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A Taste of Eternity; Het, Baby James meets Stephanie...
Topic Started: December 19, 2011, 4:35 pm (18,970 Views)
Anselmo's Girl
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Phil crazy!
[ * ]
Oh noes this isn't gonna be good!!! She's gonna surprise james in new York! And he said he hated her! Oh boy I have a feeling this lil meetin isn't gonna be good :unsure:
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

I´m not surprised of James reaction. He is proud and stubborn, How could she leave HIM? NEVER! lol I wonder what will happen between them once the see each other face to face. James says he hates her, but that only shows how passionately he feels about her. :heart:
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Nah Bruno
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Poor Twisted Me
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That will be very interesting to see them face to face again. He needs to sign the damn papers, because obviously he doesn't know how to be married. Maybe later, in the future... but not now! :heart:
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
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Two days later I caught my flight towards New York. I was exhausted from two night shifts at the hospital. My body was just demanding me to rest but I had to go after him. I needed to solve our life. It was the best for the two of us. I didn’t understand why he was refusing to divorce. Was it revenge? But why? He didn’t say a thing or tried to contact me since he left the house, he didn’t even try to stay when I had asked to him to leave. I was so sure he wanted it too. That was working on my mind, I had to admit. I was a bit confused but I was determined to succeed as well.

I fought hard to keep my eyes open during the flight, I must have had fallen asleep through some part of it because I don’t remember great part of my trip but like I said, working two night shifts in a row changed everything in your body and I just wanted a bed to lay down and rest. Kirk had arranged a car to pick me up at the airport, a guy holding a paper with my name was waiting for me at the arrivals door of the J.F. Kennedy airport. I didn’t know where I was being taken but he had all instructions.

After an hour driving me, he stopped in front of a huge grey and luxurious building. I smiled, they had reached high and the five star hotel was the proof. Kirk was waiting for me at the lobby, he looked pale and nervous. I laughed when he approached me.

“No one is killing no one.” I played with him.

“I am not so sure of that.” He said giving me two kisses and grabbing one of my bags. “I’m gonna take you to your room, probably you’re tired and wanna take a shower.” He said.

“I am exhausted and yes a shower and then a bed is all I want.”

“We’re playing tonight. Are you seeing the show?” He asked me already inside the elevator.

“If your front man has nothing against it, I will.” I said. I tried to sound relaxed but now that I was there and I knew I would see him anytime, I was feeling a bit nervous. I didn’t know what my reaction would be. Two months without seeing him, I was quite sure maybe my feelings were gone and I was so determined to divorce that I convinced myself I didn’t love him. Being there and able to see him at anytime I began to feel a bit unsure. I didn’t know if I was ready to see him at all but he didn’t leave me any other option. It would have been easy if he didn’t play the prick but he decided to do it and there I was…I was crazy as well.

“He’s been miserable.” Kirk said serious and looking down his feet. He knew he shouldn’t be telling me that but still he wanted to do it. I didn’t like to hear the words, I felt my heart run fast as I heard it. James and being miserable was something that hurt me, hurt me still but my mission in there was another one.

“I am quite sure he’s doing fine.” I said trying to sound cold and as if his words didn’t affect me.

Kirk took me inside a two rooms suite with a view to Central Park.

“The room at the left is your room.” He said. I looked at the closed door in front of me.

“Who’s sleeping here?” I asked.

“Me.” He said relaxed. I nodded at him. It was alright to share a suite with him. We had private rooms and bathrooms so there was nothing wrong with it.

“This was all I could manage Steph, and as long as you’ll stay on tour with us you will be sharing a two room suite with me.” He informed. I nodded again.

“It’s ok. I don’t mind that. Just try to be quiet with the girls.” I asked. Kirk laughed and blushed at the same time.

“I gotta go too. I have some interviews with MTV and I need to run. Rest a bit Steph, it’s gonna be a long night.” He warned me. When he closed the door behind me I stared at the other room’s door. I don’t know why but I had a bad feeling about that but all alone, I shrugged, grabbed my bags and entered the room that was supposed to be mine. I opened one of my suitcases and grabbed some shirt and sweaters then I went for a shower. It was about 3 PM and I was ready to sleep.

After the shower and feeling fresh I closed the curtains and I lay in bed. I don’t even remember preparing myself to sleep, I just closed my eyes and fell asleep instantly. I opened my eyes scared when I heard a door slamming. I looked at the clock and it read 6 PM. I yawned and stretched relaxed and feeling better from my three hours sleep. A smiled formed in my lips of contentment.

“KIRK!” I heard from the outside and the smiled vanished completely. It was the first time I was hearing his voice since months. My heart betrayed me right there, it skipped a beat in no flat time leaving me in agony. I was nervous so I remained quiet and silent.

“Kirk, are you in here? I need to talk to you.” James shouted from the outside. I got out of the bed and tiptoed towards the door of my room and glued my ear in it. Not that I needed it at the loud tone he was talking. “Hey fucker” He said knocking at the door which made me jump back as it scared the shit out of me. “Are you fucking some chick?” He asked, I could feel his smile behind his words, then I felt the knob turning and I jumped inside the bathroom desperate. I knew right there I was not ready to see him but I was there.

James opened the door and got in. What the fuck was he doing? Going inside my room? Wasn’t it the other one Kirk’s room? Why was he inside this one? I remained hidden in the dark. “Fucker is not here.” I heard James muttering to himself and then to my relief I heard him close the door of my room. I breathed out in relieve. Then I heard another door slamming, I came back to my room thinking he had left. I eavesdropped a bit and due to the silence I was sure he had left. I came back to the bathroom and splashed some water on my face. How had he came in our suite? I thought to myself looking at my face through the mirror.

I took a pair of blue jeans and a white tank top and put it on. Finally I opened the curtains to let the last rays of light coming inside the bedroom. I called room service and ordered toast and a cup of coffee as I felt a bit hungry. I decided to wait for it in the balcony faced to Central Park. The end of the afternoon was warm as it should be in the summer. There were a lot of people walking in the park, they seemed so peaceful from up there. I thought about my purpose in there. I knew I didn’t have an easy task ahead. I could only pray for everything to work out perfectly. I heard the bell of the suite ringing and I returned back inside to open the door. When I was walking up to it, I heard the other bedroom’s door open. I froze when I saw him coming out of it. What the hell was he doing in Kirk’s room?

“What the fuck?” He blurted after his initial shock. His blue gaze demanding me for an answer but I was too frozen to say anything. Then the guy shouted room service from the outside again and I opened the door. “I didn’t order anything.” James said. I looked at him again, why would he order anything from my room?

“I did.” I finally said controlling my voice not to show my shock. I closed the door without tipping the guy. I had forgotten all about it. My mind was racing a mile per hour.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” James asked me again. I was fighting to breathe. I couldn’t look at him. I felt right there I wasn’t ready to see him again.

“I ask you the same. What are you doing in Kirk’s room?” I asked back. He raised an eyebrow.

“That is my room.” He said. “That…” He said pointing at my room. “…is Kirk’s room”

“What?” I asked. Kirk had set me up. I shook my head trying to process it in my mind.

“You still didn’t answer me, what are you doing here? Weren’t you suppose to be fighting with your fucking lawyer for the divorce? I thought you were too busy with that!” Now his rage was showing.

“That’s why I came here.” I said making myself strong. “I brought everything for you to sign. You have to sign it. I don’t want anything from you, I just want your signature.” I said. He rested his hands on his waist shaking his head and forcing a smile.

“Not even a, hey James how are you? How have you been? What do you care right? You just care about getting rid of me. You put me through hell Steph. You kicked me out of the house like I was a sick dog you didn’t need anymore. I felt like I was some disposable garbage in your hands and the quickness that you ran for divorce…that was insane. You didn’t even try, you didn’t even give me a chance.” I lost my mind. One should have guessed this would happen. We didn’t fight when everything happened, we kept it all inside so, one day it should all come out. I went for it too. I also had my hurtful words to tell him. I wished I didn’t have it but I did.

“I gave you a chance! I waited for the last two years for you to change. The last two years were nothing but an everyday chance. You did nothing, you didn’t change, not even one bit. You slept with other women, you got drunk every day, you erased me from your life. Don’t tell me I didn’t give you a chance because I did everything I could to save our marriage, you blew it. And you ask yourself why I don’t ask you how you have been? That is simple, I don’t care. I don’t wanna know how you have been doing.”

“You could have simply told me to go to AA, that was all it took!” He claimed. I got surprised at his words. I could not believe he was ready for that.

“You would never go! You have said to leave you alone, that you were fine. I’ve heard that so many times. Maybe I didn’t want to say that directly but I told you many times you were in trouble and you’ve always claimed I was being dramatic that you were fine. Don’t give me that shit now! If you ever thought of that, one of the times I was trying to open your eyes, you would have come up with that. Did you think about that now? Did it take for you to lose me to come with that solution? It’s too late now. The best advise I can give you is yes, you should visit AA, you do have problems with alcohol but don’t do it for me, don’t do it for us because we are history, do it for yourself, you’re gonna end up in a bad place and for all that we’ve lived together I don’t want that to happen. It may not seem so but I want the best for you, I want you to be ok. I want you to be happy.” James began to laugh. His eyes were sparkling at me, I don’t know if it was rage, anger or he was simply hurt. His laughter was nervous though. I knew him well.

“You want me to be happy? Oh Steph…You know nothing about happiness. You don’t know what it takes to make me happy then. After all these years and you still don’t know what I need to be happy? That makes me sad.” He told me. I saw his lips tremble, his hands were shaking a bit just like mine. We were both nervous wrecks for all that I knew.

“Yeah…maybe I don’t.” I said with tears flickering in my eyes. I began to fight my tears with all my strength. I didn’t want to cry, not in front of him and Jesus! I didn’t want to cry because of him. “After all these years I thought that I used to make you happy now imagine my disappointment when I found out that other things were a lot more important to you. Booze, sluts, strippers, groupies, music, all of them became first than me. Imagine how I felt.” This last sentence was nothing but a choke. I turned around facing a wall to take a deep breath and calm down. I heard his steps behind me, I felt him close.

“Imagine how I felt when you kicked me out of the house without even blinking. I helped you when you needed me Steph and you simply chose to abandon me. You abandoned me and I hate you so much for that. I swear to God that I hate you with all my soul.” His voice so near made me almost jump but the words he said hurt me. I turned around to look at him. My eyes iced cold.

“Good, because I hate you too. I hate you for everything you’ve put me through. That’s why I came here. That’s why I want to divorce you, then we are both free and no one else gets hurt.” I said looking straight at his eyes.

“You can go back home. I think I was very clear when I said I wouldn’t sign shit until I want it too.” He said even colder. We were measuring strength. I should have known he liked to be the one commanding, he liked to have the last word. He liked to have power and feel powerful. He liked to dictate the rules. That’s what he became.

“I will stay here until you give in. I won’t go away unless you sign it.” I defied him. He narrowed his eyes looking at me. If he could hit me I think he would have, instead he grabbed my arm and glued his lips in my ear. I shivered a bit when I felt his fingers grabbing me and his body so close to mine. My body still responded to his much to my panic. I didn’t want to feel that.

“If you stay here you better get used to all the things you don’t like. You set me free, I am a free man, I can fuck whoever I want. Are you sure you are ready for that? Things get pretty nasty on tour Steph, get ready for ugly things. I just hope you survive.” Hearing him menacing me made ME want to hit him.

“You can ram your dick wherever you want. I don’t give a fuck about that.” My tone was one of a completely pissed off person but my heart was pounding so fast. I felt his chest touching mine as he breathed. “Besides, it might be fun for me too, I am a free woman too.” I decided to play his game. I almost bit my lip when I said that. I wasn’t there to begin a war with him or to measure forces. I was there just with one purpose.

“Don’t you even fucking dare to threaten me.” He said, never straying of my ear or my body. I began to hear his heavy breathing. I wasn’t the only one to go backwards on feelings. His body was betraying him in every way he didn’t want and I could fell it.

“It is not a threat.” I said pushing him away. His familiar scent was beginning to intoxicate me. He smiled, like making fun of me but I turned my back on him anyway. In my room I tried to change the room but it was impossible. I made a mental note to kill Kirk that night before the show. When I came back to the living room James was also leaving his room.

“It seems like the hotel is full so we have to hang around for the next three days.” He said.

“I know.” I muttered.

“I am going to be king James Hetfield now. Hope you can cope with my late nights and sex adventures in here.” He said walking up to the door. I counted to ten not to jump on his neck and squeeze it. I bought that war, I was the one going there, now I had to be tough to cope with it. I let him go without getting a response. I thought it was better that way, to pretend I ignored it. He wouldn’t dare to bring women in there, he just wanted to torture my mind but I also knew that he would make everything he could to drive me insane. I rested a bit more in the hotel until I finally left to have dinner and leave to the Venue.
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Nah Bruno
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Poor Twisted Me
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It will be interesting! I can't wait for more! Hope Steph can be strong enough to deal with it, 'cause deep inside... who knows what she still feels for him :rolleyes: :heart:
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Anselmo's Girl
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Phil crazy!
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Oh come on James! Do you gotta be a dick? :rolleyes:
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Izzy
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Outlaw Torn
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Why does James have to be so mean? :angry I do hope they get the chance to have at least a somewhat calm conversation though, I think that would be best for both of them right now, but if James' arrogant behaviour continues, a calm conversation seems unlikely. :rolleyes:
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Voxx
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Hm, I just caught up. (I've been very busy! But I do want to leave a comment so you know I'm still reading!)

I think James is acting the way he is because he is hurt and doesn't know how else to act. Steph asked him to leave. So it kind of leaves it open as to whether or not he still loves her. I think he does. Steph isn't divorcing him because he fell out of love with her, though his behaviour may suggest otherwise what with the drinking and the women etc., So his actions, while appearing mean and irrational are pretty rational from the perspective of someone who is hurt and wants to hurt someone back. (if that made any sense at all) In short; I'm not surprised by the way he is acting :lol:

I think Steph, being a doctor and all, will probably try and hold herself to a higher standard than him and not sink to the level he probably will in an effort to hurt her. I think she is very determined to get those papers signed and I hope she does! As i said before, she deserves better.
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

;_; ugh! I hope he doesn't do something he will regret so bad. He is being a total asshole! I know Steph is a strong girl and has grown a think skin, still... I don't want him to hurt her further. I know he is angry and wounded, that is why he is like that, but there is a limit for everything... ;_;
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
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“I can’t believe you set me up! What were you thinking when you put us together?” I was shouting at Kirk already at the band’s dressing room. I was mad at him and I was even more pissed off because first thing I saw when I have arrived in the venue was James talking to some blonde, smiling and he smiled even more when he saw me coming in. He did that on purpose, probably to make me jealous and I wasn’t supposed to feel anything but I felt something. So I was double mad.

“Calm down. It wasn’t even his idea, it was mine.” Lars said sliding a shirt down his head.

“I should have guessed it.” I shot at Lars.

“Look, you two need to talk and that was the only way to put you face to face and do it.” He explained.

“We don’t talk, can’t you see it? We just fight and having to share a suite with him for three days is gonna be hell.” I said.

“Steph, he’s been unhappy, down and miserable since you asked him to leave. He doubled the booze. He’s been cranky. When he drinks and gets really shit faced all he talks about is you and how he loves you.” I began to laugh.

“He doesn’t love me!” I exclaimed. “Even now when I came in he was all sweet to some blonde.” I said.

“That’s the girl in the wardrobe. She’s got the hots for him.”

“I don’t give a shit if she got the hots for him or not! Just don’t tell me he loves me because I don’t believe a word. Love isn’t what he had given me, love is something else.”

“Is love asking for divorce and still be jealous for seeing your ex husband talking to some woman?” Lars asked me. I looked at him serious. I didn’t want to answer his question but Lars could be persistent. “Come on, answer me!”

“Sometimes love isn’t enough. Sometimes loving a person isn’t enough.” I told him this already with tears probing in my eyes. Remembering myself that I loved him made everything painful. I opened the door and began to run looking for a place where I could be alone. I found some darkness and quietness under the stage. I sat on the floor with my back leaning against one of the pillars and let my tears fall a bit. Then I heard some steps behind me, the person crouched behind me. I recognized that manly smell. My hands traveled to my eyes automatically and wiped my tears.

“What’s the matter?” He asked, his voice was rather calm.

“Nothing.” I said.

“Nothing? And you came running here?” He insisted. “I think we can, at least, talk Steph.”

“No, I don’t think we can talk. I don’t want to talk to you.” I told him with tears menacing again.

“Am I that disgusting to you now?” I knew he was trying to find answers for his questions.

“You cheated on me zillions of times.” I told him.

“You began to deny sex.” He argued. I smiled. We were not talking face to face. He was on my back and I think that made us more comfortable.

“Because you were cheating, would you want to have sex with me if you knew I was constantly cheating on you?” He didn’t answer me. “See, your silence answers your question. I don’t know how you were capable of doing it, I had sex with another person and I was already separated and it didn’t feel good, I thought of you all the time. I think if you’d love me the same would happen and you’d stop, you never did, I guess that says it all.”

“You had sex with another man?” He asked.

“I am a free woman, I can do whatever I want. Weren’t you busy inside with that blonde girl?”

“Francesca.” He said, that made me almost puke. “She’s just someone that works with us.”

“Really? As if I didn’t know you!” I laughed bitterly. “Did you fuck her already? Does she know you’re going to break her heart?”

“She’s just someone that works here, I never fucked her.” James answered as if I had the right to know. I like to talk to her. I feel lonely and she pays me attention, but that’s all.”

“She seems to like you, maybe she’s the one, you should give her a chance.” I said.

“I’m not blind! I know she does!” He shot. His tone was beginning to change, he was pissed off at me. “I can see perfectly well when a person has feelings for me.”

“Are you sure?” I asked him, this time turning my head to look at him. James didn’t answer me, our eyes met in the dark for a small moment and then I got up to leave, leaving him there with his thoughts. “You should sign the papers.” I said before I left for good.

“I don’t want to.” I heard him say.

I went up to see Faith no More performing, I was friends with Jim and I loved their style. James watched them too from the other side of the stage. When I saw the girl joining him I left. I still loved him and seeing him with anther woman, even though they were just talking was hard for me. I only came back to that stage to watch Metallica. They’ve chosen to play first than Guns because of Axl’s rants. This way they would guarantee their set would begin on time and then after that it was not their problem. I knew James disliked Axl a lot.

I joined the boys in their room before they went on stage. James was not there and Slash was paying a visit to watch their set too. Lars introduced me to him. I shook his hand.

“Stephanie.” I told him smiling and presenting myself.

“Oh, you’re James’s wife.” He said. It bothered me a bit when he mentioned it, seeing my weird look he clarified his statement. “He has talked to me about you.” I was even more surprised. Why was James talking about me to a stranger, someone I was just seeing for the first time in my life. That moment James walked in already in his stage clothes.

“I am ready, are you guys ready?” He asked to the others then his eyes landed on me.

“We’re throwing a party after our show, would you like to come?” Slash invited me.

“She’s not going.” James said in no flat time. I shot him a look that could kill and Slash looked at him awkwardly.

“I’d love to go.” I said.

“You’re not going.” James told me with his sick bossy tone.

“I don’t think you can tell me what to do!” I hissed not holding my words inside anymore. Lars began to get the people out of the room as he felt the environment getting a bit tense. When the room was emptied James grabbed my arm with strength, almost hurting me.

“Their parties are not a place for you to be. There’s drugs all around it. You are not going and you better obey! You hear me Steph? Don‘t make lose my mind more than it already is.” I understood why he was telling me that, he made it clear, it was the drugs but his tone pissed me off.

“I think I can take care of myself.” I said pulling my arm free off his hand and leaving the room.

James ran and grabbed my arm again. “Don’t you fucking turn your back at me when I am talking to you.”

“You hate me! Isn’t that what you wrote on the silly notes you left at my lawyer’s office? If you hate me then why say what I can or what I can’t do?”

“I do hate you Steph! God…” He closed his eyes and inhaled, and then exhaled deeply. “I do hate you…but that doesn’t mean I am letting you go there. You are not going and don’t fucking dare me.”

“Fuck you.” Was my final answer. I left him behind and tried to calm myself down.

I walked to my side of the stage as Ecstasy of Gold was already playing. I watched them getting prepared, especially James. He was tense and serious, I began to think that maybe I should have stayed at home. I also didn’t want to cause him any harm.

Many times during the concert, when James went to play near Lars’s drums he looked at me, I tried to pretend I wasn’t seeing it but it was impossible to ignore the only man I’ve loved my entire life. Sometimes our eyes touched. My body reacted every single minute to him. I loved the way he held his guitar. I loved the way he roared to the crowd. I loved the way he cursed at them. I loved the way he was metal to the bone and rebel and finally when before Nothing Else Matters he talked to the crowd, I had to leave the place.

“I wrote this for someone special. I wrote this while on tour, is about missing your chick, but then nothing can be compared to missing someone you know you‘ve lost forever. Someone you hate deeply then, and the void left cannot not be filled.” I left running. I didn’t want to hear more. I walked down the streets of New York putting some order in my mind, then I just walked inside a bar, all alone, and stayed there for quite some time. There was music blasting, some guys trying to courtship me but the main reason why being there felt fine was because James was not around. I stayed there until 4 am and then I came back to the hotel.

I entered the suite afraid to find him in there but he was nowhere around. I closed the door of my bedroom and got naked inside my bed. I fell asleep as I was feeling too tired.

“Steph…” I woke up to the sound of his voice shouting my name and his fists punching at my door. I opened an eye to read 6.30 am in the alarm clock.

“Go away.” I shouted from the inside.

“I want to talk to you.” He shouted. “Open the door Steph, please…”

“No. I want to sleep.” I shouted again. I knew from the sound of his voice that he was drunk.

“I hate you Steph. I hate you because you abandoned me.” He said from the outside. My eyes widened while listening. “I hate you for not fighting for us. I hate you for making me feel miserable.” I pulled the covers away and got out of the bed. I searched for a robe and tied it over my body. I opened the door.

“Did you wake me up this soon to tell me that?” I asked him. He was battling with his feet. I bet the floor was running off his feet.

“I hate you for ignoring me. I hate you for making me cry for you. I hate you for all the times I cry your name in the middle of the night. I hate you for not being there when I need you the most and I really want to hate you but in the end I always end up finding out that I love you. I hate you because in the end I love you. I love you.”

“You’re just drunk.” I told him trying to ignore his words.

“Why do you wanna divorce? Why don’t you give us a chance?” He asked.

“I don’t think we have another chance.” I said trying to sound cold.

“Don’t you love me anymore?” He asked again. I didn’t want to answer that. “Tell me..” He insisted.

“No, I don’t love you.” I told him. I felt my stomach churn as I pronounced these words. James tried to give one step towards me but he ended up stumbling and fell against me. Instinctively I grabbed him and our bodies ended up glued. My heart betrayed me right there.

James came closer to the point our noses were touching. “I can’t breathe without you.” He whispered. His hand caressed my face making my heart racing even more, to the point I was heaving. “I can’t breathe without you Steph… I can’t live without you. Life makes no sense.”

“Let me go.” I pleaded. “I don’t love you.”

“I don’t believe you Steph. Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me.” He insisted again. I raised my eyes to meet his and controlled my voice not to tremble, searching strength inside of me I said it.

“I don’t love you anymore.” I said. I saw his eyes watering right there, all the hurt of my words became transparent in his face. He stared at me silently while his tears began to fall. I had hurt him deeply I knew it but it was for the best. I was choking my own tears, but blinded by his he didn’t notice how flooded my own eyes were. All I wanted to do was run a hand over his face and clean his tears, calm down his pain, but I didn’t do it.

James turned around and went to his room, closing the door behind him. I leaned against the couch a bit shocked and then I heard his sobs inside his room. He actually cried loud, and that was the first time ever that I have heard him cry so desperate. I controlled myself not to go there so I came back to my room and it was my turn to cry. Once more I cried myself to sleep.
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cmania
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Frantic
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then she can take anymore his crys and she shout i love you james xD RIGHT?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Voxx
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Some Kind Of Monster
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I think she is doing the right thing. James is being immature about the whole situation. Either he signs the papers and lets her go or he should actually show her that he loves her. Screwing around with other women and getting wasted all the time doesn't exactly prove your love.
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Nah Bruno
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Poor Twisted Me
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They love each other :heart: But I don't think James has the right to hate her and to think she's left him alone because he was treating her really bad back then. But well, something else happens on this tour right? Something bad :ugh:
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Lilith
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Jaimelicious

Lars and Kirk playing cupids! :lol: Poor Steph... :( James is such a bastard... and yet, I wonder if she will have the heart to ignore his cries. :heart:
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Scorpion Flower
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Outlaw Torn
[ * ]
I woke up with the phone in my room ringing, it was Kirk.

“Steph, were you still sleeping? It’s 3 pm!” He blurted.

“I can’t tell by the darkness inside my room. I came to bed almost in the morning man, that’s why I was still sleeping.” I explained.

“Wanna come for a walk in the park with me and Lars?” He invited me. “We’re going for a walk before another crazy metal night, if you wanna join us, you’re welcome…”

“I’d like that. Give me just 30 minutes, I need a shower and get dressed.”

“Sure, no problem. We’ll be waiting at the bar.”

I got out of bed and pulled the curtains open. The sun was shinning and I had lost great part of the day. I regretted immediately for staying up until late. I liked to enjoy my days. I raided my bags looking for some clothes. I chose a black dress then I took it to the bathroom and ran the water. I tried to wash away all the events from the early morning. My heart skipped as I remembered the words I had told to James and I could still hear his sobs when he closed himself in his room. Kirk and Lars where at the bar as we had agreed. I had something to eat before we left and then just from crossing the street we were in the trails of Central Park.

It felt good to be at such peaceful and green space inside a big city. It was like you were not in the middle of the city at all. For a moment it felt like I was walking through the trails of the forest I had near my house. They were babbling all the time but I was rather silent.

“What’s up Steph?” Lars asked. “You’re not talking.”

“How has James been doing since we broke up?” I asked. After two months I felt the need to know. Lars and Kirk exchanged looks and then Lars pulled my arm to sit down on the grass near the lake. I obeyed. Lars sat by my side and Kirk in front of us.

“He’s been bad.” Kirk began

“Like I said before, his drinking became even heavier. I don’t know how he’s doing lately because he’s found his own place. He’s living quite near you in Marin County, seems like he likes the place.” Lars said.

“I didn’t know he was living in Marin County!” I said surprised.

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know Steph.” Said Kirk.

“He cried rivers because of you, he still does. Slash knows about you because one day he got drunk and he began to babble about you, about how he loves you and you don’t want him. About how you abandoned him and you don’t love him anymore. Shit like that. He even began to reject women Steph, there’s so many things you don’t know.”

“Reject women? Even yesterday he was all smiling with the wardrobe girl!” I exclaimed.

“He’s been feeling lonely. They met on the first leg of the tour, she’s nice to him and gives him attention, he needs that. He needs attention and someone to take care of him even more since you told him to leave and when you asked for divorce …That was bad.” Lars continued. “He doesn’t sign the papers cause he loves you, because he wants to fix things.”

“He hurt me too much. I don’t wanna go back.” I said shaking my head.

“It’s not up to me to tell you what to do, I mean, it is your life and you know what is best for you. I know you might feel hurt and you have the right to feel that way.”

After the walk in the park I gathered their ride to the venue. The three bands were already there and I remember Axl giving me a wink when I walked in the room. I thought he was disgusting so I pretended I didn’t see it. James was there, sat at one chair holding a bottle of beer in his hand. He looked at me when I got in but strayed his eyes the next second. The whole time he didn’t talk to me and even avoided looking at me. That time I didn’t went to see Metallica play. I remained backstage with some crew members I was friends with. It was nice, we chatted, we drank a bit and then we all agreed to go out after the show.

I ended up going earlier to the hotel because I wanted to change to something better for the night. I took another shower and got inside some black tight pants and put a red top. I tied my hair up and put some make up. When I got out of the bedroom James was in there and it seemed like he was waiting for me because he was near the door and looking at my bedroom’s door. I stopped walking when my eyes hit him.

“Are you going out?” He asked. I don’t know why he was with that tone because it was none of his business and I also didn’t know what he’s been told.

“Yes.” I said confident.

“With a guy?” He asked again.

“With your crew.” I clarified.

“Wasn’t it a guy that invited you to go?” He asked raising his voice.

“Most of the people that work for you are guys.”

“That is not what I meant.” He shouted. I flipped off.

“Look, I don’t care what you meant. It’s none of your business if I am going out or not.”

“Was it or wasn’t it a guy named Danny who asked you out?” He insisted shouting at me.

“Yes it was! But it’s a collective party!” I said pushing him away from the door and leaving. James followed me. I felt my rage coming out off my skin. “Are you following me now?”

“I am going to that party too, after all why wasn’t the boss invited?” He could be so arrogant sometimes.

“Oh god…sometimes you are insane.” I said with despise. He had the nerve to get inside the elevator with me. And then follow me until the bar where the crew was waiting. The blonde girl was there too and as soon as she saw him she got up.

“James are you coming too?” She asked with a sweet tone that made me almost threw up.
“You don’t have to be that sweet if you just wanna fuck him, all you have to do is open your legs.” I told her, she looked at me with her blue eyes wide open, then she looked at James for support. I laughed a little. “Oh, you already fucked him!”

“Excuse me!” She exclaimed indignant.

“I’m his wife. Nice to meet you.” I said smiling at her and stretching out my hand. James slapped my hand away violently.

“So now you’re my wife?” He asked yelling. His eyes so ice cold it even made me shudder. He was beyond pissed off, he was possessed.

“She has to know.” I defied him.

“James…” She called him, but he didn’t even answer her, his eyes began to raid all the faces at the table. There were at least 20 people in there and he, obviously, didn’t know them all.

“Who’s Danny?” He asked loud. Danny raised his hand. “You’re fired. You can pack your stuff and go home, the company will send you the check with your payment. Bye.” My jaw dropped. He couldn’t be doing something like that. James turned around to leave.

“Aren’t you coming?” Francesca asked again.

“Fuck off.” He yelled. I was still in shock but then I decided to meet him at the elevator.

“Are you out of your mind? You can’t fire the guy just like that you arrogant bastard!” I hissed.

“Don’t fuck with me.” He said clenching his jaw. When the doors of the elevator opened and he got inside and I got in too.

“He wasn’t asking me out! There were twenty people in there, you saw it!”

“I don’t care.” He said. And his manner were ones of someone who actually didn’t care.

“Christ, I already said I don’t love you why are you acting like this?” I shouted at him. James pushed me against the wall.


“If you don’t love me why being jealous?” He yelled back.

“I wasn’t jealous!” I pretended to laugh. “Is that what you think?” James stared at me with his I know it all look. “Don’t fucking look at me that way! I’ve said it before, I don’t love anymore.”

“Thing is I don’t believe you. Did you think I believed in what you said? I did not! I know you heard me crying, I was crying because you didn’t think twice in hurting me.” I jerked him away from me. We ran through the corridor that led to our room and once the door was closed I yelled at him with everything I had.

“I DON’T LOVE YOU! I DON’T LOVE YOU!” I repeated. James gave me a crazy and wild look. He grabbed my arms almost hurting and lay me on the couch. He sat on my legs to prevent me from moving and never let go of my hands. I couldn’t move.

“Say that again.” He said gasping a bit. I turned my face to the window so I didn’t have to look at him and remained in silence. “SAY THAT AGAIN!” He shouted at me, my wrists hurting from his hands.

“I DON’T LOVE YOU!” I shouted back. He laid himself on top of me. My whole body tensed. Rigid. I tried to free my hands but he held them even tighter. Then he glued his lips in my ear. His lips touching me while he spoke and his voice became husky.

“Tell me you don’t love me now while I kiss you like this.” He said grabbing my ear between his lips. I shuddered. “Tell me you don’t love me when I kiss you here, I know you love it when I kiss you here.” He kissed the side of my neck. I released an involuntary gasp. Then he moved his head and licked the length of my neck up until my chin. ”Your whole body is telling me otherwise Steph…” He gasped against my lips. I jerked a bit more but he still managed to control me.

“Let me go.” I said with my voice betraying me as well. I could barely speak. He rubbed his nose in mine, I was losing control of my body, only my mind was remaining sane.

“Tell me you love me Steph…” He whispered. “You love me Steph…I know you do.” He pleaded looking in my eyes at no safe distance. My lips were almost looking for his.

“No.” I was able to whisper. He gave me one last look and then got up fast.

“FUCK!” He shouted. I remained still for a moment trying to catch my breath and my senses. “Why are you so stubborn?”

“This is not stubbornness. It’s the best for us. We don’t work.” I said getting up as well.

“I avoided women since then. I haven’t slept with anyone in two months! I am going insane because I miss having sex, my right arm must be really fit now, all because of you. I tried to get better for you, for us. I was willing to go to AA, I even went for a meeting right the next day and I was willing to go there but when I was leaving to tell you, your lawyer called me saying you wanted divorce. Just like that, you went for it without even caring what I was willing to do for us.”

“You were not! Even today I saw you drinking. Do you think I am that stupid?”

“Then I didn’t do it! Why should I? You had it all figured out didn’t you?” I had enough of that fighting. My night was ruined anyway. I ran to my bedroom and came back with the brown envelope in my hand. I threw it against him.

“SIGN THE DAMN PAPERS ALREADY!” I shouted. “I wanna go home.” James grabbed the envelope and looked at me, then he ripped the whole thing in pieces. I sat down on the couch in shock.

“Wanna go home? Go home then…” He said throwing the pieces of papers at me. “Go home and wait until I come back. These ones cannot be signed anymore. War is war!” He said slamming the door behind him and leaving me in despair. He ripped our divorce papers apart.
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