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| A Taste of Eternity; Het, Baby James meets Stephanie... | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: December 19, 2011, 4:35 pm (18,968 Views) | |
| Anselmo's Girl | February 7, 2012, 7:05 pm Post #256 |
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Phil crazy!
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Oh no!!!! I knew that was gonna happen poor james! I hope they don't divorce and that his arm heals correctly
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| Scorpion Flower | February 7, 2012, 7:10 pm Post #257 |
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Outlaw Torn
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Thank you all for the comments. I won't reveal if they will divorce or not... I know but I won't say a word about it.
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| Anselmo's Girl | February 7, 2012, 7:15 pm Post #258 |
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Phil crazy!
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I wanna know!
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| Voxx | February 7, 2012, 9:26 pm Post #259 |
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Hmm. I have no speculative comments this time. I'm just going to wait and see what happens! Great chapter though! Can't wait for more!
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| Scorpion Flower | February 8, 2012, 11:56 am Post #260 |
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Outlaw Torn
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After grabbing a taxi at the airport we arrived in my house around dinner time. I took all my bags to my room and put James’s in the guests room. I gave him his medicine because he was beginning to feel pain again and then I left him alone to rest a bit and went to my room and began to unpack my stuff. I gathered all my clothes and put the clean ones back in the drawer and then some on the ground to take it to the laundry. Then I remembered the divorce and the papers, because they were missing. The original documents were nowhere around. I panicked a bit. I took all the stuff off the bags that were still closed just to be sure that in fact my divorce documents were lost, that or Lars had left them in the room back in Montreal, which was basically the same thing. I called Lars but he said he didn’t see it. There my documents were lost and we were back to nothing, because we had nothing again. I decided not to bother James with it because he needed peace at that time and I knew I would make him mad again. I sat on my bed a bit desperate at all the things that happened, the divorce not coming out, James getting burned. I was awaken from my thoughts by him knocking at my door. I saw his head peeking when I told him to come in, he had an awkward look on his face. “What is it?” I asked him. He smiled at me even more awkwardly. “I have a weird thing to ask you Steph. I am sorry.” He began. “What is it?” “My zipper got stuck and I can’t get it open with just one hand.” He said. I knew he was embarrassed to ask me that. “I need to pee.” He said. I smiled, that was an awkward moment for sure. “Come here.” I told him. He stayed still right in front of me, that was again awkward as I was face to face with his zipper and his crotch, crazy thoughts came to my head. As I took my hand to his jeans he strayed a bit. I looked up at him. “Try not to touch me.” He asked. “How do you want me not to touch you when you wear such tight jeans.” I began to fight hard with his zipper, it was stuck indeed. Both my hands began to work on his jeans. He was quiet and still but his body was reacting, I saw the muscles on his belly contracting and he held his breath, finally I got him free and he ran to my bathroom. “Steph…” He called me. I went for him. “Can you help me to pull this down?” “From now on, loose jeans mister.” I said pulling his jeans and boxers down. “Want me to hold it too?” I could not avoid the joke. He laughed. “I can manage it from now on thanks.” He told me. I left him alone in the bathroom and went downstairs. I ordered dinner for us, I was not in the mood for cooking. We had dinner sat on the floor with trays on the coffee table in front of TV. It was a moment of back in time for me as we used to do that a lot but I tried to distract my mind. “Steph…” He broke the silence. “Yeah…” I replied with my mouth full of chicken. “Are we divorced already?” His question dropped on me like ice. I didn’t want to talk to him about that, not when I had realized an hour ago that all the papers got lost somehow. I decided to be honest anyway, he deserved that. “No, we are not.” I told him. “But you faxed the papers.” He said. “I know I did, only the copies wouldn’t do, he had to have our original signature, which were on the papers I had with me.” I explained. “When are you going to deliver it then?” “I am not. I don’t know why but with all the mess it got lost. I don’t know where the papers are.” I said. “What are you gonna do?” “Right now, nothing. You need to recover first and that’s more important.” I said. That was me being honest and I was also so tired of running around with the papers. That divorce was not giving us anything but trouble and hard times. I wanted some peace myself. “Thanks for everything you’re doing. You didn’t have to, not after…” I stopped him. “Yes, I have to. I have to help you ok.” I shut him up. We had the rest of our dinner in silence and watching TV. At the second week I came back to work. James used to go with me to the hospital because he could need something, I knew it was too boring for him but he only had one hand available and he might need anything from me. I kept him there, he’d watch TV. I was not working full time as I wore my hours for family recovery or what was that called. I was still married to him so I applied for my right. Also he began to move his fingers much to my joy and happiness, it meant he was going to fully recover. He gave me a lot of work. Screams of pain when I had to clean his wound, bad nights sleep when it hurt. I did everything to him. I cleaned it, I disinfected it, I scrubbed it, I wrapped it. I took care of him the best I could. At the third week my world would fall down on my shoulders once more. One morning I was taking a shower and I felt my breasts really tense and it hurt a bit. Something was wrong. I went to work and tried not to think about it much, I even forgot all about it until the next morning when I prayed to the gods of porcelain after having my breakfast. I was a doctor and I knew I was having pregnancy symptoms. “Are you alright?” James asked me as I came back from the bathroom. “Yeah, I am fine.” I told him. In fact I was feeling fine. Again I tried not to pay much attention to it. A couple of days later, when my breasts were hurting really bad, my morning sickness was regular and I had to leave a patient because her perfume made me puke, I asked a nurse to make me a pregnancy test. She told me it would just take half an hour for the result so I went back to my office and began to work again. Then a knock on my door. “I have your test here.” She told me. I smiled at her and grabbed the envelope, when I saw the positive result I felt the world coming down on my shoulders. That couldn’t be. That could not be possible, not at that time. I came back home pretty sure I had to tell him but I didn’t know how. Again we were having dinner and I was silent as hell. “What’s the matter Steph?” He asked me. I just shook my head at him saying it was nothing. “Did you have a bad day at the hospital?” He insisted. “You look tired and pale.” I was pale because I was feeling sick again. My stomach was churning and I couldn’t avoid to leave him all alone at the table and run to the bathroom. I was puking my insides out when he leaned against the door. “Is there something you might have to tell me?” He asked me. I got up and washed my face on the basin. “We’re in trouble.” I told him drying my face. He nodded at me. He wasn’t stupid, he had seen me puke every morning for a whole week, he was just expecting me to deliver him the news. “Are you sure?” He asked. “I made the test today. I am pregnant.” I said beginning to cry. He took my arm and walked me to the couch. “There’s no need to cry Steph.” He said. He was calm, I was surprised he was so calm and quiet. “We didn’t plan this. This isn’t the right time, we’re not even together.” I argued. “You’re not considering…” “NO!” I shouted. “No, I mean, I am against it and I am 27 and I have a good job, I have all the goods to raise a child but it’s the timing. We’re divorcing, I wasn’t expecting it and sure you weren’t either. I don’t know what to tell you.” I told him. “What are we going to do?” “I know we’re not together but we can do this. We can do this Steph.” He said grabbing my hands in his sane one. All I could think of that moment was that my child was going to have an alcoholic father, that should be trouble. I didn’t think he was responsible enough to have a child but then I already loved that baby ever since I began to think I was pregnant and I had to be fair, I love its father too. It scared me the fact that we were separated and we were going to fight for our rights as parents, if the divorce was hard being just the two of us, how would it be once the baby was born? “Steph, talk to me, come on. I want this baby. I know we’re not together but even then I think we can do this. “Are you sure about this?” I asked him. James gave me such a happy smile it broke my heart. He really wanted to have that baby. “I am pretty sure. I want it and we’re gonna make it.” He said grabbing my hands in assurance. “How long did you know?” I asked. I was curious because he was the one coming up to me and ask me. “I didn’t know for sure but since the beginning of the week that you were throwing up, I was just suspicious and then you stopped drinking alcohol, I thought you knew already.” “I was just suspicious too, I was just sure today.” “I’m gonna be a good father, I promise you that. I’m gonna do everything I can to make him or her proud of me and you too. I love you, this baby is a blessing and a light now that my life is so dark.” I hugged him. I don’t know why but I needed to feel his arms around me. “Did you also planned this?” I joked with him. “No.” He said laughing. “This was not what I had in mind that night. I thought you were under birth control pills.” “I stopped. I wasn’t having sex with anyone and then I forgot.” James pulled away to look in my face. “Then this is your fault.” He told me smiling. “I confess this wasn’t the way I’ve always thought about having kids with you but I don’t mind because I am still having one with you.” “We are adults and still we keep putting ourselves in trouble.” I told him. “We can do this.” He said. “How can you be so sure? I am scared.” I said. “I am too.” “How are we gonna tell everyone. Hey we’re getting divorced but we’re having a baby. It’s not gonna work.” “It’s our problem. It’s our life and I bet they will support us.” “Gosh...I feel like the world fell down on my shoulders.” I complained. “Life played another trick on us. This is the real Mom, Dad, surprise!!!” I laughed loud when he said that. I took a deep breath. “Well now it’s here, we have to deal with it.” “We’re gonna make it.” He said. I again hugged him. I was feeling fragile and I wanted his support. “I love you both.” He whispered. “You’re not meant to say that when we are divorcing.” I told him with tears falling down. “I don’t want to divorce.” He said. |
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| Anselmo's Girl | February 8, 2012, 2:49 pm Post #261 |
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Phil crazy!
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BABY TIME!!! I hope they get back together and that cute lil munchkin pops out soon
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| Voxx | February 8, 2012, 8:00 pm Post #262 |
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Some Kind Of Monster
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Was that great detective work on my part or what!?? (here I am assuming that I was right about the future )I hope they stop fighting and James cleans up his act for when the baby arrives. I'm still not sure if they will divorce or not, I'm trying to not speculate anymore lol. *Waits patiently for more*
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| Nah Bruno | February 8, 2012, 9:46 pm Post #263 |
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Poor Twisted Me
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I just caught up now! Sorry didn't comment earlier, but I've been very busy. Just wanted you to know that I still read and love this story, and How We Became Fire either, god!
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| Lilith | February 8, 2012, 10:28 pm Post #264 |
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♥ Jaimelicious ♥
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Aw! It's so sweet how she takes care of him, even being mad. But, shit! She is pregnant... James is being sweet about it, I bet he wants to use the chance. Steph is certainly right being afraid for her baby, with that father... but I know this will bring them together. |
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| Scorpion Flower | February 9, 2012, 9:05 am Post #265 |
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Outlaw Torn
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In the next two weeks James left on tour again much against my will and his doctor’s. He couldn’t play but they got one of the techs to play on his turn. He began to go on stage with his arm wrapped but Metallica was like that. They’d pay the debts they had with their fans and they went back to play every gig they had to cancel. James, on his behalf, he’d deliver everything he had in prowl of the band. He had always been like that. When he broke his arm back in time he went on stage with cast. That’s how crazy and devoted he was. Before he was gone, he convinced me to postpone the divorce. Our situation was beyond weird and no one understood what we were doing. Anyway, he convinced me to post pone it, and I was tired and pregnant and lost. I decided to go with his words. He’d say we should give it some time, at least, until the baby was born. He clearly and honestly told me he didn’t want to divorce me because he still loved me and wanted to make things better. I, honestly, still loved him as well but I didn’t believe he could make things better, still I decided to do it his way this time. Like I said, I was pregnant with his child, that changed everything. It’s not like we were together, we were not. James came back to his house and I stayed in mine but he called almost every day to see how I was doing and if I needed anything. On tour was the same thing, he’d call every day to hear from me and from the baby. He was able to go with me to the first check up, everything was fine with both of us. He was quite interested in the baby and used to babble a lot about if it was a baby boy or a baby girl. His eyes lightened up every time he talked about it, surprisingly, he incarnated parenthood much before I did. I remember he bought the baby’s first clothes once we got out of the first consult. Incredibly, I saw some changes in him. He wanted to do good for his child, he wanted his child to be proud of him. I knew what his intentions were in postponing the divorce, he began to courtship me again, as if we were meeting again. He’d brought me flowers, take me out for lunch, sometimes dinner, the only difference was that we were in fact married and we were expecting a baby but he sure was trying to regain me again. I never said anything, but he had a long way to go still. How did the other took the news? Shocked at first, for the reason you already know. We were separated! No one seemed to understand how I got pregnant from a man I wanted to divorce. Kirk was pretty exited to have a baby girl terrorizing Metallica’s backstage, he’d say he wanted to buy her cute dresses. Lars just thought about kicking boy’s asses when she’d grew up, and it was all madness when it concerned my baby with James. My parents were another story. They were happy they were having a grandchild, they were even happy it was James’s kid, their Jim as they used to call him, because they’d known him since we arrived in the States but just like the others they didn’t understand how I got pregnant in the middle of a divorce process. “I don’t understand Steph. I mean, I am happy with this baby but I was happier if you and its father were together and you’re not, that doesn’t make sense to me.” My mother told me. “Mom, James and I separated, we slipped once and it happened. That is simple and now we want to have this kid, we’re kind of…friends. I don’t know.” I told her. This situation also confused me. I didn’t know what James and I were. Friends? No, that also didn’t make sense even though we could put it that way. “Friends don’t make babies. Couples, lovers make babies. I just wanted that the two of you would see that. Steph you are not friends, friends don’t have babies together.” “I know. We weren’t expecting this, it happened and it happened in the wrong moment. Friends it’s the best way to explain what we are now.” I told her. “You two are married for Christ sake. You didn’t divorce. You are married! I don’t understand what you guys are doing. Clearly none of you wants the divorce otherwise Steph, you would have got it. He signed the papers once if you insisted he’d sign it again. You also don’t want it and you decided mutually to postpone it, I am not against that, you know how I want you two to solve things the best way but I don’t know what you two are doing at this moment. Are you trying to get together again?” I shook my head. “Then what? Why don’t you guys get together and try when it’s what you both want it. I know he’s had a terrible behavior but you say he’s been different, why not giving him a chance. You are going to have a baby, that’s the biggest gift you guys could have, you’ll understand once you hold it in your arms for the first time.” “I am afraid he falls into bad habits again mom. That’s just it. The only reason why I don’t come running to his arms is because I am afraid. I’ve tried hard and he didn’t change. With a baby it’s even worse, imagine the kid grows up enough to know he lives with an alcoholic father. He hasn’t done any treatment, he’ll fall into bad habits again quite fast. That is what is holding me up. He’s been sweet, he’s been great. He’s been wonderful and he cares about the baby a lot, sometimes I think he cares even more than I do but I don’t know how long it will last. I have my kid to think about now, being just me made things quite easy. I just had to leave or ask him to leave, with a child I can’t just kick her or his dad out of the house that easily. Do you understand now?” My mother began to nod. I was glad I could let it all out. I needed my mother sometimes, she was definitely my best friend and the person I could rely on. I wanted to be like that for my kids. Six months passed. James would be home soon for what I knew and for what he’d told me. He still called every day, it was a ritual, he’d tell about touring but most of all he wanted to hear about the baby. I’d tell him everything, if the baby moved, if it kicked me, how huge my belly was. I’d tell him every single detail when I had a doctor’s appointment and he’d so regretted he wasn’t there. Metallica toured the States and then left to Europe for the final leg of the tour. We were in 1993 already. I missed him, I felt lonely, I was doing all my pregnancy alone and most of all I wanted him to be there, in the possible way he could be that is. He didn’t fail on me, in between, maintaining his crazy professional schedule he managed to be with me even if it was just through a phone call. I was used to him not being able to be there but pregnancy made me fragile. One day…after the damned six months… “I saw James in the hospital.” Peter told me bursting into my room. “What? You didn’t call him?” I asked surprise. What was he doing in the hospital if not looking for me? And when did he came back?” He hasn’t said anything, I thought that was weird. “I called him Steph but he pretended he didn’t hear me, then I let him go. What could I do. He left almost running.” He said. I raised an eyebrow at Peter trying to figure out what James was doing at the hospital. The rest of the day my mind was just wandering around what Peter told me. That and checking my cell every five minutes to see if I had a missed called from him, I came back home from my shift without any news from James. It felt weird that he didn’t call or went looking for me once he was home. I didn’t even know he’d be home already. I parked my car in front of my house feeling a bit sad. “Let’s see if your father makes you a visit today.” I said talking to my belly as I got out of the car. “Daddy is here.” He said making me jump as he scared me. I looked back to find him leaning against the pillar of my porch with his hands shoved in the pockets of his blue faded jeans. “Hi.” I said. That was all I could come up with. “I came here to ask you out for dinner, if you’re not too tired. Gosh…your belly is huge.” He said opening a big smile. Seeing him smiling that way made my heart jump and I realized how much I was missing him. “I am not that tired I am feeling well. And yes the belly is huge. 7 months.” I said taking a hand to my belly as I walked up to him. When I was close enough he grabbed my belly with both his hands without even asking if he could. Of course he could, his hands around the cocoon where our child was, was one of the best feelings I’ve ever had in the past months. “Hey kid.” He bent a bit talking to my round belly. I giggled. “I don’t think she’s gonna answer you, but she’s kicking can you feel it.” “So it’s a she?” He asked with his eyes glowing with his hands wandering around my belly trying to feel his first kick. “You asked me to tell you only when you came back and you’re here so…” I told him. I felt my eyes betraying me with tears. I was dying to tell him he was going to have a baby girl. “Hi Andrea.” He said again. Andrea was the name we’ve chosen if it was a baby girl. Andrea Lee Hetfield. Lee, because it was Kirk’s second name and he wanted it so much to be a girl that we decided to pay him homage. He didn’t know yet. “Oh, She’s kicking.” He said excited. “Oh God…” He said laughing loud, when he looked up at me his eyes were filled with tears. “This is so amazing.” He said cleaning his eyes. “I wish I could share with you half of the things that she does inside of me.” “I guess I have to wait until she’s born.” “Did you prefer a boy?” I asked out of curiosity. “I can’t deny I would like a little boy so I could teach him boys stuff but a little girl with funny pony tails and cute dresses also makes me melt. I just want her to be healthy.” He said. He sure was into parenthood more than I could imagine. “So, can I take you out for dinner?” He insisted. I ended up agreeing. I wanted to be with him, I got in his car without even going inside my house. He took me to my favorite place, he was like that now, always thinking about every detail. We talked about a lot of things during our meal but what I wanted to know was what he was doing at the hospital that afternoon and since he wasn’t telling me I was even more curious. “What were you doing in the hospital this afternoon?” I asked when I saw he was not going to mention it. I saw his face changing a bit. “How do you know I was there?” He asked me. “Peter saw you, he says he called you but you didn’t hear him.” James looked down at the table. “It’s ok if you don’t want to tell me James. Maybe I shouldn’t have asked.” I said. “I just thought it was weird as you didn’t go looking for me or anything.” “I…” He began but somehow the words got stuck and he went silent. “Hey, it’s alright. It’s none of my business.” I said. I was trying to put him at ease and making him feel comfortable for he didn’t owe me any explanation but seeing him reacting that way was making me anxious and nervous and secretly I still wanted to know, now more than ever. I couldn’t show him though. “Actually it is your business.” He said firmly. “Is it?” I asked, now surprised. He nodded his head. “I went to visit the therapist. I am going to begin recovery treatment with them. I trust the doctor. I am going to fix things.” I couldn’t say anything to him. I took a sip of my glass of water as his news caught me off guard. Was he serious? If he was that would definitely change things for us. |
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| Anselmo's Girl | February 9, 2012, 6:48 pm Post #266 |
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Phil crazy!
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Aw James is really excited and recovery is gonna be hard for him
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| Lilith | February 10, 2012, 1:09 am Post #267 |
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♥ Jaimelicious ♥
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Aw... James has been a sweetheart since he knew he was going to be a father! I hope the recovery goes as planned, so he can pick up his baby in his arms and be the father he needs to be.
Edited by Lilith, February 10, 2012, 9:44 pm.
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| Scorpion Flower | February 10, 2012, 9:16 am Post #268 |
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Outlaw Torn
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I was totally caught off guard by his words like I said. Suddenly I didn’t know what to tell him. I remained silent for a while with his blue eyes locked on me expecting me to say something. “Say something Steph.” He pleaded taking hold of my hand. It felt so good to have his hand and his fingers entwining with mine. I felt like I wasn’t alone anymore and what he told me was just too overwhelming. “Are you sure about this?” I could finally ask him. He nodded. “I am quite sure. I gave it a long thought while I was on tour. I have to do something. I want to be better, for you and for our daughter. I need to regain your trust. I want to regain you. I want to have you back. I am being totally honest with you on what my intentions are. I am doing this for me, as well, but I don’t think I can have what I want the most back if I don’t make it.” “I don’t know what to tell you…” I said with my head spinning. “You don’t have to say anything now. You don’t have to say you have me back if I do it. I know things aren’t like that, I’ve hurt you too much but at least give it a thought and put your heart in this if you still love me that is, if you don’t then…you can tell me.” He said. In fact he was asking me if I still loved him and if I was willing to give him another try. “I love you.” I told him. James smiled at me. “I am afraid though.” “Like I said Steph, without pressure. We remain the way we are and then when you feel ready and you fell like the time has come maybe we can pick up our life from the point where we left it. I just need to know you’re in this with me. Will you help me? I don’t know if I can do it all by myself.” He said. “Do you want me to go with you to the meetings?” I asked. “I don’t know, the doctor said it was gonna be just me and him at the beginning but I am quite sure he’s gonna ask for your presence later. He knows you’re…well, that we’re married.” He explained. “I will go if he asks me ok.” I reassured him. If he was willing to give such a huge step I also had to be there for him. I wanted to be there for him and since he was not pressuring me to go back to him right away that would give me time to see if he really meant it or if he was gonna to bail at it as soon as he could. I didn’t have anything to lose and on the other hand I could win my husband back. Life went on a different perspective. James began his sessions every morning in the hospital and we used to have lunch in the cafeteria every day too after his meetings. It bothered me a bit that he didn’t say much about it, I wanted plain details and he’d kind of skipped the subject. At first I really thought he was going to bail at it but he kept coming back every day and after a month, I still didn’t know exactly what he was doing in there because he still skipped the subject. When it was lunch time he didn’t want to talk about it. One day I went to his doctor, I was also a doctor in the hospital so I knew he’d tell me something. I felt bad for doing that on his back but I really needed to know why he’d always look so down when he’d got out of there. So down he didn’t even want to talk about it. The doctor explained that his work with James was being hard, that James didn’t talk much with him that it was really hard for him to open up, so he suggested maybe it was time for me to go with him. I asked him not to tell James I went there as I wanted him to have his privacy even though I had broken it. One day, I invited James to have dinner with me at home. We were spending much time together. “How can you still work with that belly Steph, I don’t understand, you can’t even bend to put the cutlery in the machine.” He said putting all the plates inside it after our dinner. “I feel good. I don’t feel the need to stop working.” I told him. “You’re gonna end up having Andrea in the hospital.” I laughed at his remark. “She’s gonna be born in there for sure and if I get in labor while I am there, then my journey to the obstetrics isn’t far.” I said. After he was done with his work he leaned against the counter with a sad looking on his face. “What is it?” I asked him. “My meetings…” He relieved. “Why don’t you ever talk about that?” I thought it was the right time to make him that question since he was the one bringing the subject up. “I don’t think I am doing good. I mean the medication he gave me is fine. I haven’t been drinking at all, but he makes me tough questions. He asks me about things I don’t wanna talk about but at the same time I fell like I have to let them out and my head is just bursting.” I got up and leaned against the counter by his side took a strap of his hair and put it behind his hear so I could see his face from there. “You have to try and talk. It will help you.” I told him. I had to convince him to do so. It was the only way. “You know I am terrible at talking to strangers. I like to keep things to myself. I hate talking about me and my stuff. I know he is a doctor but when I want to talk seems like my words get stuck.” “Same way you talk to me, you can talk to him. He just wants to help you.” I said. “It’s not the same thing Steph. You know me since I was 15 years old. You know me inside out. I can’t even lie to you ‘cause you know instantly I am lying. It’s different.” He explained his point of view. “Maybe there’s things you don’t want to admit to yourself and you’re afraid to talk about them because of that.” “I had a lot of time in my hotel room to think about a lot of stuff. Deep inside I know what’s wrong but maybe it’s what you’re saying, maybe if I talk about it it’s admitting all the things I thought they were alright and they aren’t after all.” He said. “If you want, I can go to the next meeting with you. If you want, of course, I don’t want to force you or anything.” I suggested. “I was going to ask you that. I think I’ll fell more secure.” “Then I’ll go.” I told him. James left my house that night really late. After dinner we watched a movie and then talked for long hours. We were bonding, well, we were both fighting for one purpose and I wanted to help him and hold his hand if he wanted it. Next day, instead of going to my office I gave my patients of the morning to Peter and went with James to his meeting. “Dr. Hetfield.” He greeted me. The doctor asked me to sit on a couch against a wall. James was sat comfortably in front of his desk, his back turned on me. I guess the doctor made it purpose so we weren’t face to face or side by side. He wanted James to feel supported but not THAT supported, if you know what I mean. At the beginning the conversation went weird again, with James skipping his questions, answering him sometimes with another question and that’s not what the doctor wanted, the doctor wanted him to talk. Only when he insisted on the questions James changed and finally he talked his heart out. “Tell me some bad memories you have in your life?” The doctor asked. James hesitated for a moment. “There’s too many…” He began. I wanted to hold his hand on that moment but I kept still in my seat. “My father leaving the house, I was just 12. My mother dying of cancer, Cliff’s death, divorcing, or almost doing it.” He said. “And some good memories?” The doctor pushed him. “Meeting my wife when I was just 15...” I felt him smile saying the words. “My first gig, when we got our first record deal, there’s some good ones too. My marriage will probably top all of my good memories.” “What happened to your marriage?” The doctor took it all from there. “One morning my wife asked me to leave the house. Everything fell apart. I didn’t fight back because I knew she had the right to do it. I had been disrespectful to her for quite some time.” He said. “What did you do?” James moved uncomfortably on his chair with this question. “I cheated on her several times. I’d always ended up regretting it because I knew I was just ruining what I had the most precious in my life, that being my marriage. But I was just to weak to refuse everything that was offered to me. Most of the times when I touched my wife I felt like I was touching clean with dirty hands, and that’s the worst feeling ever. I’d never do such things if I was sober but I’d always lose control. I couldn’t control myself when I drank.” “Why did you drink?” I guess he got to the point where the doctor wanted him. “Because it makes me feel safe. It makes me feel powerful. All my band mates drink and I guess I just don’t want to feel apart from them. They’re all drunk so I get drunk too because I don’t know how to have fun. I want to fit in. I am afraid if I stop it I won’ be good at my music anymore and that’s the other thing I can’t lose. I can’t live without it. People expect me to be a badass person on stage, so I think I am giving them what they want. But things got out of hand, and I lost control of myself. I ended up destroying people around me. I do things I regret later and I have a bad attitude. I was never violent to my wife but I’d bring violence to our house. Everything got out of control and when I wanted to stop I just couldn’t do it. I kept telling to myself I would but I never managed to do it.” James was crying at this point and so was I in silence. “Are you an alcoholic?” “I think I am.” He said. “And why are you here?” The doctor asked him. “I come back to an empty house every day. Drinking might have brought me a good reputation in the music scene but it took my personal life away. You can’t live with just music, when I go home and my wife isn’t there I feel unhappy because she was my refugee apart from music. She was the best thing that has ever happened to me and now she’s not there. I want her back. I want to be a better person. I am going to have a daughter and I don’t want her to have an alcoholic father and even I don’t want her to grow up, like I did, with her parents separated. I want to save my marriage. I want to look at my wife every day and feel proud to have her by my side because I deserved her. I want to respect her and be faithful to her. as she deserves I want her to be proud of me as well. I don’t feel complete without her. There’s a big hole in my life right now because she’s not there. I want to be a good father, my daughter is not even born yet and the love I feel for her…Nothing can be compared to it. I want her to grow up feeling proud of me. I want to be a better man for my family. I want to have my family by my side.” “Is there anything you’d like to tell your wife right now?” James nodded. “I’d like to tell her that I love her above anything in this world. She has always been my guiding hand and when I let go of her hand I got lost. Even though I might not have shown it, she’s my priority and I know I’ve hurt her a lot. I’d like to ask her for forgiveness. I can only forgive myself if she forgives me. Please forgive me.” He said turning his head at me. We were both crying. “Do you want to stop drinking?” The doctor asked him. “I definitely want to stop drinking.” He said still looking at me. “We did great work today.” The doctor said smiling. After cleaning our tears and a couple of minutes later we got out of the office. I felt like a train had come over me, I could only imagine how James was feeling. “Wanna have lunch?” He offered. I all of a sudden felt my pants wet. I looked down and then I looked at him with my eyes wide open. “My waters broke.” I told him in shock. “Isn’t it too soon?” “It’s 38 weeks, it’s not too soon. It can happen.” I told him. Too many emotions set my body into labor unexpectedly. |
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| Anselmo's Girl | February 10, 2012, 9:41 am Post #269 |
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Phil crazy!
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OMFG THE BABY IS COMING! THE BABY IS COMING! and I'm glad James let it all out and told the truth about it all
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| Izzy | February 10, 2012, 10:11 am Post #270 |
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Outlaw Torn
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That was an emotional session for James, but it's great that he is finally able to spit out all of his troubles, he's slowly on the way to recovery. And... the baby's coming. Omg!
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![]](http://z1.ifrm.com/static/1/pip_r.png)
I hope they don't divorce and that his arm heals correctly



I know but I won't say a word about it.
I wanna know!
I hope they get back together and that cute lil munchkin pops out soon

I hope the recovery goes as planned, so he can pick up his baby in his arms and be the father he needs to be.

8:38 PM Jul 10