if I didn’t exist!”

“You menaced him, I bet he’ll open his eyes. Now let’s go to anatomy class or Mr. Smith will burn us alive.” We paid for our lunch and we left running. Class was already beginning when we entered the room, our teacher gave us a menacing look when he saw us coming in. I sat on the back not to disturb my colleagues, near the window. I wasn’t paying much attention. Peter smacked me with his elbow some times to get my attention back to the class but my mind was far.

“Let it go Steph.” He whispered.

“How am I supposed to let it go?” I whispered back.

“I believe it when he says he’s not cheating, drinking might be a problem though but try to help him.”

“I tried, it’s not working.” I said.

“Is anything wrong there in the back?” The teacher asked us out loud.

“No sir, I am sorry.” I said.

The class continued. Peter always giving me the eye while I was trying to pay attention to it. Later, almost at the end of the class, he tapped on my arm gently.

“Look outside.” He whispered again. I looked out at the window and saw James leaned against his car right in front of college. My head span a bit. What was he doing there? Wasn’t he supposed to be at the studio? It was almost six o’ clock, the class should be ending at any minute. I looked outside again and my heart raced. I saw him pulling his hair back, dressed in black, he looked so great. I put all my books together and got up.

“Sir, I am sorry but can I leave earlier?” The teacher gave me a weird look but then nodded. “See you later.” I whispered to Peter and I left almost running. I reached the outside in no flat time. He raised his head and stared when he saw me coming out.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him when I reached him.

“I came to pick you up. I went home but then I saw your schedule and I came here.” He said calmly and sad.

“Weren’t you supposed to be in the studio?” James took my books off my hands and threw them in the back seat.

“We’ve been there all day. We all wanted to go home. We all have relationships that we don’t want to fail.” I just nodded without pronouncing a word. I walked to my place and sat waiting for him to do the same. He took a deep breath and then he got in. We didn’t talk much on our way back home. He carried my books upstairs and placed it on the table. I went to my room and chose a black dress to wear for that night, I took it all to the bathroom.

“It’s Peter’s birthday party today, maybe you wanna come with me?” I asked him.

“His parties are all fancy, I don’t feel comfortable in the middle of your doctors friends.”

“You know Pete! You like him and he likes you.” I said.

“You don’t wanna come with me?” I asked rather disappointed.

“It’s not that Steph. I just don’t feel good in those places that’s all.”

“Still…you could do an effort. He’s also your friend and I was asking you to come with me, still you don’t want to come. Ok, I’ll go alone.” With that I turned my back on him. Once again he was denying my company making up lame excuses. He had been to those parties before. I took my shower and got dressed. I put some high heel sandals and makeup. Finally I poured some drops of perfume and I was ready to go.

“I am ready.” I said placing myself in front of him. “You have some food in the fridge if you want to have dinner.” James was looking at me from my feet to my face.

“Are you going like that?” He said ignoring my instructions.

“Is there anything wrong?” I asked innocently.

“No..” He said rubbing his palms on his jeans. “You look stunning.” He finally said looking up at me. That’s exactly what I wanted. I wanted him to be jealous.

“Well, I gotta go. See you later.” I said turning my back on him.

“Steph…” He called me when I was at the door. I looked back at him. His eyes scrutinizing my body behind the dress. He was rotting in jealousy. “Have fun.” He said. I smiled and before I shut the door I heard him saying to himself. “Not too much fun.” I opened a big smile already in the stairs.

I was at the party for about an hour and half talking joyfully with my friends when I spotted a guy coming in. My heart raced, I had never felt that way before over a guy except for James. I watched him, getting totally lost and out of the conversation. He was dressed in black, a buttoning shirt, sleeves folded up to his elbows. Linen black trousers, God how I loved those. He was tall and blond as James was, long hair tied up. I wished he’d turned around so I could see how he looked like. He seemed to be looking for someone, and when he did turned around my jaw dropped in surprise. Yes, the guy that caught my attention was James. He was so neat it didn’t seem like him at all. I felt a bit guilty because for once in my life “another” guy got my attention, “other” guy than him but then it was him and I pretended that it was just my body responding to something he already knew and my brain was shut down. I waved at him. He approached me smiling and blushing.

“Don’t laugh.” He said first thing.

“You look great.” I said to assure him. “I thought you weren’t coming.” He looked down at his feet.

“You were right when you said I should come with you. I don’t want to live my life as if you didn’t exist. I don’t exist if you don’t exist Steph. AND…god forbids if I was going to let you be here alone looking gorgeous the way you do tonight. You’ve become a very beautiful woman Steph and I am jealous of you.”

I gave him a soft smile at his sincere words. “I, sometimes, don’t know what to do with you.” I said.

“I, sometimes, think that I am not good enough for you. I am not a good guy to have around but I can’t live without you Steph. I wish I could be everything you expect me to be but then I am so afraid of not fulfilling your expectations. I don’t think we stopped loving each other, I know I still love you and you still care about me too but we’ve grown up and we’ve grown up in different ways. You’ve became a responsible and dedicated, almost doctor, wife and I became someone I don’t know. I don’t know who I am anymore. I grew up with ghosts and demons inside of me and I can’t get them out of me and it’s reflecting in everything I do. I can’t deal with them, I can’t even talk about them. I pretend all the time they don’t exist but my mind is in such a dark place it scares me.

“Jamie…” I whispered at him. It was the fist time in my life I was hearing him talk like that. He shut me up with two fingers resting in my lips.

“You’ve became such a lady Steph and me? I am still the metal kid you met back in Downey, only I am older. Sometimes I look at you and I feel like I don’t fit with you. I know I am thinking wrong and with me you are the same but I feel like you’re too smart and caring to be with a guy like me. Sometimes I think I am making you waste your time with me.” I had enough of his words. I glued my lips in his, this time I didn’t have to stand on the tip of my toes because I was wearing high heels. I put all our problems on the back of my head. We’d have time to deal with that too, or at least, I hoped we would.

“Don’t be silly.” I whispered against is lips. “Since when you think I am too much for you? You are perfect for me. We are perfect for each other.” I said.

“You tried to split up with me this morning.”

“Because I think you have other women not because of those insecurities you feel. I don’t care about what you do or how you dress, Jesus!! I love you the way you are and I am proud of you Jamie. I am proud of being married to you.”

“I don’t have other women Steph. I swear. I just go there and watch.” He pleaded.

“I saw you stretch a hand to touch her.” I argued.

“Ok, maybe I touch now and then.” I raised my eyebrow at him.

“Maybe?” I asked.

“Sometimes I touch their boobs, but that’s not cheating.”

“It’s a very close way to do it.” I said.

Marriages have ups and downs and ours was a common one. We had our ups and our downs. I stayed with him, like I said I never intended to leave, not at least that year. Our downs were tough but it was not until 1992 that everything fell apart.
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Voxx
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Some Kind Of Monster
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I really glad that James ended up going to his friend's birthday party. It shows that he's making an effort and that he is still partially in the relationship. 1992...I bet things get tough cause of the Black Album. The non-stop touring and the women throwing themselves at James is probably what does it. It probably gets harder for him to be able to say no...because he's so far from home for so long.
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